AlisaJades

CHELLO!

Another Review for the masses, that makes two for today. Phew! Maybe...I'll do two more tomorrow, hmm.

~SUMMARY ~

"Your kingdom or your love for the girl?" the man asks him. "Go against my wishes and you will see just how powerful I am."

To be royal, you must be prepared to do anything and sacrifice everything. That is what has been taught to him.

He is willing to be king. He is willing to marry the Princess. He is willing to do anything for the sake of his kingdom.

But then along came the Lady.

And all the training he had undergo, all the instructions that had been drilled into his head went into the drain.

For once in his life, he isn't that willing to be royal.

Chapter One

The opening: OMG! Such a great opening...I loved it, the old man, his attitude, and everything! I know I'm gushing, but I truly enjoyed it. I was prepared for.... *glances away sheepishly* anyway, it's good. I like the opening, and it's right in the alley way of my well liked genres so I may be byassed. Lol

But I read through easily, and didn't get snagged on anything. I simply read, and felt my curiosity piqued, it was just enough to hook me...good job!

Chapter Two

EX: He should take...

Okay.... I need you to tell me what view point your telling the story in, if it's his it should be written.

EX: I stared down at my rook, my hand hovering over it, biting my lip slightly in thought. I glance up in time enough to notice the smug smile my sister wore, "What?" I snapped, growing irritated with her.

If it's a broader view...

EX: The prince was growing irritated with his sister smugness, and smacked his hand against the side of the table, "I'm not playing anymore!"

His sister stared up at him taken aback by his actions, but the prince didn't care. He wasn't going to sit her and let her mock him.

See...its slight, but make sure the entire sentence supports the view point you writing in missing 'ed or'ing, and maybe choice of word can tilt a sentence.

Chapter Three

It's good, and the royal escape was kind of expected, but I enjoyed the build up...the chess ending...I will say it's been done before, but it's a classic *shrugs* can't hate one classic.

Anyway short chapters, but I did enjoy it and I hope you continue.

I can't too many bad things, because this story moved smoothly for me, and I enjoyed it...I read a lot of stuff like this anyway.

So keep at it, and maybe...just maybe I'll add it to my list *winks* All-in-All I enjoyed it, and I have to give you kudos, I usually have more to write lol. 

LOVE IT, HATE IT COMMENT BELOW!

SYWAR OUT!