MyaRamona

Here we are round 2!!!

Let's just go straight into it.

Okay, first and foremost I do like the idea...it's dark and totally up my alley. That being said, I will be my full one MONSTER MODE!!

So~~~*smiles* let's start.

What kind of doctor is she studying to be? That would be interesting to know, as she is actually Majoring in Medicine...so the line should be, "Majoring in medicine wasn't easy." Or "Studying medicine wasn't easy"

If you're going to flash back, you should change the pov or make it like.

One day ___(her name, let's say K) Walking past the pale boy sitting at the lunch table alone, K felt her resolve firm. She was going to make friends with him even if it killed her. She wasn't going to let Cassie play bully, especially since she, herself felt a small amount pity for him. Cassie seemed to have started taking pleasure in talking about how weird, and odd the boy was. And she had been trained by her mother to kind to others, she wasn't going to let it continue, and to be honest she was sick of hear it.

Okay, I understand what the writer is trying to attempt here, but it's too unrealistic for David's mom to call Cassie over, and tell her all of this. To be honest, I would have preferred an instance, or situation that makes the mother feel the need to say something. 

I mean, normally if David meant as much as Cassies claims he did to her, she would have denied the mothers words, and something happening would have clued her in to his true personality.

Honestly, I can't believe they were anywhere near being in love. The writer should have devoted a few more chapters about their past together, or she could have melded it with the present.

Umm, the list of friends...I would rather introduce one after another, that listing thing makes me think of Naruto fanfictions, where the whole cast of friends are awesome, pretty and popular etc...

....she quickly washed...end.

Lol, we have that VIP joke at a bar I go to.

There are somethings these characters say that make me think of teenagers and not college students. Pay attention to the vocabulary you may use, when you say your characters are a certain age. It makes it more realistic in the dialogue.

....I need a moment...*breaths heavily* Four girls, with four boyfriends...fanfictiony...I will just leave it at that.

GAG me with a spoon, she'd dating a perfect man...so David's going to kill him, right? I'm hoping for it.

TYLER MUST DIE! * SMILS GRIMLY*

Adain is awesome!!

SEE! I told you guys I'm an dark reader enjoyed lol, anyway This is the first chapter to DAVID...I think we should get more back story, and I also believe this author is capable of it. So I hope she continues it...*smiles* long enough for Tyler to die lol.

GO CHECK IT OUT!!