OhSoWonder

Okay third one of the day, we gotta get'em in people. And don't think I'm not being honest, because I'm doing so many. Chicks, I'm being super honest, and thorough lol.

Okay, problem one is the summary, it gives me a lot information but the first chapter doesn't have anything really to do with that, it's more of your typical set-up chapter. It's short to, there needs to be something in it that relates or hints to the summary, otherwise the author needs to state she's starting from the very beginning of their love story...so like Part one, then Part two.

So the summary should have something like:

EX: Ave hadn't thought a simple night out to relieve some stress, would lead to a tumultuous and passionate relationship with a wealthy business man named Luca. She also hadn't known it was doomed to fail from the beginning as lies came to light she couldn't have prepared her heart for the heartbreak.

Something like that, because the way the summary is written I expect to be meeting her 3 years later and all that drama is supposed to occur starting from the first chapter.

Also, if you've already gotten chapters out I suggest you get rid of the Author notes, chapters...they make for a hard read, if you no long need them scrap'em.

TRANSLATE THE ITALian...I'm sorry, but that needs to happen so we know what they were talking about~~~*whines*

You can tell us what they are wearing other ways then writing a paragraph description, there are some examples if you go to the romance section, either the other characters will describe it, or they will mention certain parts of the outfit in conversation it's a smoother way to describe the outfit, it's not illegal to do it the way you did, but, but it's a more pro way of going about it.

Umm, no one leaves their obviously, overly intoxicated friend with a stranger...Clubbing rule 101. Lol, I wonder how old the writer is, because I've noticed this trend in writers on wattpad, lol low key the twenty dollar charge isn't normal unless it's a really high-high place, plus that commonly charge to people under twenty... and  yeah...I could go into detail, aint goin to happen.

See, good recovery with her looking for her friend, because that would have been wholly unrealistic.

Okay...I'll stop here...cause I went to the fourth chapter to get a clearer idea.

It's not bad, I mean it's a typical type of opening. I could comment because I'm familiar these type of openings. I would say that difference is that the Author intends for it not to work out, in the end which changes things up.

The spelling wasn't wrong too many times, and the grammar mistakes would have to be found by come GN, which I'm no lol.

Anyway this story belongs in the Millionaire club, of romances for those who love those type of urban, city life romances this is perfect.

Check out, I demand it. Love Has No Color (BWWM)