DaisyDoLove 

HELLO WORLD!!

Why am I excited, well because I have thirty minutes to spare at work, to actually get a review done.Yoot!!! *clapping excitedly*

Anyway~~~ LETS BEGIN!!!

So, we have ourselves a weak girl who is the mate to some ruthless Alpha King Hmmm >.> I can't say it has been done too much, nor can I say this is completely unique...it's like in the middle~.

Well, let's continue then yada yada yada ummm~~~Intro...you don't need to tell me everything in the beginning. WHY? You may ask, because it's your job to tell in the STORY!!!, The intro takes the fun from the story. Sure people are like, "omg, what a great beginning," Like I said before, the Lovers, are like Trophy wives they'll tell you anything to get another chapter, (freaking addicts!)

Iris, iris, Iri~~~S.... I like the name it makes me think weak, but someone with a steal like fortitude.

Ummm How old is the girl? Because she said DADDY, and umm it broke my concentration, like SPLAT!

Side note: If you are going to write from a character's view point, make sure the language you use matches that characters. Like I'm thinking this girl is in her teens, then she says daddy, ummm, >.> it ain't okay, unless you're the writer, of "I'm mated to a four-year-old" (I don't understand the level of attention that story is getting, hmmm might have to review it lol)

MOVING OOON~~~! (UGH, CO-WORKER LEFT THE DOOR OPEN, WHYYYYYYYYY!? ITS SO FREAKING COOLD, *HRM* moving on)

I.I. I Author you're going to have to start a sentence without 'I'.

EX~~: The next morning, the heat radiating from my body awoke me. Feeling sweat pooling at the base of my spine, I shifted only to wince at the stickiness of the sheets beneath me. Honestly, that wasn't even the worse part, the real problem was the feeling of pressure on my chest. Keeping me from being able to take in deep breathes.

See, with an inner monologue you're carrying on a conversation with the audience, doesn't it get awkward when you say 'I' all the time? Oh, am I the only who talks about themselves too much, hmm. *purses lips, Clears Throat* well then.

This scene about her education is all together confusing. So she convinced her father to allow her to take college courses, soo~~High school shouldn't have been a question, you can't start college without high school. Um, I don't know exactly what you were trying to tell us, but I think this scene needs to be re-written...there is a childish aspect to it, that I think needs to be adjusted.

Like, she can be innocent, yet aware that sex is for making babies. Innocent doesn't automatically mean childish. To my thinking, she would be heavily read having stayed on her own and alone for so long. Mature in her language, but innocent in her reactions, or how she sees life.

If she's been in seclusion, why would she care if he's pretty or not? Wouldn't it be more about how he behaves, and carries himself that would make an impression?

Okay, Okay I'll stop asking soo many questions, (Author your leaving me a lot of questions, bruuuuh.)

The random wolf in her room, hmm and no one sniffed this dude entering their building hmmmm.

"Dad! Help!" Would have been more appropriate, again innocent doesn't mean childish.

AGGGH!!*Falls from chair*

Whimpering, and reaching for the Alpha.... classssic cringe worthy moment. I can't, I won't. I understand she's innocent, and pretty much like an untouched butterfly, but please, please don't leave her in the helpless, angel with broken wings mode.... I can't deal!

What does she mean, "For some reason" You've stated she knows almost everything about mating, and mates why wouldn't she know who, and what he was to her immediately?'

GET RID OF DADDDY!!!

Okay, got to chapter two. This writer does have an interesting idea about a luna who isn't spirited or anything of the usual "Bad Ass" girl that needs taming, she's innocent and a recluse. So kudos for going for a different kind of idea, and A plus on the cover It makes me shudder, with darkness, (that's a compliment!). I do think the dialogue and word choice should be looked over, depending on the age of the writer, I think the actual character needs to be a little more mature...like:

"Since I'm a recluse, partly because of my bad health, and partly because of my fathers over protectiveness. I could only gain a full education by going online, it hadn't been too hard, but on the same hand it had been lonely talking to other people who were able to go out and about more often. Luckily though I had sailed through the courses of high school.

Smoothing down the yellow sundress I'd picked, I couldn't hold back the excitement I felt for graduating from college. Leaving the room, I skipped down the stairs hopping to find dad flipping pancakes or making breakfast in general in the kitchen.

No luck.

Instead there was single piece of not e book paper, laying on the marbled kitchen counter that read,

"Iris, went to a handle some business, breakfast is in the fridge, dinner will be with the pack at five you do have to be there. Love Dad."

Beyond this example the story moved along quickly, which I do enjoy the quick pace. And I am interested to know how the Selfish, and cruel Alpha, will do with the soft and innocent Luna.

She had me intrigued.

Anway~~~S, should you only take my opinion, NOPE!!!~~ I WANT YOU TO JUDGE IT FOR YOURSELF!

This story is perfect, when you are tired of fluff and want to expand your horizon's into the darker side of Werewolf mates~~I think everyone should explore the dark side kekeke

Little Mate Check it out, and don't pass go.

SYWAR Honestly OUT!!