Mr. Burness nods at me, "You're doing much better with breathing, good job. Loosen up a bit more though. Now, let's dive into the text."

He continues talking but I tune out, staring out the window at the sunny day waiting outside. A bird sits right on the windowsill, peering at me with an intelligent stare. I blink at it, tilting my head and it does the same. Then the bird squawks, barely audible through the droning on of the piano as Mr. Burness tries to emphasize whatever point he just made. The bird spreads its oily black wings and disappears in a flash of feathers.

Now I have nothing to stare at but the rest of the class, which I refuse to do. Because what if they stare back at me? Or make faces at me or flip me off and then I break down and then the whole school starts staring at me.

No. I fix my gaze on the dark wood floor, watching the feet of my fellow peers tap in rhythm to Mr. Burness' voice as he belts out my piece much better than I could ever do. He stops, "And that's how you convey the bitter longing the character is feeling. We know he wants her with all his heart but he's trapped in a proverbial cage."

He looks at me now and I force myself to look back, watching his tweed jacket move with the frantic motions of his hands. "Think of examples from your own life," he leans back against the piano, fawn hair sticking out in all directions. He smooths it back, "be vulnerable with yourself. That's the key to putting emotion into singing. Use your own. Try the exposition just one more time, no piano," he waves his hand at me and I nod.

He doesn't give me a starting note but I easily find the pitch in my head and start. The piece is slow and I instantly close my eyes, trying to pretend that there aren't people watching me.

Think of examples from your own life...

Longing? Do I long for something? Or someone? My heart and voice decide yes while my head still struggles to grasp what the words really mean. My lungs decide that today they will function properly (thanks lungs, now just do this every other day), and I sing with renewed strength. I should sing for Griffin, seeing as he and I are together. Except when I think his name, an image of what he did to me that day behind the school pops into my head. The air in my lungs suddenly deflates like a balloon. I struggle to get back into the song but his name makes me feel like someone punched me in the gut.

Then the bell rings.

I'm left standing there, frozen, breathing in and out like a firing piston my mind far away.

"Okay everyone," Mr. Burness says, pulling me back to reality. "Good job, Justin but I still don't think you're being vulnerable with yourself. I feel no passion and I've seen it in you before so I know you can do it."

I give him a nervous nod, running to my desk and grabbing my backpack. I scurry out of the room, almost slipping on the freshly waxed floors, the image of Griffin still fresh in my mind. And when I dash to my locker for the last time that day, dodging past my peers as they emerge from their final classes, I spot Ben walking down the hall, taller than almost everyone around him. My heart immediately stops. I find myself staring at him even as people shove past me. His hair falls into his face (I noticed he stopped gelling it recently), and he brushes it away. I can barely see his eyes but he starts walking towards me.

For some reason, I turn the other way.

I need to take care of something first.

Dodging and weaving through the crowd again, I step out into the court yard, finding an old green bench underneath a tree. Griffin always comes out this way, usually followed by Rodrick. My breath hitches and I tug at my hair, pulling harder and harder. My other hand goes to my arm, scratching at my exposed skin. My wounds have mostly healed since the last time...

The numbness has taken over again and I can't even bring myself to try and feel anything. I guess not feeling anything at all is better than the daggers in my chest, the wolves nipping at my legs. I scratch harder, the ice covering my emotions melting in a raging fire of... something.

Then I see him.

And suddenly scratching or tugging at my hair isn't enough.

Griffin waves to me and marches over, plopping down on the bench next to me, pulling me down with him. "Hey babe," he says, grabbing my face with a single hand and pulling me into a kiss. He never remembers that I don't like public displays of affection.

He lets go of me and I shy away, pulling my hair even more. He slaps my hand away a little too hard, throwing an arm around me and scooting closer, "Don't do that."

I take a deep breath, gripping the edge of the bench tightly. I look up at the bare tree above us, finally pulling together what little will I have left, "I need to talk to you."

"I'm right here," he smirks, kissing me again but I can't bring myself to kiss back. I have to tell him. I have to speak up about what he did to me. And I don't know where that will leave me. Or us.

He presses his lips to my jaw, making his way up to my ear and back down to my mouth. I attempt at a smile but fail miserably. So I stand up, tugging at my hair and pacing in front of him. The moment I've been putting off since the time behind the school has finally come.

It seems only fitting to address it back by the mustard wall. I take Griffin's hand to help him up and quickly let it go, nodding in the direction of the space between buildings. He raises his eyebrows, but I start walking, pausing at the gap. I can't bring myself to go into the dark passageway and lean against the bricks of the school, decomposing leaves crunch beneath me feet. Griffin stands in front of me, fingers on my chest, sliding lower and lower. I take his wrists and push him back, "Stop."

"I'm sorry, what?" he chuckles as if I just told some joke.

Turning my face away, I look up at the sky, watching an oily black bird fly over me and onto one of the barren trees in the courtyard. It tilts its head at me just like before. Griffin appears in my vision once more, looking displeased. "Why are you acting so weird?"

I take a deep breath, resting my back against the school wall, the rough bricks digging into my thin T-shirt. Just like before. What once had tortured me now protects me as I prepare for the inevitable. "I thought I could see past what you did to me that day, but I can't. You hurt me and then laughed in my face about it... multiple times... and, and I can't go on this way. You're making me feel like shit for no good reason and I can't stand it! I, I can't do this anymore."

He doesn't say anything for a few moments. Only the sound of the rest of the school body streaming out the double doors disturbs the thick air between us. I keep my gaze on a bird, unable to look at Griffin's face. It's the one bird foolish enough to stay for winter, the only bird that didn't leave. Maybe it had no reason to. Maybe to all the other birds it was the one that left.

I groan, rubbing my forehead. Trying to rationalize the presence of a bird, what the hell am I doing?

Griffin grabs my attention once more as he inhales deeply, pale eyes full of darkness."Are you trying to break up with me?" a tiny spark flashes in his pupils, the little fire that keeps everyone alive.

Am I trying to break up with him? "Yes," I say with as much authority as I can muster, "you ruined any chance of a relationship after you did that to me and I asked you to stop and you didn't and I can't, can't..."

"You can't what? Date me? Please! You're just being dramatic. And you didn't ask me to stop, by the way, you didn't say anything! This isn't my fault, this is all you," he pokes me in the chest with a single finger. "You don't just get to break up with me like that! What are you going to do without me? Huh? You're nothing without me."

I'm nothing with him too. I'm garbage either way. Whether it goes in the recycling or a landfill, it's trash all the same.

I force myself to meet his stare, shaking my head, "Yes I do! I can't see a future with you Griffin. You were never there for me when I needed you. You never gave a damn about what I felt. That's why I'm breaking up with you."

Griffin laughs but it dies in his throat; he realizes this isn't a joke. He doesn't hold the cards anymore. I'm cashing in the one card I have left and it means game over for both of us. Or as Reid would say, I'm declaring bankruptcy. At least I'll have my freedom, Griffin can't control me now. And he doesn't like that one bit.

"Go fuck yourself," Griffin shoves me, face going bright red.

"I'd rather do that than fuck you," I stand my ground.

He fidgets with his closed fists as if he debates whether to punch me or not.

"You think you can make it out there by yourself, huh?" Griffin laughs without humor, "What are you going to do without me? You're pathetic without me and you know it, you little whore. That's all you'll ever be, a slut and I'll make sure everyone knows it too. I will make your life a living hell if you leave me."

"It already was when I was with you," I push past him, into the courtyard.

He slaps my ass, hard. People turn at the sound and I know they saw what he did. I force myself to walk a little taller, squaring my shoulders and trying to smile a real smile. It doesn't work. Still, I put a little more purpose into my step as I walk down the steps towards the street, which probably makes me look all the more gay but I don't care. They can call me a faggot all they want but I can't bring myself to care anymore. All I can think as I open the gate separating the school from the rest of the world is that I got free from him. I'm free from Griffin.

Ben waits for me at our regular spot by the school sign, face lighting up when he sees me. "I thought you weren't gonna show," he says, hugging me tightly, "Why do you look like you just fell in love?"

"Just the opposite actually," I grin up at him, not wanting to let go but he steps back, "I broke up with Griffin."

"You broke up with Griffin? Then why are you so happy?" Ben raises his eyebrows, throwing his bag over his shoulder and beginning the short walk to the school parking garage.

"It just wasn't working. It was time," I don't elaborate. Ben probably guessed what happened that day by the mustard wall but I can still pretend he doesn't.

"Wow! That's great," Ben grins at me, hand brushing against mine. I freeze at the touch.

"Thanks," I stare at him for a little too long, heart sinking. I should go home, without him. My heart yearns to go with him, my whole being does, but I force myself to put distance between us. "I think I'll take the scenic root this time," I say, looking at him with a smirk. "I don't think I can stand your crazy driving right now."

"I don't drive crazy! You do."

"Nope!" A sudden daze overcomes me and I feel myself staring at him intently, "you, my good sir, have a bad case of road rage."

Ben laughs and I feel my face heat up. "Oh cure me doctor," he grins at me, "I haven't seen you this happy in forever."

I shrug, whatever feeling that conquered me for just a moment dissipating, "I can't believe it still. I'm free! I'm free of him."

"Yeah, that's really good," Ben pauses at the entrance to the parking garage, nodding at me. "See you."

I nod, forcing myself not to hug him. My heart might explode if I do that. He disappears into the garage and I stand there for a moment, unable to move. Until someone's voice calls out through the traffic. "Hey, freak."

I slowly turn around, swallowing hard.

Rodrick stands behind me, caramel skin shining in the sun. He cracks his knuckles and I step back, heart pounding in my chest. Rodrick smiles, slowly closing in. "You're not going anywhere."

-----

I found a song that fits the relationship between Justin and Rodrick perfectly. Boy in the Bubble by Alec Benjamin 

I know y'all probably hate Rodrick but he's probably my favorite character. Why? I relate to him most (aside from Justin obviously). I am considering writing a little sequel about Rodrick and how he finds his significant other, so let me know if that's something you'd want to see.