Ai : vocal exclamation
hir/Hir nin : lord/my lord
lûth : charm
penneth : young one (pennyth plural)
tithen pen : little one
sîdh : peace

Note: Here you get an exclusive look at my first attempt at writing somewhere in the realm of Humor. Though of course I can never steer clear of angst and tropes. Enjoy, I suppose. *wink wink*

Rated T for slightly graphic injury.

The Inevitability

They were elflings. All of them. And I didn't care how many times they insisted otherwise.

The forest was abuzz as we traveled, delighted by the wood-elf I was in company with. Rarely, if ever, had these trees received such profound affection from a Noldo—and they were sure to tell me.

I ignored them. They would not goad me into action that I did not wish to take.

"Hir Glorfindel!" Legolas's cry rang from above. "Why do you not join us? The forest is even more beautiful from above."

Despite my joy in seeing Thranduillion so contented, I shook my head, amusement being smothered. "Perhaps if you would return to your mount, elfling, we might be on our way to more thrilling endeavors than speaking with the trees."

A tree's voice pierced needled at me. Do you mean to tell the Sinda that we do not engage in nor appreciate his company, Balrog slayer? As if to accentuate the point, several acorns were dropped upon my head. I glared up into the boughs overhead, a curse befitting of a dwarf barely keeping itself from my tongue.

"Ai, Glorfindel, leave him be." Elladan dropped from a low hanging branch and back onto his slowly moving horse, both legs hanging over one side. "He's happy and out of trouble, is he not?"

"Truly," Elrohir agreed, mimicking his brother's movement. "These moments are fleeting and far between." As he spoke, the Peredhel took a knife and whetstone from his pack, somehow managing to balance upon the bareback horse as he did so. I'm fact, his movements seemed practiced—nay, they most certainly had been.

Ai.

Whilst Elrohir ran the blade down the stone, the ringing of it echoing in the forest, I sighed, bowing my head and pinching the bridge of my nose. "Ai, Valar, why did I agree to this?"

No sooner had the words left my mouth than a sudden flash of pale gold dropped in front of my face, followed by a lilting laugh. My mount startled backward, and I gained a clear line of sight to the appeared being. No other elf than Legolas hung from the trees, knees bent around a branch as he hung upside down, hands falling above his head. Still, a smile rested on his face, and he seemed to make himself swing back and forth.

"Thranduillion, come down from there now. I do not wish to be the one to tell your father of any injury to your person while under my watch."

The prince laughed again.  "Sîdh, Hir Glorfindel. If you wish me to come down, I shall." His descent was quick and in an instant he was again upon his horse's back.

"At long last, some sense," I murmured, spurring my mount to a quicker pace. "Come now, pennyth. If we hurry we may just make it to the lake before sunset." Should we accomplish such a feat, I would consider it a blessing of Elbereth herself. Only now did I see why Elrond insisted upon an escort for his sons and Thranduillion. 'A simple camping trip,' he had said. 'A chance to show them more of the world,' he had said.

The liar.

As it happened, little delay awoke throughout the rest of the day's journey. We came upon the river at the bare setting of the sun, the fading light beginning its charade as a mural upon the still waters. If I were to wager, two hours of decent light were left for our evening. It would be enough. "Find a place for the camp, near to the water's edge but not so close to be caught in a rising lap."

The twins and Legolas were quick to take action, moving to walk along the water's edge in search of an agreeable site.  Their laughter floated up to the forest's edge and I smiled, dismounting and gathering the reins of the horses. My back had been turned for hardly a breath when a splash sounded behind me. I had expected as much but still could not suppress a grimace. The only task now would be convincing them to get out of the water.

Securing the final knot of the horses' bridals, I turned my gaze to the water's edge. Legolas still stood on the bank's edge, relatively dry, while the Peredhil stirred up the previously peaceful waters. The Sinda shook his head with a grin, shouting something to the twins but appeared to be either unheard or ignored. A moment later he shook his head again, shed his shirt and boots, and dove into the cool water. I  supposed that I should be grateful he had the sense to even do that much. The twins had hardly had a thought of what condition their clothes would be left in. Some days, I wondered if they were truly as old as they claimed.

And other days, they seemed so much older. Their warrior hearts were already strong, and they would need the spirit. I could not see it clearly, but some dark event would steal their innnocence away. Elrond saw it as well. We could do nothing.

Legolas, however, had already had his innocence taken, at the moment of his birth.  His first breath had been that of air filled with darknesss. Thranduil, the arrogantly stubborn Sinda elf he was, had tried. Ai, Valar, I know he had, but the Shadow's hold was sudden and firm, and try as he might, Thranduil could not rid his realm of its lingering aura. Hence why I found myself keeping a sidelong glance on Legolas as he joined the twins in the water. His eyes were carefree in the dim light. I feared they rarely were anywhere else.

The ellyn came out of the lake of their own accord, once I had finished with most of the camp set up. Once changing into dry clothes, they did whatever task they could find, but soon we were around a campfire, lembas in our hands. With the last light of the day cast upon us, I turned to Legolas. "I have heard your archery has improved since last I saw you, penneth. Would you care to show me?"

Excitement thrummmed in the air following my inquiry. "Yes, hir-nin, I have been working very hard!" Legolas reached behind him, bringing forward his bow. "I'm better than Elladan now."

"Truly?" I said, smirking at the twins. "And what of Elrohir?"

Legolas shrugged. "He will not agree to compete with me. Said he would rather not face your upset should you find that I beat both him and Elladan."

"Legolas!" Both the twins exclaimed, faces aghast as they scrambled to their feet.

"Is that so?" I said, turning a questioning gaze on the Peredhil. "Perhaps we will need to look into some additional archery training, hm? In any case, I would like to see an arrow fly from your bow while daylight still lasts, penneth."

"Of course, hir nin," Legolas said, already moving away from me. "Where would you like for me to shoot?"

"This way." I beckoned to a few paces away from our campsite. "Do you see the tree with a knot on it, the third one from the forest's edge?"  Legolas searched for a moment before nodding. "Good. Then shoot the knot."

The archer's brow furrowed. "But... Hir nin... That is near impossible."

The tree was at least a hundred paces away, if not more and the interweaving forestry made the target less visible. "Impossible? Nay penneth, not impossible. Only daunting. And I assure you that should you wish to be an archer in your father's guard, your skill will have to be much greater than even this shot."

That seemed to spur Legolas's courage and he set his jaw. Bow and arrow in hand, he planted his feet and took a breath, drawing his weapon. One heartbreat--two--he breathed out and--thwip--the arrow flew through the air. A moment later, I saw it firmly planted in the knot I had indicated. Legolas let out a triumphant shout and I couldn't help the pleasure that filled me. Thranduillion had improved. "Well done, Legolas. You will be a great archer yet."

Elladan and Elrohir exchanged a look, not of jealousy but almost... worry, was it? Legolas may not have been their brother by blood but he might as well have been with the way they fretted over him. They knew a battle awaited him in his home, one that they themselves might never see the likes of.

"Now go retrieve your arrow, Legolas. We will not have any wasted in a demonstration."

Legolas nodded his acquiescence and began his walk toward the forest edge.

As I turned toward the twins,  Elladan raised an eyebrow. "You know, if you were going to have him retrieve his arrow, you could have picked a closer target."

"And perhaps one not in a tree. Who knows how long he will be apologizing to the tree for shooting its knot?" Elrohir added.

"But he learned a lesson," I said. "And, in the end, that is all that matters. When we return to Imladris, you two will be relearning several lessons with the bow if an elfling can beat you."

Elladan stumbled over his own words. "What? But, Glorfindel, he is no elfling, he is Thranduil's son, not a normal elfling at all--"

I silenced him with a look. "And you are the sons of Elrond and perfectly adept at improving in the bow. That way,  when Legolas is older and the legendary archer I expect him to be, you two will not look as fools. And for that matter--"

I jerked to face behind me as a scream filled the air, cold and anguished. The forest line was empty of any elf--or dwarf or man, all things considered. That voice--without a doubt I knew who it belonged to, as did the twins, judging by the sudden fire in their eyes. "Legolas!" My eyes raked the clearing as I broke into a run towards where I had sent the elfling. "Legolas, can you hear me?" Elladan and Elrohir echoed my cry, but we hardly had to wait before we came upon our answer.

Just hidden in the tall grass, Legolas lay on his side, body curled in on itself. He faced us but his features were hidden by the mask of his hair.

"Tithen-pen--" I began, but before I could take a step forward, Legolas jerked a hand out in front of him.

"No, stop! The ground, look at the ground..." His voice cracked mid-sentence and trailed off. Something was very wrong. Still, I listened to his instruction, eyes searching the grass. Nothing was amiss as I looked, back and forth, back and forth, back and--

--then I saw it. A metal chain staked into the ground, leading to--Ai, Elbereth Githoniel. A hunter's trap, the teeth locked around nothing other than Legolas's vulnerable calf. Blood stained his trouser leg. I rushed forward,  careful not to step on any metal trapping but uncaring even if I did. Reaching Legolas's side in an instant, I dropped to my knees. "Legolas? Tithen-pen, look at me now." His face was scrunchled in what I could only assume to be seering pain. "I know it hurts, but you must look me, elfling."

Gasping, Legolas looked at me, too much fear shining in his eyes. "Hurts..." he ground out between clenched teeth.

"I know, I know, tithen-pen" I repeated, motioning for Elladan and Elrohir to come closer. Why a trap such as this rested so close to the forest's edge, I did not know and did not have time to think on. "We're going to get it off of you, but it's going to hurt first. Do you understand, Greenleaf?" I spoke slowly, hoping that my words held some amount of sense in his racing mind.

Legolas nodded, jerky movements accompanying his every action.

We had to act quickly. I placed one hand on his shoulder, the other on his knee, and gradually attempted to uncurl him. After a few seconds, he seemed to realize that I was not attempting to cause him unnecessary pain and relaxed. Finally able to see the wounded area clearly, I winced sympathetically. This would not be an enjoyable experience for Legolas. "Elladan, take off your overshirt and be prepared to press it around Legolas's leg as soon as the trap releases. Elrohir, give me your knife."

A moment later, the necessary preparations were in place and I slipped the knife between the teeth of the trap, struggling to ignore Legolas's rasping breaths. Elrohir's thought was near the same as he grasped Legolas's hand and nodded for me to continue. I gripped one side of the trap, prying at the other. It began to move reluctantly, and I applied more force to it. What I was doing was bound to be painful, and I wished that I might change it, but this was all that could be done.

Legolas cried out, I winced--and then the trap released.

Discarding the knife, I lifted Legolas's leg above the trap, shoving the offending metal away before allowing Elladan to begin to sop at the now freely flowing blood. Sweat beaded along Legolas's brow, and his breath came in quick, harsh gasps. "It is done, now, penneth, sîdh."

Nodding to Elladan to tie off his makeshift bandage, I gathered Legolas in my arms. Somehow, the pain in Legolas's glazed eyes had only barely lessened. A barely stifled groan emanated from the elfling as I stood, unable to completely avoid jostling his wounded leg. Muttering an apology under my breath, I quickly but smoothly covered the distance between the forest edge and our campsite.  More light would be found by the fire.

As gently as I could, I laid Legolas by the fire, eyes searching the injury again. Elladan's bandage was already stained with blood, and the crimson area was growing steadily. Cursing under my breath, I cut it away, revealing a wound that I would rather not be there. The trouser leg obscured the wound, and as I tore the cloth away, my worry grew. The teeth of the trap had been sharp, cutting into his tender flesh with ease. Perhaps that was a blessing, as the cuts would have been quick, but they could have hit bone.

"Tithen pen, be brave for a moment, I will need to feel for a break."

"Y--yes, h--hir n-nin Gl-glorfindel...."

"Glorfindel. That is all you must call me, elflling." As I spoke, I felt the injury. The leg was not twisted in any unnatural direction, a good sign in itself. Moments later, I took my hand away, fingers stained with red. I could find no break, and if there was one, it could wait for Elrond's more skilled hands to mend it. 

"Glorfindel, will we need to stitch the injury?" Elladan attempted to keep his voice steady but still it trembled.

"Aye," I said. "But not by my hand or yours." The complexity of the injury was baffling, row after row lining up. "Heat some water over the fire--"

"I have it here," Elrohir interrupted, bowl and cloth in hand.

"Good," I said. We will clean it and wrap it, then make a hasty journey back to Imladris." I looked at Legolas's pale face. "Ai, elfling, I do not wish to be there when your father hears of this."

. . .

At long last, I tied the bandage, hoping it would hold for the journey back to Imladris. The last hour had passed painfully slowly. It would not have been nearly so terrible but for one thing: no one had brought any herbs to ease Legolas's pain, or to stave away infection. In fact, no herbs had been brought at all.

I might have cursed my own foolishness if not for the young ears that would hear me. "Elladan, Elrohir, stay with him for a moment and do what you can to make him comfortable. I will return shortly."

"Where are you going?"

"Not far. I'll be back before you blink." I may have exaggerated, but exaggeration was better than disappointment, and I took a step back to the forest. Two tasks awaited me, one being to dismantle any other traps I happened to find in the dim light. The other, less enjoyable endeavor, would be to find any type of herb to ease Legolas's pain. While I was sure he could brave the ride back to Imadris, I did not believe that he could stay conscious for it--neither could any of the bravest warriors. Considering such, I much preferred to bring the hurt down to an at least tolerable level.

My search for traps turned up three awaiting detriments. I would speak with Elrond on who had been crossing our borders, dimwitted fools they were to be.

Just as I was about to turn back to the camp, something caught my eye just ahead. The search for herbs had been fruitless to this point, and I walked forward with hope. Growing before me was a plant I could barely recognize. Rarely was it harvested and even less was it used, but... Desperate times, desperate measures--was that not the saying?

I cut the plants from the earth and made a quick retreat back to the camp. Elladan stood to his feet at my approach. "He's running a fever." I hated to hear the fear in his voice. How quickly the tide of a day could change...

"Already? Valar, Legolas, must you always be so quick to change the circumstances?" The elfling did not answer--as if I expected him to--fringing on the edge of temporary oblivion. "Awake, tithen-pen, you can't rest just yet... Elrohir, bring me his canteen." I shredded the plant in my hand, dropping the leaves into the canteen Elrohir offered. I swirled it around a bit before propping Legolas's head up. "Drink," I ordered, leaving no room for argument.

Surprisingly, Legolas did as I said, only grimacing once he had ingested a sufficient amount of the potion. "What... Was that?" Awareness was slowly trickling back to his consciousness.

"Something that will help."

"It tastes awful."

I grimaced. "That's not the worst of it..." My statement was made under my breath, and only Elrohir heard me. His gaze was quizzical but accepting. Standing, I dowsed the fire. "Pack up the camp as quickly as you can. The sooner we leave the better."

It took mere moments before we were prepared to leave. Elladan brought the horses and I hoisted Legolas up. He stood unsteadily on one leg before attempting to mount. Our combined efforts finally got him up some minutes later and I swung behind him before he could fall off, beckoning for the twins to do the same.

Seconds later, we were off, Legolas's horse trailing behind us. The tension in the air was thick, the trees inquiries being none too quiet. I would leave such communication to the Peredhil.

For a time the journey was uneventful, my only thought being to return to Imladris, and then what I knew to be inevitable occured. Legolas began to shake in my arms, at first a slight quiver and then a seemingly violent tremble. Pulling my mount to a halt, I signalled for my companions to do the same. "Legolas?" I looked down at my young charge, searching for any type of acknowledgment.

Surprisingly, though, his trembling gave way to a chuckle. Then a laugh. "I'm... I'm sorry..." he managed. "It's just that..." Laughter choked away whatever else he waas going to say.

"Glorfindel?" Elladan said questioningly. "Is he... alright?"

I sighed. "He is fine, Elladan... I knew this would happen. The herb I gave him is known as the lûth plant. While it may temporarily numb pain, it also has the effect of altering the thought process, creating irratiolal behaviour. It has no long term detriment, but for now..."

"How long will it last?" Elladan asked, eyeing a still chuckling Legolas.

"A few hours, I hope. At least for the time being he will be unaware of the wound." And we were off again, our mad dash to Imladris becoming more imminent with every pound of our horse's hooves. The wind whipped harshly around us.

I would be absolutely certain to remember one thing: never agree to show these three anything that existed outside the walls of Imladris, or if I did, be prepared for truly anything. It was near to midnight when I called a momentary respite. Legolas had been babbling nonsensically for the past hour at least, but only once we had dismounted did I have chance to hear--or understand--the actual words.

"Glorfindel?" he said as I set him at the base of a tree.

"Yes, it is I, tithen pen."

Legolas laughed. "Your face is funny, hir-nin."

"I know it is, Legolas," I said, checking the archer's leg. As I unraveled the bandage, I found it to be be not as heavily stained, leastways not as much as earlier. A dangerous amount of blood still flowed. Taking a new bandage, I began to wrap it around again, being sure to keep each revolution tightly sealed.

"El?" Legolas said, unclear concerning which twin he was referring to. His voice was void of emotion, if anything sounding scared.

Uncaring of whom Legolas was speaking to, both the Peredhil both answered. "Yes?"

Legolas's eye moved rapidly back and forth, searching. "There--there are two of you, El!" His laugh sounded half crazed. "Two of you, El, can you believe it?"

The twins exchanged a look. "Legolas, there are two of us, you do realize?"

Legolas shook his hand dismissively. "Don't be silly, El, I'm too old for your tricks..." Before anyone could respond, the elfling pointed to somewhere above us. "Ai, do you see that?"

"See what?!"

"There--there... I don't know what it is, but it is definitely something... Oh. Oh." He began to move frantically and I struggled to keep his leg still. "Get it, El, saes, get it!"

"Get what?" Elladan said, exasperation evident in his voice.

Legolas threw his arms over his face, as if not seeing whatever he had seen would somehow keep it away. Ai, I knew his actions would be irrational, but he acted almost as a newborn elfling. At the time, I had not considered his rising fever, but now the combined anomalies seemed to be doing a fine job effecting him. "Leave him, Elladan. The drug will wear off soon enough, and by then we will have reached Imladris. He won't even remember this happening."

"The squirrel, it wants to hurt me..."

This statement made even me pause for a moment. If delusion could be summed up in a moment, this would be mine of choosing.

"The squirrel..." Elrohir spoke slowly and then turned to me. "You said he would remember none of this, did you not Glorfindel?"

I nodded the affirmative.

"Well in that case... Legolas, listen to me. I need you to tell me what you see here." He held up an arrow.

Legolas narrowed his eyes at first, then gasped. "It's a feather!"

"Yes. Yes, Legolas, this is a feather, nothing more. And do you know what else?" Elrohir's voice lowered. "It's a dragon feather."

I rolled my eyes at the twin's antics. Albeit Legolas would be unknowing of their trickery, but I could not help the sigh that escaped me. I stood, deciding that we could take a moment's rest for the horses before moving out. As I checked over the horses, I listened to my young charges.

"A dragon feather? Truly? Where did you get it?"

Elladan quickly jumped in, catching onto his brother's scheme. "From the sky, of course! It fell upon us in the rain."

"And," Elrohir tacked on, "it has magical abilities."

"What kind of magical abilities?"

"The kind that... that um..."

"That can turn you into a dragon." I couldn't help but chime in, regretting my action as I did so. I was several millenia older than these elflings. What business did I have engaging in their antics?"

Legolas bolted upright. "Truly? Have you ever tried it? Is it fun?"

"Oh, yes, Legolas," Elladan answered. "Very, very fun. You can try it sometime if you like."

"Can I try it right now?"

"Nay, elfling," I said, coming back over to the tree by which he rested. "Perhaps when you're healed."

"Healed from what?"

"Ai, Valar..." I breathed, scooping Legolas into my arms.

"Are you turning me into a dragon?"

I knew there was a reason I should have stayed out of the conversation. "We're going home, Legolas." If his delirious mind would spare me explaining the difference between the home in Imladdris and his home in Mirkwood, I would be more than grateful.

"Oh, good. I like it there."

I smiled down at the young Prince of Mirkwood. Perhaps there was some cognizance left in him. "Very well then. We will make haste that way."

And so we did. The hours passed and several times I felt Legolas almost drift into unconsciousness. A jerk on his shoulder would awaken him, but even then the urgency of our arrival in Imladris became more pressing. Although the lûth was a dstraction for us all, it could not completely smother the matter at hand.

Finally, after many hours of mutterings that in the end made no sense at all, the gates of Imladris came into view. Elbereth, at last.

I pushed our pace for the final few moments, until suddenly we were in the courtyard, hooves clacking sharply against the cobbled ground. "Elrond!" I said, hoping the Peredhel could hear me. I dismounted, Legolas with me, and I turned around just as Elrond began to descend the steps.

"What has happened?" he said.

"There was a trap set in the woods. The elfling stepped in it." I climbed the steps while expounding my tale. "I've done what I can, but that is little given what our situation was."

"Has he been given anything?"

Legolas chose that precise moment to laugh. "The stars are pretty. Do you see them winking?"

I paused before answering, fully aware of the raised eyebrow Elrond sent me. "I may have come across some of the lûth plant and decided it to be the best presented option..."

"Hm. That would explain the, ah, stars."

"Yes," I answered. "Their winking as well."

___________________________________

I could see the sun clearly by the time Elrond was finished with Legolas. The night had passed in a blur of blood, stitches, and bandages. I could have strangled the elfling by the end of it, if not for the fact that we had spent so much time attempting to save his life.

That and Thranduil's wrath should he find out.

The thought in mind, I looked at the elfling, who slept at peace on the bed. Elladan and Elrohir sat one either side of him, slowly nodding off. Perhaps for me the journey had been a nightmare, but for them... I supposed I had shown them some of the world. The dangerous side, that could not be trusted. Not ideal, but it was a lesson they must have need to learn at some point.

That thought on my mind, I turned to leave, but not before a small voice whispered through the air. "Hannon-le, Hir Glorfindel."

I faced Legolas, whose eyes were open to mere slits. "My pleasure, elfling. T'was my pleasure..." And I left.

For it had been a pleasure, so long as he had survived it all. Left before me now was but only the infinitely hard task: telling the King of Mirkwood of the befallings of his son.

Elbereth help me.

_________________________________
I cringed my way through whatever edits I could actually manage. Humor is not my genre of choice and this piece was only written due to a prompt. Feeling almost as exasperated as Glorfindel right now, heh.

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