For everyone who's reading this book for the stories, you can skip this part. I won't be updating any stories in this book until after our final exams. It'll be on October 8 til the 13th... I guess?

Anyway, I just wanted to vent out all the pain I've been feeling for a while now... so feel free to ignore this part....

Ever felt like everything you've done for someone is NEVER enough? Ever felt like after you've done everything you can for them, its still not enough to leave any significance in their life?

It hurts so much to have someone you know turn into someone you knew .....

Tons of things happened these past two weeks and it led me to get mad at a friend of mine... like seriously mad... so I asked her to stop talking to me for a while just till I can cool my head... it took a while and it took A LOT OF EFFORT... but since I'm not the type of person who gets mad at someone for so long... I was ready to talk to her.

Luckily she apologized and I took the opportunity to talk to her... but she won't even reply to my text messages and the ones I sent her from facebook. I waited for her reply so that we can settle things once and for all...I waited for so long that I haven't even had a wink of sleep these past few days because I was so troubled!

I guess she was already happy with her new friends to even bother with me.

I'm a lousy friend who allowed something like this to happen. To let someone whom I've cared for for so long, leave my side without even settling things out...

But hey, if someone looses me in their life and does nothing to get me back, then maybe I wasn't meant to be part of it in the first place...right?

She changed. And I wanted her to see that so she can somehow do something about it and learn from it... I wanted to help her by letting her figure things out on her own, so she can be aware of the things around her. Unfortunately, it all made me look like I was the bad guy...

Turns out, what I've been doing made me look like a self-righteous bitch who cares nothing for her friends... someone who can easily abandon the people around her. It made me seem untrustworthy and seemingly appalling.

Tons of people now see me as those things all because I wouldn't talk to her. They won't even consider the fact that maybe I had my own reasons why I left her... I became the bad guy...

And I've suffered so many sleepless nights because of it...

I've been stressed out to my limits because of school, my work as a writer in our school paper and my responsibilities in the church. Not to mention my health's been fluctuating; headaches in the morning and fevers at night. Feels like I'm gonna die someday soon.

For all its worth, writing has been one of my only solace.

For now, I'm accepting the fact that things have changed and I have no means of stopping that. I'm tired of how things have turned out, and I rather remain passive about it. If being hated and loathed by the people around me is the price for trying to knock some sense into someone, then so be it. All I ever wanted was to help.

I'd rather be hated for what I am, for what I've done and for what I believe in than to be loved and adored for what I'm not.

I'd rather have people see for themselves who I am and what I really am to the people who value me. I've done what I can; I have no regrets.

I know who I am and what I've done in this situation. My actions and intentions define who I am; not the inconsistent thoughts people judge me by.

I'm sorry if you don't understand what I'm trying to say here...like I said, you can always forget about all this. I just really needed something to lessen the pain I've been going through...

~Akira