for MissUnicornGirl, i owe you a confession.

you don't know
but i wake up in the early mornings,
sweating and shaking.
every night my worst nightmares.

you wonder why i'm tired.
i blame tumblr.
but really, it's because if i'm tired enough
the nightmares stay away.

sometimes they're bearable.
the one where i kill people is unbearable.
i'm a monster, with claws and fangs
and i kill people.

or that other one.
where i am letting you fall, sister.
i let you die because i am too slow.

the worst one,
is the one where i make the wrong choice.
i have to choose me or them.
and i pick me.

i am selfish.
enough to sacrifice other lives for my own.
oh, i lie about Radical Pacifism
because that's who i wish i was.

i wish i was the one
who'd take a bullet for a stranger
i wish i knew for certain
those nightmares will stay in my head.

and so, sister, next time i wake you up
sweating and crying
please, just tell me it's okay.
you are my moon.