Muli kong inilapag ang baso ng tubig sa lamesa matapos ko iyong inuman. I sat across from Icen, doing my absolute best to appear composed, na parang hindi na naglalaro sa aking isipan ang lahat ng napanaginipan ko kani-kanina lang.

The private dining room he reserved was elegant and intimate, with floor-to-ceiling windows that framed the view of Moalboal's white sand beach, glistening even under the night sky. Doon ko itinuon ang aking atensyon, tahimik na pinanuod ang bawat hampas ng alon sa dalampasigan, tuwing matatapos ang isa'y may kasunod agad. I kind of wondered if the waves ever get tired of coming back to the shore.

It was picturesque—like something out of a movie.

But no amount of scenic beauty could distract me from him.

Icen sat relaxed on the other side of the table, one hand resting on the arm of his chair, the other tracing the rim of his wine glass with lazy precision. Hindi ko man gustuhin ay kusang dumadako sa kaniya ang aking mga mata. His dress shirt—crisp and perfectly fitted—was unbuttoned just enough to give a glimpse of his tanned skin and the slight curve of his collarbone. The sleeves were rolled up, exposing strong forearms with veins that stood out in just the right way, like they belonged to someone who could move through the world with ease and control. Kunsabagay, bakla siya. Natural lang na may finesse ang bawat kilos niya. Hindi na rin ako dapat magulat kung mas maarte at metikuloso siya sa akin.

Icen looked expensive. Not in a flashy way—there were no loud logos or over-the-top accessories. His elegance was subtle, effortless. Tailored perfection. Every detail of him screamed wealth and refinement.

And damn it, I kept glancing at his fingers.

I tried not to, really. But my mind refused to let go of the dream—or the reality it had been born from. I could still feel those fingers trailing down my skin, pressing inside me, curling in ways that had left me breathless. Now, every time his hand moved, my gaze involuntarily followed, drawn to the way his fingers drummed lightly on the edge of the table or curled casually around the base of his wine glass. Those fingers. They looked so elegant, and all I could think about was how expertly he had used them.

"You're awfully quiet tonight," Icen said, his voice smooth and teasing as he leaned back in his chair, studying me with those sharp blue eyes. "Something on your mind?"

I blinked, realizing I'd been caught staring. Bigla akong tinamaan ng hiya dahil nagtagal nga sa kaniya ang aking mga mata ng husto sa nararapat.

"Just... taking in the view," I replied quickly, hoping the dim lighting would hide the blush creeping up my neck.

His lips curled into a knowing smirk. "Which one?"

I shot him a look, hoping to keep things light, but the weight of his gaze made my stomach flutter. He knew exactly what he was doing. Kung panong ganoon rin siya nang gabing iyon.

"The beach," kinuha kong muli ang baso ng tubig at uminom na naman kahit hindi uhaw, para lang may magawa. "It's beautiful."

He chuckled, swirling the wine in his glass.

"It is," he agreed, though his eyes never left mine. "But I'm not convinced that's the view you've been focused on."

"Don't flatter yourself." Irap ko para lang maiwasan ang pagkapahiya pang lalo.

He leaned in slightly, his voice dropping just enough to make my pulse race. "Too late."

Hindi ko na pinatulan pa ang panunukso niya at desperadang iniba na lamang ang usapan nang hindi pa rin makatingin sa kaniya ng diretso.

"Uh, what kind of activities can I do at the hotel? Para sa mga susunod na araw sana. Baka may mga recommendation ka."

Icen didn't miss a beat. He leaned back slightly, his smirk softening into a more thoughtful expression. "Depends. Are you looking for something relaxing or adventurous?"

"Maybe both?"

He nodded, his fingers now idly tracing the rim of his wine glass. Those fingers again. Damn it. "Well, we've got paddleboarding and kayaking if you feel like exploring the waters. We also offer diving trips—you can snorkel with the sardine run in the mornings at Moalboal."

Pilit kong itinuon sa usapan ang aking atensyon at hindi sa kung ano pa. "Sardine run? I've heard about that. Napanuod ko lang minsan sa vlog na nakita ko sa YouTube."

"It's worth it. You'll see thousands of sardines moving in perfect synchronization. It's like watching a living, breathing organism—it's beautiful. Peaceful, even."

I nodded, my mind briefly drifting to the idea of being out in the water, away from everything. "Interesting... Sige, baka subukan ko 'yan sa mga susunod na araw."

"And if you want to take it easy," he continued, "we have yoga sessions on the terrace, right at sunrise. Or, there's the spa—we've got some of the best therapists on the island. You might enjoy that."

"Massage sounds tempting," mahina kong tugon. Mas na para sa sarili kaysa kay Icen. "Mukhang kailangan ko nga iyon."

"You do," he agreed smoothly, that teasing glint returning to his eyes. "Though I could probably work out some of that tension for you myself."

Sinungitan ko siya ng tingin pero para bang wala lang 'yung sinabi niya. Inosente ang mga mata niyang sinasalubong ang sa akin. "I'll stick with the professionals, thanks."

He chuckled, his tanned skin glowing in the soft light of the restaurant. I hadn't noticed before just how much more sun-kissed he was now than the last time I saw him. The beach had done him good. His skin had a warm bronze undertone, the kind that made you think of lazy afternoons spent under the sun, the kind that looked annoyingly perfect on a man like him.

I tried not to stare, but damn, it was hard. There was something about the way he carried himself—relaxed yet deliberate, like he knew exactly how he affected people.

"You've been spending a lot of time outside, haven't you?" I asked, partly to distract myself from my own thoughts.

Icen gave a small shrug, glancing down at his arm as if only just realizing how tanned he was. "Yeah. The beach has been good to me."

"I can tell," I muttered, almost to myself, though the words slipped out before I could stop them.

His lips curled into that damn smirk again, and he raised a brow. "Like what you see?"

I sneered at him, leaning back in my chair with an air of mock indifference. "I've seen better."

Instead of taking offense, Icen just grinned, the corner of his mouth lifting in that maddening way that made my stomach flip. "I bet you have,"

Dumating na ang order namin kaya kahit paano ay doon nabaling ang atensyon namin pareho at nawala nang bahagya sa usapan. Hindi ko rin naman nagugustuhan ang tinatakbo noon. The waiter set our plates down—steak, roasted vegetables, and a side of truffle mashed potatoes. I focused on my plate, hoping it would help me avoid more of Icen's relentless teasing. For a moment, the only sound was the clink of cutlery as we both started eating. Marahil ay gutom rin siya dahil kung hindi ako nagkakamali, matapos niya akong ihatid sa suite kanina ay may mga trabaho siyang binalikan.

He cut into his steak with ease, and after a few bites, he broke the silence. "You know, you could also try scuba diving while you're here. The reef's gorgeous."

I glanced at him, chewing slowly. "Do you dive?"

As soon as the question left my mouth, I realized how stupid it sounded. Of course, he did. A man like him—polished, adventurous, wealthy—probably spent his summers exploring the most exotic dive sites around the world. May oras at kapasidad siya para sa mga ganoong activity.

Icen raised an amused brow as if recognizing the blunder in my question but decided to humor me anyway. He cut another piece of steak, lifting it to his mouth.

"Yeah," he answered, licking the juice off his lips slowly, his tongue flicking in a way that made my breath catch. "I mean... I did dive in you, didn't I?"

I froze mid-chew, the words hitting me like a slap to the face. My fork hovered in midair as I shot him a glare, my jaw tightening in disbelief. Damn him. Kailangan pa ba talaga niyang sabihin iyon? Kailangan pa ba niyang ibalik iyon sa isipan ko?

And just like that, the memory resurfaced—his face between my legs, the way his tongue worked me over with an expertise that made me lose all sense of reality. The thought shot through me like a live wire, leaving me flushed and tense.

If I didn't know he was gay, I'd accuse him of being a damn pervert. But then again—gays can be perverts too, right? But still, was it normal for a gay guy to act like this toward a woman? I don't know.

I couldn't find my voice. The words were trapped in my throat, tangled up with the lingering heat of the memory and the confusion twisting in my mind. Icen seemed to notice my struggle.

"I'm just kidding," he said, leaning back in his chair as if the whole thing was nothing but a joke. "Relax."

But the grin on his lips told me he wasn't sorry at all.

I forced myself to pick up my wine glass, needing something—anything—to ground me. The cool liquid slid down my throat, but it did nothing to ease the knot tightening in my chest or the questions swirling in my head.

Just as I was about to retort, Icen spoke again, his tone lighter this time.

"For what it's worth, though... I really am a professional diver." He tilted his glass toward me, giving me a small wink. "I can take you scuba diving tomorrow. I promise, no sardines will try to steal your spotlight."

No. No. No. This was exactly what I needed to avoid—more time alone with him. Lalo pa't hindi ko makuhang pakibagayan ang kung anuman itong nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. I didn't come here to be friendly with him. I came to get away from everything. From everyone. Especially from complications like him. Anong klaseng pahinga ang ibibigay ko sa sarili ko kung aabalahin ko lamang ang aking isipan sa ideya niya?

"I don't think so."

He raised a brow, unfazed by my rejection. "No?"

"No," I said, more firmly this time. "I didn't come here to... you know, socialize."

Kumibit ang kaniyang mga balikat. Mukhang hindi naman apektado sa ginawa kong pagtanggi sa alok niya. If anything, it seemed like he expected it.

"Fair enough. Your call." He leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "If you change your mind, though, we've got paddleboarding, kayaking, or a nice tour of the local markets. Or..." He grinned, mischievous as always, "... you could book that massage I mentioned earlier."

Natigilan ako. Mas nagalit sa sarili kaysa sa kaniya dahil bigla kong naisip na siya ang gumagawa ng masaheng sinabi niya. Dammit, Chanel! Hindi 'yan masahista rito sa Cebu!

We finished our meal, the conversation shifting to lighter topics—though I did my best to keep things as neutral as possible. Still, there were moments when his gaze lingered a little too long, or when his lips curled just slightly, as if he was still enjoying the fact that I couldn't quite figure him out.

By the time dinner ended, I was both full and emotionally drained, my guard still firmly in place. Icen leaned back in his chair, giving me a soft, almost amused smile. "I'd ask you to stay for dessert," he said, "but I can tell you're not exactly comfortable around me."

I sighed, knowing he wasn't wrong.

"It's not that," I muttered, though I knew it was partially true. "I'm just... exhausted. It's been a long day."

"Of course," he said smoothly, as if he knew that was only half the story. "No pressure, Chanel."

Matipid ko siyang nginitian bago pasalamatan. "Thank you, though. For dinner."

"Anytime."

For a moment, I lingered there, awkwardly unsure of how to say goodbye. His eyes were still on me, calm and steady, like he was waiting for something—though what, I couldn't tell.

Finally, I stood, pushing back my chair. "I'll, uh... head back to my suite now."

He gave me a slight nod, his gaze following me as I turned toward the door. "Sleep well,"

I glanced back at him briefly, and for a moment, something flickered in his expression—something I couldn't quite place. Then, just as quickly, it was gone, replaced by that familiar, effortless cool.

Without another word, I slipped out of the room, leaving him behind.

Halos takbuhin ko na ang daan pabalik ng suite ko. Hindi ko rin alam pero malakas ang pagnanais kong makalayo kay Icen, as if that would help. Eh, sa isang pagkikita lang ay laman na siyang muli ng panaginip ko. Dammit. Did I really have to keep reminding myself that he was gay? Bukod pa doon ay hindi ko gusto ang ganito.

Ang akala ko kapag mag-isa na ako at wala na siya sa paningin ko'y mapapayapa na ako. But boy, I was wrong. No matter how hard I tried, he lingered. His voice, his smirk, the way he looked at me—like he saw more than I wanted him to.

I kicked off my shoes and flicked on the TV, flipping mindlessly through channels, hoping something—anything—would capture my attention. But every word, every image blurred together, none of it sticking. My mind kept circling back to him, and it was driving me insane. Ito na ba 'yung sinasabi nilang virgin syndrome? I refused to believe so. Hindi na kami bata nang gawin namin iyon. Oo at siya ang nauna, hindi ko rin naman iyon ginusto na maging siya, ah? It wasn't as though I reserved myself for him. No! Wala akong choice. Sa lahat ng nakarelasyon ko ay ni isa wala naman nagtangkang kumuha. Kaya nga gulong-gulo pa rin ako hanggang ngayon kung paanong bakla rin naman si Icen but he managed to get under every inch of my skin.

See? I was thinking about him again.

Frustrated, I turned off the TV and sat in silence for a few minutes. Lalong hindi nakatulong ang katahimikan na itaboy siya sa aking isipan. Mas nanaig pang lalo. Mas nanatili. After what felt like an eternity, I stood up, grabbed my purse, and slipped out the door. I needed air. I needed distraction. Anything to stop thinking about that infuriating man. Gay. Man. Gay. Whatever!

Before I knew it, I was walking toward the small beachside bar just outside the hotel. Maaga pa naman kaya marami pang tao sa beach, bukod pa sa may kung anong party na pakulo ang mga bar sa palihid dahil weekend naman. Sa kabila ng ingay ng paligid ay nakikipagtagisan rin ang tunog ng bawat hampas ng alon sa dalampasigan. The waves were wild. Hindi ako sigurado kung ganyan ba talaga ang dagat dito tuwing gabi dahil ito naman ang unang gabi ko rito. But I was damn sure they were wilder now than earlier tonight.

I found a stool at the bar, took a seat, and ordered a French 75—something fancy, bubbly, with a kick of gin to help me forget. Mabilis naman nagawa ang drink ko dahil tatlo rin naman ang bartender na naroon, nakakaya ang demand.

As I sipped my drink, the cool breeze sweeping off the ocean began to soothe my nerves. This was better. Hindi gaanong tahimik kagaya sa silid ko na naiiwan akong mag-isa sa loob ng aking isipan, pero hindi rin naman gaanong maingay dahil doon sa may bandang gitnang bahagi ng beach ang bonfire party. A little peace and quiet. Or so I thought.

A tall man approached from the side, sliding onto the stool next to me. He had sandy blonde hair, sunburned cheeks, and the easy smile of a tourist who'd had one too many cocktails. Hindi naman bago sa akin ang ganito. Madalas rin akong nalalapitan lalo kung mag-isa. Ewan ko lang rin talaga kung bakit sa daming lalaki sa mundo, palagi akong sa bakla nauuwi. Sumpa nga siguro. Hindi rin kasi talaga ako attracted madalas sa iba. Kaya hindi na dapat ako nabibigla kung bakit naaapektuhan ako kay Icen. Syempre, bakla. Pero hindi na. Hinding-hindi na ako papatol sa bakla at magpapagamit. Just no!

"Hi there," he greeted smoothly, his accent distinctly Dutch. Guwapo naman siya, pero mukhang presko. Sabagay. Kung mahiyain siya ay hindi naman para lapitan niya ako rito. "You look too beautiful to be sitting here alone."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Here we go.

"I'm fine, thanks," I said politely, hoping he'd take the hint and move on.

But of course, he didn't.

"Come on, don't be like that," he said with a grin, leaning closer. Masyadong malapit na naamoy ko na ang pinaghalu-halong alak, sigarilyo at kung anon recreational drug na tinake niya. "I'm Kai. And you are...?"

"Not interested," I replied, taking another sip of my drink, trying to appear disinterested without being outright rude.

Kai chuckled, undeterred. "Let me guess—you're not a local. You've got that big foreign vibe about you."

I inhaled deeply, suppressing the growing annoyance within me. Of course, I would stand out. With my platinum blonde hair and mixed Russian features, it was no wonder this guy thought I wasn't from around here. You didn't see much of that in Cebu—or anywhere in the Philippines, for that matter.

Kai's grin widened when I didn't immediately brush him off, sensing he still had a chance. I was just about to tell him to leave me alone when, from the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Icen.

He was seated across the bar, alone, still wearing that same crisp white dress shirt—but this time, far too many buttons were undone, exposing the smooth tan of his chest. He sat there with lazy confidence, a half-empty glass of what I could only guess was cognac in his hand, the amber liquid swirling slowly as he tilted it toward his lips. His gaze was locked on me, sharp like a predator waiting for the right moment to strike.

My stomach twisted.

If this conversation ended, I knew he would come over.

Nasisiguro ko iyon.

And no—I didn't want that. I couldn't have that. Not again. Talking to Kai, annoying as he was, felt like the lesser evil. So I forced a polite smile, turning my attention back to the Dutchman beside me.

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