"It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you watch them on a screen." – Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

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"Hello?"

"You answered!"

"You're not dead!"

"What a miracle, right?"

"I– I'm glad you're okay. When I last saw you–"

"How attractive did you think I was?"

"...Way to ruin the moment."

"Apologies, continue."

"Well, it was hard to see your facial features under the coat of blood, so I can't give much of a rating. I'm sure you look awful."

"Awfully attractive, you mean?"

"Nope, just awful."

"How flattering."

"Chipmunk, I'm sorry for blaming you about the key. I don't know who took it, but it wasn't you, and– what's that rumbling noise in the background?"

"Oh– er– I'm on a train."

"You're on a train?!"

"Geez woman, no need to shout."

"Why the hell are you on a train in the middle of the night?"

"It was my sister's idea. Ow! Luce, that hurt! Give the phone back!"

"What's going–"

"..."

"Did that dingbat just hang up on me?"