"It's that heart of gold, and stardust soul, that make you beautiful." – R.M. Broderick

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"Honeeeeeey! I'm homeeeee!"

"Who're you talking to?"

"Whoever's listening."

"So, basically just me and your sister?"

"Nah, my sister's wringing her hair out by the only source of warmth. Ten bucks it'll catch on fire."

"Deal, and where exactly are you?"

"Some cabin place that's probably impossible to find. An elderly married couple live here. They're nice."

"So, it's like Ogygia, right? Impossible to find twice?"

"All we're missing are invisible servants and a glittering rock cave."

"You need more plants and arrogant Greek gods coming down to visit too."

"Are you tapping your foot?"

"Hm? Oh yeah, sorry. Force of habit."

"Where are you, then?"

"At work, listening to Oliver jingle his bells and ride his sleigh."

"...Did you mean for that to sound so dirty?"

"Wha– ew! Oh my God, stop infecting me with your sexually driven mind!"

"It's not my fault! Blame my non-biological Uncle Fletcher!"

"This is exactly why I don't want to endure Christmas dinner with your family!"

"Random change of subject, but is Penelope anywhere?"

"Nope. She can thank her lucky stars for that too. There's a high chance I'll throttle her next time we come across each other."

"We'll wait it out and prove you didn't lose the key."

"You promise?"

"Fuck no. Look how well that turned out last time!"

"Ha, I know. I was just testing you."

"..."

"Chipmunk? Are you alright?"

"Mozzarella, it's– it's four in the morning."

"I know, because I too, have a time-telling device."

"I'm stuck in a house in the middle of nowhere."

"Yes, congratulations on mastering the art of stating obvious facts."

"Oh God, what have I done?"