Existing is hard.

Living is even harder.

And the difference you see, is that existing is doing just enough to stay alive, while living is being a functioning human being gaining new memories and experiences.

And that difference means everything to Peter as he finds himself sitting on the living room couch with Aunt May, in the middle of yet another breakdown as he struggles to go from existing in life, to living his life.

"I just feel so broken," Peter sobs out, staring at his hands, "I've been struggling so hard and it just feels like I've shattered and left pieces of myself all over the floor that I'm trying to figure out how to piece back together. But when I try to piece it back together my hands get all cut up from the glass and then I'm dealing with both my bleeding hands and the struggle of trying to pick up the pieces. And it's been so hard and I don't know how to move on and become a functioning human being again."

Peter takes in a shaky breath through his tears as he continues, "And you keep saying that you're not disappointed in me for doing so poorly because I'm trying and that's all that matters but am I really trying? Like I'm struggling really really hard to do anything and it really hurts to try. And if it really hurts to try and I'm really struggling to try then me not being able to do a lot must be me trying my hardest, right? And yet I look and it seems like there's so much room for me to try harder so why is it so hard to do so? Am I even trying to make my life seem better? Because it feels like I am but when I sit back and look at it my efforts seem miniscule. And that hurts."

Aunt May scoots a bit closer to Peter so that she can start rubbing his back gently as she continues to listen, "And why does all of this bad stuff happen to me and then all of the sudden I'm hit with depression and anxiety on top of everything that's happened that is so bad that I'm struggling to just exist? And I'm so frustrated and confused because everything that I used to enjoy either doesn't give me much excitement anymore because I can't seem to feel much of anything lately or it's just super hard to get myself to do them. Take Spider-Man for example. I absolutely love being Spider-Man and the city needs Spider-Man, and yet I just can't seem to get myself to get up and go out while I'm also struggling to just function. I don't even know what would happen if I didn't have you helping me through this."

Peter goes quiet aside from shaky breaths and a few quiet sobs. Aunt May sits there for a moment to make sure he's done talking before she speaks up, "Peter honey, it breaks my heart to see how much you're struggling and that there's not much I can do besides get you professional help and support you through the process of healing. That I can't just fix everything for you. But I do think there's a few things you need to hear. First off, you are an amazing hero, and you are trying your best. I can tell. But you need to remember that as a hero, sometimes your greatest responsibility is to yourself. To take care of yourself and heal. How can you expect yourself to do a good job saving others if you're doing poorly yourself? So just focus on yourself and heal. Your vigilante buddies are covering for you right now and I just know that they will be more than willing to continue to do so until you feel ready to get out there again. So stop stressing over that. The city will understand. Even heroes need help and even heroes get hurt and need to heal. And that's okay. It's okay to be hurting and to be struggling. That's just a part of life and it can help you grow and learn and become a better version of yourself. Once you get through this you will be so much stronger. And you need to remember that you're not alone. I'm here for you. Your vigilante buddies are here for you. Your friends are here for you. We want to help where we can, you just have to ask and tell us what you need."

"But what if even I can't figure out what I need? I'm so confused right now, and I don't even know how to feel," Peter whispers.

"That's okay too. We'll figure this out together. And you need to remember that this will take time honey. And that this is hard and it won't just go away in one day. Healing is a process, and it can be a difficult and frustrating process. But it will get better if you keep working on it. And you need to remember that. If your progress seems so miniscule to you then ask me to tell you how you've been improving. Because I can let you know. Or write down how you're doing somewhere so you can look back and see how far you've come. This is hard. And it's going to be hard. But if you keep chipping away at it, no matter how small, it will get better. Keep pressing forward and know that at the end of this you will be so much stronger. And that you becoming stronger means you can help so many more people. That you can be a light in the darkness to others who are going through something similar to this because you can guide them through it because you've been through this. This is an experience and yes, it is hard. But in the end, it will work out, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. You are loved. You are strong. And you are not alone. You can get through this okay? I know you can. You're not just Spider-Man, you are Peter Parker, and I know he can get through anything. Okay?"

A sniffle and a whisper, "Okay."

"Oh honey," Aunt May pulls Peter into a hug and runs her fingers through his hair, "I love you so much Peter. Never forget that. And you can get through this."

Peter closes his eyes as silent tears flow down his face, and he melts into the hug. He takes a shaky breath before quietly replying, "I love you too May. And I may not think I can get through this now, but I'm working on it."

Aunt May gives a gentle squeeze, "And that's all I ask for."