There's vomit on the floor and blood on the walls, and entrails and faeces caking the corners

I scratch at my skin

there are insects inside of me, crawling through my veins, laying eggs, growing into maggots, infesting me 

My eyes roll to the back of my head

So wide and so white that they tear up

The animals lay dead around me, suffocating the air with a putrid stench of death and termination

there is no god

he left us when we marked the ground for ourselves

we are amalgamations of his sin

because perhaps he wanted to see us suffer in his name

my lips are so dry and cracked that they perpetually bleed

blood pours from every orifice, and I don't know if it's me or someone else

there's blood in my mouth, and my nose is broken, crushed against my face

my skull is split open, my brain slipping out, the jagged bone of my cranium scattered on the ground like shattered porcelain

i once mopped the bloodied floor with my sister's limp body

I crack my hands so hard that my fingers break, sticks, twigs

sin surrounds me, stuffing its slim, slippery body into my throat

i poured salt around myself to protect my body from the blackness that hangs in the air

but the salt only makes the cuts in the soles of my feet sting like hell

I strung a noose made out of white tulips

and wrapped it around my neck

but the flowers were too soft, too fragile, 

and they yielded under my wieght

i painted myself gold once

but sin is blacker than any black

and it keeps coming back

streaming through any crack

I've wondered if drowning in blood

would be the best way to go

like drowning in life

the essence of the physical

life is death's shadow 

not the other way round