October 4, 2002

Memories began to flood Holly's brain as Chad drove the family's rental car towards the house that she had grown up in. She had a whole life in Clearwater Lake - parks that she had played in as a young child, friends that she had made in middle school, books that she had spent her free hours studying as a teenager - but she thought that she had left that all behind when she moved to Portland. So many things were out of place now, from the brand new Culver's next to her mom and dad's house to the mere presence of her husband in this small town. She wasn't sure what had changed - her, Clearwater Lake, or both.

"Holly, are you okay?" Chad asked. "You look stressed."

Just the fact that Chad had asked about her made Holly feel a little bit better. She always seemed to find comfort in Chad's kind, brown eyes, dark brown skin, and his sweet, gentle words. "I'm fine," Holly said as she looked out the window.

"Okay, Holly," Chad said with a smile. "I just hope that the baby's okay."

"The baby's fine too," Holly said as she rested a hand on her stomach. She went back to looking out the window, and she watched as waves crashed against the shore. It had been a while since she had been to Clearwater Lake, and a part of her missed it. She hadn't even been on a sailboat in years. Holly wanted to jump right onto Phil or her dad's sailboat and blow off some steam by circling around the lake, but that might be tricky with the baby. Growing up, Holly had never seen pregnant women sailing - then again, why couldn't she be the first?

"Mommy!" Scott cried from the backseat.

"What is it?" Holly asked her son.

"Look!" Scott said. "Duckies!"

"Yes, those are ducks," Holly said, noticing the ducks waddling along the shore of the lake in front of her parents' house. "Maybe your grandma and grandpa will let us feed them."

Scott cheered as Chad parked the car in front of Holly's parents' house. For over half of her life, Holly had lived in that house too, but now, it was impossible to think of Clearwater Lake as home. Portland was her home now, and she had Chad, Scott, and the baby to share it with.

All of them climbed out of the car, and Holly knocked on the door. "Hi Holly," Mom said as she opened the door. "It's so good to see you."

Holly hugged her mother and said, "It's good to see you too. How are things going?"

"Well, your grandma's not doing too well," Mom said. "We thankfully managed to bring her here, but ever since Grandpa died, her health has really declined. We're worried that she might not make it much longer."

Holly's heart broke when she heard this. She knew that Grandpa's death had been hard on Grandma, but she didn't know how much of a toll it had taken on her physical health, even though he had passed away four years earlier. Holly couldn't imagine losing her grandmother too, but she was worried that it might happen sooner rather than later. "That's really sad to hear," Holly said.

"Don't bring it up to her though," Mom said. "She's still convinced that she'll recover eventually."

"I won't," Holly said.

"We do have some happier news though," Mom said. "Sylvie's here." Holly smiled at the mention of her nearly six month old niece. She hadn't met Phil's new daughter yet, but she looked forward to seeing the newest addition to the family for the first time. Mom then turned to Scott and said, "Speaking of children, how's my favorite grandson doing?"

Scott, who still hadn't figured out that he was Holly's mom's only grandson, gleefully answered, "Good!"

Mom grinned and told Holly, "It's nice having one grandson and one granddaughter, but that's all going to change soon. When's the baby due?"

"March 7th," Holly said.

"Have you and Chad thought about names yet?" Dad asked as he used his cane to help him come towards Holly and Mom.

"We're planning to name the baby Julian if it's a boy, and Julianna if it's a girl," Holly said. "We decided that we don't want to find out the gender until the baby's born, so we can't make a definite decision on the name until later."

"Those are both lovely names," Dad said. "Why don't you come into the living room? Scott can play with our train set, and you and Chad can spend some time with Phil, Audrey, your grandma, and Sylvie."

Holly, Chad, Scott, and Holly's parents all made their way into the living room. Grandma was practically asleep on the couch, while Phil had his arm wrapped around Audrey, who was trying to get Sylvie to play with a toy. Holly was surprised by how much Phil's baby looked like her. The two of them had the exact same skin tone, and it seemed like Sylvie's hazel eyes were gazing into her own.

"Hi Holly," Phil said. "This is Sylvie. Sylvie, come meet your Aunt Holly!"

Sylvie stared blankly at Holly as she approached her. "You can hold her if you'd like," Audrey said. Holly picked up Sylvie and held her in her arms, and she relaxed immediately. Sylvie reached for Holly's thumb, and Holly let her grasp it with her tiny fingers. Already, Holly was starting to like her niece. She couldn't believe that she had waited six months to meet her.

"Can I hold her next?" Grandma asked softly.

"Of course," Holly said. She passed Sylvie to Grandma, and Grandma smiled as Sylvie fell asleep in her arms.

"What's been going on in your life, Grandma?" Holly asked.

"Phil, Audrey, and Sylvie have been so good to me," Grandma said. "I love being with them."

"That's good to hear," Holly said.

"Grammy!" Scott shouted to his great grandmother. "Can I hold the baby?" Grandma nodded and passed Sylvie to Scott, but she started screaming as soon as she was in Scott's arm. "Mommy, what do I do?"

Holly tried to help Scott hold Sylvie, but she just kept screaming. "Why don't you just give her back to your Uncle Phil?"

"Okay," Scott said. He passed Sylvie back to Phil, and she immediately calmed down.

"Phil, what's been going on in Clearwater Lake lately?" Holly asked.

"I'm sure that you've already heard about most of it," Phil said. "There's a new Culver's nearby."

"I saw that," Holly said.

"I'm kind of glad that they put that there," Phil said. "That lot was empty for years after the diner closed."

Holly couldn't bring herself to care. She didn't live here anymore, so who cared if there was a fast food restaurant or a diner there? However, part of her missed Clearwater Lake. She missed knowing every single one of her neighbors and having a beautiful lake practically in her backyard. Holly didn't live too far from the Pacific Ocean, but it wasn't like she could sail whenever she wished.

"Are you all getting hungry?" Mom asked. "I'm thinking of making some Three Sisters Soup."

"Yes!" Dad said. "I'd love some."

"Me too," Phil said.

"Me three!" Holly exclaimed.

"What are we having?" Chad asked Holly.

"The best soup ever," Holly told him. "You'll love it."

For one fleeting moment, Holly considered moving back to Clearwater Lake. She could spend more time with her family, take care of her grandmother, and introduce Chad and Scott to the yacht club. They would learn to love Clearwater Lake, and her children could grow up in exactly the same way that she had: surrounded by family in the small town atmosphere of Clearwater Lake. Holly almost asked Chad about moving, but she decided that she was getting ahead of herself. They weren't even done visiting Holly's family yet.

About an hour later, Mom called the whole family into the dining room. As the family passed the Three Sisters Soup and a few other dishes that Holly's mom had prepared around the table, all of them began to converse. At first, Holly tried not to listen to the conversation at all and simply enjoy her mother's soup. As always, it was delicious, and it helped her block out what was going on around her. Phil and Audrey didn't seem to be paying much attention either, as they attempted to feed Sylvie. Mom and Dad, on the other hand, were talking about politics, a conversation topic that Holly loved when she was leading a discussion in her class or talking with her friends, but hated when she was around her parents.

"Did you hear that Bush introduced a resolution that would allow us to send troops into Iraq?" Dad said.

"I saw that in the New York Times," Holly said. "Where did you hear about it?"

"Fox News," Dad said bluntly.

"Are you seriously still watching Fox News?" Holly said.

"Yes, why?" Dad said.

"They're extremely biased," Holly said.

"No they're not," Dad said. "Their slogan is 'Fair and Balanced,' and I don't think that the news would lie to me. Anyways, that's beside the point. I'm glad that they're finally taking action in Iraq. We'll finally get rid of those Muslim terrorists."

"Edward, maybe this isn't a good subject to bring up right now," Mom said. "I've been thinking of tweaking the recipe for the vegetable casserole that I made. What kind of cheese do you think would be good with it?"

"Your casserole is perfect just the way it is," Phil said, taking a quick break from trying to get Sylvie to eat. Holly glanced towards Scott - he was spilling his food all over the place, but Chad was doing a good job of cleaning up after him.

Dad just wouldn't stop talking, despite Mom's warnings. "Islam is just a bad ideology in general," he said. "It gives people all sorts of awful ideas."

"That's not true," Chad mumbled. "My mom converted to Islam when she was a teenager, and she's one of the sweetest people I know."

"Then she's the exception that proves the rule," Dad said.

"How could you say that?" Holly said, suddenly infuriated. She had been tuning out her father's Islamophobic comments up until this point, but she couldn't stand by while he was insulting her mother in law. Chad wasn't the sort of man who would stand up for himself, so Holly had to do it for him. "Muslims aren't inherently bad people. You're the one who's being insensitive!"

"Are trying to be some sort of apologist for terrorism?" Dad asked.

"Of course not, but at least I'm not a racist," Holly said.

"I'm not a racist!" Dad exclaimed.

"So saying that 'Islam is a bad ideology' isn't racist?" Holly said.

"You children don't understand what racism is," Dad said. "Your mother lived through real racism, Holly. When we were kids, it was forbidden for Native Americans to practice their religion or learn their languages, and if I wanted to play with a child that looked like your husband over there, it would have been impossible. You've had it easy compared to us."

"I think you're the one who doesn't understand what racism is," Holly said. "You're just ignoring the issues and pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. Yes, things have gotten better, but the world is still imperfect, and there's institutionalized racism everywhere, and you just can't see it. You've become a complacent man with no thought of history. Phil, back me up here!"

"I'm staying out of this," Phil said as he covered Sylvie's ears.

At that moment, Holly wanted to scream. Her whole family was filled with racists and bystanders, and she couldn't stand it. "What is wrong with you?" she shouted. "You're all just going to let Dad get away with saying all of these awful things about Muslims?" Nobody responded to Holly, so she finished the last spoonful of her soup and stormed away.

"Daddy, what's going on?" Scott asked his father, but Chad didn't have a good answer. Holly wished that she could tell Scott, but she couldn't expect a three year old to understand. She wanted to shelter Scott from the bigots of the world for a little bit longer, but that was impossible when there were bigots in their own family.

Holly, Chad, and Scott left Clearwater Lake not long after Holly's argument with her dad. On the drive back to their hotel room in the next town over, Holly stared out the window and watched the lake. The moonlight on the lake was just as beautiful as it was when Holly was a child, but something had changed. Holly wasn't sure whether it was her, Dad, or the lake itself that was making her feel this way. If it wasn't clear before, Holly knew that she was no longer the girl that she once was.

"Chad, I don't think that I ever want to come back here," Holly said.

"Holly, they're your family," Chad said.

"I don't care," Holly said. "I can't stand any of them."

"Your grandmother is dying, and Phil has a new baby," Chad said. "They need you now more than ever."

Holly sighed, knowing that Chad was right, as much as she wished that he wasn't. She still couldn't shake the feeling that her dad was not who she thought that he was. Holly looked out over the lake one last time, silently saying her goodbyes to Clearwater Lake. She hoped that she would see the lake again someday, but for now, she had to let her hometown go.