August 19, 1989

Phil Morrison woke up one morning and felt compelled to sail. He had gone sailing the day before, but he desperately wanted to be out on the water again. He wanted to feel the wind running through his hair and water spraying onto his boat. Phil bolted out of bed and turned off his alarm, ready to jump into his sailboat already and glide through the water.

It wasn't until Phil went to the breakfast table and found a bagel waiting for him that he realized that there was a race today. He somehow hadn't even noticed that it was a Saturday. It was so easy to lose track of time in the summer. During the school year, he could at least say what day of the week it was, but he had trouble remembering now. He would go back to college soon - by the end of the month, he would be in Madison, and his sister would be in Portland, and their parents would be alone for the first time in twenty years.

Phil quietly ate his bagel as he watched the clock. He was already running a little bit late, but he was still certain that he would make it to the race on time. He quickly finished off his breakfast, but as he headed outside, Holly entered the dining room.

"Hey Holly," Phil said. "Do you want to go sailing today?"

"Not really," Holly said.

"Why not?" Phil asked.

"I just don't feel like it," Holly answered.

"That's a stupid excuse," Phil said.

"I'd rather read," Holly said.

"You can read later," Phil insisted. Why was Holly being so difficult? She had been like this all summer - it was like she didn't want to spend time with him. Holly and Phil had always been close, despite their frequent sibling disputes, but now, it seemed like Holly was purposely distancing herself from Phil.

"Phil, why should I go sailing with you?" Holly asked.

"The wind's a little bit strong today," Phil said. "I could use your help."

"Phil, you and I both know that you can handle this on your own," Holly said. "Just leave me alone."

Phil gave up on convincing Holly to sail, and he left the house. As he was setting up his sailboat, Theo walked up to him. "Hey Phil," Theo said. "How's it going?"

"My sister's just being difficult," Phil complained.

"That must be rough," Theo said. "I'm kind of glad that I don't have any siblings. You're going back to college soon, right?"

"Holly's leaving first," Phil said.

"I keep forgetting that she's in college now," Theo said. "In my head, she's permanently frozen at twelve."

"Technically, she's not in college yet," Phil said. "She'll be a freshman in a week though."

"It's still weird," Theo said.

"When are you going back to college?" Phil asked.

"In four days," Theo answered.

"Wow, that's really soon," Phil said. "I'm going to miss you, Theo."

"I'll miss you too, Phil," Theo said.

"We'll still talk to each other though," Phil said.

"You know that if you say that, I'll be calling you every day," Theo said with a smile.

"I know," Phil said. "I wouldn't mind that. It's not like I have anything better to do in college."

"That's a lie, and we both know it," Theo said. "Every time I talked to you last year, you were complaining about some absurdly long paper that you had to write."

"My professors were basically evil last year," Phil argued.

"Freshman year was worse for me," Theo said. "Anyways, you're sailing in this race, right?"

"Of course I am," Phil said. "Why else would I be out here?"

"I don't know," Theo said. "We should probably get to the starting line though."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Phil said. "I'll talk to you later, Theo."

Phil set sail, and he followed Theo to the starting line. Once he was there, he immediately recognized a few of the other sailors in the race. He, of course, immediately recognized his father and his grandparents, but he also found Greg Stafford and Jacqueline Sterling, who had recently started dating each other, kissing in their sailboat. Phil was slightly annoyed by their public display of affection, but he was able to distract himself by watching a small fish swim next to his boat. He tried not to run over the creature as he turned the boat around, staying behind the starting line.

Phil's mom started the race, and he immediately turned his boat around again and crossed the starting line, heading for the first buoy. Dad immediately raced after him, waving to Phil when the two of them were neck and neck. Phil didn't wave back - he was too focused on sailing toward the buoy. He wasn't sure why, but Phil wanted to win. Normally, he wasn't too competitive when it came to sailing, but today, he wanted to be the best sailor in the yacht club.

Phil rounded the first buoy and as he glided through the water, he took a few moments to think about his life. He loved sailing, but it was exactly what his parents and his grandparents had done before him. Phil, frankly, felt as if he was doing nothing unique or important with his life. He was merely repeating history. For Phil, however, he was okay with that. His parents and his grandparents seemed happy, so who cared if he was living the same life that they were? Not everyone needed to have a huge impact on the world. Phil was fine with fading into the background, as long as he could find happiness, and at that moment, as he sailed over the water, he was happy.

Phil easily rounded the second buoy, and on the last leg of the race, he was far ahead of his competition. It looked like Dad would finish in second place, but as he ran into some trouble going around the second buoy, Greg and Jacqueline passed him. Phil swore that he could hear Greg laughed as he and his girlfriend sailed past Dad. Phil looked back angrily at them, but neither Greg nor Jacqueline noticed.

Phil looked toward the finish line, realizing that he needed to focus if he wanted to win. He grabbed the tiller and steered in a zigzag pattern, hoping to make it over the finish line before Greg and Jacqueline. He didn't look back again, trying his best to pay attention to his own sailing technique. Over and over again, Phil told himself that he could win, if only he could sail without losing focus.

Phil looked toward the finish line, now heading straight towards it. He didn't know how close Greg and Jacqueline were to him, but it didn't matter now. Phil was about to win the race, and he could see Mom smiling from the judges' boat. Phil glided past the finish line, finishing in first place, and once he won the race, he looked back to see where everyone else was. Greg and Jacqueline were about to finish, with Dad right behind them. At the last second, Dad sailed past the two twentysomethings, placing in second. Mom cheered for both Phil and his father, and Phil grinned, proud of himself and his father.

Phil then grabbed the tiller of his boat and steered toward home. He took his time, thinking of his trip home as a victory lap. Perhaps his success was getting to his head, but Phil rarely won in sailing. Usually, he was a second or third rate sailor - he was competent, but nothing special. This was a huge achievement for him, and now, Phil was thinking bigger. Maybe he could even enter the Clearwater Lake Regatta next year. So far, Phil had only sailed in the junior regatta, but now, maybe he was good enough to sail against the adults in the Clearwater Yacht Club. He had proven that he could beat the other members of the yacht club once. Why couldn't he do it again?

Phil's mom was already home when he sailed up to the pier. Phil climbed out of the boat, and Mom immediately gave him a hug. "Congratulations, Phil," she said.

"Thanks, Mom," Phil said.

"You've become so talented," Mom said.

"Thank you," Phil said, feeling a little bit awkward. "Where is everyone else?"

"Your father stopped by your Grandma and Grandpa's house," Mom said. "Holly is inside. Once your dad gets home, we're going to drive over to the yacht club party."

"Who's hosting today?" Phil asked, out of pure curiosity.

"The Falconeris," Mom answered.

"Oh okay," Phil said, yawning. "I don't know if I really want to go to the party today. I'm kind of tired."

"Phil, you should go," Mom said. "The commodore is probably going to mention you in his speech, since you won the race, and you can always sleep later. You have the whole afternoon free."

"That's true," Phil said. "Can I at least go inside and dry off?" The lake water had soaked his T-shirt, and he at least needed to change into something a little nicer if he was going to go to the yacht club party.

"Sure," Mom said. "I'll let you know when Dad gets here."

Phil went inside, but on his way to his bedroom, he ran into Holly again. She had her nose in a book, as usual, but Phil was bursting with excitement. He had to tell his sister, along with everyone else that he knew, about his win. "Hey Holly," Phil said.

"Phil, go away," Holly said, still reading her book.

"I won the race today," Phil said.

"I don't care," Holly said.

"Do you care about anything anymore?" Phil asked.

"Of course I do," Holly said. "I just don't care about you, or anything here in Clearwater Lake for that matter. I'm going off to college next week."

"That doesn't mean that you have to distance yourself from the yacht club," Phil insisted.

"You don't get it, Phil," Holly said. "I'm going to a whole other state."

"You're right," Phil said. "I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"I want to reinvent myself," Holly said, finally looking up from the novel that she was reading. "I'll come back here in the summers, but I don't want to be stuck living the same life that our parents and grandparents are living. I want the freedom to be different."

When Holly put it like that, Phil supposed that he could understand. Phil had already come to terms with the fact that he would live the same lifestyle as his ancestors before him, but that life wasn't for everyone. "I understand," Phil said to Holly, knowing that some of the other people in the yacht club, or even in their family, wouldn't. Phil would miss her while she was in Portland - they had grown up together, and even when he went off to college, he was only a two hour drive away from his family. Phil, however, understood that Holly needed to live her life.

"Good," Holly said as she returned to her book. Phil went into his bedroom and slammed the door, taking a few minutes to think. He couldn't help but feel as if something was missing in his life, although he couldn't say what. Yes, Holly was moving away, and Phil would miss her, but that wasn't it. There was a deeper hole in Phil's seemingly satisfactory life, and Phil didn't know what it was. Phil couldn't think of anything in particular that was going wrong, so why did he feel like there was something missing?

That was a problem to solve another time. Dad arrived home soon after Phil's conversation with Holly, and Phil left with his family to go to the Falconeris' party. He would have to save his soul searching for later - for now, there was a party to go to.