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9| Insecure

He doesn't say anything but his piercing gaze forces my chest to exhale a quivering breath. There's something enthralling about the way he stares at me, like he wants me to acknowledge his eyes set on me and the strange tension between us. Either way, I can't help feeling the warmth spreading in my body as we stand close to each other. His arms come around my shoulders to near himself close to me before he gives me a smug smile."I know you're obsessed with me,y/n.", He pursues his lips and a chuckle escapes from my lips."Really? Just how high do you think of yourself?",I can't deny how he acts like an arrogant jerk but I still don't move away from his hold.

'Jungkook's P.O.V.'


"I'll tell you once you tell me that you're obsessed with me. I want to hear it from you.",I level myself to her height, my face at a close distance from her and my eyes land on hers. Her cheeks instantly flush in a deep red hue which is adorable as hell with her sulky expressions.I can't help but feel a strange happiness in my heart when I see her getting flustered like this, because of me."Keep dreaming, jungkook. I'm not going to tell you that.",She poses reluctance, licking her lips and showing as if I don't affect her much.I don't leave the chance and hustle through the crowd to reach and put my arm around her shoulder. Her body flinches from my touch, her face distancing to adjust to my presence but she eases into my clasp and nibbles on her glossy lips. They're way too tempting to let my eyes wander to hers to see her reaction but she makes an unexpected eye-contact with me and her body melts in my touch, almost as if she's giving in.

"I'm not going to let you go until you say so.",I lean forth to whisper in her ear, the heat radiating from our bodies accentuating the tension between us. As soon as my words reach her ears, her eyes glance at me, widening in shyness.I cannot avoid how her cute reactions make me beam uncontrollably, how she almost melts whenever I step close to her and touch her and how I cannot help touching her whenever she's near me."I'm not going to tell you that.",She mumbles and poses reluctance but still doesn't slip away from my hold which lets me know that she likes it.

"Is that because you like it when I touch or hold you?",I loosen my grasp on her, only to caress her small figure and feel her sticking to my body without concealing what she wants. I don't attempt to hide the smile that curves my lips and she peeks at me nervously, as if she's suddenly anxious to respond honestly when her actions already reveal so much."Maybe....",her eyes deviate to mine and my arms glide to her waist.I can feel how sensitive she is to my touches and I have never seen any other girl being so affected by physical contact but I'm not going to give her what she wants easily so I remove my arms from her body."Then I'm not going to hold you until you tell me."

She attempts to hide the disappointment on her face by straightening her gaze on the road, licking her lips and avoiding me. As much as I've known her, she's probably flustered with how her body reacts when I touch her. I don't move much farther from her but remain close enough to follow her as we step inside the bus when it arrives. She occupies the only vacant seat available so I stand near her as we wait to reach the mall.

10 minutes later


"Do you want to change your shoes, too? They have a new collection out.",I point towards the banner on the store outlet as we get off the elevator. We walk past a range of fashion stores that have really attractive dresses on display and my eyes bounce back at the girl walking beside me. She would look cute and elegant in any of these, which makes me want to take her inside these stores but I'm going to reserve that for another time.

"I don't think I need to. They're my favourite and they aren't damaged or small so I would wear them.", She answers me so we enter the Nike store, passing across the glass door.

One of the employees flings his gaze in our direction and steps towards us to assist us with a weird expression. "Welcome,sir. I suppose you're here to go through the apparels ,sir?",He asks a strange question. I already don't like his tone, it's full of smugness and over-confidence. He has probably assumed that we are students who are roaming stores to window-shop. Adults don't think children are capable of something outside the conventional norms, do they?

"No, we are here to purchase them if you guys have that option.",My words make y/n chortle a laugh in her breath and my eyes drop on her. She bites her lips to join her lips but the amusement doesn't fade from her lips. I conceal my grin to seem serious when I stare at the employee who seems embarrassed about his inconsiderate judgement."Oh....sure. We definitely have the procedure. Do you have some options in mind?What would you like to buy?",He supports us with questions so we tell him about our choice so he leads us to the other section of sportswear that we want after leaving us on our own and explaining to us the displays.

I turn to look at her glancing at the array of clothes at the display, taking her time to choose between multiple options while I look at her. I haven't touched her since we took the bus to reach here and this is inducing a strange need inside my body to have her close to me. I don't want to come off as clingy or obsessive but her warmth entices me every time, from the moment she sat in my lap a few days ago."What do you think? I like black, grey and blue.",She peeks at the aisle in front of us, biting her lips which delve my mind to focus on her words.

"You can try them and then buy the one you like the most.If you're still confused, we'll buy them all.",I suggest and watch her letting out an unbelievable chuckle. Either she's taking me for a spendthrift maniac or she's never been treated to shopping by someone."What are you doing? Are you trying to buy me?",She props her elbow on the hangers."This is already a lot, jungkook. I can't let you spend so much on me even though I agreed.",She states firmly. I think about how any other girl in her place would've jumped at the sound of my words and yet she stands here with an immense hold on her dignity, which is kind of annoying because I really want to watch her playing and winning in a tennis set I bought her.

I consider her words for a while, thinking how can I bring her to agree with me while she throws me a poignant stare."How about you let me buy this for you and in return, you win that match? If you don't, you can pay me half the cost of this set.",I place a deal which is in my favour no matter how it's considered because she's definitely winning the match and there's no way I'm making her pay me back.Her lips part to protest but they join in a thin line and she speaks again.

"Okay.",She picks a hanger from the collection and looks at me,"I'm going to try this one.",I give her a nod before sitting on the couch while she proceeds to try on the clothes. It's a matter of a few minutes when she exits from the trial room and my eyes lift from my phone to land on her.

My gaze flicks to her eyes before gliding down her black top, stripped with white lines running across the chest, hugging her body perfectly, enunciating her curves in the best way possible , the neckline just sitting perfectly at a little bit above her cleavage which maintains the balance. The tennis skirt rests on her waist and reaches upto her thighs, slightly above her usual skirts and I suck a harsh breath at her sight. I had no idea sportswear could look so fucking hot until she stepped out in one. My gaze bounces back to her face but she assesses herself in the mirror beside me, her hands picking at the fabric nervously."What's wrong?",I stand to look at her through the mirror.

"I've never really worn anything like this. It looks...good but I'm just- kind of...nervous.",She expresses dissatisfaction at the outfit but something about her expressions tells me it's not about the outfit.I turn behind towards her, she doesn't meet my eyes, throwing her glare somewhere else so I use my fingers to tilt her chin until she places her pupils on mine."What is it?",I don't want her to be insecure about looking beautiful or dressing up in a certain way like she was feeling at the party. I couldn't force myself to break away from my gaze when she appeared in that bodycon dress at the party and the chaos in my mind intensified even more at the fact that she had gone for my choice. If anything, she should feel bad for the girls who try excessively to achieve even ten percent of her image.

"It's kind of weird but when I first started wearing skirts, my mom kind of told me off to never wear them. She thought they revealed a lot and that I might flash to the men around me. My dad had no problem with it and he even complimented me so I felt a bit better but I don't feel comfortable wearing body hugging clothes or skirts around her because I know she may or may not stop me but she's definitely going to stare at them like I've done a mistake and as if I intentionally want to attract attention.",There's no way in hell her mother told her such bullshit and brought the pain in her voice. Her eyes squint away from me, feeling vulnerable but I hear the slow breaths that she exhales to contain her emotions inside her. "Come with me.",I hold her wrist, manoeuvring our way towards the couch I was sitting on and make her sit with me.

She doesn't say anything, remembering all the previous incidents where her mother expressed her unnecessary sentiments."Does your dad know about this?",I don't leave her hand, her palm is still caught in my mind and my chest vibrates with relief when she doesn't slip her hand away. I need to make her feel better and holding her helps a lot.

She shakes her nod before dropping her eyes at me."I don't want to cause fights between them. There are a few times when she says really hurtful things but I don't want to be the reason they fight or drift away because I know dad will not stand what she says.",Her voice isn't cheerful anymore, it's feeble and slow, her eyes filling with sparkles and sadness."And what does she exactly say?",I need to hear her mother's mindset to say something if I don't mean to cross boundaries as it clearly affects her a lot to choose her clothes based on her mother's reactions, the person who's supposed to make her feel the most comfortable and loved.

She seems hesitant and licks her lips and my heart pounds in my chest. I close my fingers on the back of her palm, my thumb rubbing over it to soothe her somehow. She's on the verge of crying but I'm hoping she lets it all out as that's the only thing which will make her feel better."Sometimes, she asks me to change clothes and wear something that doesn't stick to my body so that people don't see how fat I am or how.....prominent some features are and other times, she asks me if I like to wear skirts to attract attention from the boys around me. At first, when I was around 14,I thought she was looking out for me but over the years, her comments started getting harsh. She doesn't say it in front of my dad but whenever we're alone, she tells me how girls like me are the sluts men crave for and how I'm basically feeding their imagination. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that she was wrong because every time I think I'm strong enough to face her, she says something hurtful than the last time and I just fall blank and disappointed. I know I might feel beautiful in other clothes which I usually don't wear but I don't have the confidence anymore because her words always get to me and I think about my body a lot, whether it'll look disgusting or better than she tells me.",She digests a sob, gulping down hard but I don't stop her since she needs to get it off her chest.

"My ex told me that I did look beautiful but I shouldn't wear those clothes if I'm not meeting him because it looks like I want people to look at me and he didn't say but I could see that he wasn't comfortable with accepting me in public. I think it was the same case with Joonsu, maybe he thought the same as well. He kept saying he wanted to save our friendship from everybody else because he considered it special but now I was such an idiot for believing him.",A sniffle chokes her throat and she erases the stream of tears off her cheek.

Before I know, my arms pull her in an embrace to hold her close to me. My right arm wraps around her shoulder while the other one closes her in warmth and her face rests against my chest, her arms automatically returning the hug as if she needed it. I don't know who needed it the most from either of us but I would've collapsed if I didn't engulf her in a clasp. I can't believe what I just heard and she has faced this for all these years just for the sake of her parents' peaceful marriage. I caress her gently, rubbing my hand on her back so she relaxes under my touch."Tell you something, pocky.",I don't leave her despite knowing that she can feel the hard thumping in my chest.

"You're beautiful, too fucking beautiful to hear these words that make you feel like you shouldn't be confident about yourself.",Her fingers curl on my back but I continue."You don't deserve the shit you're forced to put through just because another woman is insecure to not have a body like yours. It's unbelievable how you had to listen to it from a person who's supposed to cheer you the most but trust me, you don't deserve even a bit of what she said to you. That ex of yours was shit scared because he knew he didn't deserve a girl like you and he would've been damned if someone else saw you looking extra hot and decided to go after you.You should be able to wear the clothes you like and feel comfortable in and no one is supposed to judge you because of your choices to wear a specific clothing or determine how you look if you yourself feel good.",I lick my lips, hoping to make her feel better and sound sincere because I mean every word I'm saying.

"There's nothing wrong with desiring attention. We all seek attention from our families, our partners and our friends. The last thing your clothes determine is the amount of attention you want unless you're wearing a goddamn lingerie to seduce someone in the bedroom.",Her mouth vibrates with a laugh in my chest and the sound of her chuckle eases the weight on my heart. I will prefer this over her silence on any day in my life."So you, pocky. You wear whatever you find beautiful or cute, because you would look beautiful in anything and I'm not even lying. I don't want you thinking a lot over what you should wear just because some asshole tells you to bundle up in public or your mother decides to barge in with her pathetic jealousy.",I still don't believe all the people who behaved like that with her. I'd never tell my daughter to cover herself and threaten her freedom to wear something just because some people think with their dicks or restrict y/n to not wear a particular outfit because I have insecurity issues if she was mine.

"You got me?",I shift in my seat so as to tighten my clasp around and she doesn't refrain from wrapping her arms again. I feel so good when her fingers glide to stick her body to me. This is adorable. She doesn't answer me but hums in my chest."Look at me.I want you to hear you say it",I tap her arm as I want to read the confidence in her eyes to be contended by her answer.

She peeks at me and there's a sense of a new calmness stirring in her pupils. They're no more brimming with tears and I feel the comfort and trust increasing between us. It must've taken a lot for her to open up which is why she's in need of affection and I'm going to make sure she receives that, not only for her but my sake too."I got you.", There's a faint smile on the corner of her lips which widens when I beam at her uncontrollably and she melts in my clasp again so I breathe in her vanilla scent.

My eyes forward towards the trial room before dropping on her clothes and the smile swivels on my lips."Jungkook.",She whispers my name before her eyes rise to rest on mine, our faces centimetres apart when I maintain an eye-contact with her."I'm obsessed with you.",If I hadn't known her better, I would've thought she was saying this to mend things as we left them at the bus stop but her tone is sincere, almost as if she's speaking her heart which pulsates the blood anew in my veins, makes my heart leap out of my chest and run wild.

"I'm obsessed with you too.",We burst into a smile before I kiss the crown of her head out of affection and she caves in my chest to hide the blush on her cheeks, avoiding me. I can't help thinking how my heart is beating excitedly at this moment when she's so close to me, smiling from ear to ear and making me weak with her cute reactions.

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