2:45 P.M.

I punch the number into the digital lock for the door to emit a sound as we step across the doorstep, entering the secure vicinity of my home.She follows me in silence that engenders a strange discomfort inside me. We travelled through the subway, got off the station and walked our way back home without a word which bothers me more than it should. I motion towards the kitchen to open the cabinet to look for snacks to feed her while she stands with her hands clasped on her front, gazing at everywhere except me."There's chips, gummy bears,pocky sticks and vanilla wafers.What would you like?",I earn her attention so she swirls her face at me.

"I don't feel like eating much after lunch so it's okay.",She nibbles on her lips, her voice weaker than before and I'm afraid it's the fact that we're about to have an important conversation that diminished her appetite.I don't pay heed to her response and picks one packet of each, two of her favourite sticks and a can of her favourite milk from the refrigerator, grasping it between my fingers as she watches me in silence."Come on, let's go to my room.",I lead the way and she trails along me to head in the direction of the stairs.The door knob twists in my hands, revealing my room to her as she forwards in hesitation. I move towards the closet to keep my bag in the closet, my heart thudding at an impeccable speed.The lack of words between us is proving to be more excruciating and irksome than I could ever imagine and I need to get the weight off her chest.

Upon exiting the walk-in closet, I notice her eyes scrutinising the interior of my room, her pupils scanning the monochrome walls and minimalistic ceiling, absorbing the sight of my room."I've never been in your room but I figured it'd be like this.",She mumbles, grounded to the same spot where I left her before,her bag clinging to her shoulder.

"Come here.",I set the snacks on the table and clasp her hand, her hand closing around me instantaneously and I sense a hint of nervousness in her delicate fingers when my body rests on the couch, facing her. My hands glide against her arms for her to set her legs astride my lap and straddle me.Her eyes raise to look at me, an exquisite warmth gathering in my chest at the vulnerable glance that she gives me.This is going to be really difficult for her to bare what has changed her whole self but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make her feel secure and cherished.

I take the hold of the strap of her bag from both sides to let the bag reside on the table beside the couch before returning my attention to her.My left hand reaches around her ankle to let the click twitch so the boot falls on the ground and I do the same with the right one before holding her waist, rubbing her back with my thumb to caress the spots numb by tension.Her breath sharpens and she exhales a sigh, her eyes still attuned to me."Are you feeling relaxed?",She nods so I take a glimpse of her fabric-clad legs to realise that she's still afraid of this position, abashed that she would feel heavy.

"Y/n…",I cause her eyes shoot me,"You're not heavy.I love having you close to me like this.",I make sure to insinuate the real meaning behind my words and watch a glint of relief simmering urgently and her pupils dilate, so I wrap my hand around her thighs to pull her closer and sheath on my lap, my fingers tipping deeper on her skin as she lets go of a brisk breath."Why are you doing this?",She peeks at me, biting her lips as her guts defy her trust in me."What am I doing?",I don't control myself from rubbing circles on her thigh, loving the unnerving sensations that her touch pools inside me.

"You're giving me more attention than you used to and taking care of me. It wasn't like this before.Why are you doing this?",Doubts play viciously with her thoughts, her choice of words stunning me when the realisation dawns upon me. She's right. I'm inclined towards her, her thoughts, feelings and well-being more than I used to. I can't fight the need to take care of her, pacify her, make her feel special,happy and have her with me and the fact that I can't comprehend the reason behind the intensity of this feeling is petrifying.

"I don't know what changed in me but I can't help being concerned about you.I want to make sure that you're feeling good and well-fed. Whenever I'm close to you, I can't keep my hands in control because you feel so warm and good.You mean a lot to me so I don't want you to think hurtful things about yourself. It's not only wrong for your mental health but it hurts me a lot too. I know this may not be a satisfactory answer or the one you're expecting  but I want you to know that any of this isn't sympathy because I genuinely feel this for you,regardless of anything.",I'm despondent for her to consider my words and put her eyes on me. I understand her mind to question every action of care aimed at her due to her past and I'm willing to show her how genuine my feelings are.

Her hands coast from her lap to my torso, crawling upwards from my v-line to play with the straps of my hoodie. Despite having the thick fabric of my hoodie guarding my skin, heat blankets my body from the arduous touch of her fingers. My heart crashed against my chest and my fingers dig on the inside of his thighs, stroking her smooth skin in the girth of hand. She feels so amazing that it takes all of my control to not clasp her frame in my arms."It is a satisfactory answer.",she licks her glossy lips, my eyes heavy from the meticulous heartbeat."You think so?",I rasp in a heavy breath.

"Yeah. I find it comfortable to talk to you about things that bother me because you don't judge me or make me feel like I'm exaggerating my problems to be the centre of attention….and it feels good when you touch me.",She blesses my body with relief and happiness at once, her eyes shining with bright sparkles.She doesn't retract the eye-contact as if she wants to see the riveting reaction that her words bring on my face. I move my right hand from her thighs, gripping them around her waist to feel her sensual breath."I'm happy to know that you're comfortable around you but does that mean I can touch you anytime?",She leans into my hands, giving in as her hands travel from my chest to encircle around my neck, her head tilting to battle against my cocky gaze.

"Yes.",She sparks delight and rush in my veins and I inhale her vanilla scent which intoxicates me."Do you want me to talk about the thing we discussed in school now?",I need to inquire about her state to broach this topic because it can be sensitive for her to reminisce about the memories. She hums and moves her hand away from my shoulder to my disliking. I wait for her to gather the strength in her mind but don't move my hands away from her.

"It was my ex. He was my first boyfriend so I didn't have much idea about what's right or wrong while having sex and I feel so pathetic for it now. I liked him a lot and he liked me too….. atleast that's what he said. When we had sex for the first time, he didn't kiss me anywhere except my lips and didn't engage in foreplay before we did it. I thought maybe it's normal so then I discussed foreplay with my friends. They told me it's not normal for your partner to avoid touching you anywhere on your body. I felt like I did something wrong to make him act like that or that my body wasn't attractive or hot enough for him to put— to put his lips on.",her eyes glisten with tears and she snivels, looking down before shaking her head," I tried talking to him about it and he'd avoid it by saying that he isn't into foreplay because it feels like wasting time when I'm naked under her.",She bites her lips, horrible memories come into her mind and I consider stopping her not only for her peace but for mine because it's becoming difficult to sit normally when my mind is fuming with anger.

"I knew something was off because if he loved me, he wouldn't behave like a hypocrite to make me believe he was doing a favour to be with me so when I found he cheated on me, It was kind of disappointing but I wasn't surprised. I was more disappointed in myself than him because I thought it was my fault and I was dumb.I couldn't give him all those things that's why he found someone else.Maybe he felt…. disgusting because of my body. I could see he was attracted to girls who have….thin waists and slim bodies and I wasn't even close to them. When I transferred because of dad's job, I decided to not give it much thought but I can't feeling that my body isn't attractive or hot.Lots of things would've been better if I wasn't fat or chubby.",She reveals a different side of hers to me, the one that aggravates my anger for that bastard that made her believe such pathetic things but also leaves me bewildered.

"Like what?",I sear my eyes onto her sparkling ones and she bites the skin off her lips to exhale in distress. The more she stays in silence, the worse it is becoming to stop the tension spreading through my chest and I don't know what I might do if she says something more hurtful than this.

"I think people will like me more.They always do, when you're slim and attractive. They come to you,talk to you and…..shower you with attention and care.I won't have to feel scared of getting cheated on but now….I hate my body.",she breaks my heart with her quivering voice and words. A stream of tear flows down her cheek, her gaze still concealed from mine to not let me catch her expressions."Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I find myself fat, worthless….and ugly. I can't even seem to click photos because I know I don't look good. People often tell me that I would look better if I lost weight and…and I know they're right.Sometimes I hate going to school because all the girls are desirable and…they keep calling me names.",I can sense my body being subjected to a sharp physical pain that arises at every sob she exhales.I can hear my heartbeat echoing in my ears, walking on eggshells, ready to cease the moment I see her eyes brimming with tears.

"I don't know…what to do, what to feel. I want to get better and move over these things but it's just so overwhelming at times…..I just wish I could stop it all at once. I don't want to live like this…",She supresses her eyes to numb the tears, her voice breaking and a chortle of cry slips from her mouth."Oh baby…",I hold her tight against me, her face buried in my chest as I rub her back gently, her state aching me more than I thought.Her arms wrap around me instinctively to let her let go of the emotions that she has been bottling inside her.

Never in my life had I imagined that I would feel overwhelmed to such an extent for someone but as her soft sobs fill the room,I'm suddenly encroached by pain and wrath."You're not any of what others make you feel, y/n. It's not your fault if someone made you doubt yourself or your appearance. It was your first relationship.We all are unaware of a lot of things for our firsts. He was a bastard for making you feel like you didn't deserve love and care because of your body. He was fucking wrong because when you love someone, you don't need to judge their body to feel the love for them, you give love equally to all parts of another person. Their body, their soul, their thoughts and their words. He can go and shove his fucking dick straight into someone who would buy his pathetic shit because he doesn't deserve someone beautiful and pure like you.I wish you could see yourself the way I do. A lot of people would rather give up skinny bodies to have a girl as amazing as you to be with you. Whoever made you feel that losing weight is the only way to seem desirable has called hell on their name because not only that is disgustingly wrong but also disrespectful and sickening. You are beautiful with your body, all your features and skin which makes you an amazing person.,"I pass my hand to smoothen it over her back, hoping to comfort her from these horrible thoughts.

"And about the girls who call you names and make you feel any less worthy, they need to understand that you're far better than their vulgar and despicable personalities because of your thoughts and personality. It's outrageous how a girl can attempt to bring another girl down by using the most unbelievable means.They think it's cool to pick at someone and make them feel inferior but it's the worst thing you can do as a human.Nobody is allowed to utter judgmental words against you and your body. All of them need to get this in their fucking mindsthat you're not the one to mess with. If they still don't understand and keep saying bad things that mess with your mind and make you feel any less worthy, then they better be ready either with their last wishes or to feel threatened for the rest of their fucking lives. I want you to know that you're far different and better than their intolerable selves and you don't need to change a thing in yourself. You're already a person that everyone wishes to have in their life.",I stop to save some words in my heart, my chest suffocating with a million things that I want to elucidate.She heaves a last breath before looking up to me, her eyes swollen and red due to the tears. This is unbearable. I want this to be the last time she cries due to all these fucking people who hurt her.

My hands tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, cupping her jaw gently to let my eyes dive into hers."As much as it's okay to feel hurt and cry, I don't want you to ever cry because of anyone who says things like this to you. I want you to live without worrying about their opinions and the standards this society has set for beauty. You mean a lot to me and it hurts me when you feel this about yourself.I want to make you feel good and happy about yourself because you deserve a lot, all the best things in this world.",My heartbeat pounds and my pulse hastens the contact of her hot skin against my hand. I don't feel the need to put a barrier on any word that slips from my mouth and she gazes at me, absorbing my each word carefully.

"I want to feel better too….but every time I feel like I've moved on from these things, comments from….my mother and people around me push me back two steps behind.",her eyes flutter shut to cease the tears,"I don't know how to do it….it makes me feel so helpless.",She nibbles on her lips, pain deepening in her voice.

"You're not helpless, y/n. You're strong for thinking that you want to get better and you eventually will. I'm going to be here with you to make you believe that. I'm going to make every person who opens their mouth against you regret their choices and make sure they never enter in your life again to ever cause trouble in your growth.",I assure her and lean forth to plant a kiss on her forehead and hug her close to my body.

She rejoices in my arms, laying her face on my shoulder so I enclose her little figure in my hold, expressing my affection through the best way. I'm still unable to digest the things that had captured her mind so cruelly, considering how she always seemed cheerful and ignorant in her behaviour. Now that I've learnt about her struggles, her thoughts and feelings, I want to make her feel good, protected and happy. It's something that I haven't felt in a long time but the amount of warmth that her little actions and touches expand in my chest are incomparable.

"Do you want to eat something and then sleep on the bed for a little while?",I gaze at her, my lips blurting close to her head and she looks at me."Can I do that? Won't your parents be home in a few hours?",Her pupils widen at the latter part of my question, astonished by the fact that she'll be sleeping in my bed.

"Yeah. They would be home around 6 but they won't bother about it. Don't worry about them.",I make it clear so she doesn't grow apprehensive about them when I'm sure that they inhibit a special affection for her. It's only natural, she's adorable in every possible way."You sure?...",She shows reluctance, her eyes straining at me."Yeah. Let's move to bed.",I grip her waist carefully so she stands to head towards my bed, stepping behind me as I sit on the edge of the bed to move further and she climbs beside me before I push the thin blanket over our bodies. The sight of her in my bed engorges wistfulness inside my heart since it's been long since a girl has slept in my bed. No matter how much I attempt to combat those memories, they keep clouding in my mind so I set my eyes on her, a thing clicking into realisation.

I push the blanket aside to slide off the mattress and bring the packets of snacks and a can along with me to join her again."We forgot to feed you, pocky.",I cock my eyebrows at her and she hides her face under the duvets to immerse in a red colour, flushed by the nickname that she hates in pretence but loves discreetly.