S M I L E
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A U G U S T 1 6 , 1 9 9 8 (EARLIER)

ROYCE POV

The girls had left last night to go to Pops for the night, he's farther from the coast and is more safe. It was only a category 2 but the wind and water was supposed to destroy the coast.

My windows were boarded up and to be honest I wouldn't have woken up of Koa didn't walk in. I was up earlier this morning to check to see if Kelca was there, but since it's been four days and she isn't, I needed a nap.. I felt empty without her. So so empty.

"The hurricane is starting to hit Royce, you need to get up." She mumbles.

She walks up to me, climbing onto my side of the bed and leaning in, kissing my cheek with the corner of her lips hitting mine.

"Dont fucking kiss me." I mumble and Koa sighs, "It's been four days, she's not coming back Royce. And plus you know you like me more-"

"No I don't."

"Well you have to admit that you've at least thought about us together Royce? Thought about us doing a little more..." she drags her finger down my abs but it doesn't feel like when Kel would Do it. Kel would give me butterflies when she touched me there and would make my breathing all heavy. Not Koa though.

"I did when I was seventeen and maybe when I was trying to shy away from Kel but... never again Koa. She's mine now."

"Royce. She is GONE. You haven't heard from her in days, her shop is empty, you haven't seen her parents and you knew her dad wanted her gone."

"But what if-?" I start and she sighs,

"Where could she be? Her mom can move her out after they move from here and isn't it smart to leave before the hurricane? And you haven't seen her so where would she be? "

I swallow.

She's right...

I haven't seen Kelca in four days and I've looked everywhere everyday, I've looked at the bench, at Taysies, at the beach, at the movie theater, at the coffee shop, even the hospital because she hurt her arm.

And she was nowhere...

She's gone.

"I don't want her to be gone Koa.." I mumble, tears coming to my eyes, "maybe shell come back? But also...you can finally be with me, Royce".

I growl, "Koa I don't want to be with you,"

"Yes you do.." she mumbles into my ears her hand trailing up and down my abs.

Her hand slowly went farther down until it touched over my dick in my sweatpants, staying there for a second.

And at that point all that was running through my mind was Kelca, I had this feeling she was still here that felt like sticky syrup on my brain. But I was stressed out, I hadn't seen her in four days and my heart was slowly deteriorating wondering if I had spent the last few days that I had with her.... fucking Koa in Kel and I's bed and imagining it as her.

And I didn't want to think about it, the girls were gone and the rain was splattering against the roof and the sides so loudly that nobody could hear anything.

I wanted to get my anger at myself out.

I never meant to hurt Kel..

So my hand went on top of hers on my bulge and I started to move her hand around it. My left hand went up and pushed her head down to mine as I kissed her. It didn't feel the same as when I kissed Kelca, Kelca was just so perfect.

What I was doing felt like a pit in my heart but it felt good at the same time. I flipped us over and held onto her neck with my right hand and started to choke her while I grind against her. Her hands move to take her shirt off and I wiggle off her leggings and pull down my sweatpants.

And This is the part where the dark of my room comes in handy, because I can't see much of her body and lord knows if I choke her hard enough she won't talk, so I can just imagine it's Kelca. Easy

I grab onto her neck, my hands trailing down and moving her panties aside before pounding my fingers into her and curling them over and over.

She moans and I choke her harder, the sound not feeling the same. I look down at her stomach and close my eyes as I do it, remembering Kel's moans and her body and how she felt and how she tasted.

I take my fingers out of her and lick them clean, undoing her bra and sucking on her boobs while I fondled with the other.

And it worked, imagining Kelca made me hard.

I pull down my boxers and my sweatpants, "Oh look at how hard I made you, I bet I'll do it better than Kel." She says with a raised brow.

She slowly leans down and begins to suck my dick.

I stay silent, because it didn't feel the same as it did with Kel, and it wasn't worth moaning. I never used to moan until Kel did it.

She gagged when she went halfway down and I swallow, her taking it as a sign of pleasure but I was just bored, I couldn't imagine this being Kel...

I bring her back up and push her down on the bed, rolling a condom and basically smashing into her and going as fast as I could.

"Royce!" She moans and my eyes shut tighter, imagining Kel and her body rolling against mine and each and every one of her curves that I memorized.

I hear a repeating sound in the distance but it doesn't register as I go faster and harder. "Fuck you're so big!" She moans, grinding against me. I wanted to hear Kel saying that again though....

I furrow my eyebrows as I get closer, the pleasure being less than last time but still enough to make me forget about her for one second. I go faster as I feel it building up, slamming into her and getting all of my anger out. "Royce?" I hear, almost a whisper in Kelca's voice but I knew I was hallucinating. I knew it was wrong. Koa wrapped her legs around me to keep my pumping as she moans my name. I grip onto her waist tightly and go as deep as I can into her.

Her legs wrapped around me reminded me of me pushing Kelca onto the wall and her body wasn't the same but god I wanted Kelca so bad. I wanted her back here and I wanted to hold her close and tell her how beautiful she is and that... that I loved her.

And suddenly, the pleasure almost surrounding me, I hear a gasp. And it sounds like her...

My baby is back... she's here..

That was the moment when every single emotion passed by me in a millisecond.

I was scared but happy and Regret was filling me and sadness but pleasure was still there.

I immediately stopped, opening my eyes and turning my head to the right to see Kelca.

She stood there in shorts, goddamn shorts in a hurricane, it almost made me laugh thinking how cute she was, but I couldn't. She was wearing a completely soaked hoodie with the zipper down a little showing her sports bra and some cleavage. all of her clothes sticking to her.

But this was all in a millisecond as everything left my mind and only regret took it's place.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" I start, pulling my boxers on and my breathing going heavy.

She stood their, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes full of pain and hurt.

It made my stomach twist.

—

She scoffs, "Maybe think before you fuck next time! Oh or actually love me because god knows you don't."

"Yes I do you can't say that!" I scream

"Oh you want proof I loved you? Here!" She say, throwing me a wet post card and all of my favorite snacks falling onto the floor. My eyebrows soften, my anger at myself getting heavier and heavier as I read what she put.

My stomach twists and turns as I read it, tears falling out of my eyes. She came here to say she loved me... and this is what I fucking did.

"And what do you have, Royce? Because it sure as hell isn't the picture in your wallet."

My eyebrows furrow again as I look up at her in fear, "Kel you don't get it-" I start but she interrupts me.

She wasn't supposed to see that... and with every word she says I realize how much I fucked up more and more. Why? Why did I do this?

"No I do, you don't Royce! You have a picture you cut me out of in your wallet, you lost your virginity to her, you cheated on me for her, you always went back to her! No matter if I did something wrong or not! You didn't love me, you love her-"

"No I don't I just have fucking trust issues and I have to ruin everything for myself Kel-" I start but she finally looks defeated.

"Why did I deserve this?!" She asks lightly and I growls, "Fine Y'know what? You weren't good enough for me! You were gonna leave-"

I wanted to be nice and hold her but that's just what came out, I was just so so scared. I can't lose her... I'll die without her.

"I couldn't control the fact that I'm seventeen!" She says, and it doesn't matter to me. She was the one no  matter what and I could wait for her if I needed to. Her age wasn't illegal, and she was her no matter what. And I love her.

But I was scared and angry, and another insult slips out.

"Oh wow thanks that's another one! You're literally a fucking child, inside and out. You're as smart as a fucking twelve year old and god you're built like one too-"

"Wow..." She mumbles and I realize what I said.
I insulted her personality and her body but for some reason I couldn't stop.

"Do you hate me or not Royce?" She asks, looking at the ground.!

"I wish I never fucking spoke to you because god I hate you so fucking much for making me love you! It's your fucking fault!" I scream, and that wasn't a lie.... I loved her so so much and I wasn't supposed to love anybody... I didn't want to because I was so scared and here I go ruining it just like I knew I would.

"And do you love her?"

"Way more than I will ever love you."

It just slips out and I can't stop it, but as soon as I say it I snap out of it and look up at here scared to the bone that she would leave me.

And it's exactly what happens, she just starts bawling and my body Can't take it. I walk over to the door and hold it close, trying to get her to not leave as I try to say anything but it doesn't come out.

"Well I love you.." She bawls, but she was so weak, I watched as she slowly tried to turn the doorknob over and over again.

It made me sick to my stomach. Her tone.. her crying...

She loves me and I did this to her...

"Let me out..." She cries... "please... it hurts so bad..."

Finally I'm able to speak, looking at her with guilt and pure sadness.

"I didn't mean it... i didn't mean it please know that I didn't mean it... please baby please... I don't know why I did this please... I love you so much so so much..."
I rest my head on her shoulder, "Please..." I sob, "I didnt mean it please don't go... I'm just so scared I can't lose you Kel I can't... I just wanted you so that I could be happy again that's The only reason I did it please..."

"Why wasn't I enough?" She cries, her face pressed against the door while my arms wrap around her waist.

"You are you're so much more than enough... you're so perfect and so smart and so pretty and you're so so sweet and I can't lose you! Please!"I cry, and I can't stop it. I can't have her leave I can't.... I slip down her legs and hug her knees, holding onto her cold and wet body as tight as possible. "Please... just stay with me a little bit more... you don't have to talk to me and I'll kick her out I just... I can't have you in danger please..."

"I need to..." She mumbles, Putting her hand on the now easily openable door. I cry, bawling for her not to leave.

"You cheated on me Royce... with the one girl I was terrified of... it wouldn't hurt this much if it wasn't her... she hurt you so bad Royce... and she was better than me? You hurt me so bad... so bad..." and she slips out from me. I stand up, hearing Steph talking. "It's not safe out there, you can hang in here." She says, opening her door for Kel.

"No wait! Kel I didn't mean it! kel!" I call after her but Steph growls, "Get your cheating ass back inside and go fuck Koa more Royce."

"You don't know a single thing Steph! I love her! I loved her so much you think I'm gonna go back in there for Koa? No because I'm a classy asshole." And I slam the door.

"Fuck!" I scream, running to my room.

"Royce-" Koa starts as I walk into my room to put on some cargo pants and pull on a shirt.

"What the fuck do you want?" I ask as I grab a jacket and pull it over myself, messing up my hair again to make sure it doesn't look terrible.

I grab an umbrella from the door and look at the Carrot cake cupcake I made the day Kel left. It's a little stale but i wanted her to know I saved one for her.

"This wasn't a mistake Royce, you meant to do this. You've decided to do this over and over again since you met Kelca.."

I wrote her a little note saying how much I missed her and how this cupcake reminded me of her.

But god I fucked up being sweet huh?

I... I broke her heart.

Because I hurt her over and over and she trusted me still over and over. She came over here with the intention of telling me (according to the postcard),

"Hello Jewwly, I wanted to start it off by saying I love you if you haven't heard it from me yet today. Because I've tried really hard, and I know sometimes I'm probably not what you want, but you still make me feel like I belong and that I am what you want. I love your purple eyes and one of my favorite things is your soft blonde hair and running my fingers through it, I love your nose and your jaw, and you're fucking hot... and god I just... you're too good for me Royce, really. I knew it for sure after I saw you acting like you normally did before Koa... because it made me love you so much more. Your bubbly personality and your confidence and god.. everything. I hope we can have an amazing day even if it's weeks from when I last saw you. Know I was thinking about you the whole time.. love, Kelca."

And she told me.. she told me the entire time how scared she was of Koa taking me. And I did this...

I'm the worst person I know.

"It was the biggest mistake of my life. And I didn't go to my parents open casket cause I wanted to play Nintendo, I was an alcoholic in my teens, I was a whore, but somehow out of me fucking up so many times... the five times I've slept with you were the biggest."

"You can say you don't want me but it's a lie, you admitted it to Kel, Royce. No reason to be lying-"

"I'm not fucking lying! I wanted her! You've been trying to fuck my relationship with her since you saw us in the beach because you messed up in senior year!"

"You can't blame me for cheating, Royce"

"I'm not blaming you for cheating because I know I'm a fucking asshole but god just leave me alone, you cheated on me Koa. And I just did that to Kel, remember the goddamn feeling. You just want to fuck with all of my life huh?"

"I fell in love with you in senior year okay?! I was drunk and didn't mean to cheat! You're such a hypocrite!"

"I'm saying we've both fucked up Koa, but you're not allowed here anymore."

"It's not my fault I'm prettier than Kel and tempt you more Royce-"

"Oh my god you're not though! I don't care who thinks you're hot because other people probably do! I did in senior year! But Kelca is the most beautiful girl in the world to me and I'm sure more people too because I've seen the looks guys give her and it makes me die inside. I need to go get her Koa, and you need to leave. I'm over you. And every time I fucked you I imagined you as Kel." and I walk out the door, opening my umbrella as I walk out of the apartment building. It does enough to make my face not wet, but my pants and legs are immediately pleated with water and my umbrella is getting destroyed by wind. And it's supposed to get worse...

I walk around everywhere, every place she knows that she could've gone, except her house, the coast.

Because at this point the coast is getting waves half the size of her house to splash on the roads and sidewalks and seep down the roads and sidewalks all the way down to my apartment.

And it clicks... like the sticky syrup on my brain is there again.

Kel is on the coast...

And she's getting hurt.

My baby is hurt.

And I run, water pelting me and the umbrella long gone in the trash can. Water pelts my face over and over as I run and run, all the way to the coast. My legs never giving up but only making me faster as I think of her. I need my baby..

But when I get there it's terrifying. You can watch and see Connie's house being surrounded in a wave that splashes up to my waist, freezing me half to death.

But you can also see the shops, covered in vulnerable glass, be completely destroyed. All of their windows are broken, fences are down in the distance, and shops start to fall from the water damage.
I run down the sidewalk and see Kelca's in the distance.

The glass was shattered, and waves make me slower, ruining my pants and shoes, but I don't care.

"Kel!" I screams, getting into her shop thats almost flooded at this point. I look up stairs and nothing, And the main floor but there's nothing, but I hear a small groan from behind the pharmacy counter.

I wouldn't have seen her without that groan....

I jump over the counter, and there she is, passed out in a pool of two inches of water that grows and grows as more seeps in under doors or through the broken windows.

I drop to the floor, grabbing onto her body.

"Kel?" I ask, but blood surfaces in the water, I sit her up and see her back covered in scratches and pieces of glass, blood staining her shirt and quickly being washed out.

"Oh god.. kel?!" I ask, hoping to god she wakes up, I set her in my lap and breathe heavily as water seeps in and the wood above us starts to crack.

"Kel please!!" I scream, but she has no emotions, just straight lips and a calm look.

She was so cold..

I grab onto her face.

"Kelca please.. I'm getting really scared you're bleeding a lot... kel please.." I mumble.

I'm scared.

And normally I never feel like this, but I miss my mom. She would make me feel better....

"Kel.. let me see a smile at least? I wanna see you happy again... it's been too long and I don't like seeing you crying... especially when it's because of me..."

"Smile.. please." I mumble, and tears seem to fall from my eyes and onto her cheeks. I take my hand and check her pulse, but it's so weak, so so weak..

My breathing is heavy while I start to cry, "HELP!" I scream, but I don't think anybody will hear. Nobody is near.

"Smile.. kel smile? Smile?"

And I go to lift her cheeks up into a small smile shape, maybe in hopes to make her feel better.

She groaned... she has to be alive. She's alive.

But when I move the corners of her lips up, her jaw falls slack, and you can see that her mouth is filled up with brown water, and it comes all the way down from her throat.