F U C K

Koa's here ;)

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J U L Y 1 9 9 8

"Damn." I mumble and Royce sighs, "You never know what's going on in somebody's head... She's right."

I wait a second to reply, biting my lip and wondering whether I should ask about what he's thinking. But what will go wrong? We are reading a journal on a bench on the beach, covered in pink light and sand and salt water.... I have never been happier.

"Well what are you thinking Jewwly?" I ask, closing my eyes for a second as I listen to his cleansing voice.

"I guess I'll never tell you will I?"

"Oh how bad could it possibly be Royce! What can you not tell me!" I ask, giggling and poking his stomach jokingly.

"I don't know... just.. just how pretty I think you are.." he mumbles, looking up and running his free hand over my cheek.

I bite my lip, a blush rising on my cheek.

"Out of everything we just learned you're still thinking of how pretty I am?" I ask sweetly, smiling lightly.

"Well I was thinking of.. other things too-" he starts with a wink. I gasp.

"Okay okay! Well... I think you're really handsome, Jewwly." I mumble and he smirks devilishly. "I know Sweetheart."

I roll my eyes, bringing my hand to turn his head toward the book I hold.

"Back again, I know it's only been a few hours, but I'm scared. My brother has only been gone a few days, but it's frightening when you know he's in another country right now dropping supplies from aircrafts. I hope he does well.."

I finish another paragraph, flipping a couple a head.

"He's still gone. He's been gone for two months.. He hasn't sent letters back in a week. I'm awfully scared... my friends have suggested we go to a popular tourist spot, mostly because she wants to go somewhere since her boyfriend broke up with her. Don't think she's doing this for me because god.. I can only seem to find friends who care about themselves. I wish I had one of those best friends you met at birth and travel the world with. Either way she said it's beautiful and I'll have fun. I don't know if I can have fun right now... but we will be going in a month. Maybe that's when I'll drop this. I'm sorry it's not been much information, but hopefully I can update you on my brother by then. Or you'll be left in suspense just like me, knowing he's missing from your life."

Royce wraps his arms around me and flips over on his stomach, "I know what it's like losing a sibling.." he mumbles.

He digs his face in my chest and sighs, "it feels like death is holding you by the throat, as though it were a warning you were gonna come next. Or that it should've been you. Or even worse that you were the reason... You grew up with them, they told you things your parents wouldn't, they protected you. Of course you get in fights but god damn I wish I could replace all the times I punched Flynn or all the times I said things I didn't mean with really loud 'I love you's' that everybody can hear. Just because I never got to say it to him."

I kiss the top of his head, "I'm so sorry Royce."

He sighs, shaking his head, "I don't want 'sorry's anymore, I want people to not judge me. I want people to look at me and not care what I've gone through but only the fact that I'm still here. Because there have been times when I've questioned whether or not I should be."

I swallow, but know what to say easily, "You know when my parents were eighteen they were planning on giving me to my grandpa so they could finish school, go their separate ways, do what they wanted with no responsibilities... but my grandpa died of heart failure. My parents had to keep me because my moms parents stopped talking to her and my grandma had died a few years prior from the same heart disease. Lesson is, one I'm probably gonna die from heart failure," I laugh a little, but he waits for me to continue.

"two is that I ruined my parents lives more than once and continue to do so. I ruined their youth. I ruined their fun. I ruined all of the things they could've done if I wasn't born. They could have left each other, gone to colleges, gotten married, gotten their own houses and settled down. I ruined it. I just... Ive questioned whether I belong too, but who wants somebody who hasn't? Who wants to be somebody who constantly goes with what they have to. It's like youre a robot-"

"Don't avoid what you just dropped on me, Kelca." He mumbles, turning around as though he is constantly restless. Our legs are tangled together as he rubs my ankle.

"You're not a mistake, you didn't ruin their lives, they kept you, they wanted you and they still want you and they love you. They're happy-"

"But what if they could've been happier?!" I ask and he shuts down my shit, "Screw happier! They could've done whatever they wanted and if they let a kid hold them back when it never did with anybody else who actually fucking tried, then it's their fault. Even if you think you are I know you're not a mistake because you were meant to meet me and I was meant to meet you."

I swallow as he breathes heavily, out of breath from his rant with teary eyes. I push my lips together and lean forward, pushing my head into his chest and hugging him.

"I wish I could stay, Royce. I wish I could stay forever because I know that that's what I'm supposed to do." I mumble.

He swallows, "Then we'll figure something out. You're my best friend." He mumbles, kissing the top of my head.

"I know you feel lonely sometimes, like there are constantly people around you but none of them understand... Let's make friends let do things, let's fuck random people and party, do whatever we want with the people we love. Because then... then when I'll leave you'll still have them." I say. He nods.

"That's what I've always wanted to do, but... not under those circumstances..."

A moment passes of waves crashing against the sand, but I feel a body push between me and Royce's, breaking us up and sitting on our legs.

"Well looks like y'all are getting a lil too cozy." She says, and I look up to see the familiar giddy black head of hair. Koa.

"Hello y'all." She says, tipping an imaginary hat and jumping off of us, standing by rich-boy Jack's side.

"Y'all wanna go get tattoos with me?" She asks with a smile, her hands on her hips.

Royce looks at me as a smile raises across his mouth.

"Fuck yea!"

He grabs my hand and jumps up, dragging me with him excitedly. I giggle a little.

"Jack this is Kelca my best friend, I'm sure you've glared at her a good few times." Royce says with a laugh and he growls. The growl disappeared from his mouth when Royce said my name, leaving him with shock written on his face.

"Wait-!" Jack starts, grabbing Royce's hand and stopping him.

"Her name.. is KELCA?" He asks and Royce face contorts into one of disgust and annoyance. "Yea that's what I said you rich and uneducated fuck." He mumbles.

Well he had held in some anger..

"What about it?" I ask, squeezing Royce's hand tightly and feeling the rings on his fingers dig into my fingers.

Jack sighs, turning to face me finally and throwing Royce's hand down with disgust. "Did you go to Learner's Preschool and daycare?" He asks, saying the name of my preschool with perfect annunciation attached to every letter.

He huffs a little, his teal shorts low on his hips and his chest out. He would've been cute if my type was completely different, but lucky me I'm basic and I like blonde skinny guys with fluffy hair. Royce is the perfect example.

I raise an eyebrow, looking between him and Royce with confusion before subtly nodding. "Why..?" I mumble, slightly scared.

"Well my name is Jack Unifer and I... I think I kissed you on the lips as a goodbye when we were four?" He says, embarrassed as he holds out his hand for me.

My face relaxes, "Oh I thought you were gonna kill me or something!"

I feel the tension practically radiating off of Royce, as though he were... my brother or something. He has an oddly stiff and tense vibe radiating off of him.

"Oh stop the bullshit!" I start with a laugh, slapping his hand out of the way and jumping into a hug with him. I call this pulling a Royce:

Forcing surface-level intamicy with somebody with the notion of confidence.

It works.

( A/N But also if they say no, it means no. Neither Royce nor Kelca are rape-y in any way. If somebody didn't want them to hug them or touch their side they would back off. Basic human type shit. Okay love ya. Sorry for the mid way A/N but I wanted to clear it up. <3)

"I never thought I would be able to say sorry!" He chuckles lightly, and as my head leans on his shoulder with our hug, I see Royce. He hands were in his pockets, his keys on his necklace dangling, and his body looking perfect.

Oh god was he hot....

But beside his body his face was rather dangerous looking. His jaw was sharp and clenched, his face almost red looking, but maybe it could be the lighting.

I smile at him a little, but pull back from Jack and laugh.

"Oh no it was fine! It has still been the only kiss I've gotten so at least I can say I've had my first kiss."

He nods, being somehow way more comfortable with me than before.

"I'm really sorry I was so mean to you before! I'm just mean to everybody because I like keeping up the persona." He says with a laugh, running his fingers through his dark brown hair.

"Trust me nobody fucking cares." Royce mumbles, grabbing me by the back-collar of my shirt and pulling me into his hold. His arm goes around my waist as we start walking.

Well that was hot.

Or maybe I just have daddy issues I don't know....

If you didn't get that joke most girls who like being dominated have daddy issues... it was a funny joke if I didn't have to explain it.

Anyway...

Koa just looks genuinely shocked, mumbling, "Out of all our years of friendship he's never been this nice! All I had to do was kiss him.."

Jack laughs a little, having heard her, "Yes love, I'm an uncomfortable amount of touch starved."

I laugh, holding my hand up for a high five, "Yeah me too dude. Parents hate you deep down?" I ask him, as though it were slang between people like us.

He laughs a little, "Basically. Except rich people are blatant about their hate"

"Ahh my heart goes out to you, my parents at least try to hide it." I sigh.

I hear Royce take continuous deep breaths to help his—what I'm assuming to be—anger. He turns to me, kissing my temple and walking forward a little so he's by Koa.

I feel the kiss resting on my skin like it was painted on to me in a heavy cream. I wished it could've lasted longer... or I wish I could've gone in slow motion.

"We are going to get tattoos?" He asks and she nods, "I wanna piss off my mom."

He coughs a little, uncomfortable, "so I wouldn't recommend that but-" he stops midway through his rant about respecting your parents, and turns to her with his lips pressed together in a thin line, "Y'know what? Who gives a fuck. Play tattoo roulette with me?" He asks.

She quirks an eyebrow and I walk forward to be by his side while we continue on down the sidewalk.

"You roll a dice, we can just ask somebody to pick a number 1-6. Whatever number they choose is how many tattoos, piercings, or major changes you get done." He explains, "I learned a lot of cruel and unusual games in foster care."

"Okay, I'm down." She says, laughing a little and smirking.

"Yea, one problem!" I start and she looks at me as though she just realized I was there. "Huh?" She asks, her face showing almost pure annoyance.

"I'm not 18..." I mumble.

Royce smirks at me. "You wanna get a tattoo? Because I'm.. assuming we're all 19. I've got my Id in the locker right there, and it looks like it from the thousands of dollars sticking out of Jack's pocket and the bulge in Koa's pants that they've got theirs. 3/4 is enough for me to construct a pretty okay lie." He mumbles.

I swallow, smiling a little.

"Okay..." I mumble.

"Well then let's go." He says, smirking and walking up to two random girls leaning against the edge of the pier.

"But what if-" Jack starts but then growls when Royce and Koa don't pay attention to him. Koa follows after Royce like a duckling following their mother. I pat Jack on the back before running over to Royce for the second time.

He wasn't paying much attention to me...

Koa leans again at the fence confidently as she stares at Royce, who is listening to the random girl's pleas for his individual attention. I jump onto Royce's back and he chuckles, just a little, grabbing onto my lower thighs so I don't fall off.

"Ladies would you do me the honor of picking a number 1-6?" He asks, one girls bats her eyelashes at him while the other looks at me with a look of slight disgust and annoyance. That seems to be a pattern today.

"Okay... Four." She mumbles and he chuckles a little. "Okay..." he mumbles.

He looks toward the other girls and smirks, but I see how Koa is looking at him while my head is on his shoulder.  She's staring at him like he's a diamond, which I don't blame her for. I would put it a different way though... I would say he was more so a Poudretteite.

A Poudretteite is a pinkish colored extremely rare gem, there's not many like it.... And god... it was beautiful. So damn beautiful.

I run my fingers lightly through his hair, and I feel the goosebumps rise on him before slowly fading. He relaxes into my touch and leans his head on mine, but of course, he still winks at the girl who's answer we are still waiting for.

"How about 2?" She asks. He nods before He turns to me and smirks, "You want me to ask for your number, sweetheart?"

He barely mumbles it because we were so close, but he's talking to me like I was his girlfriend in front of single tourists.... I felt special.

"Sure..." I mumble, feeling adventurous around him.

"Okay ladies, one more time." He instructs, turning to Jack to be sure Jack didn't want to do anything. His face is contorted into one of annoyance, his arms folded in front of him.

He turns back to them with his answer perfectly clear in his mind and nods. "Okay another middle of the road 2.."

He turns and smirks at me, running his hand across my cheek, "Well are you up for that?"

I bite my lip. "Of course... but I don't have money on me."

He chuckles a little and smiles, "I'll pay, and you earn money everyday at the shop, if you want to pay me back then pay me later."

I smile, leaning in and kissing his cheek.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Royce asks as we walk down the pier.

"Well why wouldn't I? When am I ever gonna get the chance to go get tattoos with my friend at age 17 in a pink sky, Royce? Never! I wanna live! I never got to before." I say.

He bites his lip as Koa and Jack bicker in front of us, which seems now to be an occurrence that happens rather often.

"I wanna live too, that's all I've ever wanted to do... but I don't know if this is living or being stupid, Sweetheart." He says with a quirked eyebrow.

"Living is doing what you wanna do and I wanna get a tattoo or two and dye a piece of my hair purple with you." I say with a small smile.

"You'd dye a piece of your hair purple for me?" He mumbles, his fingers lightly grazing along the back of my hand as we walk.

I wish I had the balls to grab his hand, to just grab his hand, pull him in, and kiss him straight on the lips. His pink plump lips that were resting in an overwhelmingly beautiful smile covered in pinkish light.

He was so beautiful, and I watched as he leaned his head down and bit his lip at his shoes. It was almost as though he was nervous for something, but I knew it wasn't the tattoos we were soon to get or dying a small section of his flowing hair purple.

It was probably Koa...

I mean she walked with her hips swaying in her tight jeans, and she wore a crop top that showed off her toned stomach and her lower back where a small butterfly is tattooed already.

I don't know if it's only me who feels disgusting when they're with a girl skinnier than them, maybe it's because I don't have a perfect body. Or maybe it's because a girl that looks like me wont get the guy. In every movie the mean girl is this blonde bitch, but in real life I feel like it's always somebody you're close with: somebody who would stab you in the back at any given chance. They may or may not be blonde.

I'm probably just being overcautious. I mean that's what everybody says I am. It's just... I don't get good vibes from Koa. She seems like those popular girls from middle school who were super extroverted and flirted with every guy they could, got a different boyfriend left and right, and always made fun of the quiet person by pretending they were best friends.

I was always the receptor of that bullshit.

I'm fucking done with being quiet.

So I lift Royce's face so his eyes are pointed towards me, I grab his jaw, and lean in until my lips touch his. I kiss Royce.

—

Oop... Koa and Jack are here y'all. Y'know what that means? It goes downhill from here... yay.

Also I thought that was a good place to end lmao

What did y'all think?