My hands are sweating as I walk through the park. Dito namin napagkasunduan na magkita ni Harvey upang mag-usap. I don't know what to expect from this. I don't know if this will end up in a positive note or if this will make us hate each other more.

Ang alam ko lang sa ngayon ay kailangan na naming magkalinawan na dalawa at pag-usapan ang mga bagay na dapat pag-usapan for us to finally move forward from the past. Gusto kong personal at opisyal naming lagyan ng tuldok ang naging relasyon naming dalawa.

“I'm sorry medyo late ako,” sbai ko nang mahanap siya.

“No, it's okay. Maaga lang talaga ako coz I'm really excited to see you again.” May ngiti sa labi niya ng salubungin niya ang mga mata ko. Tumayo siya upang yakapin ako kaya kahit medyo naiilang ay sinubukan kong suklian iyon.

“So, how are you? You've been ignoring me for the last few months. You even blocked me in all of my social media accounts.” He chuckled as we detach from the hug.

Nang magkasalubong ang mga mata namin, doon ko lang nakumpirmang wala na akong nararamdaman sa kanya. As I scan his familiar face, I can't feel anything tho it left a bitter taste.

My lips quivered. “I've been good. I'm not sorry about blocking you tho, you deserved it.”

“Seriously, babe? That's a bit childish.” He smirked as he sat down. On the other hand, I remain standing in front of him  He rested his arms at the backrest of the bench. “It's a good thing you've finally decided na magkita tayo. Masyado nang naging matagal ang pagtatampo mo this time.”

“Can you stop calling me babe from now on?” I gulped. Then with conviction, I added, “We're never going back together.”

“What?” His eyebrows raised.

“I only agreed to meet you to officially end things between us. I don't want us to get back together.”

“What—No!” he shook his head. Agresibong tumayo siya kaya't napaatras ako ng isang beses. There was an odd twinge of disappoinment on his face. “Can you please fucking stop this? Ano pa bang gusto mo para matigil na'to? I gave you the fucking time that you wanted.”

“It's not the fucking time I wanted! I want to be free from you! Ayuko na! You don't even love me! We never loved each other, Harvey. You know that!”

“Breaking news, Kyedae, I fucking love you!” he exclaimed as his jaw clenched.

“You love me? What me, Harvey? What me!?” I asked, pointing at myself. "You never liked my friends! You hate how I dress! You fucking laughed  when I said I don't have plans for the future when you're supposed to be understanding me!“ My voice broke miserably. Nakaramdam ako ng biglaang paninikit ng dibdib. ”You never understand me, Harvey, so how could you say you love me?“

“Is that the problem? Your friends? Because I fist-fight with those guys? I just fucking want to protect you! How could you be sure that they're even your friends? For God knows what, they're just waiting for the moment to take advantage of you!” His curt voice lashed at me as disbelief mirrored his eyes.

“Are you fucking hearing yourself!” Hindi makapaniwalang tinitigan ko siya. “How can you say those things!? They are my friends even before I met you! I will fucking trust them with my life more than you!” I pressed my fist to my lips when I felt my lungs constricting.

“So, what am I to you all this time? Bakit pa tayo nagkarelasyon kung hindi din pala natin kayang pagkatiwalaan ang isa't isa?” pekeng tumawa siya. He raked his fingers through his hair.

“Why don't you ask yourself that, Harvey? Bakit hindi mo tanungin ang sarili mo kung bakit hindi kita magawang pagkatiwalaan?” I said, words trembling from my lips. 

“Oh, this is about the cheating issue, isn't it?—”

“Don't talk like it's not true!” Numbness infused my body. “You cheated on me, Harvey. I caught you three fucking times! I saw you cheated on me with my own eyes!”

“And those three times you know I was drunk!”

“Don't justify your action just because you're drunk! If you really love me, you won't let yourself get drunk to the point that you know you could do things like that!” I didn't notice that my voice was raising. I felt my tears slowly find their way down my cheeks.

Malalim siyang napahugot ng hininga nang makita ang luha ko. He scrunched up his face.

“Okay, okay. Let's calm down....” Bahagyang tinaas niya ang kamay na tila sumusuko. Sinubukan niyang lumapit sa akin ngunit muli akong umatras upang iwasan siya. “I admit. I was drunk. It's my fault. I promise, I wouldn't do it again, okay? Just give me one more chance and I'll change.”

“Yeah, just like what you did in the past,” I answered him thickly. “I already gave you three chances to prove yourself, and you wasted it.” I painfully laughed as I remember all those time I pretended that everything was okay to me. “I was so stupid for forgiving you and giving you those chances. I should've known that you wouldn't change. You made me question my worth even though I know I don't deserve that. I will not fucking buy this bullshit this time.”

“But these feelings are not bullshit. I love you, Kyedae. I will change for you. I can change.” He continued on pursuading me but I'm just so done with it to listen. I'm emotionally and mentally tired.

“Harvey, you will never change.” I shook my head.

“This is just like our old problems. Magtatampo ka and then magkakaayos tayo. If the time I gave you wasn't enough, then hahayaan ulit kitang magpahinga.”

“Believe on what you want to believe, but this is where we end.” I spoke calmly, with no lighting in my eyes, no smile of tenderness.

Curses fell from his mouth. I tightly closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My clamped lips imprisoned my sobs.

“Babalik ka din sa'kin,” he replied sharply before walking away. Naramdamang ko pa ang bahagyang pagbangga niya sa aking balikat.

When I opened my eyes, wala na siya. The only things left were the raw sores of an aching heart. Pagod na naupo ako sa bench at mapait na natawa sa sarili.

Tapos na...

Finally... makakahinga na ako ng maluwag.