I want to feel that again.

The feeling that I had.

That-
I don't even know how to describe it.

Wanting to sit on tables and swing my legs back and forth whenever I saw you.
Wanting to talk quietly so if you heard me, I'd know you were listening.
Wanting to sit beside you. And not hyperventilating when it actually happened.
Wanting to feel at ease and actually feeling at ease around you.

I want that again.
Not with you, now.
But
Just in general..?

Now
That was love.
This isnt.

Wanting to slump in my seat and smooth my skirt when you walk past.
Wanting to shout what I say hoping to get your attention.
Wanting for you to sit beside me, but when it actually happens, I'm a jumbled mess.
Wanting to feel at ease, but feeling like a complete child around you.

This isn't love.
It doesn't feel like it
And it never will.

I miss it.