1/26/20

The only boy I've ever loved.
Turns out he loved me back.

When I first found out, I was furious.
Swimming in regret of what I should've said.
If I just spoke up,
Things could've gotten a lot better.

But I didn't speak up,
and that's okay.
It's in the past.

I'm happy.
I no longer feel embarrassed
when thinking about the stupid things I said.
I know that he didn't judge me,
and he probably never will.
I relish the memories
which now I view in a new light,
knowing it was mutual.

And I still want to see him again.
All of them again.
Together.
But it doesn't feel like a pathetic longing anymore,
Rather a fun idea.

And it might happen someday.

I'm laughing at myself, now,
realising that all of them probably knew.
They could probably all tell.

I'm content right now.
With everything.
It's a feeling I feel like I haven't had in a while.
And it's a relief for me.

I'm floating in nostalgia
that doesn't pain me to think about
anymore.
Because it was mutual
the entire time.

Thank God.