I'm almost crying
at school -
after school,
because he's not in the seat on the right,
and I'm in the seat on the left.

I could've leaned against his shoulder,
said something,
done something.
But no.
I kept quiet.

A red car parked outside.
He had a red car.

He'd be in the seat on the right.
We'd talk.
Until I got picked up.
He never got picked up first.

The seat was empty.
He has a red car.

But in my hand,
Wrapped around my arm,
Is a lei
The lei.

I wanted to look cute.
I wanted him to think so.
I let him down.
I cried.

I-
Never loved him.
It was a bad crush.

The seat to my right is empty.
He had a red car.
I'm holding the lei.

I'm almost crying.
I wish he stayed.
I wish he wasn't an asshole.

Do you think I would've fallen back in love if he stayed?
Do you think I could've fallen in love again with an asshole if he wasn't one?
Or
Do you think I'd love them both?
Or neither?

But
He's not here.
And he's not not an asshole.
And I'm

Crushless.