To the people who fart clouds and short masterpieces; rayna you are all kinds of awesome ;)

sonderingly

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He placed his hands on his waist, his head lowered as he sighed. "My God, Megan. Don't tell me you did all this just because you were jealous of her."

For some reason, this angered me and I said, "It's your fault too, you know."

He looked up at me surprised and I continued, "If you hadn't led me on like that, if you hadn't made me feel the way I feel, this wouldn't have happened. It's your fault for jumping from one girl to the next without even acknowledging that-"

"Led you on?" He slowly repeated, frowning. "What do you mean led you on? I never indicated anything like that."

I was stunned, not able to believe that he was standing there and saying that. Never indicated anything? Liar...

The things he had said at the party, the way he had opened up to me...

The way he had apologized at the mall for what he had done. The way he had stared at me that night while we were on the hood of his car...

Was all of that a lie?

"It was just a quick fūck," he was saying now. "I thought that you of all people would understand that and not create any unnecessary drama."

He had played me.

All the while I had been slowly falling for him and he was playing with me the whole time. He didn't even look sorry now like it was my fault for not seeing things the way he saw them.

"So..." I started slowly, "all that happened between us, all of t-"

"What happened, huh? What happened between us?"

I could feel the tears of humiliation and hurt building up but before he could see them, I pushed him out of my way and ran in the opposite direction.

The signs were already there, he had a bad reputation, I knew better and despite all that, I had still trudged on hoping that maybe I was different for him.

I am officially the most stupid person on this planet.

I burst out of the school gates and went straight to my car. It was only when I was inside and sure no one was around, I hit the horn repeatedly and screamed, frustrated at myself.

After a few minutes, when exhaustion had gripped me, I rested my head on the wheel and sighed. I didn't have a phone anymore. I had worked double shifts on the weekends to save up money for the phone and now with a single hit, it was gone. I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't feel like doing anything. I wasn't doing anything except screw other people over. I had no goals, no dreams except this selfish desire to be wanted by people. I felt threatened almost all the time and I kept worrying like a paranoid freak, about what would happen if people found out the truth about me. I kept ruining other people's lives and I didn't even bat an eyelash. What was wrong with me?

I drove around for hours. I drove to the beach to look at the sea but when I got there, I missed my mother and Mary because they loved the beach. I drove around again aimlessly, not knowing where I was going. I wanted to stop, to pull over, to hit the brakes but I kept going anyway. I'm not sure why.

When it was time for my shift, I drove to the mall. As I walked in the store and changed into my uniform, I felt defeated, like all of my energy had been sucked away.

Yui tried asking me what was wrong but even she got the hint that I wanted to be alone. I kept up my smile for the customers but inside, I felt like a zombie. I kept hoping that this was just another bad day and that I would feel better tomorrow but something told me that this feeling wasn't going to go away soon. I had finally hit my limit after all these years. I was shattering.

----

"Megan, are you listening?"

I blinked and looked to my mom who was staring at me with concern. "Is everything okay?" She asked.

I shrugged and dug my fork into my spaghetti. "Just having another bad day, that's all."

She was quiet for a while before saying, "I called you today and you didn't answer. Why didn't you tell me that you'd be going straight to work from school?"

"Oh, that." I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes. "Something happened to my phone."

"What do you mean?"

"There was like an argument and my phone broke," I told her calmly, like I was telling her the weather report.

"Your phone broke because you had an argument?"

"Yeah. Look, it's no big deal. It was getting old anyway an-"

"What do you mean no big deal? You saved up for months for that phone!"

"You think I don't know that? Look, it's cool, forget it." I stood up from the table. "I'm going to go to bed, had a long day."

"But Megan..."

"Mom, please. Just don't."

I climbed up the stairs and locked my room as soon as I was in. I fell onto the bed and stayed awake for hours but didn't even have the energy to move.

"Fūck."

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