My previous declaration that my past couldn't rule me seemed so real. I was so joyful recently and I had Niall and the rest of the boys to thank for it. I stretched and lay in bed a smile spread across my face. Every morning was a good morning recently. I hadn't even had a nightmare in a while. I got myself ready for the day and went over and knocked on Niall's door. He had promised a breakfast out, but I was going to have to wake him up for that to happen.

"Niall" I whispered through the door.

"Come in love." He mumbled. I slipped into his still dark room and sat on the bed beside where he was laying.

"Morning, how did you sleep?" I asked with a smile as he yawned adorably.

"Well, thank you. You?" He said with a worried expression. No matter how many times I told him my nightmares seemed to have stopped he still worried, which was sweet of him.

"Good also." I leaned over and kissed him softly.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer. I rolled off him and lay beside him smiling as his eyes met mine.

"I better get up." He sat up and walked over to the bathroom.

I lay on his bed while he took a shower. I pondered the future what would become of it. Niall still had his band, but maybe I should get a job. And who knows what our relationship would turn into. I could possibly see us getting married, but maybe that was just wishful thinking.

I was so lost in my thoughts I jumped when he came out of the bathroom.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He said frowning.

"It's okay I was zoning out."

He put clothes on over his boxers and slipped a pair of shoes on.

"Ready to go?" He asked running a hand through his drying hair.

"Yeah. I just need to grab my purse." I went over to my room quick and grabbed it off the hook it hung on.

I walked back out to the hallway and grabbed Niall's hand. We walked to his car in a comfortable silence.

The restaurant he drove to was more of a cafe really. It was nestled between two larger buildings and easy to miss if you weren't looking. He took my hand as I got out of the car and we headed inside. I smiled as he opened the door for me and when I got inside I couldn't stop looking around.

I probably looked like a little child, but I didn't care. It was the cutest place ever. It was nice soft lighting and oh my gosh did it smell amazing.

"How'd you find out about this place?" I asked Niall.

"Well, I've known about it for a little while. I used to come here more when I was younger and I kind of missed coming so here we are." He smiled and I could see what a source of happiness and comfort this place was.

Sometimes wandering back to your childhood is nice. I know mine reminded me of simpler times, happier times even. One thing I tried not to let myself do is impose that on me. I didn't want to not make the best of now because I'm stuck in the past.

We sat at a little table in the corner after ordering. I smiled looking around. I froze in fear as I spotted none other then Jason. My breathing quickened as I prayed he wouldn't see me. My past flashed before my eyes causing me to breath even faster.

"Jess, hey what's wrong?" Niall asked touching my arm.

I was lost in a haze I didn't respond, I couldn't. I was bombarded with memory after memory of him. I was starting to feel lightheaded due to lack of oxygen but I just couldn't seem to breathe.

Niall said something but I couldn't hear him over my panic.

He helped me stand up supporting me when I stumbled. He pulled me outside and set me on the ground.

"Jess breathe." He said worriedly.

"I-I can't." I managed to squeeze out.

"You can, hey look at me." He lifted my chin up and I looked at his eyes full of worry and love. They snapped me out of my panic momentarily, but the minute I looked away it all came back.

"Okay let's go." He scooped me up and carried me to his car. I still couldn't seem to get enough oxygen and tears had started rolling down my face. "We're going home. It's going to be okay." He said putting his hand on my shoulder.

My vision was going hazy around the edges and I tried to breathe, but couldn't seem to.

"Inhaler." I managed before everything went black.

****

I woke up in Niall's room and looked around. He was sitting on the bed worry on his face.

"Jess, I was so worried about you. What happened?" He said concern laced in his voice.

I took a shaky breath before replying. " It, it was him." I started crying thinking of it, and he came over and wrapped me up in a hug.

"Shhh it's going to be all right. He can't hurt you anymore okay?"

"But I-I just can't, I can't stop thinking he will." I said as my breathing picked up again.

"Jess, breathe with me." He looked at me and started taking slow breaths and counting.

I focused only on his breathing and keeping mine even with it until I was calm.

"Better?" He asked .

"Yeah." I whispered." What exactly happened?"

"Well I put you in the car, and then you passed out so I pulled over and used your inhaler. You were still out but you were breathing so I drove home and you've been laying here since."

"What time is it?" I felt so bad I freaked him out like that. Why couldn't I just keep it together? I was doing so well until this.

"It's 11:00, so you haven't been out for long."

"I'm so sorry Niall. I didn't mean to  I- " I started apologizing.

"No," He interrupted firmly." It's not your fault you have nothing to apologize for." He pulled me in for another hug and rubbed my back soothingly.

"I guess, but I just feel like I make it more dramatic." I worried.

"You don't. It's not your fault you have panic attacks, it's not your fault what he did to you. You don't need to apologize okay?" He murmured in my ear.

"Okay." I said sighing. I sort of believed it, but maybe I did do something to deserve what Jason did to me. I probably did something to deserve my mom dying to.

I moved those thoughts aside and focused on the good things in my life right now. Not the bad things from my past. It was hard, but I was hugging one of the best things in my life. I couldn't let my past catch up to me again I decided, pushing all thoughts of it to the back of my mind.

*****

Okay guys what do you think? The next chapter has a whole bunch of big stuff happening... Stay tuned!!

All the love,

            Ash