Waliyah's P.O.V.

"Api," Malli whined over the phone, "Everyone is asking for you, and no one is even paying attention to Mary Api tonight. She is literally sitting in the corner alone."  

I really did want to go over to Haider's house, but after the complete shit show that happened last night, I did not want to take any chances. "Malli," I sighed, "Stop being a baby and take care of Amma and the rest of the family. I am fine here babysitting Dua, otherwise, Atif Bhai had to do it."

Malli groaned, "I do not understand why she has to be such a bitch." 

"Malli!" I say shocked, 

"What?" She said, "It is not like she can hear me, and even if she did, what is she going to do?  Cry?" 

"Behave," I say, "Do not do anything to embarrass Amma and Baba, they were embarrassed enough by me last night. Just try to have fun for Ayra, be there for her, and tell Api to stop sulking too. It's her day, stop making it about me Malli."

"For you anything," Malli breathed out heavily, "Hold on Api, someone is calling me, I'll call you back later to give you live updates about what is going on."

"Got it, bye."

"Bye," Malli hung up the phone leaving me, once again in complete silence. I had put Dua to bed almost two hours ago, leaving me to do the house chores and organize things for tommorow engagement ceremony. Loving looking down at my dress, I breathe out heavily trying to push back my tears. I never thought that I would ever hide from the world like this, hide the fact that I did have a husband, but he wasnt truly mine. I was married, but it didnt feel. like it, even after four years I get shamed when he is not seen with me. 

Partially it is Samar's fault, but mostly it was our society's twisted mentality, it is 2028, and still, people look for the man in the relationship and push the women aside. The first question I get whenever I go anywhere is, "Samar kahan hai?" (Where is Samar?) or "Samar nahi aaya?" (Why didn't Samar come?)

Like what about me? Can they not say, "Bohot acha hua tum aagi,"(It's good that you came.) or "Acha laga tumhe dekhke Wafa." (It is nice to see you here Wafa.)

Sitting back down on. my bed, my eyes land on an old picture of Amal and I. Gently lifting it up, I caress the space where she is standing, "I miss you," I whisper to the photo as tears well up in my eyes, "A lot. . ." My voice broke,  "Why did you have to leave me here with Samar?"   

Her smile used to make all my problems disappear, but now it felt as if she was mocking me... I do not remember the last time I had laughed, smiled, or joked around like I used to with her. "Please, help me, Amal. . .I always helped you when you were here, help me escape this marriage. . help me stop loving him. . help me hate him." 

(Trigger Warning - SELF HARM)

The pain in my heart felt as if it would kill me tonight, mentally, physically, and emotionally I am so tired of fighting everything. . .untieing my salvaar (Punjabi suit bottoms) I slide them down revealing the cuts that I had made previously on my thighs. Letting out a shaky breath I took the hidden blade out from behind the photo frame and pressed it harshly against my skin above my old scars, the burn from it cutting into my skin, overpowered the pain in my heart.  Laying down on my bed I stared up at the ceiling as I continued to make cuts on my thigh, each time the pain would subside, I made another, and another. . as tears slipped out from the corner of my eyes.  Swallowing harshly, I held the blade tightly in my hand as it began to shake, stopping my actions. I let the wounds stop bleeding my themselves, as I lay peacefully away from the pain, even if it was for a short while. . .I felt relief from it. 

I do not know how long I lay there before I stood up and began cleaning any traces of blood. I have been cutting for the past four years, and no one knew. The first night was after our walima, when Samar shoved me into the joint room and locked me there without letting me grab my things. The second time, was when he had first embarrassed me infront of everyone at Dua's birthday. . .each time I had promised myself I wouldnt, but then he would do something, that I found myself with no choice but to do this to stop my pain... I had thought about cutting my wrists once, but that would be too obvious for everyone, so I kept scarring my thighs, a place where no one would ever see... or find out. 

(End of Trigger Warning)

. . .

Finally cleaning everything up, I sat down on the sofa with some snacks in my lap, I switched through the channels hoping to find something worthy to watch, when there was a knock on the door. Flinching as I stood up because of the fresh wounds I quickly checked through the peep hole to see who it was, but it was bare. I turned my back to leave, because there was no way I was going to open the door for a stranger, but there was a knock again. Irritated I say, "Who is it?"

"It's me,"  Samar's voice boomed through the silence of the night, "Open up,"

Confused as to why he was here, I quickly unlocked the door to see him dressed up in traditional clothes, he stormed inside of our front yard before I could as anything. "Why are you not at the dholki?" Samar asked, 

I crossed my arms, "I do not see how that is any of your business," 

Samar turned to me with a 'no bullshit,' face, "Waliyah," He said firmly, "Get ready, it is your sister's dholki."

"Really? I didnt know, thank you for reminding me." I say condescendingly, "I am on babysitting duty, Dua is asleep inside I do not need any drama. Go home Samar," 

"Get dressed,"

"Go home." I said just as stubbornly, "Why are you dressed up anyway? I thought you would be anywhere else. other than Ayra's dholki."

Samar walked over to me intimidatingly, "I do not have time for your stupid questions Waliyah, just do-"

"No." I cut him off, "I do not have time for your fucking mood swings. What happened to giving each other space? What are you doing here?"

He glared at me and dragged me inside of the house ignoring all my protests and rants about how he could not do this to me. My legs barely had any strength because of what I had just done to him, and he was oblivious to my pain as always. He pushed me inside of my room and grabbed a random dress out of my closet throwing it at my face. "Samar!" I snapped irritated at his behavior, "What the-"

"Are you going to get ready or do you want me to dress you?" He asked, 

"Touch me, I will knee you so hard you will never be able to have kids!" I say panicked, "What has gotten into you?!'

Samar backed off amused by my threat, "You only know how to fight with me huh?"

I furrow my eyebrows confused, "What are you talking about?"

"Why did you take whatever Mariam was throwing at you last night?" He asked leaning against the wall, "Faraz told me, before you ask how I know."

"She was not say anything wrong." I said sitting up, "What was I supposed to say to her?" 

He squinted his eyes at me, "She has no right to be-"

"You have her the right to!" I snapped with anger in my eyes, "If you had just sucked up your pride and showed up last night Samar I would not have to be hiding around from my own family members. I would not be an embarrassment to my parents and I would be able. to enjoy Ayra's. functions!"  He kept quiet, "You not being there let her open her mouth, so what happened yesterday night was not her fault, but yours. So please, I know when I should fight, where I should, and if I can win it. I couldn't win last night without being belittled by her so I kept quiet."

"So the problem was my absence?" 

"Yes,"

"For who?" He pressed, "You or her?" What did he want me to say? That I wanted him there? Not anymore. 

"For her!" I said, "Mariam has been obsessed with you since she laid her eyes on you. She has always been mad at me for setting you and Amal up, and now that you and I are together I am an open target.  I wouldn't if you had just been there Samar!"

"Well, I am here now," Samar said almost robotically, 

"Excuse me?"

"Get dressed," He said once again, 'I will watch Dua, and then we will take her with us to Haider's house."

"Samar, what are you going to do?"

Samar kept his back to me, "We are going to show her, not to mess with us."  He left me in silence as he shut the door behind him, leaving me confused, and puzzled. 

What was he going to do?