Waliyah's P. O. V

"Dua!" I exclaimed as she ran around the room giggling, "Come here." I said tired of chasing her around. "It's your Amma and Baba party don't you want to look pretty?" I tried to convince her to calm down.

She smiled shaking her head, for a three-year-old, she had a lot of energy and understanding as well. "Dua," I said firmly finally managing to grab her arm I pulled her towards me. "Amma naraz ho jaagi."(Your mom will get mad.)

"Khalchi" she whined,

A soft chuckle left my mouth hearing the mashed-up name Api and I had taught her. Since I was her Khala and Chachi we put the two together and came up with Khalchi and for Samar, it was Khalchu for Khalu and Chachu. "Stop whining," I say kissing her cheek as I finish sipping up her dress. "Look how pretty you look!"

She brushed her hair out of her face and smiled revealing her small baby teeth. "Yay!" She said excitedly, "Can I show Dadi?" Nodding I put her down to run out of the room.

Breathing out heavily I walk into my closet to choose an outfit, it's Api and Bhai's fourth anniversary today. I cannot believe four years passed by so fast, for them and for Samar and me.

Well, there is no Samar and I other than family functions. Otherwise, we live completely different lives, he does his thing and I do my thing. It hurt for the first month after Amal passed away, but now I am so used to his cold behavior towards me that I find no resentment towards him. I couldn't...not when I had as much love in my heart then I did when we first met.

I wish Amma hadnt told Amma about my feelings before I was comfortable too, I wish Samar hadnt learned about my diary and feelings through Maryam Api, but these are just wishes but the reality was what she had done.  I expected nothing else from her, but what I did not expect was the sure anger that it embedded in Samar. Anger that was not justified in any way because I did not do anything to put my feelings in action, I handed  Amal over, and left quietly, so his anger really was not justified, but I have definitely felt it over the past four years.

He never acknowledged me until he desperately needed to, his gaze had never changed from a harsh look, the friend that. I had, completely disappeared with the reveal of my feelings, and the loss of Amal.  We stayed in one room but lived completely different lives. Samar had a joint bedroom with the guest room, so we entered the same room, but my belongings and my place were in the small designated guest room he had ordered me to stay. in. Mahira Ammi. and Adeel Baba knew this, but there was very. little to be done, when he was the one that did not want to change.

"Wafa!" Mahira Ammi called my name walking into my room, "Why are you not ready yet the guests are about to come!"

"I just got Dua ready for Api," I answered her, "I wanted her to take time for herself since it is her special day." We never celebrated Samar and I's anniversary, why would they when he himself refused to even acknowledge that he was married to me.

Ammi gently smiled at me, "Jaldi aao, tumhari Amma tumhara baara mein puch rahi thi." (Hurry, your Mom was asking about you)

Offering her a small smile I nodd, "Aap jaaiye,"  (You go first)

I had many opportunities to leave, but for the sake of Amma and Baba, I didn't return back. Amma has always. asked me not to worry. about anything and come home, but the world still. doesnt let a. divorce women. live in peace, or her family. I could not let the years of work Baba did to earn his respect, diminish for the sake of my happiness. . no matter what.

. . .

"Dua," Malli said cheerfully as I brought her down the. stairs in my arms before Api and Bhai came down.  Malli stole her from my embrace before Ayra could reach us, "Come to your favorite Khala."

Ayra rolled her eyes, "Malli how do you know who her favorite Khala is and who is not?"

Malli smirked at her, "Who does she smile at more?"

Ayra crossed her arms." Wafa Api,"  She answered truthfully.

Now it was  Malli's turn to roll her eyes and continue to play with  Dua,  as I shook my head smiling at the free entertainment that I was getting from them bickering. Dua turned to me and extending her  arms out, Malli scoffed, "No Dee," She said firmly stepping away with me, 

"Kalchi," Dua whined struggling in Malli's arms, "Kalchi,"  Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears. 

Breathing. out heavily I reach over. at take her back in my arms, as Malli sticks her tongue out at her, Ayra hits her in the back of her head, showing off the promise ring that Haider gave her a year ago. "Grow up,"

Chuckling I lead them towards the sofa letting Dua down so she can play with the toys she had all over the room. Amma sat beside me. brushing her fingers through. my hair, "Kaisi ho tum?" (How are you?)

I look over at her with a sad gaze, "Theek hoon,"(I am fine) When in fact I was far from fine. Every day it was another thing, Samar needed to humiliate me, put me down, or verbally abuse me. Amma knew. . .I hated being the victim because I never used to be a victim. I stood up for myself, and I stood up for others, but with the. passing of Amal, I feel as if my strenght has left as well. I stood up because I knew I had her support no matter what, now I have no one. 

Amma's eyes had sadness in them as she pulled me into a side hug, the comfort of her hug has never been missed making me feel protected and safe. 

"Sab aage?" (Is everyone here?) Mahira Ammi asked walking into the living room with refreshments in her hand, followed by Api.  Her eyes scanned the room, "Samar kahaan hain?" (Where is Samar?) She asked Atif Bhai, knowing I wouldn't have the answer.  

Atif Bhai shrugged, "I texted him Mami, but he hasn't responded."

Ammi rolled her eyes, "He is such a drama queen," She said tired of his erratic behavior, "Abdul! Bring my phone please,"

In less than a minute Abdul Khaka handed her the phone and stepped back.  Ammi dialed his number but from her facial expressions, it was obvious he didnt answer. "I do not know what to do with him, it has been four years, he should try to move on but no, he is still stuck on Amal."

"Mami," Bhai tried to defend him, "He just-"

"Do not say he needs time to me." Ammi snapped,  "Four years is enough."

Awkward silence took over the room Ammi breathed out heavily looking. over at Amma, she sat down across from her, "Maaf karna Saboor," (Please forgive me, Saboor)

Amma shook her head, "Api, aap-" (You-)

"Nahi," (No) Ammi said with a soft voice, "What Samar is doing is wrong. Adeel and I were giving him time, but now he is crossing the limit every chance he gets."

Amma went over to sit beside her, gently taking. her hand, "Koi baat nahi,"(It's okay) She whispered, "I know it is hard for all of us to watch Samar,  is still grieving."

"So is Wafa," Ammi said, "But Wafa does not behave the way he does,"

"Ammi," I said quietly, "Samar loves her,"

"So do you," She retorted back,  "More than Samar could, but-"

"My pain is different," I say, "I lost a sister, he lost someone whom he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. Amal was a sister to me, but the one mistake she made was making Samar marry me, for her comfort. Samar and I are not compatible" It hurt me to say. this, but at times it. felt I was reaching my limit too,  "I am only staying here for your and Adeel Baba's happiness,  and Amma and Baba's happiness. I am only here for all of you." Ammi kept quiet, "There is no reason to pressure him into something he is not capable of doing, he will always love Amal, and there will never be room for me in. his life."  The room feels silent, "Today is Api and Bhai's day,  let's just focus on that."

"If that is what will make you happy," Ammi said barely above a whisper, 

"It will Ammi," Mahira Ammi softly smiled at me, but it didn't travel up to her eyes. I know how hard it was to watch her son suffer, and me suffer, but this was our reality, and the. only way it. would change was if Smar changed. . .and. that was next to impossible. 

Dua came running over to me handing me her doll asking me to play with her, taking that as a chance to escape from this conversation. . .my life was stuck on an ongoing circle that never got anywhere. . .and at times all I wanted to do was run.