The seemingly innocent and clean denim jacket laid across Gerard on his bed while Gerard himself was seated on the fluffy carpet who covered most of his bedroom floor. As much as he wanted to shred the damn jacket into millions of pieces, Gerard did not fancy touching it at all either.

It felt as if he were having a staring competition with a piece of fabric, which in reality was what he was doing, but Gerard refused to stop until he actually knew what he was going to do with this situation he had not asked for. As if Gerard wasn’t struggling with enough already, the stupid whoreface of his ex had to drop of the denim jacket, which had been expensive, as if telling him that their relationship had never really mattered.

Blinking some, Gerard realized in that moment that it actually had never really matter for Nathan. It never had. Not from the moment they shared their first to kiss to when they made it official, and that realization struck him hard. His heart felt as if it had been ripped out, run over by a truck, poorly sewed together again and then placed back inside his chest.

That moment of clearness set off a wave of anger who started from the pit of his stomach and raised higher and higher until it ended as a chocked scream into the fluffy carpet. Gerard had finally had enough. He was tired of suppressing everything, he was tired of being a pity case and lastly: he was tired of staring holes into a jacket who did nothing but provoke memories Gerard needed erased from his mind.

The jacket could go fuck itself.

Sending it one last dirty look as he stormed out of his room, Gerard felt surprisingly a bit better than what he had felt the last days. He could only imagine how much better he would feel after destroying the denim jacket and it was the only thing Gerard had in mind as he grabbed the first scissors he saw with a shaky hand.

However, when Gerard saw his bedroom door getting closer for each step he took, he felt himself start to shake even more.

Did he not want to cut the jacket into pieces?

Did he not want to get rid of the only thing he had left from his ex as the final step of breaking free?

Gerard wanted to break free so badly, because the sheer memory of Nathan’s hurtful and manipulating words had him reduced into a shaking, sobbing, and anxious mess in mere seconds. The fact that even though they had broken up and Gerard had moved away and changed schools, Nathan still had Gerard in the palm of his hand. Gerard himself was aware of the fact and it scared him.

Then why had he stopped? The scissors were still in his hand and the jacket still laid on his bed.

Gerard wanted this so bad.

No, he needed this so bad.

Gripping the scissors even tighter, he made his way into his own room, staring at the jacket with disgust.

He could do this.

Correction – he needed to do this.  

Why was the simple task to tear a jacket into pieces so hard all of a sudden?

Not being able to decide what he was feeling at the moment, Gerard took a moment just breathing and trying to collect himself.

The whole thing was so conflicting and messy.

Gerard wanted more than anything to get rid of the jacket who currently occupied his bed, well, it was more as if Gerard had no intentions of being close to the ugly piece of fabric seeing as it still reminded him of his ex and still smelt like him. Yet, there was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on who stopped him from throwing it out of his window in form of tiny pieces.

Huffing some and throwing the scissors across the room, Gerard placed himself on the fluffy carpet again only to stare at the jacket for another 15 minutes. During those hazy minutes ticking slowly away, another realization struck him, this time just not as hard as the last time.

Gerard couldn’t throw the jacket away no matter how much he felt he needed to.

Even though it had belonged to Nathan, it had helped him to see things as they really were and it were actually things he needed to see clearly. It was how easily Nathan had thrown the jacket away who had reminded him of how easily Nathan had thrown him away.

It was stupid seeing as Gerard was currently comparing himself to a damn denim jacket, but he couldn’t just destroy something that had helped him realize how little their relationship actually had meant for his ex. The denim jacket had in some way helped Gerard to let go of and get over Nathan. Pining over someone who clearly did not feel the same and felt no shame for playing and using the other hardly ended in something else than heartbreak.

Of course it had not suddenly made Gerard’s life into a dance on roses, there were still thorns everywhere he tried to place his feet. To forget everything about Nathan just by looking at some denim was impossible, and their relationship and everything about the said ex would probably haunt him for a while.

Nevertheless, it had reminded him of how manipulating and emotional tiring the entire relationship had been. And the sheer realization made him feel less guilty for trying so hard to forget about everything.

And as Gerard continued to sit on the floor, he felt his cheeks grow more and more wet. He hadn’t cried anything but anxious and heartbroken tears for a while so Gerard couldn’t help but to laugh some as tears of relief streamed down his flushed cheeks.

-

After hearing his little brothers chocked up scream from the room across the hall, Mikey felt a tad guilty for having been so rough and harsh towards him the past few weeks.

Seeing as Mikey was the older of the two, it was kind of his job to bully Gerard to some degree, but looking back he guessed he had overstepped that line a bit. However, it wasn’t as if he could just waltz into Gerard’s room this exact moment and apologise for everything. Especially since Gerard’s motherfucking ex had just visited and made it clear that Gerard just had been something to play with for a while.

No, if Mikey wanted to apologise and really mean it, that would take weeks and eternities to build up their non-existing relationship and even harder to get Gerard to actually trust him.

Just thinking about how hard it would be made Mikey groan out loud and bury his face into his hands.

If he’d only warned Gerard about how much of an asshole Nathan really was. Well it was too late to ponder over and regret it now. He had just been so busy with his friends and working that he hadn’t really thought over nor really cared about what Gerard had been up to. So when he had found out from someone that Gerard had started to get involved with Nathan he had just laughed.

Mikey had laughed at the huge possibility of his little brother getting hurt and looking back at now Mikey cringed, wanting to get rid of the guilt churning in his stomach and making him want to rip his hair out. However, Mikey at that time had not only laughed, he’d also thought that poor Gerard deserved to end up getting his heart broken by Nathan.

One of biggest reasons that Mikey thought it was okay to treat Gerard the way that he did was because he honestly thought Gerard was the biggest pansy alive. Being the shitty brother that he was, Mikey had thought it was about damn time Gerard got a taste of the real world and he had hoped it would make him less of a wimp.

Well that backfired completely and left Mikey feeling guiltier and shittier than ever.

Apologising to Gerard would no doubt take long and be hard for both parts, Mikey had no idea if Gerard was able to forgive him at all after everything, but before he could start apologising, he had some serious business to attend.

Someone’s car was about to get keyed.

Happy new year and happy late Christmas!

Thanks you guys so much for having patience with me and my stories. Idk I haven't felt like writing lately and I guess I had some sort of writers block.

But I really hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it was a bit fillerish and boring.

How was your Christmas btw, and what was your favourite thing you received?

I had a lovely Christmas the 28th with my mom and sisters bc we originally celebrated with our dad, but that sucked ass since je can't be bothered with doing anything.

This year I just had so much fun buying and giving/sending gifts ♡ I'm so glad that idekanymore97 and dangergays received my gifts I sent! And I'm happy the gift I bought for DoctorGay finally arrived so I could send it ♡♡♡

ALSO I'M SO PUMPED FOR SAY10 HOLY SHIT

Lmao I also cut my hair and I have started to wear glasses bc my shitty eyesight.

Here's a comparison pic of me x-mas 2015 and x-mas 2016, you can guess what year is which ;

Yeah, I hope you all liked this update and stay tuned for more, not just this story, but my 30 smut challenge book, oneshot book (with I updated a few weeks ago) and others.

Thanks for reading, voting and commenting!

-fckEmblaout