SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

CHAPTER FOUR

Her breaths are uneven as the fright is taking over her entire body. Forcing her heart to beat faster within her chest. She puts her hand over her mouth to quiet her cries down and hold her breathe to create no sounds. The darkness around her hides her body, yet the sounds will give her away. Her entire body is freezing and shaking. Her palm grows wet from her saliva as she harshly breathes out quickly. The tears stain her cheeks as old and new leak down from her eyes and fall down to the ground where she will never see them again or know of them.

The silence is so loud, until she hears it. The sound so loud in her ears when it cracks that it is like thunder during a storm. She shakes violently when she hears the sound. The sound of footsteps, sharp and heavy. Nearing where she is. Her breath quickens as her cries become uncontrollable. These quiet sobs escape past her lips as she does all she can to silence herself so she cannot be heard by anyone. The footsteps grow closer and closer, she can almost hear her open heartbeat as it quickens. Then they stop and the door opens...

***

The only thing that can make a night even darker is a storm. A light storm rose into the night. The heavy rain so thick that hard is to see through it. The dark clouds so grey that they appear to be black against the dark sky. There are no stars that one can see and the moon seems to hide as well. She does not know if it had been the thunder that woke her up or if it had been her nightmare or perhaps simply just both had woken her up this night.

A sigh leaves her when she sits up on the bed. The darkness something that she hates. Her arms wrap around herself to hug herself. Karina does not know for how long she sat there and neither did she care. When she stood up, she was quick at dressing herself and then putting on a warm coat. As she was about to open the door and enter the world out there in the rain, a loud thunder booms over and she jumps up with a small yelp leaving her. The heart inside her chest picking up speed as she looks around herself.

As if she is trying to see if the world is safe around her and she can be there, that there is no one after her and that she is safe. Still, she knows that she will never be safe, at least not on her own, there will always be fear and there will always be nightmares that will endanger her and that is how it will always be. Safety is one of the things that she lacks in her life and will most likely never be able to find it nor knows where to look.

She opens the door, but before she walks outside, she stares at the world out there. The rain is as heavy as it was when she woke up. The sounds from the rain hitting the ground and all that is around there reaches her, the scent of the rain does as well. She gulps when she looks out there. For a moment, she wonders if she should enter into that rain. Not because she is afraid of getting soaked or sick, that is the last thing on her mind. She does not want to be alone and she fears that he won't be there.

It is strange to her that she would only go outside if he were there. In truth, she does like the time that they are together. She can listen to him talk forever. The way that he makes Karina forget all about what she wants to forget about makes everything better and all she has to do is listen to what he has to say. Sometimes he does say the strangest things but that is the best part that she likes the most and when he speaks, no matter the subject she will always be there to listen.

There have been times that she has been there alone, but now that she has met him and he has entered her life, she does not want to be there alone. It would somehow violate their time of the night. She stands there and watches the rain for about five minutes before she has decided that she should go there. She never knows, he might be there waiting for her. Lucien is someone that always surprises her and she never knows what to expect when it comes to him. Perhaps that is how it is supposed to be.

As soon as she steps outside, the rain wastes no time in showering her with all that rain water. Her thick coat might not have been so thick after all since she has only been walking for some minutes until she feels water enter through the coat and to her clothing. The cold water touches her skin and she shivers. She ignores the coldness and how her toes have started to go numb as she wears shoes that are not that warm either. Walking is rather painful but she does not care for that as she will soon arrive there.

When she does, she walks to the bench and she nearly gasps when she sees the sight by the bench. Lucien is there. He truly is. And that is not all. He sits on the bench and he has an umbrella over his head. He also has an umbrella over the place where she always sat. Walking over there, she notices that under the umbrella that is where she sits are two blankets. Lucien clears his throat when he sees her. "Hi" He says, his cheeks red but that could also be because of the cold weather from the rain.

He lifts the umbrella and one blanket. "Sit, it's dry" He tells her. Nodding her head, she sits down on the blanket and then he hands her the other one. She puts it over her legs and then she takes with the umbrella. It is much nicer to be under an umbrella than the heavy rainfall. "I hoped you would come" He says. She nods her head and looks at him. He wears warm clothes and she sees that his hair is slightly wet. Showing that he had been under the rain for some time before perhaps. Though with the umbrella over him, the light can't reach him.

Both of them are under the umbrellas and the light is shielded from them. It is at least better to be in the dark under the umbrellas than being in the light and soaked to the bone. "I knew you would come. I've not been waiting that long if you're asking. Perhaps a bit over twenty minutes. I don't really mind that much" He tells her. Lucien is quite nervous when he speaks, and his voice shakes a little when he speaks. She only thinks that he might be cold, since he does not have a blanket himself.

When she looks, she notices that he is sitting on a blanket, so that means that he does have one. Neither of them speak for some time until he breaks the silence between them. "Will you ever tell me why you are out here during the nights?" He asks her. Perhaps it is the sleepiness in him talking or something else. Looking deep into his blue eyes, she nods her head. For she does hope that she will be able to tell someone. Tell someone of her past and why she has nightmares that keep her awake.

He was about to say something else when a thunder shocks the both of them. They both jump at the same time. He nearly laughs. "I guess you're afraid of the storm just as much as I am" He says. She nods her head. Karina is afraid of the storm but she is far more afraid of something else. "When I was younger, I went to a friend and when I was walking home, I got caught up in a storm and got lost for a couple of days. Some homeless people helped me find my way back home" He confesses to her.

Noticing how worried her look seemed to have become as soon as he says those words, he smiles. "I was all right and I barely remember it. In fact I don't remember any of those days or what had happened, I don't even remember the people that saved me. All that I can remember is that storm and I suppose that has always stuck to me and I hate storms even now when I'm all grown up. I think the fears in our childhood have followed us" Lucien tells her. And he knows not how right he is about that fact.

As is it her fears and the agony which she felt long ago that still haunts her to this day and she will never be able to be free of that. Fears are like that. They stay with one from beginning to end and there is nothing that can be done about it. "I promised myself that I would never walk home in the dark again after that day. It seems I've broken that promise. But, it was a promise made by a kid and I'm not that kid anymore" He tells her and she nods.

Lucien's features are not those of a kid. They are sharp and manly. If she looks close, she can see that he is even getting this small beard. At least just a little one which she is not certain he will grow out anyway. His voice is also a bit deep, not that deep but at least not like the one that boys have when they are young which is high. His voice is just comfortably deep, not too deep and not too high either. Just somewhere in between and she loves listening to him speak and his voice.

"I've learned that promises are always broken. No matter how much someone says that it won't break, it always does" He says. She's reminded of the bruise that he had gotten because of his stepfather who has been cheating on his mother, the promise of marriage does include faithfulness and that is a promise that he has broken to her. "They are made to be broken and for no other purpose. If you tell someone a secret and tell them to not say anyone and they promise, there is a very large chance that they will break that promise and tell someone" He continues.

Karina nods. While she has never had that happened to her, she had had something similar happen. "But, I'm going to tell you right now, under this umbrella in the rain, that I will never tell anyone of anything that goes on here. If you tell me anything, I will keep silent until the day that I draw my last breath. That is not a promise that I make to you, that is a vow" He tells her. She can't helps herself but give him a small smile for she knows that he is speaking the truth when he says those words.

She lets out a sigh. Her body is becoming warmer somehow, under this blanket and the umbrella but also because he makes her feel warm inside. So warm that she does not understand how he can do that and neither does she think that she has to understand it. Simply feel it because it means so much to her. She realizes in this moment that he does mean a lot to her, he means more than she will ever be able to say in words. "I hate doors" She confesses to him after some time of thought.

Karina does not regret speaking those three words to him and neither does she want to take them back. Because someone had to know and she needed to tell someone. Not just anyone, it had to be someone who she cares for and now that she knows that she cares for him as he means a lot to her, she could tell him. She wants to tell him all that runs through her mind, but something stops her. If that is fear or something else entirely, she does not know. What she does know is that she wanted him to know.

He looks at her and gives her a small smile as well. "I'm glad you chose to share that with me and maybe one day I might get the explanation. I won't force you to tell me now. Just the fact that you did tell me is enough for now. Doors are things that we should always hate because they keep you out. Still, doors also keep us safe from intruders and when you're using the bathroom. I would hate for someone to walk in when I were sitting on the toilet" He jokes.

Without even thinking, Karina lets out this small laugh. The sound so low that it is almost drowned out by the sound from the rain, but the smile on his face tells her that he had heard it. This pink warmth flows to her cheeks when she realizes that. He had heard her laugh. She had heard herself laugh. Something that she has not done in years. It actually is something that she likes doing, but only when she is around him. She does not wan anyone else to hear her laugh but the two of them, because only he can make her laugh.

"I think I'm starting to like storms now" He tells her all of a sudden. Upon her face this puzzled look comes and she raises an eyebrow at that. As if she were asking him why since he clearly stated not so long ago that he had been afraid of storms. "Because it was during a storm that I heard a beautiful woman laugh, for the first time and that is a moment that I will cherish forever and that is why I like storms now. Always when there will be a storm, I will think about this moment" Lucien says.

He's so gentle when he speaks and the truth can be heard within his words and the tone which she knows is only meant for her and her only. She nods and gives him a small smile. It is a bit (not much) wider than the one that she had given him the night before. Little by little he is showing her how to smile again and how to feel like the world is not a scary place. The irony of it is that they are literally in the dark where most (if not all) would agree is a scary place.

They do have some light over them, not when the umbrellas are there, but there is light and they see well enough. Still, even though there were not lights, they would not mind at all. For all they need is each other and nothing more. "Do you think you can be all right with storms such as this in the future now that we have faced it?" He asks her. Thinking about it for a moment, Karina then nods her head. The storm which they are in now is not that large neither that strong.

There is no wind in the air. Only heavy rain and thunder and lightning every so often. The thick clouds appear to have taken over the sky and don't even want to do anything to move any time soon. "I'm glad. Because I can too" He tells her. Lucien is someone who spills everything that he thinks, but he is careful. Even when he's tired, he still does not spill everything and anyone can tell that there are things that he holds back. Perhaps he bites his own tongue to not spill the secrets that he has. Maybe both of them have a reason to not say their secrets just yet.

A time will come where they will tell each other all of the secrets that they have, but that time is not now. Perhaps that time will never come or perhaps it will come a lot sooner than one knows. No one really knows of the future and what will happen, they can guess and speculate but the future is a mystery that will have to be explored and the clues will have to be solved top walk the road towards that mystery until it arrives and then something else will be called the future.

Someone once said that tomorrow never really arrives because as soon as the clock strikes midnight, tomorrow will have become today. The same would be for the future since as soon as it arrives, it turns into the present and therefore by those laws, the future actually never comes and there is always this wish that it would but the truth is that it does not. Maybe that is why it would be best to not believe in the future for it is only something that will never come to happen and never arrives to the world.

***

The more than they talked or rather Lucien talked, the quicker time began ticking down. Upon morning, despite the darkened sky, it had turned morning. The rain did not disappear and it has been raining the entire night. It appears that it will also rain the entire day. If it will continue during the next night, they will have to wait and see. They bid each other farewell and then parted ways. Lucien of course told her to keep the umbrella with her and she could keep it for herself, she did not need to return it. He already had one for himself.

The first thing that she did during the morning was going to work. She did clean for a living and while she did not really mind, she does find that she can't wait for another night. When she hated the nights once, she finds that now she is actually starting to like them. A yawn escapes her as she is cleaning the counter on the diner. Soon enough it will open and people will be coming and going. She is always cleaning and that is what she does. Goes past everyone like a ghost.

Invisible and someone that people avoid and that is how she likes it. The less people that notice her, the calmer she feels. Karina doesn't mind that they avoid her and they pretend that she is not there at all. With her cleaning supplies, she has what she needs. It is what she gets paid to do. The waitresses who work there sometimes talk with the clients, they tell them about their day, their work and so forth. No one really wants to talk to the one that cleans, which is all frighten for her. She does not want to talk to them anyway.

She's quite all right simply cleaning. Her body might not be all right with her. She does not eat that much and when she does she finds that she has no appetite. Her body grows thinner with every day and she knows that it won't be long until she fades into nothing. Perhaps that is what she has been wanting and waiting for this entire time or maybe it is just hope things are meant to end for her. She does not know. What she does not is that she can go on a little while longer.

The day is slow when passing by. There are times that she wished that the night were as long as the day were, that way she could have far more time with Lucien on that bench. The very bench which is not that comfortable and it is often rather cold there. However, when she is with him, she can be someone who she has always wanted to be. Someone who is letting go of the pain of the past and is maybe ready to move on. Listening to him is slowly giving her meaning and purpose in life.

As she was about to walk home for the day after work, she suddenly stops when she looks at the counter of the diner. She is alone and she is the one to close the diner this day. Everyone has left home. On top of the diner is a single box wrapped in this white wrapping with a golden ribbon and a bow on top to match. Confused, Karina walks over there. On the box there is also a card and what surprises her is that her name is written on the card. And that is all that the card says.

Brining her even more confusion. She does not recognize the handwriting. But the way that this box is wrapped, it was done with care. The wrapping paper is smooth and fine. Like a lot of time had been spent on it. She wondered if it had been Lucien which had given her this box, but she knows that it would be impossible because she has not told him where she worked or if she worked for that matter. He does not know any of that so the fact that he would send her this box would not make sense.

Slowly, gently and carefully she begins to unwrap the box, so carefully that it takes her some time to remove the tape. As if she does not want to rip the paper which is so fine. She's never gotten presents before so this one is a surprise and she's not certain how to feel inside. Some part of her wanted it and wished that it would be from Lucien because then she would know that he cares for her. While she's not an expert on the subject, Karina knows that when one cares for someone, they give them gifts to show their affection.

To let the other one know that they matter. Because sometimes words are not enough, rather emotions have to be expressed through actions. When she has finally gotten the white wrapping paper from the box, she gulps when she sees the box. It's a simple brown box which has a lid which she can simply just lift off and then she would see what is inside the box. Karina does not know why this does make her feel nervous nor does she know why she is sweating and her heart is racing inside her chest. Is this how people feel when getting gifts?

If so then maybe gifts are not such a good idea because they make her more nervous than she has ever been and she does not even know why. Taking a deep breath, she softly lifts the lid off the box and what she has been waiting for for some time is revealed to her. Her eyes widen when she does eye what is in the box. The diner might have all the lights turned off, and she is met with darkness, but she can see what is inside that box well enough despite that.

For what is inside the box is a simple iron chain. It is short and lies there on a crimson red pillow. The chain has been cut on either side, and if she looks closer upon the chain, she can see specks of deep, dark red upon there. Blood. She gasps when she sees this for she knows what this means. The very thing that Karina has been trying to escape for so long has come back to haunt her. The hairs on her head stand up and this cold shudder runs through her entire body as she looks around but sees no one around her.