SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

CHAPTER TWO

Her lifeless eyes stare ahead at nothing yet at everything at the same time. The darkness in the room limits her vision and she is left all alone with only her empty thoughts and blank mind. All thoughts seem to disappear. Replaced by the pain and agony inside her mind, body and soul. Her body lies on the side on the hard stone cold ground and there she has stayed for more days than she can count. Her stomach paining her in ways that none should feel from the lack of eating and at times she wonders why she has not died from starvation.

Her body already skinnier than a skeleton and bones sticking out everywhere on her body where there is only small and thin layer of skin that stands between her being able to touch her bones. Her body trembling from the cold air that cools down the room to a temperature that should be impossible for her to survive in. Breathing in softly through her nose she continues to stare ahead in the darkness but a noise breaks the silence and it brings her back into reality to the point that she shakes in pure fear. The door of the room opens...

***

Karina wakes up with a start as she falls down to the floor and she goes under the bed and allows the tears to fall down her face and land on the wooden floor beneath her. Her eyes scan the floor in search for any danger as she holds herself under the bed. Holding one of her hands over her mouth to silence all the sobs that threaten to come from her which she refuses as she can't allow herself to make noises. Minutes pass before she comes under from the bed when she has seen that there is no danger.

Crying she turns on the lights and instantly she feels much better than she did before now that she is in the light and she walks out of the room. Without even thinking about it she takes her keys, goes into her shoes. The shoe that had went into the lake was still damp even when she had been wearing them all day as she only has one pairs of shoes to wear yet not once does that bother her as she walks onto the streets. Not caring what the time is nor does it bother her.

The exhaustion is clear on her and inside her. Her eyes are wanting to close themselves and make her fall into deep slumber but she does not allow them to close not even rest. The streets are the same that they were the night before, silent and dark yet through the dark she finds comfort. The darkness is comforting to her yet there come times that she can't handle the dark and she needs the light to feel better and make sure that there is nothing around her to harm or hurt her.

Unlike the night before a small breeze is blowing through her auburn hair and moving it over her face but it does not seem to bother her at all. This night is much colder than the night before and she hugs her body both from the cold and the fear that has dug itself into her bone marrow and intends to stay there for a long time and she does not mind it. The fear keeps her alert and on guard at all times to make sure that she is safe and that there is nothing and no one going to hurt her.

The lake is moving much more now than it was before but she still sees how it is the same and how the darkness makes it look scary and creepy as it creates the illusion that there is no bottom when in reality the bottom is not that deep down. Karina walks over to the bench and sits down, feel safer now that she is in the light and while she might be alone there she finds herself safer when she alone rather than with someone else that might or might not hurt her though she can't take that chance.

Minutes pass and not long she starts to see him walking and somehow her heart begins to speed up when she sees him walk towards her and he takes his seat on the bench where he had been the night before. "I was getting worried that you would not show" He says but she could tell that he was nervous about something. What? She did not know but somehow she would like to find out. Another thing that Lucien has done to her in less than a day, makes her wonder about him and his life.

Her eyes run up to his face and she lets out a silent gasp when she sees his face. A massive bruise has started to form on his cheek and his eye is swollen. She gives him a puzzled look as without even thinking about it she moves closer to him. Her hand reaches up to touch him. His blue eyes study her face but she is far too focused on the bruise. Bruises is what she is best at seeing and as sad that is, she knows how painful they are and especially when they have taken place on the face.

Her small boney fingers are only a few centimeters away from his face when she flinches a bit. Wanting to take her hand back but her hand stays up and she then makes contact with the bruise. His face shows no sign of pain when she light graces the bruise. The touch is so barely there that she could almost not feel it but she did feel how hot his skin has become from the bruise and the swollen eye. She looks into his other eyes as if she were asking him what had happened and he chuckles lightly but she could sense the sadness in his tone.

"Dave. I tried to stop the wedding but I could not and I tried to stop everything" He tells her and she nods her head, understanding what had taken place and what happened to him. She looks down at the ground and moves away from him as she had realized just how close she had been beside him and she could not take it anymore. She moves to her side of the bench and if one would look at the two of them, one might see two people minding their own business yet they are there together.

Silence fell upon them yet it was one that both of them started to enjoy. They did not need words, somehow them being there for each other is enough for them. Both needing someone yet afraid to ask for help and each going through things that people should never go through. She could feel his gaze on her yet she doesn't seem to mind that very much, in fact it brings this blood rushing to her cheeks and warming them for a reason that she doesn't understand nor knows if she would want to know.

"You know, I had a dog once. A dog and a gold fish. They were actually my best friends believe it or not. And I cared deeply for them, deeper than one might think but I loved them with my whole heart. That is until Dave came... he's allergic to fur and he doesn't like fish or anything sea related. They got taken away from me and I know where they ended up..." He trails off and she understand what he's trying to tell her. His animals were taken away and killed, not even tried to find a home for them.

She looks up to meet his eyes. Her warm brown eyes to his blue ones and she can't help but find that he is suffering. In his eyes Karina starts to see pain that she doesn't want him to go through. The bruise was all she wished that he had to go through but it was not the case and somehow her heart feels for this man. Not knowing why. "It's stupid really but I've always pictured myself having a wife that I love and two children and three dogs. Each a rescue and then a couple of fish" He says to her.

She shakes her head but he doesn't understand what she's referring to and he furrows his eyebrows at her. Karina moves closer to him. "It's not stupid" She whispers. Her voice is so low that it was barely audible but he heard her by the look on his face. A shock mixed with surprised had risen to his face as she back back to her place on the bench. Perhaps he thought that she was not listening to him when he speaks but this proves that she does listen to him and she does, every single word that he speaks to her.

Minutes pass by and he stares at her. The shock never leaving him alone. The longer his eyes study her, the less he starts to make sense to this girl. Perhaps he is not meant to understand her. He studies her carefully, as if he were trying to map out all of her features and memorize them. "I thought you were mute. Not that there is anything wrong with it or anything. I just thought... since you didn't speak at all. I'm glad that you can speak" He speaks in a soft tone. She had nodded her head when he asked her the night before, but he had not heard her speak so he thought she simply had done that so he would not pressure her.

She looks at him with her brown eyes. Karina then gives him a small smile. So small that it could almost not be called a smile, upon her face he knew it was a smile. "I won't ask you to speak if you don't want to. Maybe you don't trust me yet, but I promise I'm very trust worthy" He tells her. She nods. She did not know what had compelled her to speak those three words that she had spoken. They had come out of her mouth before she could even stop them from leaving her lips and be in the world where nothing could take them back.

Neither would she want to take those words back. They needed to be said and she needed to be the one to say them. Her attention is moved from Lucien and towards the lake. It has not changed since the last time her eyes found it. At the same time it has. Water has the capacity to change every second. The change is so subtle that many don't see it. Even in this darkness, she sees it and she sees how changed it has become. Despite how little has changed about it.

He follows her gaze at the lake and like so many else, he can't see the changes in the water. The darkened night does hide most of it, but even so one should be able to see it. "I have a lot of dreams in the future and there are so many things that I want to do. It's just that... I will never be able to do them" He confesses after some time. She turns her head to look at him, he still faces the lake. When he does look at her she gives him a questionable look.

"I don't have the money for them. I will have to work every day of my life and even then it will never be enough. Some people are just born to work and dream but never achieve" Lucien speaks to her in a sorrowful tone. His voice almost cracks but he does hold back the tears that threaten to spill. She looks at him to see that he does speak the truth and this is how his life is going to be. Sad and exhausted, dreaming but never being able to reach that dream nor the goal which he has set.

"Do you have any dreams?" He asks her and sadly she nods. For she does not nod because she has dreams such as goals but rather because when she sleeps she has dreams, though Karina would call them nightmares or rather night terrors. "I think everyone has them. It's sort of just what we do. Have dreams that we will never be able to reach but they do keep us going. One of my dreams would be getting rid of Dave..." He trails off.

"I just want him to leave my mom alone. He doesn't deserve her. He's always cheating on her. She deserves a man that will be true to her, not a dirtbag like the one she just married. I hate him so much. I know it's wrong to hate, but I do. So much. I hate him because of what he is doing to her. He's hurting her and she doesn't deserve it. Even when I tell her to leave him, she doesn't" He says to her.

"A real man respects the woman that he is with. Even if he has not yet fallen in love, he should always respect her and never cheat on her. When I fall in love I will treat my wife with respect and love, just like she deserves. I will be the luckiest man in the world when I hold the hand of the woman that I will call my wife" He says. When he speaks, she looks at him. His blue eyes light up when he speaks of the future as it must be a time which he looks forward to.

A thing that Karina will not be able to say the same as her future is not what she would ever look forward. As her future will be the same as the present. The present is not that pleasant and neither will the future be. Her eyes turn towards the lake once more. How she wishes to allow the cold water to welcome her body and allow the water to take it all away from her. The beauty is true but beauty is always the definition of a thorn that will prick when touched or provoked.

The lake would take everything away from her but she would allow it to. The cold bitter water would freeze her body perhaps solid but she does not know. It would be so cold that her heart would not be able to take it and give itself up. Hand it over like it were nothing. And only then it would stop beating and therefore her life would end. The lake would then decide her fate and there would be nothing she would be able to do other than accept what is to come after the water had taken her.

Her gaze remains there as she listens to him speak. There are many interesting things that he says. The way that he always holds hope for a future which knows himself will never come. Karina knows what her future will be, what she does not know is how his future will. No one truly knows what the future holds. Unless they are her and she can predict how her future is going to be as it is not that difficult to know that her future is bound to be the same as the present that she lives in now, boring and agonizing.

***

A yawn escapes past his lips just as the sky began to become brighter. The hours had passed while he spoke to her. Neither of them certain where the time had run as it had clearly run away from them. The sun has not yet risen, but before it can show its presence the sky will brighten with every second. Painting it with colors that many wish they could capture and take with them forever, and may fail doing so. They sat on the bench for hours, neither of them moving nor wanting to and sat there until morning.

"It is really nice talking to you. I feel like I can tell you anything and everything" He admits to her as he looks deep into her eyes. Blue to brown. She gulps when he speaks those words. Her cheeks warming up. Showering them in red. More red since because the cold night had made her cheeks and her nose slightly pink and her fingers and most likely her toes as well. She nods at him. Wanting nothing more than to be able to say the same thing, but she can't. Her lips tug themselves in this barely visible smile.

Returning her smile, he stands up. Offering his hand to her, she shakes her head and stands up on her own. Her feet ache slightly and her bottom does not agree with her since she has been seated for hours without standing up. "I trust that we will see each other the next night?" He asks her. The hope in his blue eyes of life can be seen clearly. For a moment she does nothing but she nods her head and turns around. "Wait" He calls after her but she does not stop. "Karina" he says and she freezes. Turning around to be facing him, she raises an eyebrow.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he eyes her and stays silent. Until he takes some steps closer to her. "I'm glad we met, you're really amazing to be around and talk to" He says to her. It is not the first time he has said something similar. A puzzled look comes across her face as she thought he had already expressed that same thing to her. "I just want to say; Thank you" He tells her and she nods at his words and hoping that he can sense she's thanking him as well.

The two go their separate ways and yet Karina can't stop the thoughts of him even when he has walked away from her. This sudden and mysterious feeling she can only describe as longing has appeared in her body which confuses her. Doing all she can to not think of it, she does the very same thing she had done the morning before and the before that, and she will do so the next morning and the morning after the next one. That is how it will be. Her future is rather predictable in her mind.

The diner is empty when she enters it which is just how she likes it to be. Cleaning the diner has been her job for some time and she does so with her time during the day. Her body exhausted and her eyes so tired that they have a hard time even staying open and awake during the day. As soon as she is done working, she walks in the evening to her apartment. The apartment is small but it does for her. It works for her since she lives there all alone and it is not that bad as well.

Entering her apartment, she turns on the light. Setting down her shoes which she took off her feet, she puts them to the side by the door which she closes. Her apartment does not carry that many rooms. A single bathroom, one kitchen, a bedroom and a small living room which is so small that she does not even use it that much. In fact Karina does not use that much of her apartment either way. She walks to the kitchen and opens the fridge which is almost empty but she does not need much for herself. Sometimes she does eat something at the diner, only a little though.

There are not that many furniture that she has in this small apartment and neither has she use for many of them anyway. She has not a single decoration hanging on the wall nor on the furniture because she feels they are nothing but a waste of money and space and are only so that people can show off their apartments. There is no one that comes to her apartment and that is how she likes it to be for she does not want anyone there and no one would want to visit her.

Closing the fridge door as he found nothing that she likes to eat. Neither is she hungry. Hunger is one thing that is constantly digging into her skin, but she does not care. With time the feeling of hunger has become an ordinary feeling and does not bother her as much as it once did. Karina walks over to the bathroom and turns on the light. She does not look into the mirror. Avoids the temptation to look at her own figure. She knows how she looks like and does not need to be reminded of it.

Her appearance is none of her business but all of a sudden as she brushes her teeth, she wonders how she appears under the blue eyes of Lucien. Wonders why she thinks of that. How such thoughts enter her mind. Not because she worries that she is not pretty enough in his eyes, but she does wonder how he thinks of her appearance. If he likes looking at her or if he does not. If she is pleasing to the eye or not. She does not know. Karina herself finds that she is nothing compared to other girls out there.

With her teeth brushed she does her business as she had been really relived about since it has been a couple of hours since she has used the bathroom. Stepping out of the bathroom, she turns off the light and the light in the apartment itself and walks into her bedroom. The room is not much. It carries only a bed and a nightstand. Changing out of her clothes into her pajamas which is really just another sweatpants and then a t-shirt which is a couple of years old and the picture that was on it is long gone.

Lying down on the bed, Karina does not go to sleep. The turned lights in the room frighten her. What frightens her far more is what is to come as soon as she closes her eyes. The very thing that is the source of why she is exhausted during the days and sleepless during the nights. There is deep hatred in her bones for her nightmares and what always comes as soon as she falls asleep. Bringing forth this fear of falling asleep in the first place, a fear that forces her to stay as long awake as she possibly can.

Her body is under the covers and her head rests on the pillow. Her eyes look up at the ceiling which she can barely see in the darkness of the room. The ceiling is the same it has looked each and every time that she looks at it but at the same time she finds that something has changed. Perhaps it is simply her own mind going insane. Her sleep deprived mind which is slowly eating her alive and creating this madness inside of her head that will soon be visible for the whole world to see it.

Karina remains there for an hour. Staring up at the ceiling, doing all that she can to force her eyes to stay open. The thoughts inside her head racing but she is running out of things to think of. Unless they are about the one that she has spent the last two nights with. With him on her mind, it never seems to be able to shut up and neither does she want it to. Unfortunately, she does lose the fight and her eyelids become so heavy that fighting it became so hard that she finally had to succumb to the darkness and close her eyes.