•Can I be him / James Arthur•
"You took me back in time to when
I wasn't broken"

The heavy rain hits the buildings, echoing in the grey day. My boots splash the water on the sidewalk as I run through the streets. Thanks to Chloe, I have brought an umbrella – and I really need to send her a message thanking her, no matter how it hurts my pride ass.

The droplets create a constant melody as they crash against my plastic umbrella, my hair sticking to my face thanks to the humidity. My beige overcoat hugs my body lightly, its hem brushing on my middle tights.

The sunglass doesn't help much with my hangover. The sky is filled with large, deep clouds, but some freaking how, the environment still carries a white painful light.

Akira almost called the cops when I took so long to respond to her last night, telling her that I had gotten to the hotel safe and sound. But I texted her back as soon as I got to my room, my head hitting the pillow right after.

Victor fulfilled his words and walked me to the hotel after our late-night talk. Maybe because he didn't look at me with sad, sympathetic or judged eyes. Maybe because deep down he seemed to understand the pain swimming in my irises. Maybe because he is a stranger, not knowing the previous me and I can choose who I am again. I really don't know why; all I know is that I felt comfortable around him.

And for the first time in a long time, I was able to sleep without a nightmare.

My hand holds a container with two cups of coffees, their warmth seeping to my palm, slightly warming me up against this cold early afternoon.

I went for a small lunch at a corner café. When I was going to say my order – double, black, no sugar -, Victor popped into my mind, my head becoming dizzier.

I really don't know what took over me, but when I realized it, I was ordering two coffees and a chicken wrap. Maybe it was my hangover brain. Or a way to thank Victor. Or just a way to see him again – no, shut up, that is not it.

Dumb. You are so dumb, Elena.

My mind repeats it like a song, screaming higher with each step I take towards the bookstore. I should turn back. I should go to my hotel. Go anywhere, actually. Anywhere but the place I am heading right now.

I have just met Victor, he is basically a stranger, it doesn't matter our deep conversation yesterday. And I am staying here for less than a month, I don't need to start something just to lose it again. I actually should not even be considering starting something – it would be nothing more than an affair.

And I am not this person. Ian can fill his mouth with all the hate he has and scream at me that I have betrayed him as much as he wants; I will not give him the satisfaction to be right.

But well, I have hate inside me too.

Shut up, shut up. Shut the fuck up!

I exhale, my throat scratching with all the weight swirling in me. This is all miles away from me. What happens here stays here. What happened there is there.

My hand holds the umbrella tight as I sigh, my head shaking, trying to stop my overthinking brain. Victor is just a friend. I don't need to complicate everything.

Simple and easy, Elena. Just be as light as a feather.

My legs guide me to the bookstore. The coffees dance inside the cups, my hips moving in sync with them.

My stomach twists as I face the red door inviting me in. And just now, I realize that I have no free hands. I groan, my eyes shutting and my head falling back. Maybe it is a sign. It definitely is a sign. Victor would probably even think I am some sort of stalker.

My eyes move from the door to the cups of coffee and back to the door again. Fuck, I feel just like a stupid teen, fluttering my long eyelashes, fidgeting with my strands as I try to impress the hot guy.

Friend, Elena. He is just a friend.

''Are you going in or are you just gonna keeping staring at the door like it holds the answer for all the questions about the crazy universe?'' a hoarse voice says on my back, startling me.

Oh, great.

I swallow, inhaling deeply as I try to convey all the triviality possible, not wanting to give him the pleasure to see me flustered.

I slowly turn, staring at his chocolate eyes now. The umbrella splashes some droplets with the movement. Victor's hair is wet, giving a certain charm to his waves.

''Well, I could not exactly open the door, could I?'' I say calmly, tasting each syllable as my eyebrows raise and my hands move, showing him my packed fingers.

He steps forward, his smirk only growing. His hand touches mine as he takes the umbrella, my skin burning with the contact. He closes the plastic umbrella, water flying between us as he shakes it, stepping around me.

My head follows his every move, my neck turning as I watch him open the door. ''Are you coming?'' His head tilts, his damn smile adorning his lips.

I shrug, trying to seem casual, as I walk towards him. For some reason, all my worries from before gradually fade away, like we both have done this so many times before – bump at each other, tease the other and just share a beverage.

''Is that coffee, Elena?'' Victor asks, stepping in front of me when I reach the door. His tongue unfolds delicately in the end while saying my name. ''Have you forgotten already the no drinks rules?''

''Double, black, no sugar. Stop being such an asshole and thank me,'' I say, shoving to him the cups container, making him stumble a little, giving me enough space to enter the store.

He chuckles behind me, the sound resonating in my ears. My hands run through my hair, trying to get rid of the droplets. The place is warm, and the smell of books intoxicates me once more.

I take off my sunglasses, my eyes squinting against the extra light. My hand massages my temple as I look around, smiling at the peaceful, messy store.

The entire time, I feel a stare in my back, and something inside me lights up. I throw the package with my wrap on an almost empty table as I sit on top of it, facing Victor again. He leaves my umbrella leaned on the wall as his legs walk towards me.

''You're bossy, you know that right?'' he says, his head shaking. I just smile innocently at him before starting to unpack my lunch.

I bite the wrap, the tomato juice filling my mouth as the bread crumbles. My eyes shut and I unconsciously moan, enjoying the taste. I feel Victor sitting by my side, our arms brushing as he chuckles.

I turn my neck towards him, his eyes already glued to me. ''Do you want some?'' I ask, lifting the wrap towards him, my words coming out scrambled as I still haven't swallowed all my food.

He lightly pushes my shoulder, making me laugh. It is comfortable. It is natural.

Being with him is natural.

''I am only opening an exception this time,'' he starts, his voice serious, but his eyes betray him, showing me the playfulness behind his words. ''Which one is my coffee?''

''Either one. We have the same bitter taste, apparently.'' I shrug, our stares not leaving the other as he grabs one of the cups, lifting it towards his soft lips.

Someone groans deep down the store, making me look behind, finding the same guy from two days ago behind the counter. His eyes are trailed in his cellphone, his body sits on a highchair as his posture shows all his laziness.

''You know,'' I start, swallowing. ''He really doesn't deserve the employee of the month title.'' My eyes find Victor again, his body shaking as he snorts.

''Yeah. It'd be pretty easy to steal from him, wouldn't it?'' he fires back, and I nod. ''But he is a good kid. And well, I just needed someone to be here, helping me when I need or when I am not around.''

His voice is casual, but his eyes – once more – betray him.

I want to respect his privacy, so I simply take another bite, the salty sauce running down my chin. I try to clean it with the back of my hand, feeling just like a kid.

''Ohmygod, stop. You're only making it worse,'' Victor says, shoving my hand away. He leaves his cup on the table as his body turns more to my side, his fingers coming towards me.

His thumb skirts my lower lip gently, my body freezing for a second. However, he also is able to melt all my insides. My breath gets caught in my throat as I admire his soft features – no smirks, no amusement, just him wearing his laidback face.

But when he leans a little closer, I can't help myself. My body moves away, leaning back as my head snaps to the other side.

''I..., I'm sorry,'' he quickly says, his voice for the first time carrying guilty. His hand goes down, his body moving away from me. ''I wasn't going to kiss you or anything.'' He tries to light up the mood, his tone is teasing now as his foot kicks mine, making me roll my eyes.

''Good.'' That is all I manage to say as I sit closer to him again.

I don't know if it is good or not. It is not that I want him to kiss me. But maybe I want him to want it? Fuck, I am not making any sense.

''You know,'' he starts, looking at me out of the corner of his eyes. ''I won't kiss you,'' he slowly says, his words making my stomach drops. ''Not until you ask me, anyway.''

My hand hits right the middle of his chest, making him cough as his body leans forward. I laugh, my nose wrinkling and my head shakes, outraged with his bluntness.

"Never gonna happen, double – o – seven.''

He stares at me, his face carrying his smudge smirk, pulling me towards the sweetness of his eyes. It is intoxicating. It is poison to the responsible Elena. But it is also is accelerating for the Elena I am trying to be this month.

He sips the coffee, his irises never leaving me. His tongue runs through his lips as he opens his mouth, ''Is that why you showed here out of nowhere, carrying coffee as an excuse?''

I blink a few times, his words have caught me in surprise. His brown eyes challenge me, enjoying seeing me without a sassy comeback. But I shrug, grabbing my own cup of coffee between us.

''No,'' I say, rolling my eyes, bringing the drink to my lips. ''I was just bored and thought that your store really needed some cleanup. So, as I said before, stop being an asshole and thank me.''

I push myself off the table, jumping on the floor. He looks at me like I have just lost my mind – well, darling, that is how I have been feeling for the past six months.

I wink at him, taking the last bite of my wrap, smashing the package with my fingers. I throw it at the trash can, smiling as I see the paper hitting the target. I hear Victor chuckling, and I look at him over my shoulder. He is still sitting on the table, his eyes softly staring at me.

I drink one large gulp of coffee, my eyes glued to the chocolate irises near me. I turn back, leaving the cup on the table. ''Let's go. We have a lot of books to organize,'' I say, slapping his leg.

Victor shakes his head, his waves swaying, probably thinking where he has put himself into. Trust me, buddy, I am wondering the same thing.

🩺🩺🩺

We spend the whole afternoon organizing the shelves, playing around with the books and telling bad jokes. The rain creates a constant melody, hitting the empty streets and the windows of the store.

The day gets dark and gloomy very fast thanks to the grey clouds. The only light is the one from the yellow lamps inside the place. My body aches a little after carrying so many books and climbing the stairs on the shelves many times.

I will never admit it out loud, but it has been fun. Victor rambles a lot, making me laugh. And fuck, the way he looks at me when I smile makes me want to wear a wide smile all day long like it was any other normal piece of clothing.

The store is a peaceful place. Victor sent his employee home sooner, the kid completely happy for it. We didn't talk about any important thing, simply enjoying the company.

My fingers come to my forehead when a pang of pain spreads through it, my eyes closing. We are in the back of the store, a large window in the wall with cushions on the sill.

''Oh, fuck. You're hungover,'' Victor says when he looks at me, noticing my tired features. Oh, I miss my teen days and my old ability to drink without feeling the consequences. ''Of course you're hungover. How many drinks did you have yesterday?''

''Not many,'' I start saying, my eyes rolling. But he looks serious at me, his intense chocolate stare reaching me. ''Okay, like ten or twelve.'' I sigh, trying very hard not to smile.

He chuckles, nudging my shoulder. ''I have like a pharmacy upstairs; I will be right back.'' And he leaves, not letting me say anything more.

I sit on the windowsill, bringing my knees to my chest as I try to breathe through my migraine. The place is way more organized, but some books are still scattered on the tables, giving a certain charm.

On my right, there are three books, one on top of the other. I grab the first one, admiring the dark blue cover. My fingers run through the yellow pages, the old smell filling me up.

''Jane eyre. A classical.'' Victor's low voice makes my head snap towards him. His large hands are holding a pill and a cup of water. His shoulders are dropped, his laidback posture embracing him.

''I love it. It's a more psychological story,'' I say, shrugging. I lean the book on my legs as I stretch my hands, taking the pill and swallowing it with large gulps of water.

''It's too girly. Just like pride and prejudice. I understand the whole hype behind them, but I really can't stand reading the slow words.'' He sits by my side, our bodies touching. He takes the cup from my hands, leaving it on the floor.

I elbow his ribs, making him laugh. I also bite my lips, my head shaking as an idea pops in my mind and I look down at the book again. ''You know, my dad gave me one hardcover copy of this book when I was little. And inside, he wrote a beautiful inscription. But I didn't care about it, I wanted a nice pair of earrings instead,'' I sadly laugh, my fingers skirting the book as I feel Victor's stare glued to my face. ''He died a couple of weeks later. And the book disappeared when my mom sold our house.

''It got lost and, till today, every time I pass a secondhand bookstore, I look for the copy my dad gave me.'' My head tilts to the side, inhaling deeply.

''I am sorry,'' Victor says slowly, my eyes finding him. ''I feel so stupid now, I-'' His hand runs through his jaw, and his stare carries the utmost sincerity.

I can't face his sad face anymore, and I laugh. My body shaking as I lean forward. For the first time in a long, long time, I laugh carefree, no worry in the world. I look at Victor and he is staring at me as I have just lost my mind, making me laugh even more.

I laugh loud. And so much that I can't even breathe, my eyes filling up with joyful tears. And it is good. My body fills up with a calm, bright peace.

''What the hell?'' he says, his eyes blinking as he tries to understand me.

''I...'' my voice breaks in the middle, my hand coming to my chest as I try to catch oxygen. ''It's from a movie.'' His eyebrows furrow, not following what I am saying. ''The whole jane-eyre-dad-book story, it is from a movie. I just wanted to mess a little with you and your anti-girly-books thing.''

He lightly slaps my tight as he finally understands it, we both smiling. ''You are an evil, evil woman, Shahrazad.''

''I know, 007.'' My breath hitches when I notice our proximity. I can smell his woodsy scent and feel his breath against my cheek. Our eyes never leave the other as my head gradually falls, leaning on his broad shoulder.

He grabs the book from my legs, opening it and reading it out loud. His hoarse voice resonates through the store.

I pay attention to the story, enjoying being this close to Victor. He coughs a little, his cheek coming on top of my head. His large arm surrounds my shoulders, bringing me closer to him while he never stops reading the book. Our bodies connected as the starts spread calmly through the city.

It is natural. It is safe. Like we have done this so many times before. Like we will continue doing it for endless nights to come.

——•:•——
HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE. THANKS FOR READING

•any thoughts on Elena and Victor?

•any theories you guys would like to share and maybe get a hint from me?

-This chapter is dedicated to decaffeinatxd for being so supportive. I love you babe

[Sneak Peek 13: It is the fundraiser Akira invited us to. Open bar, new faces and our favorite 007 await for us. Who knows what will happen next to Elena]