•Cosy in the rocket / grey's anatomy theme song•

''Who's been calling so much?'' Chloe asks with her eyebrows raised.

''Just the airline.'' I shrug, trying to show as much indifference as possible. ''They're trying to convince me to change my destination instead of giving me a full refund. Assholes," I say, allowing for a second the frustration to flow through my voice.

''My God, that's great,'' she replies too excitedly for my liking. ''That will be great for you, Lena. Imagine, you could go to Buenos Aires or Paris or...'' Her eyes go wide with excitement, just like a kid on Christmas morning. ''Or to Nordeste,'' she finishes clapping her hands.

''Nordeste? Seriously? In the middle of winter?'' I say, massaging my temple. Someone looking from the outside would totally guess we are talking about Chloe's trip instead of mine, considering how much happier she is than me. My head already begs for a painkiller; I can't even imagine using these tickets to go anywhere. My whole being just wants to cancel my vacation, get my money back, and forget all about this story. ''Besides, I should just stick around, focus on work, and leave my weeks off for another moment.''

''I agree with Chloe, this would be good for you. You barely took time for yourself after...'' Chris starts talking but cuts himself in the middle when he notices the pain resurfacing in my eyes. He moves uncomfortably on the chair before speaking again, ''Well..., after everything. A new place would be good, a time to breathe new air and a period to explore self-knowledge or whatever the fuck the freak shrinks talk about.''

''I don't know...'' A heavy sigh escapes my lips. I've already made up my mind, deciding to stay right here, in my well-known air. I don't need new things. I have had my share of exciting news, all with different types of joy. And then I lost them all, one by one, like a domino effect crushing me in the very end.

I don't need any of this again.

''Just think about it, please. Only check the possible destinations,'' Chloe tries once more. ''It won't hurt, Elena. Besides, if you go somewhere around the country, you can be back in a few minutes by plane,'' she ends, smiling and staring at me with hope in her eyes.

''Ok, ok. I'll, maybe, think about it. Now excuse me, I have a fascinating surgery to prepare for,'' I finish, trying to lift my mood again.

I get up quickly, throwing my friends one of my smiles. My smiles used to be as genuine and warm as being on a field in the middle of a summer afternoon. Today, however, they're just forced and small, carrying a fake heat.

I had scheduled this vacation a year ago when everything was different, better. A month in Greece with its paradisiacal beaches and exotic beauties. But it just doesn't fit anymore; the whole concept got lost. This past year was a blur, as if a hurricane passed through and left only fragments in its aftermath. Honestly, I'd rather go back to the middle of the storm - when I at least had something, anything, to hold on to - than live in the after, having to face all the repercussions on my own.

This vacation was supposed to be canceled months ago, but for different reasons. Then the reasons weren't there anymore. Nothing is here anymore. And my chest tightens, imagining how much life has turned upside down.

🩺🩺🩺

"Hi, Ella. How are you feeling on this lovely afternoon?" I greet my patient with a smile, this time, it's a little brighter.

Ella is only sixteen but already has to undergo brain surgery. A week ago, she appeared in the emergency room after falling off her bike and hitting her head, which granted her a visit to the radiology. And by a dramatic turn of events, the tests showed an aneurysm in her cerebral artery.

''Hello, Doctor Bernardi," Ella answers, batting her green eyes. ''I'm totally great, nothing too out of the ordinary, y'know? Just some silly brain surgery.'' Her hands move, trying too hard to seem casual.

We have gotten quite close in the last few days, I was the one that the ER called to consult after her CT scan returned, so I also was the first to have more contact with the family. Besides that, I've been the resident doing all of her check-ups, and I even spent most of Ella's first night admitted in here by her side since my shift was a quiet one and her parents had to leave for a while.

We connected by our shared passion for lemon jello, silly high school gossip, and girly tips. Ella is a sweet girl, and her condition is rare at such a young age, so the neuro team needed a couple of days to do some case study preparing for her surgery. But I have to admit that I'm excited to be a part of. This is the first time I can actually perform the procedures again after having to endure a timeout just observing and assisting.

''Well, everything seems in order...'' I say while reading her medical records, checking the latest nurse's notes. ''You haven't ingested anything for today, have you?'' I ask, and she quickly shakes her head. I review the surgery, answering all questions from the concerned parents. Doctor Mendes, my supervisor, appears not long after saying a few more details.

I throw a small smile at her family as I walk their daughter down the aisle. Ella rambles about her future plans for the second semester of school and about her younger sister that she always promised to teach how to do her makeup. I keep the conversation going, trying to distract her as we get to the surgical floor.

The operation room is all prepared and waiting for us. Its clear light and strong scents welcome me home.This place is cold for many, but my heart has never felt as warm as inside these walls.

''See you in a little while,'' I assure the young girl lying in front of me, squeezing her hand before letting the nurses guide her stretcher towards the middle of the room.

''Are you ready, Lena?'' Mendes asks, looking at me out of the corner of his eye as we both scrub.

''Yes, sir. I could recite every step of the procedure by heart.'' My voice is uneasy while I am under his intense gaze, but I still manage to lift my chin, looking at my superior in the eyes with all the confidence I can muster.

''There's no need for that.'' His laughter lifts the mood around us. ''Just make me look good while you assist me, okay?'' He speaks with a nicer expression now, and I return it with a tiny smile.

We start at 4:27 p.m, and I observe every little thing while my attendant rechecks the CT results. Mendes instructs me one last time and then allows me to do the incision, starting the craniotomy. I don't even realize the hours going by. I am too focused and lost in awe for everything that's taking place in front of my eyes. Each part is so fascinating, and when the brain is retracted so we can locate the aneurysm, the rest of the world simply vanishes.

The air around us is light and calm. Mendes and I talk;, he throws tons of questions at me and even lets me perform some other parts of the procedure.

However, there is a moment when I am not performing anything, so I decide it is the perfect time to stretch my neck. My eyes find a tall figure leaning in the gallery. His green irises stare intensely at me through the glass that separates us, and my heart forgets how to beat.

It seems to be just the two of us here, my mind foggy as I drown in his gaze.

''Shit. Shit!'' Mendes' anguished voice brings me back to reality. Soon the machines' beep becomes louder and erratic. The air fills with tension. The clip slipped, piercing the aneurysm, and, in basically one second, there's blood everywhere.

——•:•——
HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE. THANKS FOR READING

-I felt so much one of the greys antomy's writers actually and it was so funnn (just sorry for any medical mistake, I really did research a lot to try and make everuthing more realistic possible)

-also, ''Nordeste'' is a region of my country. It is very know by its beautiful beachs, hot weather and african influence. The literal translations would be ''Northeast'' but it simply didn't seem right to me, sorry if this caused any confusion-any error ou suggestion or question, don't be afraid to say pleaseee

- the next ch will be a little longer and with feelings all over the place, get ready