his face was sullen as we arrived at the queue at the ticket shop.

"you promised."

"are you sure you don't want anything else? like go to Disneyland Tokyo? that place is way better than this place."

im shaking my head and he replay with a sigh.

"this place has special memories for me."

"ok princess. you rarely demand like this."

"you are offering a request."

"my intention was become a boomerang for me."

"so you are regret?"

"only if it turns out a bit disappointing and the weather is hot..."

"that's why I prepared these hats and glasses for you."
I said, holding out a hat and glasses which he welcomed reluctantly.

"I think we will just enter in an hour."

his guess is wrong. we managed to get into this playground in just 20 minutes

even though there were several different decorations, the red floor that greeted us when we entered was exactly the same as in my memory.

giant fans that spray water and the wind at the same time are also still used.

Carousel is the first game we found. Jeongguk just walked away regardless of my invitation to start queuing. I assume he's not interested in this game.

several times I had to argue even to the point that he wanted to enjoy the ride. his face had begun to turn pale as we descended from the tornado rides. things got worse when we tried roller coaster. his breakfast that he ate this morning finally came out when we got off the rides.

"mianhe.." I said.
he didn't answer. we tried to sit resting in the seat.

"nwa haejima.. I really don't know if it will finally be like this."
he still didn't answer.

"are you still angry?"
his hand grabbed the palm of my hand which was stroking his back. With a swift gesture, he pulled me closer towards him then landing a short kiss on my lips.

"I will do it again if you ask the same thing again." he said.
"It doesn't matter if that means people will looking at us like this."

It takes several seconds to digest his words.

"so after this, what more torture should I live?"

"Doll Castle?"

a smile on my face made him turn his eyes backward.

"kaja!!"
I stood up then stretched my hand towards him intending to help him get up from the chair.

he grabbed my hand and then grabbed my hand and put it in the pocket of the hoodie jacket he was wearing. surprised by what he did, I tried to pull my hand.

"what are you doing? there's many people see. "

his grip felt even tighter.

"this is my dating version."

"It's a little childish."

a short kiss returned to my lips.

"you..."

"are you sure want me to kiss you again?"

I can't resist the smile on my face.

besides us, there are a eomma and appa with two children. the father sat with her daughter i suggest was around four years old. while the mother carried a toddler around no more than two years.

the dolls displayed are quite interesting even though there are some that have been damaged and look a little horror. a few times the father patiently explained one by one the dolls to the daughter who kept asking without stopping.

Jeongguk looks calmer. his soft strokes in my hands also made me more convinced that today I might get an unexpected answer.

"you're so happy."

"this is one of the best memories I have with my father. just like them. I remember the doll's place the most."

"soes that mean every year we have to go to this place?"

I embraced his hand and leaned my head on his head.

"aniyo, I'm happy at least having new memories in this place with you." I said.
"maybe.. soon when we have a fa—"

I lowered my intention to finish my words when I felt his body tighten.

"chance again." I said, smiling at him.

the sky is getting dark and I think this is the right time to get to the answer which is my main reason for coming here.

"ige majimag?"
I nodded.

the family who had been in one boat with us were also in the queue of this ferris wheel. the girl didn't look away from the wheel in front of her. while the toodler one is seen asleep in the arms of the mother.

"you are very interested in that family. do you like children?"
his hand held my hand back.

"maybe. you?"

"not too much. they are noisy."

his answer made me laugh.

"what's wrong with my answer?"

"you must be an attractive appa."

beyond my expectations, he didn't smile but took his gaze towards the other as if he wasn't comfortable with what I just said.

my feelings start to feel bad. ani. I have to be sure. I must be sure that everything must be fine.

the room we were riding on the wheel wasn't as big as it seemed. even though it's only two, this wheel feels full and leaves only an empty space. In my memory, this room is quite large because I was five years old at that time. of course this wheel will feel great for little girls.

from where we sit, I can see all kinds of rides in thia carnival, even though it's not very clear. Jeongguk looked busy looking at every inch of the scene as I tried to compose sentences in my head and calm my heart.

"Jeongguk.."

he finally looked at me.

"thank you for everything."

he smiled.

"even though I know the possibility you won't like what I will ask, but I need to know the answer."

his face turned serious.

"do you love me?"

I squish the jeans I was wearing while holding my breath waiting for the answer.
he sighed and then cast his gaze towards the other.

"I feared that this happened. I know the direction of your conversation. "

"what do you mean?"

"I know you've planned this all from the start."

"I don't understand.."

"wedding. you want marriage, right?"

I paused.

"I'm not ready, Rosie. after what I experienced, I even forgot about that intention."

"that's not what I mea—"
I said cut off as he grabbed my hands.

"can we just be like this? living just the two of us without problems. enjoy everything before we are saturated with each other."

saturated.

the word hit my chest causing pain which slowly made me almost lose my breathing ability. I thought everything was enough if he said he loved me. In fact he himself was sure that we would be saturated with each other. the wheele we were riding stopped and he pulled me to get out of this wheel.

his hand still holds my hand. my stomach suddenly nauseated. my chest felt tight.

the water from the sky began to drop. Increasingly heavy. I held back his intention to pull me to take shelter. I have to try again.

"you haven't answered my question. do you love me?"

"I hope you understand that I'm not ready for that."

he said again while kissing my forehead.

he pulled me back, took my hand to the shelter.

our clothes are getting wet. I let go of his grip. then I lifted my face to the sky. hope the raindrops will disguise my tears that have begun to flow.

Is this the end of everything..?

I felt his hand take my hand again. he looked at me confused. without thinking, I hugged him. Give him the most tight hug I can give.

"I understand.."

I say. then I feel he is replying to my arms.

"thank you for understanding."

do I have other options besides understand?

where are y'all squad????!