the first thing I got when I arrive in front of her house was the great blow on my cheek made me fall.
Taehyung grips the clothes I wear. his eyes were red. he looks like was possessed by a demon when he found me standing in front of the fence of this house. he sent another punch on my face.

"you bastard! I should have end you to death!"
the feeling of rancid blood felt in my tongue again.

there was no desire to replay him, no matter what he did to me. maybe because I know he loves Chaeyoung just like I love her. he just tried to protect her from a bastard like me. I will also do the same thing if i'm in Taehyung position.

he who was above my body returned to blows endlessly. his breath panted. fist in his hand also looks injured with all the attacks.

my hand managed to hold his fist, I stared straight to find the direction of his view.

"I just want to see her. just once."

hearing what I just said, he who had initially run out of breath returned to punch me. my consciousness was almost gone when my body's burden gradually disappeared followed by a noise. with the rest of my ability to remain conscious, I saw several people trying to hold back his movements.

we were separated. he still looked at me furiously as if he would never tire of attacking.

"if you dare to hurt her again. I will finish you! remember that. I will finish you!"

faintly everything was quiet went dark. if only I died now, of course this would be too easy for me, right?

---

the security guard and receptionist who greeted me at the apartment where I lived reminded me that my face must be as terrible as the pain I felt.

it takes a lot of effort to convince the person who brought me to the idea that I don't need a hospital. I just left that place. entering a hospital again with my situation like this will only make Jieun ensure that I will stay there forever.

I promised when the pain in my eyes slipped and the corner of my lips dissappear, I would look for her again.

I put a card to open the door number 999. out of my expectations the one who welcomed me was a bright room accompanied by the smell of food. I stepped slowly in and traced every angle in my view.

maybe the hallucinatory syndrome that is approaching mental illness is attacking me again.

she is there.

standing back from the white sofa right facing the entrance as if it was deliberately welcoming me.

I approached. no matter how many times I wiped my eyes, her shadow still there.
her hair was loose. both of her hands are perfectly grasped in front of her body wrapped in her white dress. and her beautiful face.

"Chaeyoung?"

without taking her eyes off me, tears flowed from her eyes. I pulled her into my arms. the smell of her hair, the warmth of her skin and the sound of her sobs.

if this was the effect of late to taking the medicine, I would be crazy if I could make her appear even though it was only in my hallucinations.

"we both ended up with sadness."
her voice sounds so real. I can even feel the hand rub on my back.

"we'll be fine right, Jeongguk?"

even though she sounded faint behind her sob, there was confidence in her voice.

I tightened my arms to her then nodded for sure. peck of tear flowing from my eyes.

"yes Chaeyoung, everything will be fine as long as we are together."

----------------------------------

CHAEYOUNG POV

five years.

I thought I would forget everything with time. but my guess missed. forgetting everything isn't as easy as I imagined. the first three years I spent with great effort to finish college and struggled desperately to start everything from the beginning.

then I met him again who was now sitting in front of me. considering what he offered was just a friendship and work relations, I received a helping hand at that time even though there was a confidence he still had feelings that were difficult to hide.

just like our relationship before, with Taehyung I found a comfort. my friendship with Tae is more accurately described as friendship.
that feeling was clearly different from the feeling I had felt with Jeongguk.

Jeongguk.
a name that I tried hard to forget but ended up appearing in my dreams. someone who has carved out the most beautiful and bitterest memories of my life.

it takes a lot of effort to forget his figure. when I thought I had already begun to successfully continue to live without him, his appearance at one of the events that was attended by me and Tae destroyed all the defenses that I had been build.

when he stands in front of me. our most beautiful and worst dreams seemed to be real. my body trembled with fear of seeing the same longing in his eyes. seeing him in front of me seemed to prove how much time had passed wasn't too meaningful. something that I don't deserve to remember is the painful history that exists between us.

I also still remember how when Jeongguk came back to embrace me in a hug when we met again at a park, the longing I felt was even more real. I could barely resist the intense desire hug him back. with the rest of the defense I had, I send a slap on his face followed by a lie about my engagement with Taehyung that never happened. Tae also agreed with the farce I made because he also fully supported my intention to remove him in my life.
according to him, the history that I have with Jeongguk has become strong evidence that Jeongguk is not the right man for me. I also agree with that. our togetherness will only hurt one another.

during this time, I believed that I loved Jeongguk unilaterally.
also, i think its only I am that felt the pain of losing our child that I had never realized. all that beliefs collapsed when I saw him on the bed in the hospitals where some nurses who were holding back his movements while a doctor who injected tranquilizers into his IV tube.

I saw and heard how he mentioned my name repeatedly along with the promise he was trying to keep. that was when my defense was immediately destroy.

I just realized that he also felt all the suffering I felt for the loss and longing that we experienced.
if only Jieun, who told me about his situation, not holding me back then, I had already run towards him and hugged him tightly saying that I was there with him and everything would be fine.

my grip on the dress behind the table couldn't reduce the guilt that swept over me now.
Taehyung looked at me calmly amid his busyness of enjoying an appetizer in front of him. tomorrow is the last day Jeongguk out of the hospital after the accident. Both Tae and I both know that.

"Taehyung... I..."

"you better enjoy the soup before it's cold."
I'm sure he knows what I want to say.

as I expected, he still insisted on sticking to his opinion. Taeyung was aware of the fact that I secretly always spent watching the Jeongguk in the hospital.

Initially, he didn't agree with what I did. after I promised with tears when I was only going to see without approaching Jeongguk, he finally agreed even though with a heavy heart.

"I have to see him Tae.."
he finally returned my gaze.

"how many times do I have to remind you that this is not the right choice?"

"there is no exact choice, Tae. I just want to acknowledge what I have felt lately."

"are you sure this is not just your pity, because you saw it yesterday? you know... maybe he's... crazy. "
what Taehyung said was enough to bother me.

the possibility of a he lose his common sense sounds so heartbreaking.

anieo.

I'm sure everything will be fine. Jeongguk i know can definitely rise from adversity. seeing the shaking of my head, Tae sighed again.

"we will be fine."

I said, trying to sound confident. his hands clenched furiously on the table showing his dislike of the beliefs I just said.

I had predicted that Taehyung would argue same as Jieun who believed that my presence would only make the healing process of Jeongguk more difficult.

both Jieun and Tae don't understand that I need him as Jeongguk needs me by my side.
in fact, I could never erase himself in my memory. the longing I had felt made me so sick that even at the point I felt crazy.

"are you sure of your decision?"
he asked again.

I nodded along with the flow of tears flowing.

"I can't deny it any longer. I still love him."
the confession that just came from my mouth gave me a feeling of relief. it feels like the burden on my shoulder is perfectly lifted.

yes, I love you Jeongguk.