ATTENTION
Anyone who knows me personally and outside of this app please please don't read this. I needed to rant to someone but didn't want you to see this all that much. I especially don't want to be pittied.

Now for anyone who doesn't know me. Please don't leave any pitty comments. I don't want it. I needed to rant. If you have a problem similar to mine (or even just any problem) I'd be happy to talk with you about it and try to work through it. But just here goes nothing
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Is it weird to feel like second best to the people you love? Every time I've been dumped, I've been dumped for someone better than me, nicer than me, cuter than me. My first boyfriend dumped me for the most 'popular' girl in the grade, and got rejected. My first girlfriend dumped me for a guy older and nicer. The next dumped me for another girl. The other 2 I've ended as we started drifting. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if anyone truely loves me. Hell I don't even know if my girlfriend loves me. She just seems like she prefers my best friend. I'm tired of feeling like second best. I'm tired of not knowing if someone actually likes me or wants to be around me.
I know that I'm extremely clingy and in constant need for affection but I can't help my insecurities. I try to be the happy person everyone sees me as, but most the time it's a mask. A facade that helps people not feel sorry for me, because I don't want that. At least I'm good at it. I put up a good act, but sometimes the sadness shows and everyone starts asking what's wrong. How am I supposed to tell people what's wrong when it's everything and nothing at the same time. Most of this problem would be solved if I just calmed down and accepted that not everyone will like me. I wish I could. I've started to block myself off as much as I can. When I get even the slightest bit upset I try not to talk to anyone, just in case they make it worse. I've accidentally lashed out at two people who hadn't even done anything wrong. I wish I knew why I did this, or understood fully why it happens but I can't. I'm just an ignorant girl who doesn't understand some of the most simple things in life. I just wish it would stop sometimes.