(Daniel's POV)

A week ago today I kissed Ben for the first time. Since then, I fell down the endless soft and anxious hole of love, where there's only Ben and me.

Amazingly, two days after our kiss, I found a letter on my pillow. I realized it was the piece of paper Ben was writing the day I invited him to the movies, and in that letter he expressed his feelings and how he realized I was trying to reach him several times with my glances, my laughs, the way my face lighted up everytime I was with him.

In my mind I'm still trying to arrange my feelings, the facts, this new thing I'm now having with my bandmate Ben. This is obviously the first time I have feelings for another boy, and I didn't even know I was bisexual until these things started exploding on my insides everytime I was around Ben.

But I was particularly concerned with Chris's attitude.

I know I'm usually a ball of anxiety, bouncing in my own personal hell. I'll say it a million times: my mind is a scary place sometimes. But having some kind of trouble within the band is something really unknown to me.

Thing is I'm already nervous as it is now with this fucking Freak Show tour. I hate touring cause it's really hard for me to put up with people and social environments. Don't get me wrong, I love being on stage rocking the fuck out with my mates, but when the lights go out, I'm skittish and lonely.

Only company I truly enjoy are Ben's and Chris's. This gap that Chris opened between Ben and myself is driving me to my most anxious state.

Although we had settled to go out for drinks the next day I went to the movies with Ben, Chris had been acting distant with Ben and me, and he only spends time with us for rehearsals and shows. We worried for him, and tried to face him several times, but we always get the same answer: that he's ok, but he needs some alone time.

A couple of times I felt uncomfortable, since my relationship with Ben is far more close now than ever, and Chris is getting further and further away by his own choice.

Yesterday, after rehearsal, I kissed Ben on the hallway of the hotel before entering my own room to get some sleep, and we swore we heard Chris's door slamming and some things falling loudly inside his room.

I couldn't sleep last night thinking about how much everthing has changed this last week and why is Chris behaving like that.

We've just started the tour and we arrived at the United States two days ago. I've only seen Chris last night at our first show here, and he didn't even looked up at me the whole time we were on stage.

I had breakfast together with Ben today, and now I left him speaking to his family on the phone. I feel anxious as fuck and the uneasiness will not go away until I try to arrange things between the three of us.

"Aye...Chris? Are you in there, mate?" I was knocking on his door. He took his time to answer and open. When I saw him, I realized he didn't look well. His eyes were baggy and his face had a gloomy expression I didn't like. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure" he opened the door and I slided into the room. It was dark and messy, not like Chris at all. He's the most tidy and organized of us three, and it really came as a surprise to see his room was almost upside down.

"Um...so...look, I want to talk with you about us." My voice sounded a little unstable. Confrontations weren't my thing, but I felt secure around Chris. He looked at me in the eyes, for the first time in days. Seemed like I got his full attention with those little words. "I noticed you've been avoiding Ben and me...I want to know what's wrong, mate. I need to know...I feel things are desconnected between us, we never got into this kind of stuff, you know. What's up with ya?"

He looked shaky and a bit pale. He sat down and look at his feet, rummaging for an answer. Finally he spoke in a low and faint voice.

"I noticed what's between you and Ben. I know you've been...dating or something". His expression was so serious that it made me feel uncomfortable. I percieved a note of grief in his words. "You don't know what it's like..."

I was listening carefully to every word he said, but my mind was getting slow and soggy. I was now looking at him and everything around him as if I were moving backwards, and he were getting smaller, like a vanishing point.

Hundreds of memories flushed my brain as a rushed movie. Everything was falling into place, and I was having some kind of a breakdown.

All this time I was so focused on Ben, my feelings for him, the upcoming tour, the new album, my anxiety and depression, that I completely failed to see what Chris was doing around me.

"I'm in love with you Daniel, me. Not Ben".