I thought everything was going to be ok after my chat with Benny, but things couldn't be more complicated. What I thought to be an easy sequence to endure was turning into fucking hell.

Katie arrived as a surprise on Monday, same day we had a gig on Atlanta. Watching Ben and Katie together like The Notebook characters burned the tangled wires of my mind in some kind of short circuit that afternoon. I ended up being a fucking mess to perform that night, and our show sucked in every way imaginable: my guitar sounded out of tune, my voice was raspy and paste-like, I almost cried during Cemetery and at the end I jumped on Ben's drum set and almost broke my ankle and surely twisted my right wrist. During the whole show I felt Chris's stare on me, disarming me with his sight under the searingly hot lights of the stage, dissolving my sweat with his piercing eyes, reminding me of what happened between us days ago.

At the end of the night I was so fucking up to chuck a sickie and disappear into the darkness of my room for the rest of the week, if I could. But once again, I couldn't choose what to do with my own depressed ass: John, our manager, dragged us into a party that some big and ripper magazine was throwing for us and some other couple of bands that were on town for the week. I was ready to spit the dummy and throw myself into the hotel room, but John insisted it was very important for us to attend that fucking party and have a little word with the interviewers. Our appearence on the magazine would help to caught people's attention and attend our next three shows on the area.

We arrived at the crowded party and all I could think about was drinking my ass off and getting drunk asap to chander and disappear from there, a technique that never fails for me. Unsurprisingly, Benny escorted Katie along with him, so I didn't even had my best mate to spend the painful moment on that awful busy place. What I couldn't avoid was Chris's persistent gaze, following me across the sea of people. My mind wasn't functioning well enough to speak with people, so I ran next to the bar to fetch myself a drink and start with plan A.

"Some party, huh?" Chris said to me. He was standing next to me, holding his cold beer. For the first time in the night I looked at him straight in the eyes. I could feel the warmth of his glance that was burning my insides in such a way I couldn't escape.

"Yeah, I'm ready to get the fuck away from here mate" I said, drinking my drink and looking directly at the wall in front of me.

Chris continued to look me in the eyes, like he was waiting for something. His gaze was steady, determined. It made me feel nervous, cause I knew what was on his mind. I shuffled my pocket looking for my sunnies, but I didn't have them. "He can't", I thought to myself. "He can't make his move here, there's too many people". I was starting to sweat under my yellow shirt, my mind was racing. I was not only uneasy because of the crowded environment and all the sound and voices surrounding me, but I was also feeling anxious for being alone with Chris. There was a feeling in my stomach, a hovering and warm feeling like moths trapped in a jar.

"So...what happened to ya tonight? I listened to you throughout Cemetery" Chris said. He was right next to me, his right arm rubbing my left arm.

"Nothing mate, just memories ya know" I didn't want to say I felt like shit because of Benny and Katie being together. I knew he was just pretending to suss it out, he already had the full idea in his mind of the sad truth that was poisoning my heart. He kept quiet for at least half a minute, chewing the words he was about to spit.

"Recent memories? Like...today recent?" He looked at me again, I saw him from my peripheral. I sighed.

"Well...I'm still trying to ride it out ya know" I said, looking at my feet. My cheeks turned red. Suddenly the bustle around me decreased in volume.

"Daniel" he said in a soft voice, getting closer. My throat was dry. I could feel he changed his position and now he was facing me, his chest was pressed against my arm. I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Dan...You know I will always be here, don't you?".

I tried to breathe but couldn't for a couple of seconds. Then I turned and looked at him. His eyes were glowing and I could see the desire behind those beautiful brown eyes. He got closer to my face, I could feel his warmth on my skin.

"I'm here now" he said, and his lips crashed with mine. His softness melted me in a second, my heart stopped and my mind quitted functioning. I opened my eyes and saw Benny and Katie laughing together, holding hands, looking at each other deeply in love. That was it, this is it. I closed my eyes and firmly gripped Chris's hand. His warmth was different, his kiss was different from Benny's. Just as my tongue was being ripped out, my soul was being defiled by the same act of smuttiness. Was I being an emotional whore?