Chris's memory, 1996 (before the Freak Show Tour) - Chris POV

Never liked going to school. Never felt comfortable trapped in a nosy room full of teenagers who didn't want to be there in the first place. Never liked going to classes, especially after the Frogstomp tour. We had so much fun travelling around, playing our songs, having such good times after the shows, sucking the hell out of new experiences, and then had to be locked out six hours and a half a day in school.

We were kinda tired, working on a new album which we decided to name "Freak Show", after the feeling we experienced being on tour from place to place, having shows almost every night. Our parents decided it was time for us to attend school for a couple of weeks before going back to our music career, so there we were, flooded by seas of youngsters so eager to know how it felt to be teen rock stars.

Thing is we deserved a break from our silverchair world, but going to school wasn't my idea of having a break. After two weeks of classes I was ready to chuck a sickie and locked myself up in Benny's garage to play bass all day and work on our new songs. But it just wasn't going to happen. Not yet.

All I could think about all day was Daniel. I had such a big crush on my best mate, and I didn't know what to do about it. I wasn't ready yet. I couldn't talk about it with anyone, so I was battling myself silently. I've never been attracted to a male before, so I wasn't quite sure how to manage my emotions and feelings for him.

In the meantime, there was Samara. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. We shared the same classes almost every day, and everytime I spotted her long beautiful red hair sitting in front of me, my heart jumped in my chest and my hands started to sweat. Of course I had never talked to her, and I was damn sure she didn't even know I existed.

She always dressed in black and wear tall platform boots with buckles on both sides. I loved her black eyeliner on her amazing light brown eyes. She hung out with a group of goth kids who never talked with anyone. Never. I mean, never. So there was no chance she would ever talk to me under any circumstance, and I was too shy and stupid to even say a word to her.

It was a sunny Wednesday, and I was in the library with Ben. We had to deliver a history homework the next day, so we were tirelessly looking for information. I wasn't really paying attention to anything but Samara, who was sitting alone in a table near us, finishing some paper. She looked so magnetic, so beautiful. With one hand she was playing with her black spiked leather choker, with a bored look in her eyes. With the other hand she was rattling her pink pen against her notebook.

"Check that out, mate. This is your chance. You should quit moaning about it and go talk to her someday, ya know?" Ben said to me after realizing I was intensely looking at her. I sighed.

"And what the fuck would I say, huh? I don't wanna make a fool of myself in front of her. I don't even know what to say, what do you want me to talk about? Weather? No way, mate." I answered, feeling both of my cheeks turning hot and red. Thinking about that remote scenario made my anxiety blast off like a beer cap.

"Come on mate, don't be so negative. Build up some self confidence, Joannou. Conversation starts flowing by itself once you start."

"It may work for you, but not for me. I don't know how to talk to girls. Why do you think I never had a girlfriend?" I replied, looking down in shame. I've always felt sad about it, cause I really wanted to know how it felt to be in a relationship with a girl. Dan had a girlfriend, but they split up a couple of months ago. And Ben was dating Katie.

"Well, how could you know how it is to have a girlfriend if you never talk with any girl? You need to work on you self esteem there, mate. No wackas, I can help ya." Ben answered, looking at me with a devilish smile. "I have a plan."

"No. Don't even think about it. I'm not going to talk to her, no way mate" I looked at Ben desperately.

"Come on Chris, don't be a sissy. You will just go over there and ask her for Mr. Goldenfold's paper. The one we gotta deliver on Friday. Just tell her you skipped that class and you need the assignment. And then, bam! Ask her out on Saturday night or something." Ben was talking very low and fast, and I couldn't even look at him. The bare thought of facing Samara made my knees shake as if they were made up of gummy bears. No way I was asking her out.

It took Ben at least ten minutes to coax me into his idea, and by the time I accepted because I realized I would probably never have another chance like that, I was so anxious I could barely function at all.

Breathing fast and without blinking an eye, I walked towards her. I felt like I was on my way to the gallows. Why the fuck did I even listened to Ben? Why was I doing that? A girl like her would never ever even look at me. Of course, Ben was right. I needed to work on my self confidence and self esteem, cause I felt like a miserable germ in the middle of a cold pond.

Soon and without realization, I was standing next to her, looking at her red hair from above. I realized I've never stood so close of her. I could smell her scent, it was sweet and deep like chocolate and sandalwood. Seconds went by and I couldn't mutter one single word. And she wasn't even looking up at me.

"Um...um...hi." I said in a soft and shaky voice. I was sweating and screwing my left index finger with my right hand. She looked at me and said nothing. I wasn't expecting to make eye contact so fast, so I stood there, speechless again for at least five or seven seconds. "Um...so...I was wondering if you could lend me the assignment for Mr. Goldenfold. Ya know...the one we have to deliver on Friday."

"Oh. Sure." she answered uninterested. She searched through a pile of notebooks and handed me the paper. My hand shaked a bit when I grabbed it.

She quickly returned her gaze down to her homework, and I stayed there still by her side, battling whether I should ask her out or not. Another seven seconds went by. I felt like an idiot.

"So...um...I want to ask you...if you wanna go out with me this Saturday. I got tickets to Thinner. Ya know, that movie based on the Stephen King book." I looked so intensely at her that for a moment, I thought she would ran away. But she didn't. She slided her eyes through my face and down to my body, raising her eyebrows.

"Um...I have plans this Saturday. Going to a party with some friends." she answered without even smiling a bit. I could see her freckles and her red lips, so soft and kissable.

"Oh...um...that's ok. Ok. Yes. Fine. Um...yes." I didn't even know how to react. I walked some steps backwards before almost running to where Ben was, watching the scene behind a bookshelf.

I felt like a complete failure, although I knew it wasn't going to work out in the first place. Ben was excited and asked away immediately about what happened.

"She said she couldn't go out with me cause she has some party with friends on Saturday" I said, while I collected my stuff. We started to walk towards the exit. Sadness and regret started to fill up every particle of my body.

"Are you kidding me? And she didn't invite you to go with her to that party? What a bitch...whatever mate, you can try it again tomorrow. You have to return that paper."

"Yeah, don't even remind me of that. I don't know how will I talk to her again."

While we were walking, Becca, her best friend, arrived on the scene. We were pretty close, and Ben stopped walking to hide again behind a bookshelf to listen to their conversation.

"Yeah, I finished that paper yesterday. You can come to my house today after school to finish that. Hey, what are you doing this Saturday?" Becca asked to her friend. Ben looked at me, wrinking his forehead.

"I have no plans this Saturday. I will probably watch some movies and eat some pizza. You can come along with Rachel. We can have a girls night" Samara answered. My soul dropped to my feet.

We exited the library. I felt numb and confused, my heart was broken. I wasn't ready for that kind of rejection. I wasn't made for anyone, I shouldn't even like anyone cause nobody would ever like me back.

"Sorry, mate...hey, no wackas, wanna come to my place this afternoon? We can rehearse some Freak Show songs with Dan. My mom will cook lasagna. You love lasagna." Ben said, resting one of his hands on my shoulder.

"Um...sure. I will be there by six." I answered in autopilot. My eyes started to burn.

"Perfect. See ya, Joannou. Don't be sad, everything will be ok, mate." Ben said waving his hand, before walking through the front door. I stood there watching him leave, feeling a knot in my chest. Just in time to see Ben meeting and kissing his girlfriend on the front stairs.

I didn't belong anywhere. My eyes threatened to let the tears out, so I ran to the nearest bathroom and locked myself in.