k a r r i s

✖

My mom was going to wake up with a hangover.

I came home that night to find my mom knocked out on the couch with an almost empty bottle of red wine. The glass was tipped over on the coffee table, the deep red liquid dribbling onto the light beige carpet. My mother rarely drank— she was the occasional, one glass only, type of woman. But when I saw her in a deep sleep, light snores escaping her mouth, I knew she had outdone herself.

I quickly cleaned the tiny puddle of wine sitting on the carpet after throwing a blanket on top of my mom. I made sure to rest two bottles of water and two aspirin tablets on the table so she'd have them when she wakes up. She looked so at ease; so peaceful, as if her life weren't so troubled. My mom was all I had during those days, and I vowed to take care of her.

Buzz. Buzz.

The device in my purse vibrated as I walked up the staircase. I flipped on the switch in the hallway, the golden lights illuminating the path to my bedroom. On my way however, was Gabe's room— his door slightly agape. I stood before it, remembering the loose carpet in the closet that Ashton had mentioned.

Buzz. Buzz.

I dug my hand into my purse and pulled out my cellphone. The screen glowed brightly, displaying two text messages from the boy who made my heart flutter endlessly.

From: Ash - 9:43PM
I know ur scared of Sebastian but u dont have to do this alone

From: Ash - 9:44PM
Sweet dreams babydoll

From: Ash - 9:45PM
PS. sorry I made fun of ur clothes earlier. u looked pretty & i didn't know how to deal

It was scary how much I missed Ashton already, despite seeing him less than 30 minutes ago. He just made me so happy— sometimes he gave me headaches, but for the most part, he was someone I wanted near me all the time.

My brother's bedroom door taunted me the more and more I stared at it. The closet was less than 20 feet away and I was curious to see if Ashton's statement were true. So I gave into that curiosity and pushed the door open. I flipped on the light, and like always, was thrown back in time— nothing had moved since Gabe was last in his room.

I approached the open closet, and turned on the light. The golden glow lit the small space and I gazed at the jackets, shirts, and random junk Gabe kept in it. There was one Christmas when I saved my allowance to buy him a sweatshirt of Ariana Grande— his guilty pleasure. That white fleece pullover, with a graphic of Ariana's face was his favorite present that year and wore it everywhere.

It hung neatly on the silver closet rod. In between his LA Lakers windbreaker, and LA Kings zip up jacket, was my twin's favorite sweater. I pulled it off the hanger and brought it up to my face. It still smelled like him; Tide and cologne. Throwing off my own jacket that clung onto my body, I put on Gabe's sweater. I drowned in the soft fabric, and tried to not to drown in myself in tears.

"Kuya, miss na miss kita,"

(translation: older brother; I miss you so much)

I almost forgot why I was in Gabe's closet, until I tripped and staggered around in the space. When I looked down on the floor, expecting a shirt or one of my brother's knick knacks, I saw a slightly piece of upturned carpet instead. I dropped to my knees and immediately lifted the rug. There was nothing but the padding beneath the patch, but when I slipped my hand underneath that padding, did I find a small, slim notebook.

Black. Non-spiral. Bent edges. There was nothing special about it. The bound pieces of paper just looked like any other notebook, but the content within the pages made it something truly unique.

...The team is losing their spirit. If those pansies don't shape the fuck up, Brampcrest is going to win the championship and I won't let that happen. Michael is improving slightly and I appreciate that fucker's hard work...

I giggled at my brother's obnoxious journal entry— I turned a few pages.

...Ashton's dad is a piece of shit. But he's a piece of shit that's funding my dad's new app. Fuckface Irwin owns stocks in the company and once FoodieBabble becomes successful, he'll earn investment. But that money will be given to Ashton. It's the least his father can do for my best friend and his family...

Gabe didn't just influence his classmates; he influenced the city. If his journal held notes of truth, then the checks sent to Ashton from his father, was money earned from investing to my dad's food app. Gabe knew how to take care of the people he loved, and that's the one thing I always admired about him.

I turned a few more pages.

...Karris won the robotics competition. I'm so proud of my twin. I'd never admit this out loud, but I wish I were more like her. She's so fucking dope, and sometimes I wish she went to Willowridge too. But her brain is on a whole different level. Brampcrest is better for her academic goals... even though I fucking hate Brampcrest and their cock face hockey team...

My brother showed that he cared in his own way. He'd never say it out loud to your face, but would show his love and support by being protective. You'd never know he was helping you out until things got better.

I took the journal back to my room, reading it till I knocked out. I laughed at my brother's entries because they were so him. Filled with curse words and insults, the words messily written in between the light blue lines were truly Gabe's. But before I fell into a deep slumber, I quickly took one last flip of the notebook, and noticed a couple of pages missing. The pages were torn out, leaving nothing but jagged edges bound together. The last thing written in the journal however, made my stomach churn. Though it was handwritten, I could feel the animosity radiating off the page, that it electrified my finger tips.

...I hate Calum Hood. He's dangerous...

✖

Mom carpooled to work or took an Uber because when I woke up that Monday morning, she was already gone, leaving the keys behind for me to take the car. I forced myself to be up an hour before normal, just so I could cook my mom breakfast in bed, but those plans were unfortunately thwarted.

So I took the extra time I had in relishing beneath the warm water of my shower. There was a lot of information to take in; to think about, and spending forty minutes underneath the rain of water till it turned completely cold, was what my brain needed.

And the first thing on my list: apologize to Berkley.

We had been friends for years; we grew up together, and there was no way I was going to give up on us. Rude things were said and I made a mistake. It was time to swallow my pride and beg Berkley to forgive me. So that's how my morning at school started.

"Hey Karris!"

I had just slipped out of the car when my name was called out from a short distance. I darted my head in all directions till I found the source of the happy-go-lucky voice.

"Hi Michael," I grinned, hoisting my messenger bag onto my shoulder while closing the driver side door.

"I can smell your fruity scent from a mile away," Michael sniffed the air as he approached me. "Smells nice."

I chuckled, "thanks I showered."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," Michael joked.

"Ha, ha," I playfully punched him in the arm.

"Where you headed to right now?" Michael asked, as the two of us began our trek to the main building. "I have an extra box of apple juice that I'm willing to share."

"Oo, I'm really tempted," I smirked. "But I'm gonna pass. I need to talk to Berkley."

"Everything okay?" Michael asked, cocking his head to the side in wonder.

"I think I will be," I nodded, before switching my tone back to playfulness and curiosity. "But, how are you?"

I poked Michael in the side and beamed incredulously at him. He gazed at me with furrowed brows and curiosity.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I know you had a date last night," I brought up. "Now dish!"

"A date? Last night?" Michael let out a chuckle. "If you count playing video games with Cal and Luke in the basement of my house a date, then so be it."

"Oh come on, don't lie to me," I insisted.

"I'm not lying to ya," Michael claimed, throwing his hands up in defense.

"But Ashton told me you had a date," I admitted. "Which is why you couldn't go to see With Confidence with him."

"Hm, so that's what his original plan was," Michael raised a brow.

"What are you getting at?"

"Ashton begged me for those tickets when I mentioned I had them," Michael explained. "He told me he was a huge fan, and I said I'd bring him with me. But then he got weird, and bought the pair off of me. It makes sense now... he wanted to take you out on a date."

"Wh-what? Are you high?" I blurted, absolutely bewildered with Michael's statement.

"Open your eyes Karris," Michael wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Ashton really likes you. He's never worked so hard over a girl before."

"I'm sure he did when he was with Tegan," I offered.

"He worked for her, but not this hard," Michael justified with a subtle smile. "Trust me Karris, you're something special to him."

Michael and I separated. He went towards the crowd where his friends hung out, while I ventured into campus. But his declaration lingered in my head. Did Ashton really like me? I mean, he was being more nice to me, and being a little flirty but that's the way he functioned. Ashton Irwin was naturally a flirtatious person, and despite the tough outer shell, he was really a softie. What would he want with me? I didn't have much to offer the hockey player.

I also didn't want to get my hopes up either because Ashton already had my heart. He held onto it without even knowing and if he didn't feel the same way about me, I don't know how I'd recover from the heartbreak. But I had to put those thoughts at the back of my head, because less than 3 yards away was Berkley.

She stood at her locker, with her backpack wide open. Her outfit was flawless, and her hair cascaded down her back in soft waves. The old Berkley seemed to be back to normal, and I hoped the memories of us, didn't fade away.

"Hey," I approached Berkley. She quickly glanced at me before returning her attention to the locker before her. "I wanna apologize to you. I'm sorry Berkley. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I was just jealous."

Berkley continued her movements, unloading her knapsack and placing heavy textbooks into the metal vessel. She ignored me, but I wasn't going to take that.

"You're my best friend and I shouldn't have been so insecure. I was just scared that you were leaving me for Natalia," I disclosed, leaning my shoulder against the cool metal. "I was also caught up in my own problems that I didn't stop to think about you and your feelings. I shouldn't have treated you like that."

"Yea, you shouldn't have," Berkley finally spoke up. She turned her head to look at me with a bold expression on her face. "But I don't blame you."

"You don't?"

"No, you had a right to be upset with me. There's just so much to explain,"

"You don't have to," I asserted with a shake of my head. "Natalia's business is her business and I don't need to know any of it."

"But I need to tell you about my business," Berkley's chin drooped down to her chest. She bit her lip, a nervous habit, before looking back up at me. "Down to skip homeroom and first?"

"It's that serious?"

"Oh yea,"

"Anything for you," I smiled, reaching my hand to grab hers. I gave it a reassuring squeeze, which she reciprocated.

Berkley slammed her locker shut and the two of us weaved our way through the corridor filled with our peers. Homeroom would be starting in ten minutes which meant faculty would be patrolling the exits and halls. Berkley and I slipped out through one of the unmonitored doors that lead to the back of campus where the dumpsters were.

"Get a room, dorks!" I called out to the couple making out against the brick wall.

The swapping of spit ceased and immediately their bodies parted. Calum and Mollie stood there with their faces flushed with embarrassment. When they realized what was happening, Calum scratched the back of his head, while Mollie let out a nervous grin.

"Get to class, Coach!" Calum retorted, a snarky grin creeping up on his face.

He and I locked eyes and shared a moment. He smiled, I smiled, and though no words were exchanged, it was like a telepathic type of communication. For the first time in a long time, Calum did not make me swoon with a simple gaze. It was in this moment alone, did I realize, I was finally over him.

Whoa.

"Let's take my car," Berkley decided, digging her hand into backpack. I only nodded in response and followed her into the parking lot.

Her car was parked towards the end of the lot against the navy gate. When Berkley fished her keys out of the front pocket of her bag, she pressed one of the buttons on the FOB. I heard the latches within the car unlock, and I proceeded towards the passenger side. Slipping into the seat, Berkley did the same. The engine turned on, as did the radio and the soft hum of some Top 40's pop song filtered from the speakers.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"There's a little cafe at the edge of town," Berkley informed, backing out of the parking stall. "They have really good coffee and muffins. Hope you're hungry, Karebear."

The Little Blue Cafe was as hipster as they came. It was a clean, pristine pallet with random bouts of baby blue splashed across appliances, straws, and napkins. It smelled like the best kind of roasted coffee beans, and the display case was illuminated, unveiling appetizing goodies. Berkley and I stood in the very short line, as we both gazed up at the chalkboard menu.

My mind vacillated between which iced drink I wanted to consume, and when I finally figured out that my taste buds were lusting for something salted caramel flavored, Berkley gave me a head nod to join her at the register. She paid for both of our drinks, throwing in a warm mini muffin sampler for us to munch on.

"Thanks," I smiled at her.

"It's the least I can do," she stated. "I know you don't like skipping but thanks for doing it today."

I shrugged, "it's the least I can do."

The two of us sat in the corner of the cafe next to one of the many floor to ceiling windows. The table was made of a gleaming marble slab, and the chairs were cushioned with the softest material.

"So," I started. "What's up?"

"When my photos were leaked, I was immediately ostracized. I used to be able to walk around Willowridge High with utmost confidence, but then that all changed," Berkley expressed. Her eyes kept going back and forth between the window and me— she was clearly anxious about all of this, and I had hoped that once she talked about it, the nervousness would subside.

"Here are your lattes ladies," a cafe employee with bright eyes approached us with a smile. She placed the large, glass cups onto the table before us, before setting down a ceramic, rectangular plate with an assortment of mini muffins in the center. "And your muffins. I hope you enjoy them."

"Thank you," I smiled.

"Please let us know if you need anything," the girl grinned, setting down a couple of straws and baby blue napkins.

"We well, thanks," Berkley tapped the straw on top of the table, the thin paper tearing open to reveal the baby blue plastic tube inside.

The employee turned on her heel and walked away from us. I took a sip from my iced coffee, enjoying the bold, yet sweet taste. Reaching my hand for one of the soft, freshly baked treats, Berkley continued her story.

"I was so worried about losing out on a dance scholarship that I didn't know how to handle it. On top of that, my dad has been extra stressed out at work, and he's been taking out that stress on my mom," Berkley revealed, her eyes bore into mine with sadness. She took a quick sip of her cold drink, and continued. "I sent the nudes to Luke because I thought it'd make me more desirable."

"Berkley," I reached my hand across the table to grab her hand. "How many times do I have to tell you that you are lovely and you don't need to send nudes just for a boy to like you."

"Thank you," a solitary tear dribbled down Berkley's cheek. "I know that now. But I was hoping that if Luke wanted me, then he'd maybe want to have sex with me."

"And lose your virginity to him?" My mouth was agape, shock painted my face. "Berkley, why would you think that? Much less go through with that plan."

"Because,"

"Because, why?"

"Because then maybe I wouldn't be gay,"

"What," my face fell into smooth lines, my brain functioning with intense hustle, as my mind replayed my best friend's words over and over again.

"I'm gay," she confessed, with both relief and hurt in her voice.

"How long did you know? Or when did you realize it?" I questioned. 

"I don't know Karris," Berkley whimpered, wiping the back of her hand across her face. "I've been so confused with everything, and Natalia was so nice to me."

"Hold on. Do you like Natalia? As in, like-like?" I gazed at Berkley with wonder.

"No... maybe... yes. I don't know," Berkley bit her bottom lip before letting out another round of tears.

I gazed at my best friend, who was hurting like no other. I could see the conflict in her eyes, feel the battle within her heart. It was slowly starting to come into fruition. Berkley wasn't pulling herself away from me because she wanted a new best friend, she was isolating herself because she needed a best friend— someone who could understand her situation perfectly.

"Is Natalia gay too?" I asked.

Berkley nodded, "her parents are super strict and her family is super Catholic like mine. She came out the night of Halloween and things didn't go so well."

"So when you left my house, you went to console her," I pieced it together in my mind.

"We both made a pact to come out to our families first. High school doesn't last, but family is forever," Berkley explained, and I nodded in agreement.

I then remembered an argument several weeks ago between Berkley and Luke. I was hidden behind a library shelf, watching their feet shuffle around as their hushed voices quarreled enigmatically.

"A while ago, I overheard both you and Luke arguing about something. It wasn't any of my business then and it isn't now, so you don't have to say anything. But you mentioned something about him denying what he saw," I recalled.

"Luke swung by my house when I was being a hermit. He wanted to check up on me," she began, letting out a deep breath. "But when he got there, Natalia was just leaving. He caught me giving her a kiss."

"You do like her," I guessed, smiling at my friend.

"She makes me feel extraordinary, and makes me feel like a better version of myself," Berkley expressed. "But there's nothing I can do about it... I can't be gay, Karris."

"What do you mean? I got your back, no matter what," I assured her.

"My mom's gonna hate me," Berkley's voice cracked. "I could care less about what my dad thinks, but my mom is my everything."

I understood clearly. I may not be able to relate to Berkley, but I understood the predicament she was in. Ever since we were young, my best friend was nothing but a protector. She protected me against mean kids on the playground, protected me against Tegan at school, and always protected her mom as best she could against her dad. Berkley had me and she had her mom— but there was a big chance that she could lose her mom if she expressed herself the way she was meant to.

"Whether you tell your mom now, next week, or in ten years, I will always be there to support you," I promised. "I'm just glad that you were able to find the courage to tell me this."

"You deserved to know," she declared with sincerity in her voice. She quickly changed her tone however, grabbing one of the muffins on the plate. "Anyway, which one is your favorite?"

I giggled, "I think it has to be the peanut butter and chocolate chunk one."

Berkley and I spent another 30 minutes in that little hipster cafe. We dropped the subject of anything too serious and focused on topics that made us feel happy and giddy. She explained her feelings for Natalia, while I expressed the ones I had for Ashton. Eventually, I did reveal to her about my dad leaving us, to which she responded with love and support. I had my best friend back, and I trusted her more than ever.

We made it back on campus as our peers were shuffling through the hallways to get to their classrooms. Berkley and I blended seamlessly with our classmates as we both headed to our respective second periods. As I ventured to AP Biology and Berkley strolled to Government, we paused our movements before the hallways forked between Blocks B and C.

"I love you bestie," Berkley pulled me into a tight hug while I wrapped an arm around her too.

"I love you too," I told her. "I'll support you forever."

"I'll see you at lunch," Berkley separated from our embrace.

I nodded with an enthusiastic grin, "see you then."

We both gave each other another wave before she walked into the hallway on the right, and I on the left. I had a spring in my step because I felt the bliss within me. However, that crusade of glee didn't last too long. Because before I could make it to classroom B-110, and continue learning about genetic codes, I was seized and pulled into a vacant classroom.

This situation was all too familiar, I had a strong feeling of whose strong arms were currently holding me hostage. The hand that capped my mouth, was about to get one huge, slobbery lick in revenge. But instead of tasting skin on the tip of my tongue, I instead got several wool fibers caught in my mouth.

"Nice try babydoll,"

My body was suddenly released, and I was face to face with Ashton, who had a smug look on his face. He smirked at me, wiggling his glove-covered hands. He clearly was satisfied with the result, and I crossed my arms in a huff.

"Well played, Ash," I sneered. "What is it that you need now?"

"I can't stop thinking about what you told me last night," Ashton began plucking the gloves off his fingers. "About Sebastian."

"Please don't make me regret telling you," I grumbled.

"Look, I'm glad you trusted me with your secret, but it shouldn't be one. I think we should go to the police," Ashton advised.

I shook my head, "no, Ashton, I can't. You know well as much as I do that the Grey family is a very influential one. They'll hurt everyone I love."

"Hey, I know you're scared," Ashton approached me, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards him. "But how are you and your family going to get justice for Gabe if you don't tell the truth?"

"Sebastian's dad is the sheriff of this town; his family's roots built this entire city," I stressed, tugging at my hair. "I can tell the truth all I want but it's his word against mine, and mine is worthless."

"Maybe we can get around it... this is a murder we're talking about. A ruthless crime," Ashton pressed on. "There's no way Sebastian can get away with it if you talk."

"I don't know," I pouted, dropping my chin to my chest.

"Listen to me," Ashton pulled me into his chest, holding me tightly. "You won't be alone in this. I'll hold your hand every step of the way. We gotta put that piece of shit in jail, so finally your family can move on, and Gabe can rest easy."

Ashton's words soothed me, but frightened me at the same time. What he was telling me, as he consoled my panicked state, was all true. I had to tell the truth; I had to come clean and testify against Sebastian because it was the right thing to do. His threats shouldn't scare me, but they did, and I had to find the strength and courage within me to fight back.

"I need to think about it," I looked up at Ashton, who perpetually held onto me.

"What's there to think about? Karris, you gotta fuck up Sebastian, or I will," Ashton raged.

I pushed him away, stepping back, "don't you dare! This is my problem to handle, and I am flattered that you wanna help, but don't get yourself into this mess. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Then say something," Ashton started. "Because if I have to, I'll get hurt, just so you won't be scared anymore."

✖

And that is what is up with Berkley.

Berkley is probably one of my favorite characters I've ever created. She's headstrong, fierce, and when she gets knocked down, she's able to stand up stronger than ever.

After looking at all my notes for this story & contemplating plot points for the last week or so, I've finally figured out the last several chapters of Slapshot. With that being said, we are down to the last 9 chapters before this story is completed! #holyshit