[warning: this chapter contains mature content... kind of lol]

k a r r i s

✖

Finally.

Winter break finally arrived and I was more than ready to relish in the luxuries of sleeping in. I had two weeks dedicated to binging Netflix, 3AM trips to Taco Bell, and a holiday reunion with my loved ones. The homework assignments were scarce, and any reading needed to be done during break had already been completed. There was nothing to thwart my plans, and I looked at this scholarly hiatus as a vacation to recharge.

"Here comes trouble!"

My friends and I strutted into Sereni-TEA, a boba tea house several blocks away from Washington High. The cute, hipster-infused business known for their creative drinks and mesmerizing desserts, was a tradition my new friends liked to uphold every Friday. Upon joining their crew, I manifested the same craving as they.

"Flip Cup is nothing without a little trouble," Vince joked, wiggling his dark eyebrows in mischief. He marched straight for the young man behind the register to give him a hug over the counter. "How are you pare?"

(translation: a slang term to reference Filipinos; a friend, between males)

Palo Alto boomed in the Asian-Pacific Islander department, as oppose to my hometown of Arden Heights where mainly Caucasians dominated. Being in the Bay Area in general, allowed me to blend in easier than I thought. Everywhere I looked, there was a Filipino, and everywhere I turned, there was a new friend to induct me into their close-knit community. The group of friends I spent every day with were hands-down amazing. They were the most chill clique on campus, and despite the lack of diversity, I felt at ease surrounded by people of my native homeland.

"Karris, do you want share a brick toast with green tea ice cream?" The words that grabbed my attention belonged to Leah, one of my other new friends upon arriving to Washington High.

I nodded my head excitedly, "yes! That sounds hella bomb."

The moment I started using Bay Area slang, was the same moment I realized I was becoming well adjusted to life in Palo Alto. It was simpler here, a trait I noticed the moment I stepped onto its grounds. Don't get me wrong, I missed Willowridge, but it was notorious for breeding unnecessary drama and uncouth bullies. Here, I was actually one of the 'cool, popular kids,' and I had the Flip Cup crew to thank for that.

"How'd ya do on that Physics exam?" Neelah asked as we stood in line, waiting to make our orders. "That shit was hella hard. I better have aced that bitch. My GPA does not need to go down."

"I think I did well," I predicted with a shrug. "I like Physics."

"I've never seen a new kid excel faster than you," Kenji shook his head with a laugh. He draped an arm around my shoulders, the scent of his light cologne wafting into my nose. "You're going to make a hella fine nurse one day."

I cringed, "as much as that would make my mom incredibly happy, I'm trying to sway towards a career that's not in the medical field."

"Shit, are your parents going to let you do that?" Leah's sculpted eyebrow lifted in wonder. "When I told my parents I wanted to be a makeup artist- girl. They got so pissed, and then started comparing me to my cousins."

Exhibit-A, on Palo Alto's simple living. I never had to explain my ways because my friends understood. They were raised in traditional Filipino homes too, and went through the same things as I. Also, this- trying to find the courage to tell my parents I wanted to create my own career path, was the worse problem I had. I didn't have to deal with unnecessary bullshit clouding my focus.

Buzz. Buzz.

We rolled 8-deep, and sat at a large booth next to one of the many windows in the trendy tea house. As my friends and I delved into our after school snacks, sipping on unique bubble tea, we discussed our winter break plans.

"I think we should hit up Six Flags during break," Vince suggested with a grin, rubbing his hands together with mischief. "I'm in the mood to ride some roller coasters."

"Oh right, there's one in Vallejo, right?" I deduced, remembering that the amusement park also had a location in Southern California. "I think I'm down. I still have left over birthday money for a ticket."

Buzz. Buzz.

"I wish I were in your shoes," Leah grumbled. "Maybe if we didn't come here every Friday, I'd still have money to go to Six Flags."

"Maybe, if you stopped spending your allowance on things at Sephora, you would have money," Kenji retaliated, a teasing note to his voice. The crew laughed in response, nudging Leah playfully.

Buzz. Buzz.

"Someone's trying to reach you," Neelah noticed the constant vibration coming from my bag, her eyes drifting to the knapsack sitting on my lap.

"Yea, I know," I grimaced, opening up my messenger bag to dig my cell phone out of the smaller compartment.

"What's that face? Trouble in paradise?" Kenji wondered out loud, eyeing me with a smirk.

I pressed the circular button at the bottom of the device and watched as the screen glowed in my face. Several text notifications littered the lock screen, all from the same person. It wasn't like I planned to ignore Ashton, it just started to happened. My life was gradually morphing into a normal one, and according to social media, so was Ashton's. I hated the idea of holding him back from exploring his true potential. We were so young, and have yet to explore all the opportunities the world had to offer.

"What'd he say?" Kenji continued, curiosity glinting in his dark brown eyes.

"Kenji, tama na!" Leah smacked the boy upside the head, shooting him a disapproving glare.

(translation: stop it, enough)

The messages were all within the same context- Ashton wanting to FaceTime and talk. At the beginning, it was so easy to lie and tell him I was busy because I was adjusting to a new environment. But now, I was just being plain cruel.

"Nothing," I smiled, trying to keep my voice uplifting as to sound convincing. "It was actually from my mom asking if I'd be joining the family for dinner."

When Kenji slumped back into his seat, and the resumed conversations started to steer in a different direction, did it seem that my fib was indeed substantial. My friends dismissed my constant swamp of text messages, and it was back to normal moments after.

Palo Alto was beautiful in the winter- believe it or not, Northern California actually had seasons, as oppose to the 8 months of perpetual summer that the south had to offer. When my friends and I decided it was time to leave our beloved tea house, we walked down the bustling, yet quaint streets of downtown. The canopy of trees were decorated with white Christmas lights, and when Palo Alto surrendered to the daylight in exchange for the moon, the entire downtown lit up with twinkling lights.

"I'm parked down here," Leah pointed to the opposite direction in which our friends were headed. "So this is where we separate."

"And she's my ride, so..." my words faded into a grin.

We pulled each other into friendly hugs, saying our goodbyes till our agreed Holiday meet up at either Six Flags or a stroll through San Francisco. With one last wave and a snarky comment, Leah and I walked down the street where her Honda was parked. The shops downtown Palo Alto had to offer reminded me of Arden Heights- it was a perfect mixture of small boutiques, cute restaurants, and chain businesses.

"So what's really going on with you and your boo thang?" Leah brought up as she fished the car keys from her backpack. I heard the gears within the vehicle click, allowing me to open the passenger side door.

"I don't know," I let out a heavy exhale. "It's complicated."

"Okay, don't hate me," Leah began, throwing her backpack into the backseat. "Cause I'm only saying this because Kenji is a good person- he is my favorite cousin after all."

"Mmhmm, continue," I squinted my eyes in suspicion, though I had a pretty good guess where this conversation was heading.

"Once you figure out what you want to do with Ashton, whether you keep him or let him go, just please don't string Kenji along," Leah bargained, her eyes flushed with hope. "He's starting to really like you."

I shot Leah a genuine smile, "don't worry. I've been hurt before," remembering the heartbreak I went through with Calum.

"Then you understand," Leah deduced, and I nodded in response. "Good, now that the subject of Kenji is out of the way, seriously- what's up with you and Ashton?"

Leah turned on her car with a simple press of a button located on her dashboard. Flicking the signal on, she carefully drove out of her spot against the curb.

"I love him... a lot," I bit my lip, grinning from all the lovely memories.

"But..." Leah instigated, taking a quick moment to glance at me, before returning her focus to the road ahead.

"But," I continued, "I don't want to breed this silly idea of young love. This isn't High School Musical."

"From what you've told me Karris, you are living an adaptation of High School Musical," Leah giggled. "Face it, he's Troy Bolton, but the hockey version. And you, my nerdy queen, are Gabriella Montes. Even Vanesssa Hudgens is a fellow Filipina."

I chuckled at my friend's observation, not realizing how my love life paralleled one of my favorite movie franchises.

"Ashton and I are already 400 miles away," I pointed out. "And after high school, there's college."

"Would you be opposed if you and Ashton attended the same University? Then move in together?" Leah suggested.

"That's what I don't want- for Ash to create limits in his life because of me. If he wants to travel the world, then he should. If he wants to go to college in Canada to play hockey, then he should. And I'm not giving up my academic goals either," I expressed. The entire ordeal was stressing me out and I fell back into the light gray, cushioned seat, watching the city pass by in blurry bouts.

This was exactly why I needed to let Ashton go; why he and I should just say goodbye. Maybe moving to Palo Alto was a sign? Maybe moving on so quickly from the trouble-filled life I once lived was some kind of omen; a signal from the great beyond telling me it was time to expel the social parabens that inhibited me from living a life fully. And maybe Ashton getting a second chance at life was fate's way of designing a brand new world for him to discover.

And I wouldn't dare stop him from exploring.

Leah arrived at my house ten minutes later, putting her car on idle in the driveway. We gave each other typical girly goodbyes, hugging one another before parting ways. I watched her back away from the house and drive away to her home three streets down. With a deep exhale, I looked at the new house I called home- my brain finally registering the fact that FoodieBabble was thriving. If it wasn't the awards that told me, or the collaboration with both Yelp and Instagram that indicated it, then it surely was the luxurious Italian-style house that stood before me. This was yet another piece of evidence that justified my ideas of moving on.

"I'm home!" I yelled, hearing my voice echo against the walls. Mom hadn't quite finished decorating and the lack of furniture made every whisper sound a few decibels higher.

Dad was preparing dinner in his dream kitchen. Large, an open floor plan, superior lighting, and tons of space, our new kitchen was unquestionably Instagram worthy. The savory aromas that filled my nose, in addition to the cheerful tunes percolating from the built-in home speaker system, added an optimal touch to the scene playing before me. While dad was in the middle of stir frying something in a large wok, my mother was next to him cutting up fresh fruit. Together they worked in unison, engaging in conversation, and laughing. It was the perfect sight to see.

"Hi anak, how was school?" Mom turned over her shoulder, pausing her movements.

(translation: child, dear)

"It was chill," I shrugged, jumping on top of the kitchen island to sit on the countertop. My legs swung off the edge as I grabbed the glass jar at the center and seized a cookie. "How was your day?"

"It was chill," dad imitated. I rolled my eyes, but smirked from my father's playfulness. "You received a package from Berkley."

"Oh, where is it?" My eyes lit up in amusement.

"I put it in your room," dad informed, adding several dollops of some kind of dark, sticky sauce into the hot pan.

"Sweet!" I whooped, hopping off of the kitchen counter. I stuffed the rest of the cookie into my mouth before racing up the staircase.

My room wasn't fully furnished, yet. But the direction in which my mother was decorating it, the loft bedroom looked like an advertisement for Urban Outfitters. Initially I was opposed to letting her design the enormous space, but it made her happy. At least she let me pick the color scheme- gray, mauve, black, and white. But in spite of the new furniture, the fire place, and even the flat screen TV, the most important part about my room in that moment, was the package sitting on top of my bed.

"Berkley, you've outdone yourself," I complimented with an excited grin. Wrapped in brown paper, the rectangular box was much larger than anticipated.

When we agreed to become pen-pals, we started off with written letters. Then every once in a while, we'd mail each other small packages with little trinkets or candy. But with Christmas approaching in a few days, it was only customary to send one another gifts. However, this, wasn't what I expected.

"You're crazy Bezerk-ly," I muttered to myself, lifting open the lid off of the box and throwing it off to the side with the brown wrapping paper.

I gasped, finding the most wonderful, insulated bomber jacket. It was a light shade of baby blue; satin on the outside, soft fleece on the inside. The gold hardware complimented the statement piece, and the small detailed design on the right side was an outline of a bear. I loved the jacket, but the part about the gift that I enjoyed the most, was a premium box of hot cocoa mix- my best friend knew me well. In between the white pieces of tissue paper, was a handmade card, assembled together using red and green construction paper.

Hey Bitch, it read on the front, and I snorted from Berkley's insufficient supply of filters. When I opened the card, I was met with a simple, yet heartwarming message:

Karebear,

It's a lot colder up in NorCal so I got you something to warm you up from the outside in. The jacket is to keep you from freezing your ass off, and the hot cocoa is to warm your dead, cold heart- j.k.

It's so each cup you drink, you can be filled with warm, sweet joy when you're feeling like shit. I miss you incredibly bestie. Stay safe, and I love you.

I called Berkley afterwards. We stayed on the phone for almost four hours catching up, sharing gossip, and talking crap about stupid people we hate. Not wanting to interrupt my much-needed conversation with my best friend, mom brought up a plate of food as I continued to throw my head back in hysterical laughter. Berkley may have sent me a box of hot cocoa to warm my insides, but what became a better remedy was her voice. This phone call cured any sadness left in my heart, and it was this phone call that rehabilitated any self doubt I had. Even with 415.7 miles between us, it still felt like she was only a few minutes away.

Falling asleep on that Friday night was easy for me. I didn't realize how exhausted I was till Berkley and I hung up. After a hot shower to wash away the day's dirt on my body, and slipping into a baggy, oversized long-sleeved shirt, I buried myself in thick blankets. I surrounded myself with fluffy pillows, adding to the comfort, and within no time, I drifted into a deep slumber.

It was going by splendidly, but then my phone rang, and life once again, turned upside down.

"Nucking futs," I groaned tossing beneath my covers and reaching an arm to my bedside table. I kept my eyes screwed shut, flicking the switch on the side to turn off the ghastly noise.

With a satisfied sigh, I turned on my side and the darkness of my room lulled me back into slumber. But the sleep gods apparently didn't want me to get any decent rest, because less than a minute later, my phone was violently vibrating on top of the wooden table.

"Oh my gosh! Kick my spleen and call me Roberta!" I grunted angrily, snatching my cellular device. With squinted eyes, blinded by the bright glow, I quickly swiped my finger across the screen, ready to unleash the beast within me. "Hello!"

"Karris?"

"Who is this? I'm sleeping!"

"Babydoll,"

My breathing hitched and my heart skipped a beat. My dazed brain was slowly waking up, and when I quickly looked down at the screen to read the caller ID, I knew my mind wasn't playing tricks.

"Ashton?"

"I'm sorry for waking you up," he apologized, a softness to his voice. "But I've been driving all night."

"Driving? Where did you go?" I asked, my voice raspy as the words fell from my mouth.

"To you," Ashton simply answered.

"What?" I sat up in my bed, gaining alertness by the second.

"Baby, I'm outside your house," Ashton announced.

If I could see myself at that moment, I'm confident that my face was flushed with shock. I was confused initially, drowning in disbelief that I had no words to say. Without even being in the same room as I, Ashton caught on and continued.

"I got your address from Berkley. It took me eight hours to drive out here. Can I at least see you?"

"Yea, just give me a few minutes," I answered, and after a moment, we hung up.

Turning on one of my smaller lamps, I swung my legs from out of the covers and hopped out of bed. My bedroom window this time, faced the backyard, so I couldn't exactly check up on Ashton. However, the window that did face the front of the house, belonged to my parents. According to the wall clock perched above my desk, it was nearly 3AM, and I was positive my parents were fast a sleep. My theory boded well when I stepped out into the hallway, ran across the upstairs loft, and into another hall where my parents bedroom was. All the lights were flickered off, and only the sound of my father's light snores filtered through the bottom crack of their door.

I shivered when my feet hit ground level, as the downstairs heater was not on. I contemplated which way would be the safest to sneak Ashton in, but because it was so early in the morning, I decided that the front door would suffice. Quick on my feet, I rushed through the foyer to the main entrance. I was thankful that our alarm system hadn't been installed yet, and therefore I had no codes to punch in.

"Hey," I whispered, approaching Ashton at the end of the driveway. He looked so serene standing beneath the light of the full moon. As a result, my stomach dropped and I seemed to forget everything. The chilly air nipped at my skin, and I shuddered from the frigid evening atmosphere.

"I missed you," Ashton reached an arm forward to hold my cheek, pressing a kiss on my forehead. The goosebumps seemed to disappear, and the prickling coldness against my skin was instead replaced by Ashton's warmth.

I responded by grabbing his hand and quietly lead him to the front door. I turned to look at him, pressing a finger to my pursed lips as I brought Ashton inside. Quietly locking the door behind us, I once again took his hand and pulled him up the stairs.

"Babydoll, you're rich," Ashton blurted as we stepped foot on the top landing of the stairs. I stifled my laughter, only shaking my head in expense.

"Ash, why are you here?" I finally asked, entering the confines of my room.

"Why have you been ignoring me? You don't answer my calls or my texts," Ashton mentioned, and I opened my mouth to rebuttal. However, before a single word could be uttered, he quickly added, "and don't say you were busy, because you clearly had time to be on social media, or be out with your new friends drinking fancy beverages."

"I'm sorry," was all I could say, cowering from Ashton's anger.

"Don't apologize Karris," he demanded. "I want an explanation. What's up with you? Did you forget all about Willowridge? Do you not love me anymore?"

I shook my head, a few tears dribbling from my eyes, "I still love you."

"Then why are you doing everything in your power to become distant?" His eyebrows narrowed in as he gawked at me with frustration in his eyes.

"Because then it'd be easier for you to let go of me," I answered. "I wanted you to be angry with me so-"

"I am angry with you, Karris!" Ashton growled in fury, and I jumped in my skin. I was lucky for such a large home, otherwise his voice would've surly startled my sleeping parents.

"Good!" I bellowed back. "Because now you can break up with me. You can go back home to Willowridge and live a life without me."

"I don't understand how your mind works," Ashton scoffed. He rubbed his face and paced around my room for a few moments. "Is this what you want? To just give up?"

"Ashton, when you were in the hospital, I came to visit you. I swore that if you woke up and got better, I'd protect you," I began to explain, attempting to regain some composure.

"Well you're doing a shit job at it," Ashton muttered angrily. "Karris, you're breaking my heart."

"And it's breaking mine trying to make you let go of me," I whimpered, wiping the tears with the back of my hand.

"Why are you so hell bent in wanting to break up?"

"Because,"

"Because, why?"

"Because I'm the reason why you got hurt, why you might get hurt again. You can't break if I'm not there to do it," my voice cracked, and I fell to the floor, burying my face in my bent knees. I felt the carpet around me shift slightly as Ashton padded towards my motionless body. He sat across from me, pulling me into him.

"Karris, what makes you think you're going to hurt me again? Is it because of that Kenji dude who keeps fucking tagging you in dumb shit?" Ashton guessed, annoyance in his tone.

"What?" I lifted my head from my knees to finally look Ashton in the eyes. "No, God, no! Ashton, we have about six months left of high school. And then what happens after that? In case you forgot, you flatlined. You died, Ash. Don't tell me this second chance at life doesn't want to make you live a life beyond Willowridge? Beyond California? Heck, beyond the United States? I'm not going to inhibit what you want."

"Fuck! Babydoll," he grabbed my face, and despite the dim light of my lamp, I could clearly see the tears falling from his hazel eyes. "I want you. I will live beyond what I'm meant for, and it's because you inspire me; you believe that I am worth more than what Arden Heights has to offer. If I'm living beyond, then I want you there too."

"I'm sorry..." I croaked.

Ashton didn't reply, though I didn't blame him at all. He was aggravated; tired of my bullshit. It broke my heart knowing I was breaking his. We barely obtained one another, barely declared our love for each other, but my brain was telling me that breaking up made the most sense.

"Karris, I took a bullet for you. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat," Ashton stood up. He kicked his foot around before letting out a breath. "I guess I drove out here for nothing."

He was walking away, inching closer and closer to the door. This was exactly what I wanted, but something in my heart was telling me to stop him. My brain was clapping its hands, congratulating me for a successful breakup with Ashton. However, my heart and soul were screaming at the top of their lungs. It felt like my insides were on fire; like my brain and heart were at war and its effects were catastrophic.

Ashton's fingertips grazed my doorknob, and in that second, I decided to let my heart speak for once. I got up off of the floor and ran towards him. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and buried my face into his warm back.

"I'm sorry," I cried. "Don't leave me, yet."

"I thought that's what you wanted," Ashton breathed. "I only want to give you what you want."

"I want you," I admitted, sobbing into his leather jacket. Ashton turned around in my arms, gazing down at me with the same care and adoration that made me weak in the knees. I was so ashamed with myself; ashamed that I was so willing to let Ashton go without even trying to fight. I was so scared about breaking him whilst together, that I didn't think about the damage done if we weren't together.

"I want you too," he sighed, encircling me with a strong grip. "I love you Karris- always have, always will."

I looked up at Ashton, tears slowly subsiding. He grabbed the hem of his shirt, lifted it up, and used the soft material to wipe my cheeks. Afterwards, he kissed my temple. Then the bridge of my nose, before resting his forehead against mine. His warm breath puffed in my face as his lips ghosted over mind with such a light touch, I almost melted into the carpet.

"Kiss me, please," I spoke lowly, and without hesitation, Ashton closed the gap between us.

His kisses were slow, soft, and tender. With care, he trailed his hands from my shoulder to my face to cup my cheeks. Ashton paused for a sweet second, letting his bottom lip linger in between mine. Our chests were heaving slowly together, and I could feel his rise and fall rhythmically with mine- the feeling was sensational. When Ashton kissed me again, the temperament shifted. While they were still gentle, the kisses came faster; almost needy, and I reciprocated them, trying to match his pace.

"Babydoll," he spoke roughly against my lips before grabbing my hips and lifting me off of the ground. I let my legs wind themselves around his waist, and my arms wrapping around his neck.

Ashton separated his lips from mine, and instead attached them to my neck, peppering gentle kisses till he reached my jawline. I could feel my breathing become labored, falling victim to the sensation that Ashton was introducing to me.

When his soft lips found mine again, it was I who instigated a more stronger kiss. I wanted to just feel him; to apologize silently, and wholeheartedly. I wanted each kiss, each swipe of my tongue, each pull of his hair to signify a reason why I loved him so much. Ashton seemed to read my intentions, because he returned his feelings by walking us to my bed, and throwing me onto it with a soft plop.

"Oh my," I muttered, not expecting the roughness, but letting out a giggle in response. He shook off his leather jacket and threw it onto the floor.

Ashton stood in front of me, leaning down to connect our lips. His calloused hockey hands ran up and down my thighs, playing with the hem of my long shirt. As if to test the waters, he slowly began to raise the shirt upwards.

"Can I?" He asked, gazing into my eyes with concern.

I nodded my head, grabbing his neck and pulling him towards me. Once again, Ashton continued to lift my shirt. I slipped my arms through the baggy sleeves, and helped him raise the top over my head. I was not wearing a bra, and therefore the only layer of clothing left on me, was a thin piece of my cotton-made, boy shorts underwear- courtesy of Berkley's advice, the last time we raided a Victoria Secret Pink sale.

Ashton stood there, staring at me with his mouth slightly agape. I couldn't read his facial expression; couldn't comprehend what his mind was thinking. I haven't exactly been eating the most healthiest, and for a short moment, I regretted the junk I was consuming. However, Ashton didn't seem to care. And I knew this, because he told me.

"Don't you dare feel embarrassed or ashamed," he stepped in between my legs. He gripped my chin so he could look me square in the eye and declare, "you are an artwork, baby, and Apollo himself would be honored to paint you in the stars."

"I love you," I was almost in tears; his words hit me like a bow and arrow straight into my heart. "If I'm the artwork, and Apollo holds the paintbrush, then you're the frame- you hold me in place, protect me, surround me with structure, and yet allow others to see me too."

I laced my fingers behind Ashton's neck, pulling him towards me so I could taste him again. As our lips worked together, slowly at first before picking up in speed, I tugged on his shirt too. He grabbed his black shirt and lifted it over his head, tossing it off to the side. The warmth of his chest glided against mine as he held me closer. His back muscles contracted beneath my fingers with each slow movement, as he pushed me onto the bed.

In swift movements, Ashton slipped off his shoes and slipped a hand behind my back, guiding me to scoot further onto the bed. As he crawled on top of me, hovering above, my eyes flickered to his chiseled torso. A sharp breath escaped my lips when my focus landed on the scar that embellished the right side of his chest. I traced my finger across the bumpy wound, a constant reminder of the selfless act that made Ashton a hero.

I tilted my head upwards to place a delicate kiss on his scar, and I heard Ashton's breathing hitch. I moved my lips to his sternum, and then to his collarbone, each caress causing his breath to jump sporadically. I softly smiled to myself, moved that my tiny touches could induce a blissful affect on him. Honestly, I didn't what the hell I was doing; I was just doing what felt right to me.

"One moment baby," Ashton kissed my cheek. He stepped back onto the floor, grabbing his jacket and sticking his hand in one of the inside pockets. He pulled out a shiny, air-tight, square package and flashed the safety precaution towards me with a smile.

"You came prepared?" I eyed him suspiciously as he dropped the sealed condom on the bedside table.

"I was hoping, but also willing to wait," Ashton disclosed. His shy smile then morphed into a smug expression as he added, "and, I'm only a dude."

"You are?" I gasped, dramatically covering my mouth. The words emulated the same playful ones Ashton said to me once. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disapproval before a dimpled grin graced his face.

Ashton locked his lips onto my neck, giving my sides a tickle. I let out a small shrill, giggling in expense. I grabbed onto his hands to prevent him from tickling me anymore, and he responded by lacing our fingers together. He held them above my head as he continued to leave open mouthed kisses along my neck, his tongue softly stroking my skin. The sensation was unreal, and I felt my heart pound against my chest.

"Let me know if you ever get uncomfortable," Ashton looked at me, unlinking one of his hands to push a few strands of my hair away from my face. "Promise me, princess."

I nodded my head, "I promise."

He smiled, hooking a finger beneath my chin and kissing me gently. Unconsciously, my mouth parted slightly and Ashton rolled his tongue against mine. Our breathing became heavier, as did our kisses. When he detached his lips from mine, he quickly brought them back onto my body-- my neck, my collarbone, and in between my breasts. When I let out a small moan, Ashton squeezed our linked hands tighter.

"Ash," I breathed, closing my eyes tight. He unlaced our fingers before leaving a trail of kisses down my chest, my stomach, and right above my panty line. His fingers grabbed ahold of my underwear and slowly slid them down my legs.

"Are you alright, baby?" He asked, gently caressing my thighs.

"Y-yes," I let out a shaky breath, which quickly turned into me holding one in when I felt Ashton's lips touch my inner thigh. His hot breath fanned against my skin, enhancing his embraces in a whole new way. And when I felt his warm tongue swipe against the most sensitive part of me, did my head fall back in ecstasy. My mouth fell open in bliss, as he continued to work me tenderly.

Ashton left me cold for only a few seconds when he paused to strip off his pants and boxers. But soon, he was back hovering above me, holding his weight with his forearms. He kissed me one last time before stroking a thumb across my lips.

"Are you okay?" He asked again.

"Yes," I told him with a nod. Ashton grabbed my hips, and helped me reposition myself on the bed properly, making sure my head was laying on a pillow. He leaned over and grabbed the small package sitting on the table, unwrapping it, and rolling the latex rubber on.

"If you need me to stop babydoll, tell me, okay?" Ashton was so sweet in his words and the way he took care of me.

"Just be gentle, baby," I was nervous; scared, because even though I was ready, and knew there would be no regrets with Ashton, I feared of what would come after this. But the one promise that I made to him while he was still confined to a hospital bed, the one promise that I couldn't get out of my head, was to love him without fear. To love Ashton unconditionally; to dive headfirst and not feel scared, because as long as I had him by my side, there was nothing to be afraid of.

Ashton lined himself up with me, taking my hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Ever-so-gently, he slowly pushed himself in. I bit my bottom lip, wincing from the sudden pressure. I felt Ashton pause, but when I opened my eyes, I just nodded at him- signaling that it was okay. Again, he continued to slide in with care. I felt more pressure, but nothing I couldn't handle.

"I got you baby," Ashton gave my hand another squeeze, leaning down to kiss my lips. With one last tender push, I felt a sharp pain and my mouth hung open. I heard him gasp, "I'm sorry baby. We can stop."

The sting only lasted for a few seconds, and afterwards, I gradually adjusted. With my free hand, I ran my fingers through Ashton's head of curls before resting my hand behind his neck. I kissed him lovingly, again and again.

"I'm good. I love you, Ash. I'm okay," I breathed against his lips.

"I love you too, Karris," he brushed his nose against mine and left a featherlike peck on my lips.

Ashton began to gently move himself back and forth. My fingers found his curls again, and I gripped them tightly, a soft groan escaping his mouth. Our kisses grew sloppier, and as I fully adjusted to him, I felt myself become comfortable with the blissful feeling. He pumped faster, the sensation becoming so overwhelming that I had to free my hand from his and hold onto him with both arms. I breathed heavily into his neck, placing a kiss on his shoulder every few moments.

"A-Ash," I panted, curling my toes.

"Fucking shit," Ashton cursed against my neck when I wrapped my legs around his waist, giving us an entirely new feeling.

When Ashton's breathing labored, and his movements chaotic, did it become evident to me that he and I were riding a high together. It was like everything we've been through together, even before the two of us officially met. In passing, we knew each other through Gabe; already establishing a connection we didn't expect to flourish. In the few short months spent together, as classmates, as teammates, and as soulmates, did we set sail on an expedition unlike any other. Ashton had seen me in my most vulnerable moments. Whether my heart was being ripped to shreds by Calum, or I was being punished by Sebastian, or mourning the loss of my twin, the curly-headed hockey captain was always there to help me through the mess. And now, this new kind vulnerability- nude and with no control, was just another mission within our adventure together.

We ventured on a journey to the top together, and when we reached the highest point together, it was a beautiful rhapsody. It was like a poem written just for him and I; a symphony only we could hear. And as the two of us continued forward, slowing down to a stop, did we share another small kiss. Ashton and I lied together, my head on his chest. He took my hand in his, weaving our fingers together and left a tender kiss on my knuckles.

"I love you," he told me.

"I know," I smiled. "I love you too."

✖

So, this chapter wasn't supposed to be in the story. But I decided to add it because I felt it was important for the readers to see the life Karris established in Palo Alto. Even though she left her old life in Arden Heights, a lot of good happened by moving.

Also, I'm terrible at writing smut and I rarely read it unless it's incredibly well written& moves the story along. I tried to keep the sexy scene not very sexy, and instead poetic because they were making love. ❤️

I'm proud of the way it came out and I hope you enjoyed it too. If not, I'm SORRY... I'm still a virgin so I'm not exactly sure how this thing goes haha. My credible sources (aka my deflowered friends) told me that the 1st time usually sucks & that it takes a few tries to get it right. But for the sake of the story, it works out beautifully for Karris who didn't spit out alpaca facts when it happened HAHA