look who's back from the dead!

instagram saw this drabble first and I no longer know what I write in this little bit before the actual writing

Word count: 1,282

----------------------------------------------------------

I've been meaning to do this for a while. But this wall... no matter how cracked the teal paint is, no matter how worn it looked, I could never bring myself to paint over it. To erase it.

Because erasing it meant erasing the memories, too. 

The photos we took in front of it, each time his goofy, excited smile outshining mine. Each time he'd pass by it when he'd come to visit, happily singing "Teal is my favourite colour ~" as he walked by it. For some reason, the chair in front of the teal wall was his usual haunt. He was obsessed with The Teal Wall. 

I couldn't blame him. His reaction when he found was cute. From then on, he'd always make a point of saying that if I was to buy him anything, it had to be teal themed. I used to argue that teal clothes don't exactly look cool - he wouldn't listen. If it was from me, but not teal, it was almost worthless to him. To be fair, he'd still thank me and acknowledge my effort in buying him whatever object it was, but if it wasn't teal, his eyes didn't sparkle. His smile didn't completely stretch across his face. 

For three whole years, I've either avoided looking at this wall or stared at it head-on. It brought me so much joy to sit and remember all the good times we had, but it also brought me sorrow. It made me remember what went wrong, and on a good day, I would miss him. On a bad day, I'd despise him for letting this be what became of us. And yet, every day I planned to change the colour, to end my misery, something would stop me. One stupid, useless memory of the way he looked at me, smiled and pulled me into a hug meant that I couldn't bring myself to go through with it. I'd yearn for him and I'd feel guilty that I ever thought of replacing the Teal. Of replacing him. 

But today is the day. I walked out of my house, and refused to look at The Wall That Must Not Be Named as I drove myself to go buy some paint. What colour should I go for? Maybe I could play it safe and go with a blueish colour? Or maybe greenish? Maybe, I could go completely wild. I could go for purple, orange, pink and red. Those colours were bold and would definitely look random in her house but she didn't care. There was no way she was going to paint over The Wall That Must Not Be Named with a measly brown. 

Finally at the shop, I decided on Orange. Orange is an uplifting colour that promotes happiness. Yes, that's what I need. A colour that forced me to move on. Move on and be happy. That's what everyone says, but it's not as easy as they make it sound. How can I move on? We never dated. We never broke up. How do you get over someone you loved but never got to have? I mean, I've had crushes before, but he was... it felt like I was dating him when I was with him. He made my heart flutter more than I'd like to admit. Our dynamic felt like we were a couple. His words, not mine. And yet...

Okay, we're checking out now. We? I am checking out now. I'm almost there. I'll buy this tin of paint and then paint over it. No more Wall That Must Not Be Named. Good. "Oh, you're painting something?" A familiar voice asked, making me freeze. No. Not now. 

"Jisung?"

"Hey. It's been a while. Have you been good?" He asked softly, his eyes gentle and a light smile resting on his face. He looks even better than he did. 

"I- yeah. I'm good. You?" 

"Yeah, not bad. So, what are you painting? Are you doing renovations?"

"I'm painting a wall." I responded quietly, not wanting to see his reaction. 

"Oh, really? Which one?" 

Silence. I didn't dare answer. He shouldn't be hurt by it and I shouldn't care if he was, but I still didn't want to tell him. However, once upon a time, we were best friends. We knew each other better than anyone else did. It seemed he had picked up on my behaviour, eyes immediately widening. 

"No. Don't say it's The Teal Wall. Tell me I'm wrong." 

"You're right. I'm painting The Teal Wall." 

"What? But... you said - you said I was your teal. How could you just..." He trailed off and I could see the immense hurt in his eyes. 

I've always been super into colours and what they mean. I've always assessed a person's style, seeing what colours they wear the most and what it says about them. Obviously, it works vice versa. I've always been able to pick out the right outfit for an occasion by choosing a base piece and building the outfit based on its colour. As long as I know the person or event I'm going to, and I know what I want to convey, then I know what colours to wear. 

When I finally bought my house, the first thing I did was invite my best friend. Well, my more-than-a-friend best friend. There was this random teal wall there, and I was going to change it until he stopped me whilst I was giving him the grand tour and asked me what the colour teal meant. "Teal represents open communication and clarity of thought."

"Oh. That's cool." He responded, not satisfied with my answer. 

"It's a cool, calming colour. " I explained. "Whoever lived here before must have been going for that vibe. I must say, the living room is a great place for it."

"Or maybe they just like the colour teal."

"Maybe. But then, we're subconsciously drawn to colours. So they might not have actively thought of buying teal because it's a calming colour, they might have just decided it would work great in their living room. And living room only, it seems."

"How can you be subconsciously drawn to colours?"

"Well, our favourite colours change along with our personalities and goals. So, someone who wants a fresh start could be drawn to the colour green. They might go out and buy plants."

"I still don't get it. The teal colour one is so... vague."

"Teal is for open communication and clarity of thought. Open communication means you can talk comfortably with someone, about anything. You won't have any misunderstandings with them because they get you. Clarity of thought means that you're able to clear your mind from all the useless stuff you think of when focusing on teal. Teal is supposed to make you feel calm. You're my Teal, Jisung. I never have to try or worry with you. I'm always at ease when you're around." 

Silence filled the room after my confession. After a few seconds, I looked at Jisung, wondering how he was taking it. He was blushing. Smiling widely whilst staring at The Teal Wall. 

"I think teal is my new favourite colour." He responded after about a minute. "And this," he gestured to The Teal Wall, "is my favourite thing in your house."

I guess he must have really loved that wall because even after all this time, he not only remembered it but he treasured it too. I wasn't sure why, but it was the only reason I could come up with as to why he would care this much. 

"You said I was your teal." Jisung repeated, more firmly this time. 

"You can't get rid of that wall, you just can't. Please, you can't."

----------------------------------------------------------

Hiiiii

You guys literally haven't seen me since January... yeah idk what happened. I have been working on the Lee Felix series but because of school and other commitments, the next chapter is only 600 ish words.

I wrote a drabble sometime back and posted it on my instagram, so I thought I would share it here whilst I finish writing the Lee Felix chapter. You guys see stuff like series and imagines first, but my instagram will always see drabbles first. My original intention was to only post drabbles on instagram, but depending on my schedule, I'll probably post them here when I'm out of content or I haven't posted in a while.

So, to summarise: 

Wattpad - Imagines and series are posted here first. Drabbles posted if there's a lack of content.

Instagram - Drabbles are posted here first (some drabbles may be exclusive to instagram)

My instagram handle is: babyphotos0325

I'm currently on work experience, and today is a work-from-home day. So, during my break I'm posting this, which means I haven't proofread it, oopsie.

I have quite a busy summer, but I'm taking my laptop with me sooo should be more frequent updates, but then again, every time I say that I never do do frequent updates.

Life update-wise: 

Just did my A-level mocks, got a B in maths (which sounds good, but it needed to be my A* subject so uh actually quite bad) and I haven't received my other results yet.

THERE'S A KPOP STAN WITH SUNGHOON FROM THE BOYZ'S PC ON HER PHONE CASE IN MY WORK EXPERIENCE COHORT. I HAVE NEVER MADE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE FASTER. SHE WENT TO THEIR CONCERT IN LONDON.

Reading soooo many books recently - Off the Record (you should read, very about mental health, black MC, about the #metoo movement, and romance in there) The Kiss Quotient, People We Meet on Vacation, The Spanish Love Deception.

Currently reading How We Fall Apart by Katie Zhao. This book was gifted and annotated by a friend for me so I'm really enjoying reading it right now. Reading on the train is my new favourite thing but my friend's annotations are funny so I probably look like a weirdo trying not to laugh on the train.

I really want to move out for uni but I'm not sure that I have the grades so I'm scared now.

Other than that, enjoy your week! I'll see you the next time I update!

Next update: Top of My School - Lee Felix series