I do not apologise for this in any way. It is majestic.

The majestic car majestically swerved around the not-so-majestic corner. It wasn't simply a car, it was a  1954 Bentley R-Type continental, one of only 208 ever made. It housed a six-cylinder, 4.5-litre engine, and was retro-fitted with central locking, climate control, satellite navigation and a host of other modern conveniences. If there was a better car out there, Skulduggery would eat his hats. All 278 of them. The Bentley was so stylish and smooth, that it masked the frantic urgency of the driver. It pulled up in a horrible looking little town and parked outside a plain distasteful building. Skulduggery had some choice words to say to the designers of this place.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie were called to come to the Sanctuary immediately. It sounded serious. Skulduggery thought Ravel was caught in a meeting on which title sounds the most regal, whereas Valkyrie protested that someone changed Madame Mists ringtone to Incy Wincy Spider. Knowing Ravel it was probably both. Well, maybe not the later, Skulduggery didn't think Mist had a phone. As they rushed into the Sanctuary they heard an outraged woman screech.

"Who set my ringtone as Incy Wincy SPIDER?!" Bellowed Madame Mist. Huh. Mist did have a phone. Skulduggery ignored Valkyries smug look. "Was it you?! Ravel, Emperor of cupcakes, get over here! NOW! Stop running away with your hands in the air! Tipstaff wants you to stop squealing like a mal-formed piglet! EMPEROR OF CUPCAKES!" Skulduggery returned Valkyries smug look, but Valkyrie didn't get to see it before Ravel burst around the corner, waving his arms frantically.

"RUN! Run for your lives! Countess Incy Wincy is coming!" Ravel shouted out to Skulduggery and Valkyrie. Ravel darted past them, puffing. Madame Mist came around the corner soon after Ravel, in spider-mode. 

"I'm going to get you Emperor Of Cupcakes!" Mist bellowed. Valkyrie and Skulduggery and turned away from the horror that was Mists face and ran after Ravel. Skulduggery caught up with Ravel and ran alongside him.

"Where are we going Emperor of Cupcakes?" Skulduggery questioned. 

"Shut up." Said Ravel. "We're going to the Karaoke Room. Mist is deathly afraid of Karaoke."

Valkyrie tilted her head, in a Skulduggery fashion. "First of all, how do you know that? Second of all, why does the Sanctuary have a Karaoke Hall." Skulduggery glanced at Valkyrie incredulously.

"What else would the Elders do when then there were meetings on?" Skulduggery replied. Ravel sighed as they approached the Karaoke Hall. 

"We built the Karaoke Hall," Ravel said slowly as if Valkyrie were an idiot, "to have a sanctuary in which we could escape Mist." Valkyrie giggled.

"A sanctuary inside a sanctuary!" Valkyrie laughed. Skulduggery shook his head. They ran into the Karaoke hall and flipped around when they were far enough inside. They watched as Mist charged towards the door and halted abruptly before passing through the doorframe. She screeched and paced outside the door. It was as if she was physically unable to pass through the door frame. It was if there was an invisible wall in front of her.

"Ha!" Said Ravel pointing at Mist. "Now she can't get us! Take that Countess Incy Wincy!" Ravel stuck out his tongue.

"Yes. But now you can't get out! Take that Emperor of Cupcakes!" Mist Sassed. Mist couldn't sass. Ravel slumped.

"Damn." He muttered. Skulduggery laughed. The trio turned around and froze. They were not expecting to see that. They were definitely not prepared to see Dexter and Saracen dressed up as garlic bunches, dancing in front of Caelen, who drinking out of a Valkyrie mug. Valkyrie shuddered. They were not prepared to see Shudder and Ghastly playing, Lord Vile: The Hotel Adventure. It appeared Ghastly was losing. Skulduggery shuddered. They were most certainly not prepared to see Gracious and Donegan singing about the colony of octopus people to a werefish.

"Hey everyone! Come meet our werefish, Erskine Ravel." Called out Gracious. Ravel shuddered. "We named it after you Ravel. We thought you looked similar." Ravel bent down, stared into the hideous creatures blotchy, furry, scales, and saw to his horror, the resemblance.

Ravel fell to his knees and threw his hands up in the air. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" He sobbed. Surely this was a nightmare? He could not look like a deformed, hairy, fish! 

"What are you doing here?" Asked Ghastly, having given up controlling a miniature Lord Vile figurine. "We thought you were doing paperwork."

"I'm not always doing paperwork Bespoke."

"Yes you are."

Erskine cursed. "I'm always doing paperwork..." He muttered. 

"Anyone up for karaoke?" Playfully asked Saracen.

"Am I ever!" Dexter... Dextered? 

"Sure." Shrugged Valkyrie.

"Anything for my eternal love! My soul mate! My-"

"Shut up Caelen."

"Well, I couldn't deprive you of my fabulous voice could I?" Declared Skulduggery. 

"I guess..." Whispered Ghastly. Gracious and Donegan were too busy traumatising poor Ravel to answer. Anton only grunted. The Lord Vile figurine jumped up, waving its tiny arms in the air.

"Ohhhhh! Pick me! Pick me! I wanna do karaoke!" It declared. Skulduggery growled at the mini Vile before stepping on it. Mini Vile's fangirling was abruptly cut off. 

Before anyone could tell him otherwise, Caelen jumped to his feet and rushed to the stage, with that unnatural, vampiric grace of his. He leant into the microphone.

"Valkyrie! Ohhhhhh, Valkyrie! Va-" He sung, but was cut off because he was dead.

"How-How did you do that?" Valkyrie asked Skulduggery.

Skulduggery tilted his head at her. "Well, I stood up and shot him."

"That's not what I- What I'm trying to say is, sure, he's annoying and I would have loved to have killed him, but I just wouldn't be able to bring to bring myself to do it. He was sort of like a- a pet. He's annoying but I kind of like him in a guinea pig, owner way. What I'm saying is, how could you just shoot him in the eye?"

"You thought of him like a pet?"

"Shut up. Just answer my question"

"Simple. I just pretended he was Wreath." Valkyrie just stared at him.

"I hate Wreath!" Declared Dexter.

"So do I!" Said Saracen.

"God, he's annoying." Ravel added.

"He's so chirpy it's creepy." Ghastly pointed out. Anton merely grunted. Valkyrie shook her head.

"Well, you do always want to shoot Solomon in the eye." Valkyrie sighed.

"Solomon? When did you get on a first name basis? When did this happen Valkyrie? Is there something going on I should know about?"

Valkyrie scowled. "Shut up." The Dead Men howled with laughter.

"I'm ju-"

"Shut up. Just, shut up."

"I will never stop talking. In fact, I am going to go sing my item." Skulduggery marched up to the stage and distastefully pushed Caelen's corpse off the stage. He leant in and began to sing.

"Me and Mrs. Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now

We meet every day at the same cafe
Six-thirty and no one knows she'll be there
Holding hands, making all kinds of plans
While the juke box plays our favorite songs

Me and Mrs. Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now

We gotta be extra careful
That do we don't build our hopes up too high
Because she's got her own obligations
And so, and so, do I

Me and Mrs. Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now

Well, it's time for us to be leaving
It hurts so much, it hurts so much inside
Now she'll go her way and I'll go mine
Tomorrow we'll meet
The same place, the same time

Me and Mrs. Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now." Skulduggery finished singing, his silky smooth voice finally cut off. Everyone clapped.

"Show off." Saracen muttered.

"I don't show off." Skulduggery replied, "I merely demonstrate my abilities at opportune times. I'd like to see you do better."

Saracen huffed. "I will."

Saracen went to the stage and proceeded to sing, Seagulls, Stop It Now.

"Rockin', rockin' and rollin'. Down to the beach I'm strolling. But the seagulls, poke at my head. Not fun. So I said 'Seagulls' hmmmm 'Stop it now'.

Oom ah, oo oom oom ah. Hmm hmm ha, hmm hmm hmm ha. Hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hm hmm, hmm hmm ha.

Everyone, told me, not to stroll on that beach. Said Seagulls gonna come poke me for fun, and they did. And they did. And had me goin' like, ha ha haa ha ha, ha, hahahahaha.

Nothin' I could do but yell. When these birds attacked me. When I tried to run I fell and then these kids start laughing. And then, hmm, I got hit in the neck with a hacky sack. Hm, hm, hmm, hm ,hm ,hm. Where'd it come from?" Saracen went on like this until Madame Mist died of laughter and they could all leave the karaoke hall. Then some idiot had the great idea of electing Saracen an Elder and... you don't want to know.

Now go follow @Athena_Danger or I will blow you up the way I did to Serpine. What? He stole my Skulduggery Pleasant books! He needed to be blown up. Don't worry. The books are fine. Serpine on the other hand...