"A horror of the spirit that cannot be exceeded at the hour of birth or death."

-Robert Louis Stevenson

Pre-Valkyrie. This is the story of Skulduggery's first partner. 

Detective Robert Warlow squinted, his eyes straining against the merciless sun's attacks. He supposed it was all part of the desert day. Robert was really beginning to regret wearing his smart vermillion vest. Small crimson clouds danced around his feet, ruining his perfectly good shoes. A slight crunch was heard with each apprehensive footstep. He was supposed to meet up with his assigned mentor; Skulduggery Pleasant. He was told that Skulduggery was not allowed to interfere with his actions -no matter what-, only guide him. This was a sort of test, to see if he had what it takes to become a proper Sanctuary detective. The same rules stopped him from using magic, as well as a binding bracelet, so he relied solely on his ken. In theory he was able to solve this case and deal with the details like a professional, but he was faintly aware that the cold indifference that was present during study would not come easily upon seeing an expired body. Robert disregarded his emotions and fear, as he objectively approached the vehicle. He was curious about this case. After all, he knew that it is one thing to mortify curiosity, another to conquer it. He gazed inside and faltered. The sight that greeted him was a horror of the spirit that cannot be exceeded at the hour of birth or death. The insensate, emerald eyes gazed into his soul, glazed over and full of an extreme foreign panic. Limp limbs yielded to gravity, gently resting next to an inflated chest as if their owner was merely asleep, though Robert knew that was not the case. However, it was the smell that did it for him. It was a cold and heavy scent, smelling of rotting meat with a few drops of cheap perfume. It was pungent mixed with sickening sweetness. It crept up his nostrils making him feel as if he had swallowed acid. He could taste it. He could taste the cadaver. It appeared the corpse was just as repulsed due to the slightly pink foam dripping from his mouth. Robert ran away from the car trying not to gag, tears of shock and disgust involuntarily streaming down his face. Even then the smell still lingered, not quite going away. It was caught in his nose, on his tongue, at the back of his throat. Suddenly the background noise flooded back in with the blaring noise of the police sirens, snapping him back to reality. He took a deep breath to calm his farrago of thoughts and ate one of the mints to disperse the horrid taste in his mouth. Robert desperately began to distract himself by analysing what he had just seen and comparing it with his prior knowledge of Varian's file. He recalled Rose's panicked eyes, his bloated chest and the salmon froth leaking from his lips. He was so focused, that he didn't notice the cloaked man approaching him.

"Vile, isn't it," the clinical voice of the sanctuary official stated. Warlow jolted in surprise and quickly read the man's name tag: Skulduggery Pleasant. "I take it you're my newly assigned partner?" Pleasant's pause was scanty and his tone indifferent, only allowing time for Robert to nod before he continued. "I have been charged with informing you of the details of this investigation. The victim's name was Varian Rose. He recently received a large inheritance from his late father; roughly $50 000 000. We are currently uncertain of how he perished since I'm not allowed to try and solve the case-"

Robert cut him off, "He was drowned. You can tell by the foam coming out of his mouth from the water in the lungs, his lungs expanded to try and hold more air therefore swelling his chest, and the look of panic in his eyes, signalling he was aware he was being murdered."

Skulduggery seemed to glare at the detective. "Impressive deduction, but I would greatly appreciate if you could take the liberty to refrain from interrupting me with your monotonous discourse," he floridly reprimanded Warlow, quite clearly unimpressed with his behaviour. "Now, if you will allow me to continue, I can inform you of our suspicions," he paused and gave the detective a testing head tilt. "The other amateur detectives believe his sister, Avia Rose, drowned him to claim the inheritance. If you'll wait here, I can fetch the objects the others found from my car, so you can inspect them." This time, Skulduggery didn't even await an answer as he promptly found and handed over the objects in clear plastic bags. Pleasant waited impatiently, irregularly tapping his foot, as Robert studied the contents of the bag. The bags contained a book on alchemy, matches, a pen, car keys and a driver's licence. Warlow looked up.

"You're wrong," he said. "Avia did not kill Varian."

"Excuse me? I'm not allowed to solve the case. The other people being tested are wrong. Not me." he offendedly corrected, but even his offense lacked emotion. Detective Warlow saw now that Skulduggery Pleasant was about as emotional as a bagpipe. Robert rolled his eyes.

"You see this pen here?" he questioned, pointing at the sleek pen in the plastic bag. Skulduggery wearily nodded and the detective pushed the bag into Pleasant's grasp. "The other students missed the obvious. The name on the pen says 'Artemis Pendragon'. That is the name of Varian's ex. They were engaged before she dumped him. Therefore, Artemis murdered Varian Rose. Now, there's her work address on the pen, would you do me the courtesy of accompanying me to the arrest?"

"I am legally obligated to come with you."

Detective Robert Warlow waited in the reception of Artemis's workplace, Detective Pleasant and various armed sanctuary officials positioned at different intervals throughout the room. He took a moment to relish the cool feel of the smooth desk against his back. Earlier that day, they had notified everyone on this level to evacuate for their own safety. All they had to do now was await Ms Pendragon's arrival. The door was suddenly opened, and the gravelly crunch of guns being readied snapped at the air, said weapons immediately being pointed at the woman who had just entered. She looked to be in her late twenties, with piercing grey eyes and glinting brown hair. She had an evil face, smoothed by hypocrisy; but her manners were rumoured to be excellent. She exactly matched the image of a Pendragon. Skulduggery approached Artemis and promptly handcuffed her.

"Miss Artemis Pendragon, you are under arrest for the murder of Mr Varian Rose. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do may be used against you in court," Pleasant monologued with the routine weariness of children greeting a teacher; lacking passion.

"Wow, what a genius. How could you have ever figured it out?" Artemis smirked, extremely sarcastically; her Australian accent prominent.

"That was a rather silly thing to say," Warlow observed. "You just confessed."

"Who are you supposed to be anyway? I've heard of Captain Jack Marrow over there but didn't know he provided babysitting services." she spat out, having recovered her bearings.

"I am Detective Warlow. Tell you what, I'll answer your questions if you answer mine," he announced before eagerly leaning forwards, obviously not picking up on her sarcasm. "Why did you do it? Did you really think that it would bring you joy?"

"The secret to a happiness is a small ego," at this, she gave a smug glance towards Skulduggery. "And a big wallet. Good books help, too. But that's not really a secret, is it?"

"Don't avoid the question. Why did you drown Varian Rose?" interrogated Robert. His curiosity was eating him inside out, like bone-termites.

Artemis's expression darkened; her countenance grim. "He destroyed my books."

"Is that it? You really killed someone because they merely destroyed your books?"

This comment sent Artemis into a maniacal laughing fit. She pretended to wipe away a tear of laughter before rolling her eyes at the junior detective. "Oh sure. I killed someone just because they destroyed my books. Please, that was one time."

"What?" Warlow blurted, worried.

"No, no. I have other reasons that I'm not going to share."

"Why not?"

"I'm hoping the curiosity will kill you, just like it killed the cat."

"Actually," Skulduggery interjected. "The original phrase was, 'Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.'"

"Well, the cat died again since there was still some curiosity left in it." She shrugged. "It was a slow acting disease."

Detective Warlow's countenance began to look a little unimpressed. "What are you hoping to achieve with all this banter?" he asked. "Sure, it's scintillating but it isn't going to stop you getting arrested."

Something in Artemis's eye twinkled that made it evident she knew something they did not. "There's no chance that I was perhaps," a metallic chink sounded from behind her and Robert took a step back as her hands reached up and unsheathed her swords. "stalling you." The armed sanctuary officials tried to open fire at her, but nothing came out of their guns. By the time they checked their ammunition, realized Artemis had emptied it with air manipulation and spotted their bullets on the floor, it was too late. In fact, it all happened so fast that Robert barely saw it. A flash of silver, a few sickening damp crunches and the wall had a new coat of paint. Warlow tried to move away from her but slipped in the rapidly growing puddles of blood. He felt the warm, sticky liquid seep into his clothes as his face connected with the floor. He was suddenly gasping for breath as Artemis's foot found a place on his ribs. Where was Skulduggery? Why wasn't he helping? He turned his head away, not wanting to see the sword's slow-motion descent. This was a mistake. He came face to face with a lifeless and blood pooled into his mouth. He suddenly felt a cool sharpness dig into his throat with a final sickly crunch. Detective Robert Warlow spent what felt like an eternity choking on his own blood and agony before everything began to fade and go cold...

Artemis turned away from the corpse of that amateur detective and faced the infamous Skeleton Detective. He hadn't moved an inch, leaning against the wall, arms crossed. She grinned at him.

"So, what? Are you going to try and arrest me too Albert Spinestein? Are you going to tattle on me Vincent Van Bone?" she teased.

The way Skulduggery held himself indicated he was extremely unimpressed. He then replied, his voice devoid of any human emotion; the definition of deadpan, "I am not allowed to interfere with the testing under any circumstances." She waltzed over and pat the top of his head.

"Good skeleton." And on that remark, she left the building. Skulduggery sighed and left the office to inform the sanctuary that everyone was killed.

Detective Rachel Ito was overflowing with excitement. She was approaching the crime scene for her case. If she solved it and apprehended the murderer -if there was a murderer, she didn't know-, then she would become a real Sanctuary detective! A tall man cloaked in beige was waiting for her outside the doors to the crime scene.

"Hello! I'm Rachel," she gushed. "Who are you!?"

The man barely shifted. "My name is irrelevant. Once you pass through these doors you will meet your partner and guide for the testing. After they have explained the situation to you, you can then begin to solve the murder of Robert Warlow."

I packed so many quotes and easter eggs into this it isn't funny. Can you find all the quotes and easter eggs? The picture at the top is Robert Warlow.