Very sorry with how long this took to publish, I've had a lot of writer's block recently, and I've just had a lot on my mind in general. With that said, THANK YOU TO MY BETA READERS, Yevolas, BrianL3zz, and MOST IMPORTANTLY Lesbian_Lobster, WHO'S LEGIT MY CO-WRITER AT THIS POINT SHE HELPED SOOOO MUCH SHE EVEN CAME UP WITH THE TITLE

anyways enjoy lol took like two months to fuckin write

/♡Darryl♡\

The light that shines through my window is bright, almost enough to wake me on its own, if it wasn't for my alarm clock.

My hand instinctively smacked the off button, not even looking in its mere direction, as my eyes still squinted at the overwhelming rays of sun.

This would surely be one of the last days before the sun would dip from everyone's morning routine during October, or even as soon as later this month.

Within my heavy morning brain fog, I just now noticed the additional weight I felt on my chest.

What is that?

It stayed with every breath I took, and if I wasn't imagining things, it too was breathing.

My eyes began to adjust; becoming more relaxed with the light as I looked down onto my chest.

Oh.

It's just Zak.

Zak.

Oh.

Oh...

Zak's in my bed.

In my room.

How did he get here?

My mind refreshed the page, buffering, before I was able to remember yesterday.

Yesterday.

My heart swelled at the reminder that she was gone.

I felt confident and motivated to go to school today, or even tomorrow, when it was Saturday.

My head spun, in a good way.

He has been responsible for everything, including the feeling leaving me dizzy with joy.

The boy sleeping, head resting on my blanketed chest.

My heart swelled with pride at the thought that I had someone to do such acts for me.

He looked so peaceful.

So cute.

He breathed softly, his fluffy hair in a tangled mess.

My trance was broken as my alarm went off again, as I had assumed I had pressed snooze rather than off.

He stirred, burying his face further within the blanket as his arms wrapped around me.

"Zak. Wake up, we have school."
I said, shaking his shoulder.

He lifted his head, yawning, before meeting my face.

"Hey." He said, giving me an exhausted smile.

"Hey, Zak." I smile back, my hand meeting his cheek before combing through his hair with my hand.

"Feels good." He said softly, looking as if he was already dozing off again, eyes slowly drifting closed.

"Hey, it's not time for sleeping you muffin head." I say with a smile, shaking his shoulder again as he buried his face in the blanket once again.

He groaned.
"But I wanna stay here with youuuuuu." He whined, kicking his feet.

Cutie.

"Me too, muffin." I say, cupping his cheek. We share a short kiss, my heart swirling with warmth.

"I love you." He says, hugging me.

"I love you too." I say, holding him close, remembering last night.

The autumn light; a movie left forgotten as we sweetly kissed, drunk with passion.

A moment that should be framed in gold, wrapped in warm memories and love.

We eventually stopped hugging, and got out of bed.

As I began to take off my shirt, I caught Zak staring.

"What you looking at, muffin?" I chuckle.

He blushed, looking away. "Sorry, zoned out." He explained.

"It's okay." I say, taking it off, "You did kill someone for me, so I guess I own you one."

He glanced to my shirtless chest before looking to my eyes.

"I killed her for us, Darryl." He said, walking to me. "You don't owe me anything."

He graced me with a short kiss to the cheek before he retrieved his backpack, left thrown aside.

For us, huh?

"Do you need new clothes?" I ask, looking at his dirty blue hoodie. On closer examination, you can see slight streaks of blood.

He looked down, backpack in hand.

"Yeah, probably."

He tossed his bag onto my bed as he came over, looking into my closet.

"Just wear whatever." I say, "We're about the same size anyways."

"How about..." He dug through the closet, "This?" His hand held one of my older hoodies, one that had one light blue and one red sleeve with a black base.

"Ooh! I used to love that one." I say, "Put it on!"

He pulled his hoodie off before grabbing mine and pulling it over.

"Comfy?" I ask.

"Definitely. Especially since it smells like you." He smiles.

"Oh yeah? What do I smell like?" I ask, entertained.

"Like muffins." He said, pulling the remaining creases out. "I've never had one, but my mother would bring them home all the time."

"Aw, why didn't you have any?" I ask.

"She wouldn't let me. Every time I'd ask, she'd start yelling at me." He sighed.

My heart sunk.

"Hey... tell you what. I'll buy you a muffin before we go to school today."

"Really?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Yep. Any kind you want."

His smile was wide, full of joy and excitement.

I was glad I was deemed worthy by the universe to see such a side from him.

We took our things and left the room, me in front.

I wasn't sure if my mother was home, so I was cautious, trying to be as quiet as i could when trekking down the stairs.

Yet my precautions were in vain.

"Darryl?"

I shuddered at the familiar voice I had been so cautious to avoid.

"Oh, hey mom." I said, turning to see her up the stairs, watching from above.

"Is this your friend?"

"Um, yeah. It got kinda late, and it was already dark out so he stayed here."

"Oh. Did you two sleep in the same bed?" She asked suspiciously.

"Uh, well, no, he took the bed and i just slept on the floor."

"Alright then. Just text me beforehand the next time your friend stays over." She turned to leave, but with another glance, she turned back to us.

"Is he wearing your hoodie?"

"What?" I ask nervously, glancing to Zak. I had almost forgotten during my panic. "Oh, Yeah, his was dirty."

"From what?"

My head spun with anxiety, remembering the blood.

"When we were walking home, he tripped and fell into the dirt."

"Oh? Why don't you give it to me, I can put it into the washer."

"That's okay, I'll wash it when I get home." Zak stepped in. A sigh of relief escaped my lips. My heart rate slowed, saving me from the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that had built up in my gut.

"Alright. You have a good day at school, sweety. I love you." My mother said, disappearing into her room.

"Love you too." I say halfheartedly, knowing she probably wouldn't hear anyways.

"Well that was weird." Said Zak, adjusting the straps of his bag.

"Yeah... Don't worry about it. She acts a bit weird in the morning- or, really around new people in general." I shrug, opening the door to leave.

"It's weird she asked if we slept in the same bed." Zak said with a smile, stepping off our porch steps.
"What's she trying to imply? That we look like a couple?"

I chuckled. A light blush came to my face at the thought, even after all that had happened between us.

"I don't know, she's always been weird about things like that."

"What do you mean?" Zak asked as we left the driveway, on our walk to school.

"She's uh..." I grimaced, "She's never really respected gay relationships..."

"So she's homophobic?" Zak asked.

"I mean, probably." I say with another shrug.

"Damn." He said. "I guess that makes our moms similar."
"What about your dad?"

"Well...uh..." I trailed off. It was complicated.

"You don't have to tell me." He said with an understanding smile.

"He left. It was a long time ago, so I don't remember him much."

Zak nodded.

" I get that."

"But- it's definitely not as bad as whatever your dad's got going on." I say.

He chuckled lightly.

"Yeah."

I felt a pang of guilt at the reference, knowing it was something I definitely shouldn't of brought up, especially since it was the fuel Allison used to anger him.

"You know." Zak said, looking far into the distance,

"I did know my father."

"Oh?" I ask, curious.

"He was ... iffy, towards me. Sometimes he'd treat me like his son, and would take me out to get ice cream. Other times, I was just his punching bag." He sighed. "I knew he could be violent sometimes but... I just never thought... "

I put my hand on his shoulder, and his eyes met mine.

"Hey, It's okay. People do things we don't understand all the time. Your dad- he was one of those people. No one could've possibly known he would do something like that." I attempted to comfort him, yet it felt as if I was just giving him empty words.

He sighed.

"Yeah... I know."

We continued on, walking without a word.

Unlike our past silences, this one was uncomfortable; unsettling, almost. Much like the feeling of a pair of drenched, tight jeans rubbing on your skin after a downpour; unbearable.

"Hey... Zak?" I eventually say.

"What?"

"You said earlier this morning that you killed Allison for us....what did you mean about that?" I asked shyly.

He looked to the sky before sighing.

"Well, I meant it was for us both. I feel that protecting you is important, and that asshole hurt you. In a way, when she was being a bitch to you, she was being a bitch to both of us."

"Oh..." I nod.

"...Why did you feel like you owed me anything?" He asked.

"What?"

"When you saw me staring at your chest you told me you owed me one."

"I just... a lot of people don't do things for free. Especially something as serious as..."

"Murder?" He finished without emotion.

"...Yeah."

As if on cue, as if our lives were a show, we came to a road.

The road.

Police surrounded the area, a chalked drawing of where she once laid.

Many talked, one of them looking to us and waving us away.

I wonder when she was found.

Had a neighbor seen it on their way to take out the trash? Was a passerby simply driving when he found a body rotting away in the road? Had a neighbor watched the whole thing from their window, engraving our faces into their minds to describe to the the police?

"Zak." I said, my hand grabbing his shoulder as he stared at the scene."We should go."

He nodded.

We fled the scene, making our way to a nearby Cafe so I could buy Zak his promised muffin.

We entered its familiar interior; aged yet cozy. The old cracks and quirks in its older design will always hold a special place in my heart.

I watched a Zak stared at the glass case in awe, looking at the large array of muffins.

"So, which one do you want?" I asked him.

"I don't know, they all look so good..." He replied, face against the glass.

"Could you pick one for me?" Zak turned towards me, puppy eyes bleeding into my soul.

I chuckled.
"Fine..."

"Excuse me," I grab the attention of the cashier. "I'd like to buy that muffin, please." My hand pointed.

She nodded, pulling the muffin out before sliding it into a brown bag.

"That'll be $4.14"

I dug through my wallet and handed her the money. She handed me the bag with a smile.

"Have a good day!" I tell her with a smile, before taking Zak's hand and pulling him out of the cafe.

...

~Zak~

As someone who always has the looming thought of 'what would happen if I killed someone?' I have to say, it's much different than I expected.

I had always imagined I'd have to go into hiding; going on long drives, going as far as I can go to escape the law.

Yet here I am.

Hiding in plain sight, for anyone to see.

Anyone to call out, to arrest.

Yet none of that has happened.

It's oddly quiet.

Anxiety inducingly quiet.

"-ak?-Zak? Are you okay?"

"Oh, what?" I ask, remembering reality.

"I was trying to tell you that you should get to class... there's only a few minutes of passing period left." Darryl told me sincerely, hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, right..." I spoke, looking to the digital clock that was engraved into the end of the hall.

"I'll see you at lunch?" Darryl asked with a smile.

I smiled back.
"Definitely."

I gave him a slight wave before I walked to my first period, watching him disappear into his classroom.

...

As I walked into the cafeteria, the bustling sound of people talking overtook my hearing.

It was unbearable in one way; yet freeing in another. Within the noise, I could talk. I could describe the beautiful bloody scene in detail without anyone batting an eye at my soundless words.

"Zak!"
I turned around to a brunette running in my direction, smiling.

He leaned over, catching his breath.

"Did you run the whole way here?" I asked, humored.

"Y-yeah." He panted, before regaining to a normal posture.

"Why?" I giggled.

"I didn't want to waste any time I could spend with you!" He smiled cutely.

"Hah, alright. Let's get out of here first." I say, taking his wrist, before he moves his hand to embrace mine.

I drug him around campus; the two of us giggling as we ran around hand in hand.

"Here." I said, finding the secluded spot where we shared our first kiss.

We both sat down, just as we had that day.

I took off my bag and started digging around for the muffin we had gotten earlier.

Darryl watched in silence, his emerald eyes glimmering in the amber light; a faint smile on his face.

I smiled. He was beautiful.

He was all I needed.

All I had.

"What?" I asked, the brown bag now sitting in my lap.
"Do you not have a lunch? Do want me to share?" I asked, smiling.

He blinked a few times, raising his eyebrows.

"Sorry, zoned out." He smiled, rubbing his neck.

"It's all good."

It was moments like these that held me captive.

My heart felt full; warm and content.

His expression seemed unsure, staring at the ground as if he was in deep thought.

"So... About last night..." I start, hesitantly.

"Last night..." Darryl spoke up, before checking around us, "... Was amazing."

"You think so?" I ask, my heart fluttering.

"I know so- just-" he threw his hands about, "-so justified. Satisfying." His hands clenched, like claws.
"If I could, I would've smashed her head in years ago." He coldly remarked.

For some reason talking about the topic brought me joy; I wasn't sure if it was seeing the darker side to Darryl, a person who seemed wholesome and sweet, or if reliving the moment through spoken dialogue.

Perhaps it was a bit of both.

"What's wrong?" I asked, mouth full with the chocolate chip muffin, realizing he has stopped talking minutes ago, with a frown now upon his face.

"It's just..." He stared at his lap, almost as if he kept doing so he'd eventually find the answer.

"Hey..." I put my hand on his shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay, alright?"

He nodded.

"It's just- everything is so much better without her. Knowing she's gone ... It makes me so happy. I feel guilty about it."

"Why?" I asked. "She was an asshole. She had it coming. If we didn't do it, some other people probably would."

"You're probably right..." He trailed off.

My hand patted his shoulder, his head turning in my direction.

I leaned in and gave him a soft kiss to the lips.

"I love you, Darryl."

Perhaps I was speaking the truth.

Before I had jumped on the wagon knowing his positivity would probably ease my ego, using him as some sort of cheap comfort system.

Now I felt I truly did care for him. For his wellbeing.

Love truly is a dangerous thing.

"I love you too." He said with a soft smile, hugging me.

I held him close, feeling my heart soar.

I'll do anything for him.

"Anyways, you better eat something." I smiled.

His smile grew into an unstable, shaky one.
"Yeah, lunch...."

He reached into his bag, awkwardly glancing at me as he dug through.

"Aw...muffins. I forgot mine." He shrugged.

"You can have some of mine." I offered, holding up the remainder of the muffin.

"No, no. It's your muffin..." He said, shuffling his feet around.

I sighed.
"Darryl, are you okay? I haven't seen you eat once this week."

His eyes widened in surprise.
"I'm fine... I eat before and after school."

"You didn't eat this morning."

He glaced around nervously.

"Darryl, please." I sighed, holding out a granola bar I had left over from the day before.

He looked at my extended arm before glancing up to me, taking the snack.

"Thanks." He mumbled, pulling it back to himself before sighing.

"Why don't you eat?"

He looked at me, eyes wide with surprise, before they sank back to the sight of the concrete.
"It's a lot of things, really."

"And one of those things are-?"

He sighed.
"Everything, in a way. Allison, my Mother... I know it sounds stupid, but it's like whenever I'm stressed I- I just can't eat."

I watched his sorrow expression, unsure of what to do next.
What are you supposed to do in such a situation?

Before even I knew what I was doing, my arms embraced him.
He was warm and cozy, almost more so than any of the other times I've hugged him.

He was hesitant, a bit stiff at the shock, before he eventually melted into the hug.

"It's okay." I said to him, tightening the hug.
His head rested on my chest, sniffling softly.

I rubbed his back as he began to choke out sobs, feeling as if I too was gonna start crying.

"It's okay, it's gonna be okay... "

His head moved to the crook of my neck, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

As a minute or two passed, he lifted his head, wiping his tears with his sleeves.

"Gosh, this is so embarrassing ..." He smiled, chuckling softly, not quite meeting my eyes.

"Do you feel better?" I ask, still holding him within my arms.

"Y-Yeah..." He sniffles, wipping his eyes once more.

"Do you ... wanna talk about it?"

He nodded, avoiding eye contact.

"I just hate myself sometimes."

The comment made my heart ache.
"Why?"

"Well ... when I'm myself, I-" He paused, "I always find my way into the worse situations." He sighed.

"That's not true." I told him, trying to find some light in the situation.

"But it is. You were there with Allison! If I wasn't so frickin stupid I wouldn't have gotten myself in that situation in the first place!"

"But that situation is how we met."

He looked at me, frustration clear on his face.

"I know that. It's just-" He sighed "I'm just tired of being pushed around."

"I know the feeling." I say, rubbing his back.

"Oh my goodness ..." Darryl mumbled, his hands rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "Here I am, whining like a freakin' idiot when you've experienced so much worse than me."

"That's not true," I say. "What we've gone through isn't comparible. We've both got two different experiences, and that's okay; one isn't 'worse' than the other." I tell him with a soft smile.

"You think so?"

"I guess so." I shrugged. I don't much care for the saying nor believe it, but to make him happy, I'll say anything.

He smiled sadly, before giving me another hug.

The school alarm echoed throughout the school, its dead tone drawn out for far too long.

"Oh- guess that's the end of that." I stand, throwing my backpack over my shoulder, "See you after school?" I ask.

"Uh... yeah. You wanna just walk together till we split up?"

"Sure. I'll see you sixth." I tell him, beginning to walk to my class.

"Bye!" He waved.

I waved back with a smile.

Now to get done with the rest on the day.

3303 words

Holy fricken canole

Once again, very sorry with how late this came out.

I've recently just started school and I'm kinda on an emotional rollercoaster at the moment. I've been talking with my counselor, and he told me it could be anxiety, depression or both. So, idk. Sorry for dumping that btw

Anyways

Have a day

And vote dammit

I see all y'all reading and no voting. What's up with that? It's free, dude. Pls??? Like even if you did before hand just take the vote away and put it back.