C A R T ER

"Oh come on. You have to go." Nicole nags.

"No, I don't drink and i hardly like parties. I'll be super bored cause you two will leave me."

"Please. I'll see if Liam's going."

"Fine! Gosh, I really don't like you."

"Awe you love us.."

I roll my eyes as I flip through instagram. Mostly people with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Gross.

"Carter, why do you always wear long sleeves?" Emma asks.

"Um, uh. Because I'm uh cold. Yeah thats why. I'm cold."

Emma just roll her eyes and keeps typing at her phone. Shit, that was close. I can't have them know. No one will ever know. And if they some how find out. They'll treat me like dirt. And then the suicidal thoughts will come back. And no one wants that happening.

"So, what are you going to wear to the party tomorrow?" Emma asks Nicole.

They both get into fashion and crap while I day dream about Liam.

We are sitting on my bed, just enjoying each others company; when Liam asks me to show him my scars.

"Why?" I ask, tears forming in my eyes.

"Because I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there." He replies with a tear rolling down his left cheek.

I roll up my sleeves and hold out my arms. I wait for him to say something but he just bends down and kisses each and every self harm wound.

"Are there more?"

I nod and pull up my shirt to my chest. His soft lips trail all around my stomach. Once He finishes, he looks up at me and slowly moves to my lips. Just as they are about to touch; I'm pulled back into reality.

"Carter. Hello?!" Emma says.

"What?"

" I said, we are going shopping. Wanna come?"

"Sure, i could go for a pretzel."

~AT THE MALL~

"Here try this on." Nicole shoves clothes in my arms. I roll my eyes and walk to the changing rooms. I set the pile on the sitting area.

I pull out the first thing on the top and take a look at it. Its a white button up tank top. Attached to it is a pair of denim high waisted washed jeggings.

I try it on and think of accessories. I have this cute hair band I could wear; and my white converse.

I think this is a winner. I could just cover my scars with makeup. Perfect. I take off the clothes and fold them neatly. As I take them out, Emma sees a cut on my arm.

Shit.

"Uh, carter? Why is there a deep cut on your arm??!"

"Uh, the cat?"

"You don't have a cat."

She pulls up my sleeve and gasps. Some are healing, but some are new.

"How long have you been cutting?!"

"Uh, 5 months on Monday." Tears start to fall down my face.

"Why? Why are you doing this?" She whispered.

"I- I don't know.." I cry.

"I want to help."

"You can't. You'll get sick of me and leave. Everyone does. And I think Nicole hardly likes me. No one does. I don't even know why I like Liam, its not like I'll have a chance with him."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. Its so obvious."

"Lets get you home, you're a wreak."

I nod and we go buy the outfit. The cashier looks at me funny, but thats probably because of my makeup.

We walk out of the store and start to walk to the main entrance. I hear familiar laughter and get little butterfly's in my stomach. Oh no.

"Whats wrong? You look pale."

"Its Liam and the group. He can't, no he can't"

"He can't what?"

I start hyperventilating. Trying to catch my breath was my biggest problem. I feel like i'm going to faint.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Come on carter, breathe. I turn to find a bathroom, but what I do find is the brown eyed boy thats in my dreams every night.

He's about 3 feet away and he looks concerned. His hand grabs my arm and starts to pull my hand up. I yank my hand back and fall on my butt. Every one laughs. Im the laughing stalk of the school and now the mall. Oh my gosh this is so humiliating.

I get up and run to the girls bathroom; with Liam high on my heals. I run to the toilet and throw up. That was so embarrassing. He saw my cuts. Everyone laughed. I'm not good enough. Not for Liam, not for anyone. Im the worthless freak that has a little school girl crush on a boy. No guy has ever loved me and no guy ever will. My family hates me, and my friends don't care about me. Im worthless.

"Carter. Are you okay?" Liam asks.

"You saw. No, this isn't good."

"Yeah I saw. But why? Why are you doing this to your beautiful body?"

"I- I don't know. And why do you care? Its not your body!!!"

"Carter, I care, I care because I like you!" He yells, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"L-Liam I didn't know you felt that way. I thought-"

His lips smash into mine. His smooth hands are on my cheeks. Our lips move in perfect sync. His soft lips tastes like strawberries. I can't believe this is happening.

He pulls away and I say "Is this a dream. Please let it not be.."

Liam chuckles and pulls up my sleeves. He looks at my wounds and starts kissing them.

"Are there more?"

I nod and point to my stomach. He gives me a gentle kiss and hugs me.

"Liam, why me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean why did you pick me to like? There are way prettier girls out there and you pick me?"

"Carter, your beautiful, unique and smart. You're all I need in a girl. I'll do anything to make you mine."

"Well, guess what? I'm not good enough for you. Which is why I cut." I mumble the last sentence.

"Carter, the matter of fact I know your enough. So please don't cut, please don't cut."

"Liam, I cant believe you!"

"What?"

"You know my for 3 years and dont bother to try to talk to me?! Then you waltz in my life and say you like me? What is this a free for all?"

"Carter, i was stupid. And what you didn't talk to me either!!"

"I was scared, Liam. I was scared of rejection. I was scared of not being good enough."

"Let me help you."

"Yeah, like thats going to happen." I turn around and put my hands at the back of my head.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, your going to try to help and then you'll give up. Thats what Alex did." I start crying.

"Who's Alex?"

"He was my best friend and he had a little bit of depression. He was helping me, but one day he just commit suicide. I miss him..."

"Oh, Carter. I'm sorry."

"No, forget it."

He nods and checks his watch. His eyes go wide. I pull out my phone and check the time also. Wow. Its 8:30. I have to get home, my moms going to kill me.

"Hey, I have to go. My moms gonna kill me if i do t get home soon.

"Let me drive you."

"No it's fi-"

"No, i insist"

"Okay." I breathe.

We walk out the door with Liams hand on the small of my back. When we get out. No one is there except Emma and Braden. I run up to Emma and hug her. She hugs back and says.

"What was going on in there? You where away for like an hour."

I just smile. And this time, its real. The kiss was perfect. I wish I could kiss him forever. His so perfect and cute.

"Carter." Emma sings.

"Yeah?" I say, stopping my staring at Liam

"Liam's ready to take you home now."

"Okay. Well I'll see you tomorrow."

" I better." She glares at me while Braden pulls her along.

I just roll my eyes and start walking with Liam. We make small talk as we make our way out of the building. We soon go into a comfortable silence when we get to the car. He opens and closes my door as I thank him.

As he takes me home, our hands are really close to each other. I can feel the heat coming off of him. His hands are so perfect, compared to mine. I would do anything to hold it.

Liam catches me staring and smirks. He grabs my hand and hold it. Sparks fly up my arm and down my spine. I shiver, thinking I'm just cold.

"Are you cold."

"A little." I laugh.

"Reach in the back, I have a sweat shirt back there."

I nod and let go of his hand to grab it. I reach it and read the front. "Jack Willis." It reads.

I put it on and hold his hand again. It smells like him. Not Liam after football. But Liam after a shower. It smells so good.

We soon get on my street and I get bummed. After this he wont talk to me.

Ever.

"Here we are. I want to help you. I hope I can."

"I guess you can try. Thank you for the ride."

"No problem." He turns my head and I look straight into his chocolate eyes. He comes closer and I catch myself doing the same. Our lips touch and my hands fly behind his neck. His go to my hips. He grips my hips and I whimper; making his tongue fly into my mouth. My hands go to his hair and I start pulling gently.

He moves me over to his lap and I start grinding his crotch. His crotch gets big and I get really wet. His hands go down to my bum and starts squeezing. His lips leave mine and trail down my neck to my sweet spot. This makes me moan a little louder then it should have. My hand trails to his erection. Where I gently rub it. He groans a bit and try's unbuttoning my jeans. I swat his hands away and move back; right where my bum hits the horn.

"Shit. My moms gonna come out her and yell at me. I have to go. I'll text you." I say while getting out of the car. wait the sweatshirt.

"Wait! Liam! Your sweatshirt!"

"Keep it!!" I smile and wave as he drives off. As i walk through the door of my cosy home, I hear crying. What the?

I walk to the kitchen where the bitch and my mum is. My mums the one crying.

"Carter." Chloe, i prefer "The Bitch" better but mum says i cant call her that, says.

"What?" I snap.

"Why are you gone this late. Mum has horrible news."

"Well sorry for socializing..And what news?"

"Carter, I have a rare cancer that i don't even remember the name of it."

"What?" I whisper.

"Yeah, you were at the mall and kissing boys to be worried about mum." The bitch snaps.

" First of fucking all, It was one boy and second, how did you find out about that?"

"I was in the stalls when you came in and puked. I ran out after that. Just when i saw you kiss."

"So you were at the mall also and your blaming me? Your a fucking bitch."

"Carter." My mum warns.

I just look at her and look back at Chloe.

"Yeah and your an imperfect fat ass with no life or friends. It would be better for everyone to die it a hole."

Shes right. I'm all of those things. Im not perfect, I'm fat, I have no life or friends. People wouldn't even notice that i died. No teachers, classmates, staff members, or family members. Im just worthless.

"Yeah it would be!!" I saw while running upstairs. Mum yells at her, but i don't listen. All i can hear is my heart beating in my chest.

I run to my razors and start cutting words into my legs and arms. A ding goes off on my phone and I check it.

3RD PERSON P O V

Liam<3:Hey, are you ok from earlier? x

Carter<3:Im fine.

She typed as the blood dripped down her wrist.

Liam<3: You sure?

Carter<3: I'm sure.

She could barely see the letters through her tears. Carter thought that suicide was the best option. But with Liam on her mind. She knew she couldn't do it. He was her everything even if .they weren't dating. And she knew everything he said in the bathroom was true.

Carter cried for about an hour; every bad though she had, went straight to her wrists and thighs. She was kinda hoping she'd lose enough blood to die. But that wasn't going to happen.

Carter texted Liam to meet her at a near by park. He agreed and they met up. Carter and Liam talked about what happened.

C A R T E R

I climbed out my bedroom window, like i did so before; and start running to the park. I was starving, but i knew i couldn't eat. I didn't want to be fat anymore. I want to be skinny. Perfect. and not be sad. I am sad for no reason.

I caught up to Liam siting on a bench. He looks so cute in his white t-shirt and pajama pants.

"Sorry, did i wake you?"

"Nope, you'r fine. So what happened?"

"Well, I got home and my mum was crying. The reason why is because she has cancer." I start sobbing and Liam holds my hand telling me to go on.

"My sister, the bitch, yelled at me for being at the mall when she was there also. So i called her a bitch. and sh-she called my imperfect, fat, i have no friends. And it would be better if i where dead."

"Babe, you are perfect, your not fat and you have lots of friends. And trust me, if you killed your self, i would also."

"I can't let you promise that."

"Well its true. Anything else?"

There was an awkward silence for a while until i spoke again.

"I cut again." I whisper.

"What?"

"Liam, i cut again."

"Babe. Why?"

"Because."

"Carter. Why?"

"I don't know why." I practically yell.

"How could you not know why?"

"Thats what depression is, you don't know why your sad or do bad things and its horrible. If only I knew why i'm sad. That might help."

"I wish that too."

"Yeah." I whisper.

I can hardly see him with the street light. But i can tell he's in deep thought. He looks so cute in his pajamas and messed up hair. And he smells so good.

"Carter? Hello?!"

" oh sorry. Yeah?"

"Will go you go out with me?"

I smiled and kissed him for his answer. I hope this goes as plan.

"But hey, Liam. Can we uh, do it in secret? I just don't want anyone finding out. Im sorry."

"Its totally fine, baby." He kisses me again and i can tell , we are going to have a heck of a ride.

--
-Shelby