Third person pov

Well. That... was something. Believe it.

The support Naruto had garnered from others throughout the village seemed like just enough to pull the tide in their favor. Shikamaru's righteous anger had been hard and slippery to combat, and Ayumu was well-practiced in talking around people when he needed to. Maybe the note they left off on could've been a better one, but just the same, it almost certainly could've been worse.

At the very least, Naruto didn't think there'd be any coups to overthrow his dad from his mantle as Fourth Hokage. The general conclusion reached was that even if the clan heads and elders did want to do something, what was there to even do? What could any of them do to contain the Kyuubi without releasing him, or without Kurama getting mad and lashing out without the seal to hold him back?

Naruto's parents were Konoha's resident seal masters. They were experts in a dying breed of shinobi art that took practice and precision to understand, let alone to perform. And they'd made it pretty damn clear that they weren't going to be participating in any attempts to restrain Kurama.

Beyond all that, it also boiled down to the simple fact that Naruto's dad was... well, he was Hokage. He was the the ultimate authority. Going against his orders was the same as betraying the village as a whole, and anyone who did could be legally branded rogue. They could argue, and whine, and groan, and shiver in fear, but any actual action against Naruto would be an action against Konoha itself.

Honestly, the only reason they got anyone to reluctantly subside-- at least for now-- was because Ayumu had taken the patented "cute and cuddly and definitely not going to kill us all if we piss him off" angle when talking about Kurama. Emphasis on the flowers, emphasis on the hugs, emphasis on the foxes are actually kind of cute! Even if Kurama sort of didn't look like one with his weird, long ears and--

Yeah. Anyway. Having the heirs of two clans speak out for him had definitely helped. Itachi Uchiha had been surprisingly vocal in his defense. Pays to save someone from dying out in the middle of some random woods that Naruto definitely wasn't supposed to be in at the time!

"That was awful." Shikamaru grimaced, cracking his back like the arthritic old man he was on the inside. "I'm never doing that again. I'm just going to let them burn you at the stake next time. My dad's going to be asking me all sorts of questions in the morning, and if I want to avoid them, I'll have to wake up early. It'll be such a drag." 

Naruto didn't know Shikamaru's dad well, but he knew him well enough to know the guy played mind games on par with whatever Ayumu was doing to Kashi during their therapy sessions. Naruto would not want to tango with that first thing after rolling out of bed either. Believe it.

"I thought it went wonderfully!" Lee chirped out, because he's Lee and he thinks everything goes wonderfully. "The first glimpses of the springtime of youth are beginning to show themselves after a long, harsh winter. In no time at all they will be accepting Kurama into their ranks as one of their own! Soon, we will all be able to peacefully coexist! Yosh!" 

That... was probably not going to happen. 

"Tell the green one I'm going to eat him if he doesn't pipe down." Kurama grumbled out, as though confirming his thoughts. His voice was rife with irritation. "This pathetic excuse for a village is lucky I let them remain standing in the face of their own impudence. They insert themselves into our affairs uncaring of the fact that I could, and will, devour them if they step so much as a toe past the line we've set."

Yeah, definitely not going to happen. Sweet! 

Kurama has an image to upkeep, so Naruto gets why he's standoffish. The beauty of him is that he doesn't have to like anyone else so long as he tolerates Naruto enough not to blow up and kill everyone. Bonus points, nobody else needs to know that Kurama doesn't like them so long as they think he does!

Politics is all about lying to old people to get what you want. Naruto's mom had told him herself, and she was always right. His dad had something different-- something about truthfulness and integrity? Naruto doesn't know what the hell he was going on about, honestly. His mom's line of logic made way, way more sense.

Anyway, in selling Kurama as a lovable, family-friendly furball, they were basically set. For now. Sort of. So long as no incidents occurred, the chances that anyone was going to try and lock him up in a sealed tower somewhere for fear he was going to go on a rampage were slim to none! Or that was the hope, anyhow. 

Did that leave people with the super false impression that Kurama was a fun-loving comrade that they could completely rely on to get them out of any and every bad situation? Well... maybe. Or maybe that was just Lee setting a really high bar that nobody was going to come anywhere near reaching. It was hard to tell some days.

"Who gives a damn about coexisting? As long as they don't pin him down and try to paint a fucked up seal on him to quote-on-quote "fix the problem", I'll count it as a win." Shikamaru looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He and Ayumu both tended to look that way, actually. "Now, let's get out of here. I didn't finish breakfast and that took way longer than it should've. I need barbecue and a nap."

"Believe it!" Naruto beamed. Hiashi Hyuga, who was haughtily leaving the Hokage's office after what was no doubt a long-winded tirade that Naruto's dad had tuned out entirely, glared at them as he went. "I'm starving! Maybe we should invite Ayumu to go with us. He can be emotional support and he can decompress at the same time."

Naruto reached over and snagged Neji Hyuga by his upper arm before he could follow his uncle out with his head hung low. The boy nearly tripped at the suddenness of the motion. His asshat of an uncle continued on, not even seeming to notice his nephew was no longer accompanying him.

"Yosh! A therapy meeting!" Lee beamed out. "That, and we can finally celebrate your graduation properly as friends, Naruto, Shikamaru! It is perfect! Neji, you can come as well-- perhaps Ayumu can give you tips on how to deal with your present mental illnesses!"

In the depths of his mind, Kurama snorted. Neji shifted from looking surprised and a little dazed to looking deeply offended. Naruto released grip on his arm and sidestepped. Yeah, no need to get caught up in that. 

"I think Ayumu would sooner die than spend another minute with you after suffering through that." Shikamaru noted drily. Naruto wanted to say that wasn't true but no, it probably was. Ayumu had said many times before that he wasn't paid enough and the more shit Naruto got himself into, the more he realized just how right the man was. "Let's go with just us. Who knows when we'll be able to all get together again once missions start."

Naruto hadn't really... thought about that, actually. 

He knew realistically that Shikamaru wasn't going to be on his team. There were traditions to uphold-- it was practically written in stone that he'd be on a team with Ino and Choji. Lee himself had already long since graduated, so that wasn't so much of a fleeting surprise. It was just... odd to realize his entire life was about to change.

Well. It's not like it hadn't before. In the form of a father and Kashi, Kurama, a therapist, a mother. Friends he never imagined he'd have and a life he never thought someone like him would get to live. This was just another step. They'd find time. Friends always found time! Believe it!

"You are insufferable." Kurama sounded like he was in disbelief. As though Naruto hadn't befriended him out of sheer willpower alone. "Is this how to view everything, all the time?"

Naruto shrugged. Thought about it. Nodded a bit. The first law of Naruto's philosophy is to never go back on his word. The second was that if he didn't laugh, he'd cry. Even if the situation probably wasn't going to call for crying to begin with, laughter was the way to go anyway. Just to be safe. No need to be caught off guard.

"Mental illness?" Neji seethed out, uncaring of their conversation or of the fact that he'd just been abducted into joining them for lunch. All that Kurama stuff had clearly been a dropped bomb on him. Naruto had totally thought he knew! Apparently not!

"Illnesses." Lee corrected happily, not seeing a problem. Shikamaru made a face. "You definitely have more than one, my dear teammate! As is expected from one in the springtime of--"

Lee's shriek echoed down the hall shrilly. Naruto wondered if he could convince Shikamaru to get ramen over barbecue today on the basis that Ichiraku's was closer, and therefore his "pain and suffering" would end sooner. There was only one way to find out!

~~~~

Recently, Kurama's been smelling salt in the air.

It clings to Naruto like a second skin, like the ocean is reaching over miles and miles and grasping desperately at him. It hangs around in a sharp cloud, and Kurama knows he's not imaging it because he's seen Dog-Breath's nose crinkling beneath his idiotic looking mask anytime he gets too close to the kit. The scent is real and it's there, and it's only getting stronger by the day.

Kurama doesn't know where it's coming from. The outside world is clearer ever since the seal came off, his window to reality dusted off and cleaned of its deluding haze, allowing him to see in full technicolor. It had been a long time since he'd had such full exposure to anything happening outside his container, and Kurama can't help but revel in it a little bit.

It's strange to fully see and fully hear everything. To have actual smells seep through, even more so. Kurama's ears flick with agitation as he tries in vain to detect the source. It isn't coming from Naruto-- it's not coming from anywhere, it seems. And such a fact is driving Kurama nearly insane.

Naruto's mindscape is full of fresh, rolling hills. The smell of the ocean seeps in even here, intermingling with the sweet fragrance of flowers and the freshness of grass on the wind. It's so distinct that Kurama half expects to find the sea waiting for him over the next slope as he bounds freely through the hefty space, but it's never there like he thinks it should be.

There are no real reasons he can come up with to explain why Naruto may smell of the coast. For as adventurous as he is, Kurama is unable to recall anything that might've led into this. Naruto has not immersed himself in anything deadly or potentially life changing for over a month now. Nearly a new record.

It is a sign. A sign of what, Kurama fears he will be finding out soon whether he wants to or not. There's a storm brewing on the horizon. The ocean is a ill-tempered beast, untamable in its wild abandon. Wind whips past his kit and sometimes Kurama swears words carry with it. If the smell is not coming from Naruto, if it is not coming from anything around him, then--

Something is reaching. Closer and closer, it draws. Kurama cannot help but wonder what Naruto will do when his birthright finally finds him

"Does it ever rain in here?" Naruto asked abruptly, drawing him from his thoughts. Kurama's eyes slide open to peer at the boy. "Like, the sun is great and all. Believe it. I just feel like a hurricane could spice things up a little, you know? Or maybe a tornado. You seem like you'd like a tornado."

"Why the hell would I want a tornado?" Kurama grumbled out, though there wasn't any heat in it. Naruto gave him an incredulous look. Kurama willed himself not to bristle at it, instead settling for flicking a few of his tails.

"Because they destroy stuff and that's like, a cornerstone of your entire personality or something?" Naruto looked at him like he was the weird one. Kurama wasn't sure why he tried anymore. Frowning and shaking his head, Naruto made to stand. "Bend down and try this on. I know it was too small last night, but I've made real progress, believe it!" 

Once upon a time, Naruto would've never dreamed of picking the flowers in the mindscape. They were treasured things back at the start, something he tiptoed around and was overly cautious of. Kurama too had been fearful for them, for their delicacy and their small number. In such a desolate place, it had seemed like the slightest thing would cause them to wilt. 

It was almost refreshing to see that caution thrown to the wind and swept away. Naruto didn't hesitate to pick flowers now, tucking them into his hair and into Kurama's fur whenever he could get away with it. For the past four nights he had taken on the great task of making Kurama a flower crown, a gigantic, linking chain of white daisies.

Even picked, the flowers here seemed to stay lush and vibrant. Kurama stared dubiously down at the crown, which Naruto had weaved with more patience than he'd normally afford basically anything else. He had his own crown-- far smaller in size-- loosely draped over his spikey blond locks. It looked moronic. 

Naruto was not nearly as small as he used to be, but to Kurama he was still miniscule. And if anyone found out that Kurama was letting such a puny thing put a flower crown on him he'd never live it down. Shukaku already thought he was a fucking joke. The rest of his siblings would almost certainly think the same.

It was a flower crown. A pathetic, mortal thing. Something for those weak of heart and pride. Overly-emotional imbeciles were the only ones who partook in such acts. What sort of tailed beast would he be to willingly wear one made by his container, to bow his head? 

Naruto blinked up at him expectantly, like Kurama allowing him to put such an infernal thing on him wasn't even a question in his mind. His eyes were such a contrasting blue to Kurama's own red. Like the sky and ocean-- maybe the sea salt smell truly was coming from him, and Kurama had simply been wrong.

Kurama heaved a sigh, mused to himself that the mightier the beast, the harder they fall, and ducked down anyway without argument. Naruto's grin was brighter than the sun. He squinted against it, grimacing slightly. He wouldn't trade Naruto for anything, but did he really have to be so... happy?

"Tell anyone about this and I'll eat you." Kurama growled out, knowing full and well the kit was going to blab to that Yamanaka man as soon as he next saw him.

"But now we match!" Naruto crowed out. He felt like hardly anything at all against Kurama's snout as he awkwardly slung the crown up as far as he could. Kurama's eyes slid shut again as the boy scrambled up to the top of his head. "Wow! I always forget how soft your fur is up here! Can I take a nap here?"

Kurama didn't bother answering. Naruto was going to do what he wanted no matter what he said, after all.

~~~~ 

Whilst becoming Hokage one day is definitely up there on Naruto's list of dreams, it isn't at the absolute top like it might've once been. His priorities have shifted. Yes, he wants to be acknowledged, and he wants to be powerful, and he wants to be trusted.

But he has people who love and care about him for who he is now, not what he might become. The village isn't something he relies on as a whole to provide him with validation anymore. He's found support elsewhere and that's good-- healthy, Ayumu says. 

It's good he's settling the basis of his goals on what he truly wants to achieve and not on what he thinks will get him basic human decency. 

Since first getting to know Kurama, Naruto has wanted to give him everything he deserves. Kurama gave him a friend when he had none to call his own, and Naruto wants to give him that back. Kurama has never trusted anyone before. Before Naruto, he had never had anything given to him. Just taken away.

Naruto wants to find Kurama's siblings. Half because he wants Kurama to have the chance to reconnect with them the way he knew the fox so desperately wanted to, but also because he knows now that if Kurama wasn't the monster people claimed him to be, why would they be? They were just as locked up he was, just as exploited for what they were. 

Up somewhere alongside that overall goal of reconnecting Kurama with his siblings and allowing him actually see the world he belonged to as it was now was the loose idea of... well, of world peace, Naruto guessed. Of treaties, of the cycle of hatred ending. It was something he and his dad both wanted to work towards, and Naruto felt like tailed beasts may be the first step.

But how, pray do tell, was he supposed to take those steps when his life is a living, breathing fucking nightmare? 

His future is sabotaged. This is it. This is the actual worst day of Naruto's life. He has seen many things in his time on this Earth and not a single one comes close to the absolute horror he is experiencing in this moment. There are no words to accurately describe the feeling of dread that falls over him.

Betrayal is something Naruto knows well. Though he hasn't known it for some time now, one doesn't simply forget what that feels like. And from Naruto's own father, too. He'd... He'd ripped Naruto's heart out and stomped on it, doing this. Put simply, Naruto was never going to recover from this. Ever.

His career as a shinobi is ending right out of the gate. Why did Naruto bother to graduate at all, if this was the outcome? He should've just dug a hole in the backyard and buried himself in it, because that's where he's inevitably slated to end up if this is the reality of his team.

"They put me on a team with you?" Sasuke asks. To his credit, he sounds just as stunned as Naruto feels. He looks Naruto up and down, as though seeing him for the first time. "Did your dad hit his head?"

Did Naruto's dad hit his head?

"If he hasn't, I'll hit it for him." Naruto responded dazedly, feeling like he'd just been socked square in the face. Even Shikamaru looked like he hadn't seen this one coming, sat up straight in his seat and glancing between Naruto and Sasuke both in surprise. "Someone pinch me."

Sakura, who looked completely apprehensive of their announced team despite the fact that she had a raging crush on Sasuke, obligingly leaned over and gave him a polite pinch to the forearm. It was painful. God, Naruto is going to drown. 

In his head, Kurama seemed stuck between cackling at his suffering and also being horrified that they'd have to be in the same vicinity as Sasuke. The result was odd choking noises that made him sound like he was having some kind of allergy attack. Naruto made a distressed sound, so overwhelmed he couldn't even form words.

Your teammates were like, a second family! You were supposed to protect and look out for them at all costs, and they were meant to do the same for you. Sure, maybe Sasuke's brother was alright, and maybe his cousin Shisui was too, but Sasuke himself? They were rivals for a reason! Insulting him comes as naturally as breathing to Naruto!

It's not that Naruto didn't trust him, per se. Everything else shoved aside, the dick bag wasn't the worst person to ever walk the planet morals wise. He wouldn't let Naruto just up and die if he was standing there and could do something about it. Probably. Actually, now that Naruto's thinking about it...

"Your luck." Kurama wheezed out. Wait, was he having an allergy attack? Those flower fields did have a lot of pollen. "Let me at the Uchiha. I will rip him to shreds. No teammate, no problem."

Naruto was so, so tempted to say yes. But then he remembered that they had just gone through a very stressful meeting with all of Konoha's most influential figures of authority, and Ayumu had threatened to kill them dead if they ruined it. Or at least he'd implied that he would. Therapeutically and in a constructive manner, because he's Ayumu.

Murdering Sasuke would probably be not good, then. Letting Kurama murder Sasuke would be worse. Which meant that the only other option was to either swear off being a ninja and become a turnip farmer instead, or to simply sit down and let fate play its hand.

(Fate's hand sucked, by the way. Just if you were wondering.) 

Why does this shit always happen to Naruto? What did he even do? No, really! Name one, singular thing he did to deserve this. What's that? You can't? Right, because he's done literally nothing ever at all in his entire fucking life!

Barring all those incidents outside the village, but those were barely his fault. Life had been fucking him over way, way before any of those even happened. Yeah he got his parents back, but at what cost? A valuable chunk of his too-short life stuck dealing with Sasuke Uchiha, whose hair somehow still looked like a duck's ass even after six years?

"Death is an option." Naruto mumbled more to himself than anything. Is he really going into shock right now? Sasuke scoffed at him.

"I should be so lucky." He bit out scathingly. "Stuck on a team with you. Who'd you piss off, anyway? Your dad's the biggest suck up I've ever seen in my life. I doubt he'd approve of his precious little baby being unhappy."

Naruto wasn't going to crush Sasuke's skull in. He wasn't going to crush his skull in at all. Naruto doesn't do that. He doesn't get mad and fly off the handle and crush people's skulls in. Never in his life. He has a real, running streak of never once doing that, and he's not going to break that now! Not when he's going so strong!

He can imagine it, though. Sasuke would be so quiet and so not on his team anymore. And it would be bliss. Naruto knows that life is hard and all that, and that it presents trials to overcome, but this? This isn't a trial. This is punishment.

"Wait." Naruto realized, eyes growing wide with realization. "Oh my God. Is this because they think the Sharingan can control the Nine Tailed Fox and they think that if push comes to shove, you'll be here to maybe subdue me one day?! Are you fucking serious?!"

Kurama's weird choking abruptly cut off. Which meant it was probably laughter, because nothing about Naruto's present statement was amusing whatsoever. In fact, it was actually kind of shit. Shit that made sense, but still shit.

Sasuke froze, and Iruka-sensei did too, pausing in the middle of another team announcement. Sakura's jaw dropped as she stared at him. On his other side, Shikamaru smacked a palm into his face. Naruto was too busy being angry to really care that everyone was now staring at him with varying degrees of horror.

"...Are you telling me you have a literal demon in your stomach?" Sasuke asked after a beat, staring at him in a new light. He looked less annoyed with him now and more appraising and satisfied than anything. "That explains everything."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Naruto practically howled, flying out of his seat. Several people screamed. Naruto felt his eyes start to burn and knew they were probably growing red. They did that a little easier since the seal's opening. "He's gonna eat you and I'm gonna let him! Believe it, you bird-headed ass!" 

More screams erupted as Naruto kicked off his desk and lunged, Sasuke's intermingling amongst them as Naruto full-body tackled him out of his seat. Kurama started up again. This time, he was definitely laughing.

~~~

"Ah, Naruto. Good morning." Kakashi hummed out as he opened the door to the classroom. Naruto stared at him blankly. "I'm your new genin sensei! Surprise! I heard you had your first kiss today as well! Congratulations. Kushina had to duct tape Minato-sensei to his office chair. He was still foaming at the mouth last I saw him."

His one visible eye cut to Sasuke sharply, assessing despite his lighthearted tone. The Uchiha shivered, already pale from the trauma both he and Naruto had experienced just earlier today. Neither of them were speaking. All of Sakura's awkward attempts at conversation were met with ghostly silence and a thousand-yard stare.

The kiss had been an accident. Naruto's not even sure how it happened. One moment Sasuke was trying to scramble out from beneath Naruto's hands, which had been attempting to wring his scrawny little throat. The next, they were slipping and struggling not to collapse into a heap and their lips were... locking. And now that death option from before seemed a whole lot more appealing.

His first kiss, stolen by Sasuke. Naruto was sort of being dramatic before when he said his entire life was a nightmare, but maybe that was more accurate than he thought. Why couldn't have his first kiss been... honestly, literally anyone else in the room? 

Hinata, even though she was kind of creepy and definitely stalked in him his free time. Choji was nice enough, even if he probably had potato chip breath. Maybe Ino despite her general loudness. Even Shikamaru would've been better than Sasuke, even though it completely went against their bro-code for Naruto to even be considering it. 

His dad had banned him from dating until he was thirty anyway, so really no first kiss should've happened at all. Least of all with Sasuke. Naruto's going to be sick. This is the most scarring thing to ever happen to him. Genuinely, it is. He's going to have nightmares about this day for the rest of his life.

"Are you that guy that sits in the rafters and stares down at us sometimes?" Sakura made a face as she finally placed Kakashi. "Why's a creep like you our sensei? And why're you so late? It's been three hours!"

Kakashi twitched. Naruto hoped Sakura's comment hit him deeply and that he was in emotional pain. He deserved it, walking in here like he didn't know today was going to be the worst day of Naruto's life. A little warning would've been nice-- would've given Naruto time to leave the country before disaster could strike, at least.

His life is falling apart. Slipping right between his fingers. 

"I had a therapy appointment that ran long." Kakashi chirped out, giving a closed-eye smile instead of destroying Sakura with an insult about her massive forehead like Naruto knew he desperately wanted to.

"Liar. You only see Ayumu on the third Thursday of every month now." Naruto hissed out, jabbing a finger at him. Kakashi looked genuinely a bit startled by his venom, blinking a bit. "You're a traitor. You let me come into this blind! Completely blind!" 

Kakashi's startled expression had the audacity to shift to one of amusement. No. No, no, no. Naruto doesn't care if he's throwing a tantrum right now. Everything sucks and he wants to kick Kashi in the shin so hard his ancestors feel it. Naruto is going to have the dogs rip up every single one of his stupid pillows.

"Not a lie, Naruto. I knew I'd be having you and Sasuke on the same genin team and asked for an extra session." Kakashi chirped out. "Aren't you so proud of my development? You and him are so bad that even I asked for extra therapy!"

He clapped his hands together for emphasis. Sakura opened her mouth, paused, and then nodded in understanding. Naruto threw his hands up in exasperation, collapsing back into his seat and wondering why he tried anymore.

"I would do that too if I were you." Sakura admitted. She eyed Naruto and Sasuke both. "...Actually, do you think it's too late to--"

"Here." Kakashi whipped out a business card from who knows where. Ayumu really had trained him well if he was carrying those around. "Beg for Thursdays. Maybe he'll finally say I've graduated."

Naruto almost snorted at the thought. In his dreams. 

Sasuke wasn't moving. He was still staring vacantly at the corner of the room, brows drawn in tight and expression twisted into something complicated. That was perfectly fine by Naruto, honestly. At least he wasn't speaking. Naruto had been so close to just ending it all right there, especially after the accidental lip touching. It was by the grace of Shikamaru's shadow jutsu that he didn't.

"You know what? Why do I care anymore? Life has no outward meaning." Naruto slouched. Sasuke made a vague humming noise of... fuck, was that agreement? From him? With Naruto? He wasn't sure Sasuke was coming back from this one, actually. "Just tell us what to do next. End my suffering. The sooner we get going to sooner it can be over."

Kakashi looked... actually a little concerned. He eyed Naruto suspiciously, like he hadn't seen this response coming from a mile away. They put him on a team with Sasuke and then he and Sasuke accidentally kissed. What did Kakashi expect from him? Unbridled enthusiasm?

"Considering you were smiling and laughing even with your foot almost entirely severed, probably." Kurama noted drily. Right. Naruto had forgotten about that. 

"Well... I was going to tell you all to meet me on the roof. Not sure if that's the best idea anymore." Kakashi gave Naruto another look. "Just stay away from the edge. It's always okay to ask for help."

He puffed away in a cloud of smoke before Naruto could say anything more. Naruto leapt from his seat, outrage burning in his eyes. The only reason he'd be getting near the roof's edge was the throw Kakashi off of it for having the fucking nerve! He loved him, but this level of bullshit from him was unprecedented! 

Naruto flew out the door, teammates left in the dust. He had a new teacher to drop kick!

~~~~~~~~

Read up to chapter 7 on Patreon's early access! Featuring Zabuza's ugly ass cow leg warmers, eldritch abomination clones, and Minato having a(nother) mental break down. 

Here is an out of context sneak peek of Chapter 7 because I have it:

"Stop calling it that. It's not magic. You are not a magic girl." Kurama snapped out. "And you will burn yourself if you try to use my chakra in such a large quantity with no training. You're not ready. Your body can hold it, not harness it."

"Dude, stop being a buzzkill." Naruto hissed out. "What else am I supposed to do? Put my hands together and ask him to pretty please not kill us and to let Kakashi go? He's a crazy man in cow print leg warmers that carries around a giant cleaver for fun. There's no way that's going to work."

There's other Naruto stuff on there too like Solstice Days (it's team 7 time travel) which has three chapters right now and it's my favorite thing ever here's a snippet of that too: 

"...That's very specific." The interrogator said slowly and with caution. Naruto nodded in agreement.

"I appreciate a good attention to detail." Naruto chirped in agreement, brightening. "Say, when's your birthday? Sakura's is March 28th, and Sasuke's is July 23rd! I'm still working on Sensei's-- I think it's in September, but he's been super tight lipped about it. Oh! And Sasuke's older brother's is on June 9th-- he told me in this hallway once in a hotel when he was trying to kidnap me or something, but he's like, super evil so we don't like him."

Sasuke very slowly turned to look at Naruto, expression turned to stone. Kakashi let out another sigh.