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SONG OF THE DAY :
i'm with you - avril lavigne

. . . . . .

on december 31st, particularly 11:42 PM, chia managed to get a perfect view of new year's eve fireworks on her usual rooftop spot. beside her were her worn out backpack she used to rest her elbow on, two cans of beer she couldn't open just since she was planning on travelling afterwards and hopping on public transportation while tipsy alone is embarassing, and her trusty gatorade bottles as beverage alternatives.

still no trace of seo youngho though. she already finished the pack that was supposed to be her holiday offering for him days ago, yet he hasn't come back.

she liked to tell herself that maybe, just maybe, he was just out for holidays. that was totally understandable. or maybe he was just a busy man who was given bigger portions of his job during this season. but how everything perfectly aligned with his readable farewells made her think otherwise.

she also told herself she hated him. she did ever since he took that cigarette from the pack she had to run to a convenience store in the rain to buy out of desperation, him looking like a creep once she handed it over. and her so-called hatred grew after witnessing how he justified the actions of cheater, or as she'd like to call the biggest menaces to the society. so why should she be so affected of his disappearance? shouldn't she be glad instead? why was he dominating her thoughts in the first place?

some part in her head said it was perhaps due to his awfully irresistible demeanor. perhaps it was because of his tanned skin, up to how his decently long hair complemented his side profile which she's seen more often than his front just hit the spot. and perhaps it was also thanks to the way he knew exactly what to say in such a gentle manner, his lisp adding to the softness.

but out of every other reason, perhaps it was mainly due to the lovely way of him occasionally tip his head back and smiling to himself, saying he does it because he liked seeing if the stars above were in favor of where he was sitting each day. it was an oddly specific detail she remembered, but oh was it pure.

jace hitting her up for a video call interrupted her daydreaming. he was slightly fixed his brown hair while staring the screen the moment she picked up, his expression indicated perplexity.

"where are you?"

"home."

knowing he called to remind her about his big time party. she was supportive of it, yes, but she still couldn't figure out the need for there to be exaggerated significance for new years.

jace's screen was momentarily made blurry by thick smoke, guessing its cause right away.

"new year and all you're up to is smoking? and sneaking up to that musty rooftop? seriously?"

"i know, okay?"

"if this is about your rooftop crush—" he was rudely interrupted by her long, loud sigh. he let it finish before continuing, "if this is about him, stop. literally. stop moping over someone you only spent nine evenings with. you didn't even ask for his number now look at you worrying where he is. move the fuck on! i'm not here to see you get crushed over another man.

"don't waste time sitting on your ass praying he'll be there. he'll come back by himself if he really likes you. let him earn it."

the woman did not reply. she had her typical blank face her, not even bothering to look straight into the camera. unknowingly, he started feeling bad. he took a little time to question what kind of bestie he was turning into. he didn't build a reputation just to act like a naggy mom to someone four years older than him. she was probably better at that kind of shit after all.

(he also was confident that, from her horrifying stories of previous experiences, he had better taste in men. less experience, but a better hunch. that's a topic for later though.)

"but do what you want to, of course. i don't have a say in the stuff you do. i'll just tell you things i think are right. sorry for yelling," he added.

chia still kept quiet, but this time with a small, awkward smile.

"i'll be there for the after-party."

she immediately put her phone down afterwards, not anymore uttering a simple 'see you' or a happy new year's greet.

even after the talk with jace, she kept instinctively looking back at the door after hearing any minor noise, knowing damn well her mind was looking for only one thing. she couldn't believe how crazy she was turning.

certainly, he wasn't there. he hasn't been for exactly twenty-two days and it was possibly going to be prolonged. despite that, she started feeling like he was everywhere. or his imagery, at least.

she first realized it when seeing a simple picture of sunflowers on instagram had her mind fly to his tattoo containing vibrant colors right away. the next encounter was when he appeared in one of her most unusual dreams. for some reason he was just . . . in every place her world covered.

she despised the entirety of it.

she wrapped the oversized purple cardigan she wore tighter around her torso, it being the only thing blocking the frigid temperature finding its way under her skin. she toss her cigarette to the pile she's kept since the first time she smoked there, getting a new one there and then.

without even noticing it, the clock struck 12. the new year alarm she set on her went off, the grandest display of fireworks following. splurges of gold, pink, green, and every other color painting the sky which was considerable an emotion dark canvas minutes ago. she stared at the fascination in awe, her two glistening eyes reflecting the flashes. swiftly, she documented seconds of it for her social media's sake.

move on.

she snapped out of the daze produced by amusement one those six letters echoed inside her mind repeatedly (with her best friend's voice). she heard those words too many times from jace himself, but never fully absorbed them.

it was time to do so. or at least try.

"men ain't shit anyway."

with that, chia got down and walked away from the parapet. disregarding her barely consumed cigarette, she threw it to the ground, stepping on it for its fire to die. it took her a couple twists of the rusty doorknob before finally having her feet meet the flight of stairs. while walking, she minorly readied herself to go to jace's after-party like she promised, winging it considering how there were no mirrors around.

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