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SONG   OF   THE  DAY  :
bad idea - ariana grande

. . . . . .

the thought of youngho's hands being as attractive as him never crossed chia's mind, but now it hit her.

her eyes were fixed on them for a reason she herself couldn't disclose, noticing his ash-stained fingers occasionally tapping the air out of habit whenever they were unoccupied. one of his nails was carelessly painted yellow with white polka dots, it being scratched. she couldn't tell whether he was right or left-handed, considering how he kept exchanging his stick from hand to hand. it wasn't that important to know anyway.

he was on continuous short calls on loudspeaker with the jaehyun friend he always talks about. from her observation, all jaehyun's bursts of nervousness and youngho's corny motivational lines led up to a successful engagement plan. she found enjoyment in engaging by listening.

going back to his hands; they looked like the perfect ones to be—

"take a picture it'll last longer."

"oh, fuck. sorry."

chia, who i forgot to mention was quite tipsy, had her questionable string of thoughts cut.

why was she tipsy in the first place, you ask? that was since she herself knew she couldn't solidly utter the words she was planning to while being sober. thinking about the possible conversation hours ago that'd root from that one question alone brought her immense embarrassment.

nevertheless, she wanted to say the words. at least she was backed up by liquid courage this time.

"why do you smoke?"

youngho lowered his hand holding the cigarette after her vague question, chuckling. "does there have to be a reason?"

"but when did it start?"

it surprised him how she was the one being nosy this time. she always struck him as the 'never talks first' type. not that he was complaining about this though. "college. you?"

"me? well it was when i was fourteen. barely fourteen, even," she recalled. "i remember i was crying over my english homework that time. my drunk dad went inside my room to comfort me, told me to be a big girl, and offered me a lit up stick when i still wouldn't stop crying, saying it's effective for relieving stress. and fuck, i loved it.  

"i lived with an extended family back in japan, and three of them were smokers, so i stole cigarettes from them, since minors can't buy them from stores and my face looked too childlike to deceive cashiers. got caught by my mom a few times too, never stopped me.

"and i did my research when i ran here alone to korea. it said it shortens the lifespan. i smoked more since then because that's actually not so bad. i mean i don't want to live until i'm 70, but i also wanna enjoy the way i die and i enjoy this . . . somehow. but sometimes i just, you know—" her internal discouragement caused an interruption to her own words. "i'm talking too much, aren't i?"

"no, i like it when you talk."

she cracked a half-smile, looking towards the city with lights that repulsed the lonely darkness the night held. after using the silence between them as a time to ponder, she took one last glance at her empty cigarette pack.

"i think i'm gonna quit," chia said.

"all of a sudden?"

"it's a new year." she shrugged. "i promise it to myself every january, but i end up giving up after a week. i wanna change."

youngho glanced at her, sympathetically nodding. losing the energy to finish it, he crushed the burning tip of his cigarette, a smile indicating he was just hit by such a genius idea appearing.

"i'll quit with you then."

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