let it roll
Morning comes too soon, the light streaming through the curtains harsh and unforgiving. Yuuji blinks against the brightness, his eyes struggling to adjust.
"Hey," Megumi murmurs, voice rough with sleep.
"Morning," Yuuji replies, his own just as scratchy.
"Sleep well?"
"Like a rock," he lies.
In truth, his sleep had been restless, haunted by a strange dream. Megumi had been there, his face blurred, his presence just out of reach. TThey were sitting in a field of flowers, but the colors were off, the sky a strange, washed-out blue. Megumi was talking, his voice a low, indistinct hum, and Yuuji had reached for him, desperate to hear the words. But, before he could, Megumi had slipped away, his face fading into the shadows.
Yuuji had woken up, his heart pounding, and the feeling of loss had been palpable. He had reached for Megumi, his fingers brushing against his bare arm, and the contact had anchored him, calming his nerves. He was able to fall back asleep, but the dream still lingered, his subconscious taunting him with its cryptic messages.
"Did you sleep okay?" Yuuji asks, the words catching slightly in his throat.
"Yeah," Megumi yawns, rubbing his eyes. "Surprisingly well."
"Good." Yuuji smiles.
As Megumi sits up, the sheet slips down, pooling around his waist. The sight strikes Yuuji with a sudden, overwhelming urge to reach out, to touch the skin left bare. He swallows hard and looks away.
"You hungry?" Megumi asks, stretching his arms above his head.
"Yeah," Yuuji breathes. "Starving."
"Let's get breakfast, then."
The day unfolds in a blur. They explore under the sun, then return to the motel to check out before hitting the road again. Excitement thrums in Yuuji's chest as they head north, another city, another adventure waiting.
As afternoon fades into evening, the scenery shifts from mountains to thick forests. Yuuji finds himself lost in thought, replaying the past few days like a reel in his head. It takes him a moment to notice the quiet. Nobara and Maki chat in hushed voices, their conversation muffled by the closed windows. Panda reads, expression focused. Yuuta dozes off, head resting against the glass. Beside him, Megumi sits still, hands folded neatly in his lap, eyes distant.
The silence isn't uncomfortable, it's a rare, peaceful solitude. Each of them lost in their own world, yet sharing this journey together, miles slipping away beneath the tires. There's something poetic about it, this contrast of togetherness and isolation. It fits, somehow.
By the time the city lights appear on the horizon, the sun has dipped below the skyline. They pull into a parking lot, neon signs flickering a welcome. Yuuji stretches as soon as he steps out, muscles aching from the drive, the cool night air a relief against his skin.
Check-in is quick, the room arrangements are similar to the previous night. Yuuji trails behind Megumi down the hallway, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. The door swings open, and they step inside.
Twin beds. Not a double.
It's stupid, he knows it's stupid, but disappointment settles in his chest. He'd looked forward to sharing a bed with Megumi again. Now, the thought of sleeping apart feels oddly unappealing.
"We should shower," Megumi says, setting his bag down. "Then we can head out for food."
"Sounds good," Yuuji agrees, shaking off the feeling.
Like the night before, they take turns in the bathroom, the hot water washing away the weariness of travel. They regroup in the lobby, the others deciding on a small restaurant a few blocks away. This city is livelier than the last, streets bustling with noise and movement. Strangely, Yuuji finds it comforting.
The evening slips by unnoticed, and before long, they're back in their hotel room, the city's sounds now a muffled backdrop. Megumi stands at the foot of the bed, expression unreadable.
"Which bed do you want?" he asks, hesitancy lacing his voice.
Yuuji shrugs, forcing indifference. "I'm not picky."
He is, though. He wants to be close to Megumi, to share that space again, to cling to the warmth he doesn't fully understand. But it's not a reasonable request, and he won't risk what they have for something so small.
"Okay." Megumi nods, choosing the bed closest to the door.
Yuuji follows suit, slipping under the covers. He pointedly avoids looking at Megumi, but the ache is already there, deep in his chest. The weight of unspoken things lingers between them, thick and suffocating.
He wants too much, and the realization terrifies him. Ever since summer began, he's been balancing on the edge of something inevitable. Now, only a few weeks in, he can feel the ground beneath him crumbling. The fall is coming, and he's not sure if he's ready.
He turns his back to Megumi, squeezing his eyes shut, willing away the thoughts, the fears. He can't afford to spiral. Not now, not with the summer stretched out before him, the days still numbered.
"Goodnight," he murmurs, his voice strained.
"Night," Megumi replies, the word soft, muffled.
Sleep is slow to come, and when it finally does, Yuuji's mind taunts him with dreams of a world that doesn't exist.
-
On the third day, they finally reach the ocean.
Yuuji can smell it, the scent carried by the breeze. It's a sharp, tangy aroma, the salt mixing with the brine. The water stretches out before him, the waves rolling and crashing, the white foam breaking on the shore. It's a magnificent sight, the vastness of it overwhelming.
They park, stepping out of the van as the rhythmic roar of the ocean fills the air. The sun is high, the sky cloudless. It's the perfect summer day, and Yuuji is determined to savor every second of it.
"Beach day!" Nobara exclaims, pumping her fist.
"Hell yeah," Maki agrees, the smile on her face radiant.
"I need a tan," Nobara sighs, her hands on her hips. "I've been looking too pale."
"I think you look great," Maki says, the affection in her voice obvious.
"Thanks, babe," Nobara grins, her cheeks flushing.
"Come on, lovebirds," Panda chuckles. "Let's find a place to put down our stuff."
Near the water, they settle. Nobara and Maki spreading a blanket, bags piled on top. Panda pulls off his shirt, tossing it aside, his broad, hairy chest on full display. Yuuta is rummaging in his bag, looking for his sunscreen, with Toge beside him, his eyes closed as he tilts his face towards the sun.
Yuuji takes a deep breath, the ocean air filling his lungs. The water is a mesmerizing shade of blue, a blend of sapphires and glaciers, waves breaking and retreating in an endless, hypnotic rhythm.
And all he can think about is Megumi.
The way the water moves, how the light catches on the surface, shifting and changing, restless, unknowable. Megumi is the same. Constant motion. An endless current. Unfathomable depths.
And, like the ocean, Yuuji wants to dive in.
"What are you staring at?"
Megumi's voice pulls him from his reverie. He turns, meeting his gaze. The sun frames Megumi from behind, strands of dark hair catching the light, a few blown loose by the breeze.
"The water," Yuuji answers, his voice hoarse.
"What about it?" Megumi tilts his head.
Yuuji hesitates. The truth is, Megumi is everywhere. He's woven into the fabric of Yuuji's world, inescapable.
But he can't say that. Not now. Maybe not ever.
"Just taking it all in," he finally says, his mouth dry. "I've never seen the ocean before."
"Really?" Megumi's surprise is evident. "Well, no better time than now."
He holds out his hand, palm up. Simple, yet profound. Yuuji's breath catches, heart stuttering. The air is sharp, cool.
Then, he takes Megumi's hand, their fingers lacing together.
"Let's go," Megumi says, smiling.
They walk toward the water, the sand shifting underfoot. As they near the waves, the wind picks up, the air thick with salt. The water rushes forward, breaking around their ankles, then receding.
"Cold," Yuuji remarks, toes curling in the wet sand.
"Refreshing," Megumi counters, wading in deeper.
The water swirls around his calves, shorts rolled up, fabric clinging to his skin. Yuuji watches, transfixed. Megumi is an enigma, an unsolvable riddle, and yet, there is a simplicity about him, a directness that is disarming.
"I wish I could read your mind," Yuuji murmurs, his eyes locked on the water.
"Why?" Megumi asks, turning to him.
"Because," Yuuji starts, pausing for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I don't think I'll ever really know you. Not completely. There are parts of you that are hidden, parts of you that no one else gets to see. I can't help but wonder what it would be like, to understand you, completely."
Megumi is silent, his expression unreadable. He studies Yuuji with those stormy green eyes, something shifting in them. He opens his mouth, hesitation flickering across his face.
"I don't think you'd like what you found," Megumi says, his words low, almost a whisper.
Yuuji shakes his head, his brow furrowed.
"I don't believe that," he replies, his voice firm. "I know you, Megumi. You're not a bad person."
Megumi laughs, the sound a little hollow for Yuuji's liking.
"You don't know me," he says, the words hard, final. "Not like you think."
"Megumi..."
"It's okay," Megumi says, turning away, his gaze back on the ocean. "I like it better that way."
The waves roll in, the foam breaking and swirling, the current pulling the remnants out to sea. It's an endless cycle, a dance of destruction and creation. Megumi stands, the water washing over his feet, and he's as immovable as the rocks at the base of the cliff, as the sand at the bottom of the ocean.
"Sometimes," Yuuji says, his voice quiet, careful. "It's not about what we like."
Megumi doesn't reply, and Yuuji feels the distance between them, a gulf wide and impassable. He wonders how they can share those brief moments of intimacy, of closeness, only to have them torn away, like the tide erasing footprints in the sand. He wonders how the ocean can give and take in equal measure, can create and destroy, all at once.
He wonders how Megumi can be both the cause and the effect, the beginning and the end.
The day stretches on, and the sun sinks lower in the sky. The moment passes, and the tension fades, the air settling between them. They join the others on the beach, and Yuuji finds a strange sense of relief, a feeling that maybe, this is how it should be. That maybe, they are only meant to live in these brief moments, their time together finite and fleeting.
As the sky turns a brilliant shade of orange, the colors vibrant and alive, Yuuji finds himself staring out at the water. He can see the future unfolding, the horizon stretching before him.
But, the ocean is vast, and the waves are unpredictable.
He can only hope to keep his head above water.
-
Later that night, there's a bonfire. The flames crackle and roar, sending sparks into the cool night air.
It's a group of people they don't know, a mix of college students and locals. There's music playing, and the smell of smoke and beer fill the air. The fire casts shadows across their faces, the light dancing.
Yuuji is sitting by the fire, a drink in his hand. He doesn't know what it is, but it goes down smooth, leaving a sweet burn in his throat. Megumi is beside him, looking relaxed for once, his posture casual. Across the way, Nobara and Maki chat animatedly with a group of girls, while Yuuta and Toge share a beer by the cooler. Panda is somewhere nearby - Yuuji can hear his loud laugh over the music.
"Can you play beer pong?" Yuuji asks, raising his voice above the chatter.
"No," Megumi answers, shaking his head.
"I'll teach you," Yuuji grins. "Come on."
Megumi sighs but gets to his feet, following Yuuji to a table where plastic cups are arranged in a triangle and filled with cheap beer. As Yuuji explains the rules, Megumi listens intently, his brow furrowed in concentration. It's endearing, and Yuuji can't help but smile, his heart skipping a beat.
"Okay," Yuuji says, picking up a ball. "Watch this."
He throws it in a smooth arc, the ping-pong ball landing neatly in the center cup. Beer sloshes over the rim as Yuuji pumps his fist in victory, a wide grin lighting up his face.
"Yes!" he cheers.
"Show-off," Megumi mutters, though there's the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.
"Here," Yuuji says, passing the cup to Megumi. "Drink."
"That's so gross," Megumi complains, wrinkling his nose.
"Drink, drink, drink!" Yuuji chants, placing his hands on Megumi's shoulders.
With a resigned sigh, Megumi takes the cup and raises it to his lips. Yuuji watches, entranced by the way Megumi's throat moves as he swallows, the curve of his Adam's apple catching the light.
"Happy now?" Megumi asks, setting the empty cup down.
"Yes," Yuuji laughs.
"Your turn," Megumi says, grabbing a ping-pong ball.
For an amateur, Megumi is actually pretty good. He has a natural eye for it, and he's able to toss the ball right into the center of the triangle. Yuuji's a little disappointed, because it means he has to drink, but the buzz he's feeling is nice, and he's more than happy to knock back another cheap beer.
"Normally, it's two against two," Yuuji explains. "But, I figured we'd start slow."
"Thanks," Megumi snorts.
"But, if you're feeling confident, we can challenge someone."
"We?" Megumi questions, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah," Yuuji grins. "We're a team, right?"
Megumi hesitates, then nods.
"Right."
"Come on, then," Yuuji says, grabbing Megumi's hand. "Let's go kick some ass."
They approach two girls who introduce themselves as Aiko and Natsumi. One has long red hair, and the other dark, curly locks. Both seem confident and eager to play. Yuuji and Megumi take their positions, and the game begins.
As it turns out, Aiko and Natsumi are really fucking good at beerpong. They have a well-oiled machine and their coordination is precise. Aiko has an amazing throw, and she sinks most of the shots. And Natsumi has no problem drinking, her tolerance obviously high. But Yuuji and Megumi hold their own. Megumi's reflexes are sharp, and he seems to anticipate every move. Meanwhile, Yuuji has a knack for the perfect throw, the ball bouncing just right.
After an intense back and forth, the score is tied, and the atmosphere is electric. Yuuji can feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins as they go back and forth. Megumi is across from him, his expression serious, his eyes focused.
Yuuji loves seeing him like this, his intensity burning hot. It's intoxicating, the way his green eyes are lit up, the flames of the bonfire dancing in his irises.
"I bet you can't hit the corner cup," Yuuji says, the alcohol loosening his tongue.
"I can," Megumi counters, a determined look on his face.
"Prove it."
Taking a deep breath, Megumi steadies himself. He raises the ball and tosses it with precision. The arc is perfect, and the ball lands cleanly in the corner cup. Beer splashes over the rim as the cup tips slightly.
Megumi holds out his fist, his knuckles bumping Yuuji's.
"Nice shot," Yuuji says, his grin wide.
They finish the game, and somehow, despite Aiko's impressive aim and Natsumi's tolerance, Yuuji and Megumi pull out a win. The girls insist on celebrating with a round of shots, and Yuuji and Megumi oblige, the tequila burning down their throats.
Yuuji supposes Aiko and Natsumi are objectively beautiful, their features delicate and fine. Yet, throughout the exchange, Yuuji's focus remains elsewhere. His gaze gravitates toward Megumi, like a moth drawn to a flame. He watches as he talks, his voice low and smooth. He watches as he drinks, his lips wrapping around the shot glass.
It's a heady feeling, and it fills him with a sense of wonder. Everything around him feels golden and infinite, as if this summer night could stretch on forever. And, at the center of it all, is Megumi, a blazing star, the light of him unyielding.
It seems like Yuuji is not the only one enamored.
He notices the way Aiko's eyes linger on Megumi, the way her gaze traces the line of his jaw. He sees the way Natsumi touches him, her fingertips brushing against his forearm. And, even though the contact is fleeting, and even though there is no indication that Megumi reciprocates, Yuuji feels the heat rise inside him, a wave of possessiveness threatening to crest.
He hates it, the way they touch him, the way they look at him. They have no right, he thinks. All they see is the surface, the pretty exterior. They don't know the depths of him, the intricacies of his mind, the complexities of his soul. They could never understand him, not the way Yuuji does.
They could never love him, the way Yuuji does.
The thought slams into him like a blow to the chest, knocking the breath from his lungs. It doesn't creep in, doesn't ease its way into his mind with gentle persuasion. Instead, it detonates, a truth so absolute it leaves no room for denial.
He's in love with Megumi.
He's in love with the way Megumi exists, with the quiet, unshakable force of him.
He's in love with the sound of his voice, the way it cracks when he laughs. With the way he wakes up, disoriented and soft around the edges, his voice still heavy with sleep. With the rare, fleeting curve of his lips when he finds something amusing. With the way the sunlight turns his dark hair into something otherwordly, the strands catching fire in the golden glow. With his mind, sharp, brilliant, endlessly complex. With the way Megumi lets him in, bit by bit, weaving Yuuji into his life without ever having to say the words.
And Yuuji? He's a fool for never realizing it sooner. He's been falling, helplessly, hopelessly, for longer than he can even begin to measure.
His fingers tighten around his drink as he watches Aiko laugh, watches Natsumi lean in, their eyes on Megumi like they have any right. It's not fair, he thinks. It's not fair that they can just walk up, can just talk to him, can just touch him, without consequence. How are they not swept away by the sheer force of his presence, the power of his gaze?
How could anyone ever look at him so carelessly, so casually, when his very existence is a revelation in itself?
The thought should scare him. It should send him reeling, second-guessing, drowning in doubt. But it doesn't.
Because the truth is, he's already known. Maybe not in words, not in conscious acknowledgment, but in the way he always seeks Megumi out, the way his world orbits around him without permission. In the way his chest aches at the thought of being anywhere Megumi is not.
So, Yuuji doesn't fight it.
Instead, he lets the realization settle over him, sinking into his bones like something inevitable, like something he's always been meant to understand.
"Yuuji?"
The sound of Megumi's voice jolts him from his thoughts. He blinks, his focus shifting to Megumi's inquisitive green eyes.
"Sorry," Yuuji murmurs. "I spaced out."
"Yeah, I could tell," Megumi says, a small smile on his lips. "The girls were asking if we wanted to go on a walk."
"No."
The word escapes Yuuji's mouth too quickly, startling even himself.
Megumi's eyebrows raise, his surprise obvious. Yuuji is never one to turn down a chance for fun, and a walk sounds innocent enough. But the thought of sharing Megumi, of watching him walk alongside someone else in the moonlight, is unbearable.
"I mean, um," Yuuji stutters, his face flushing. "I'm a little drunk. Maybe, another time?"
"Sure," Megumi nods. "Do you want to go back?"
"Yeah," Yuuji replies.
The girls look mildly disappointed, but Megumi handles their goodbyes with his usual politeness, jotting his number on a napkin at their request. Yuuji feels a sharp pang of jealousy as the napkin exchanges hands, but the feeling dissipates once they leave. The cool night air and Megumi's quiet presence are enough to ground him.
"So," Megumi says, as they walk along the sand. "Are we going back to the motel, or did you have something else in mind?"
Of course he would realize, Yuuji thinks. He's too perceptive, too smart for his own good. But, tonight, Yuuji can't help but welcome the scrutiny, the spotlight illuminating the desire within him.
"I do have something in mind," Yuuji says softly. "If that's okay?"
"It's fine," Megumi answers, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
And maybe it is.
They keep walking, the party fading into the distance behind them. The ocean stretches out before them, the waves rolling in, the rhythm hypnotic. The moonlight casts a silvery glow, the illumination faint and ethereal.
It's a scene straight out of a book, Yuuji thinks. Romantic in its simplicity. The moon and the sea - both unstoppable forces, both pulling him deeper into this moment. Pulling him deep into the abyss.
They find a secluded spot on the sand and settle down. They lie down in the sand, the grains shifting beneath them. The sky is clear, and the stars are bright, the constellations shining down on them.
"Tell me about the stars," Yuuji whispers, breaking the quiet.
"What do you want to know?" Megumi asks, turning towards him.
"Anything," Yuuji breathes. "Everything."
And so, Megumi tells him. He points to the sky and names the stars. He talks about constellations, the shapes made from the pinpricks of light. He talks about myths, about how each constellation has its own story, its own legend. He talks about the mythology behind the names, the Greek gods and goddesses that inspired them.
Yuuji is amazed. Not just by the knowledge Megumi possesses, but by his ability to speak. It's nothing like the usual quiet, sullen Megumi. This is a different side to him, and Yuuji can't get enough.
"What's your favorite?" Yuuji asks.
"Gemini," Megumi answers.
"Why?"
"They're twins," he says. "Castor and Pollux. But, not really. They were born to different fathers, one a god, and the other, a human. But, they had a special bond, a connection that no one could understand."
"That's beautiful," Yuuji smiles.
"Yeah. It's a nice thought, isn't it? Two siblings, who have such different fates, and yet they can always count on each other."
Yuuji thinks about Megumi's sister, Tsumiki. How they are not really related, but they are family, nonetheless. Megumi never really liked to talk about her, and Yuuji never pushed. He knows he misses her, that her studies are taking her far away from home. But the fact that Megumi's thinking about her, thinking about their relationship, is touching.
"But, that's not the whole story," Megumi continues, his voice soft. "In the end, they die. Well, Castor dies, and Pollux decides he can't live without him, so he asks Zeus to make them immortal. Zeus puts them in the stars, together, forever."
"I don't like the ending," Yuuji frowns.
"It's bittersweet," Megumi says, and when Yuuji glances over at him, he sees a look of nostalgia on his face, his eyes wistful. "It's better than being alone."
"Is it?"
Megumi turns to him, his brow furrowed.
"Yes," he states, as if the answer is obvious. "It is."
And maybe, it is.
They lie there in silence, their faces upturned, their gazes fixed on the sky. The night is peaceful, and the sounds of the ocean are soothing, the rhythmic lapping a gentle white noise. It's a tranquil moment, and Yuuji is content, his thoughts quiet.
"Do you want to hear a different story?" Megumi asks.
"Yes," Yuuji breathes.
He continues, the words flowing easily, the tale a familiar one. It's the story of Perseus and Andromeda, the two lovers who defied fate and found each other. It's a tale of bravery, and loyalty, and love. It's a tale of two people who found each other, against all odds.
"This one is happier, right?" Yuuji asks, once the story is finished.
"Yeah," Megumi nods. "It is."
Yuuji hums, satisfied.
"You're different tonight," Megumi comments, his eyes narrowing.
"Am I?" Yuuji asks.
"Yes," he states, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
Yuuji supposes he is. He's always known his feelings, has always been in control of them. But tonight, the force of his emotions are like a tsunami, the wave building inside him, threatening to crash down and sweep him away.
As he looks up at the sky, he suddenly feels the vastness of it all, the immensity of his feelings. He wonders if the universe can handle it, if it's possible for a heart to be so full, so completely, that it can't help but spill over.
And just then, almost as if it were to answer his question, a shooting star streaks across the sky. It's a brief flash, a flicker of light, and then it's gone. But, it's enough.
"Did you see that?" Yuuji asks, his eyes wide.
"A shooting star," Megumi nods.
"Make a wish," Yuuji says, smiling at him.
There's a flicker of emotion on Megumi's face, but Yuuji can't quite read it. He looks away, his gaze fixed on the sky once more.
"I don't believe in wishes," Megumi murmurs.
"Why not?" Yuuji asks.
"They don't come true."
Yuuji considers this, and he thinks about his own wish, the one that has been simmering inside him, without him even knowing about it. It's a selfish wish, he thinks, and a foolish one.
But, sometimes, it's better to ask for what you want, instead of wishing for it.
So, he takes a deep breath, and he turns to face Megumi. Their eyes meet, and he swears, he's never seen anything more beautiful, the color of Megumi's irises the deepest, darkest emerald.
"Megumi," Yuuji whispers, his voice a soft breath. "I..."
He pauses, the words on the tip of his tongue. He knows, once he says them, there's no going back.
"Let's just stay here," Megumi murmurs. "Right now. Just like this."
It's almost as if he wants to stop the moment from moving forward, to keep it frozen, the way a photograph captures a single second. And maybe, that's how it should be, Yuuji thinks. A moment, suspended in time, a single image.
Just like this.
But, Yuuji can't help but hope the photo is still developing, that the picture is not quite complete.
Because, maybe, if he could capture the next second, the moment after, he could finally say the words, the ones he's been holding back.
"Okay," Yuuji sighs, closing his eyes.
Maybe, if he just stays here, with Megumi, he can pretend that time doesn't exist, that the world is small enough for just the two of them.
Maybe, if he just stays here, six feet under the stars, with Megumi, he can let the moment stretch on, a dream of the sea and sky, and an infinite summer.
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