Bakit ba nasasaktan ang tao kapag nagmamahal? Simple lang. Hindi ka masasaktan kung hindi mo ibibigay ang parte ng puso at pagkatao mo sa isang tao. Kapag nagmahal ka, you give some parts of yourself to the person you love. You entrust your heart and soul for their safe-keeping. You give them license to hurt you. At hindi lahat ng mamahalin mo ay iingatan ang puso mo.  

In my case, I did the hurting. I was the jerk. I was the asshole. I did not take good care of her heart. Kasalanan ko ito. Nagsawa ako. Palagi na lang akong nagsasawa. Akala ko exception na sya. Akala ko hindi ako magsasawa sa kanya. Tumagal kami pero kahit pala gaano katagal ang isang relasyon, may hangganan pa rin ito. Parang karera lang. Palaging may finish line. Sa relasyon naming dalawa, gumawa ako ng shortcut papuntang finish line.

Nakakasawa rin pala kapag sa 'yo umiikot ang mundo ng isang tao. Ang clingy ng dating! Parang ikaw ang hangin na hinihinga nila, ang pintig ng puso nila at ang dahilan kung bakit sila nabubuhay. Alam kong hindi ako deserving sa pagmamahal na iyon. She put me ahead of herself, all the time. Palagi nya akong pinagbibigyan. Palagi niyang pinapalampas ang mga pagkakamali ko. Palagi nyang inaako ang lahat ng kasalanan ko. All of those things, she did to make our relationship work despite the crack that's slowly showing.

She was too easy, too gullible, too loving. Nawalan ako ng challenge. Naisip ko, ano ang worth ng isang bagay na hindi mo naman pinaghirapang makuha? Ano ang halaga ng isang taong kahit iwan mo ay hindi aalis at matiyagang maghihintay sa pagbabalik mo?

Masyado nya akong ini-spoil. She gave me her heart, her whole heart, without inhibition and worry. She trusted me, she trusted my love and I was such a douche to break her heart. Ginusto ko syang saktan. Aware akong nasasaktan ko sya pero wala akong pakialam. Naging manhid ako sa mga pakiusap nya. Assured kasi ako na mahal na mahal nya ako. Na kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi sya papalag. Naging mapagsalamantala ako. I took advantage of her unconditional love for me, her greatest weakness.

I moved on easily with my life. I disregarded her pleas. Naghanap ako ng challenge, something that will spark the competitive in me. I ventured to find someone I would thrive to have and die to lose. I wanted someone who will drive me crazy, who will give me all the thrills in life that I lack with her. Siguro kaya hindi nauubusan ng problema ang mga tao ay dahil sa ito ang palatandaan na buhay sila. Maybe pain is the measure of life. Maybe sufferings keep us alive.

I felt sorry for her and I wished that I would have broken it to her gentler. Alam kong masama ang ginawa ko but I just can't stand being around her anymore when the feelings I felt for her were no longer there. My heart has moved on already. I can't stay stuck in the same place.

Nang maghiwalay kami, bumalik sa akin ang sigla ko. Masaya ako. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. I was finally free again... and I went out to search for another adventure.

For the first time in the history of my love life, I was happy my relationship with someone was ended.